December 19, 2007

Ain't that a kick in the head

I do not consider myself a vain man. I am short, overweight and my hair is not as thick or as dark as it used to be. I have to wear glasses now, the no-line bifocal kind. In short I view myself a typical 40-ish kind of guy. Sure, I have my aches and pains, but I get out and throw the ball with the boy, shovel the drive and mow the yard. The men have always looked young in my family. My Dad will hit 70 next month and looks nowhere his age. I was still getting carded when buying beer into the 1990's when I was pushing thirty.

You can imagine my disappointment last night when the clerk asked me if I was over 50 last night when buying a Christmas present for my wife. She told me she wanted to make sure I got every discount I could. I think well on my feet, and always have a quick repartee or response. I do not panic. It is my an integral part of my job, and I am good at that aspect.

I was completely mute. I could think of nothing to say. I bet I stood there tongue-tied for a few seconds before some really mean and hateful phrases came to mind. The clerk was smiling like she had just offered me the key to the city. I think she was really trying to be helpful. I just offered a lame, "Well I am not quite there yet." and tendered my debit card. I thumped out the store like a deflated tire. I think I would have felt better had she kicked me in the groin.

I moved on to the next store, my Holiday Spirit extinguished. I finally headed for home ready to try again today. My wife found the story hilarious. I tried to parlay the episode into a means to get some sympathy sex -- you know, remind me I am still a young man at heart, etc., but she shot me down. Anyone else want to get in a kick?

Maybe I will stop off at the drugstore this morning to get some Grecian Formula...

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