April 20, 2008

What is bugging me today

I was in that fuzzy period between deep sleep and awake when I had the most brilliant flash of ironic insight. It was a terrifically humorous observation. I jumped from bed. In the moments after taking a piss and getting the wife an aspirin the thought receded on the outgoing tide of sleep. Like waves on the sand, the imagery recedes. Now the genius of my observation is mere trash on the beach, discarded rubbers, beer cans and broken shells of memory. My thoughts are soggy bits of half-burned driftwood and empty Cheetos bags. The damn seagull screech of reality interrupts my thought processes. I have spent the last couple of hours trying to get it back to no avail. I know it had something to do with Biblical names...

The wife says I cannot wash down my bacon with a Slimfast shake. She says it will defeat the purpose. Instead I had some bacon and OJ and a Dr Pepper along with a bowl of Sugar Pops. No milk. I refuse to give in to the political correctness of the minions of health at The Kellogg Company of Battle Creek, Michigan -- The Best to You Each Morning, Kellogg's. Today's Corn Pops look the same, taste the same, even the box is similar to the tasty breakfast cereal I enjoyed as a kid. Some health Nazi or marking fool mandated that cereal should not reflect a sugar content so now we have Corn Pops instead of Sugar Pops, Honey Smacks instead of Sugar Smacks and Super Golden Crisp instead of Super Sugar Crisp. They even call the mascot 'Honey Bear' instead of 'Sugar Bear'! Jeepers. Anyway, I hardly ever eat cereal and I guess I will have to start my regimen of healthy diet eating on Monday. I will enjoy a Slimfast shake in the morning followed by a sensible lunch and dinner. Or maybe not.

Danica Patrick finally lived up to five years of hype and won a race. Now let us see if she can do it again, or at least finish in the top ten in points before we anoint her GODDESS of ALL RACING.

Is the NBA over yet?

If you sent the blurry picture of a baseball game to my cell phone last night would you please ID yourself and let me know the point of sending the picture. I don't get it.

Doves. They are dumb, loud, stubborn, and not worth the effort to kill and eat. I will kill that bastard if it does not cease sitting outside my window at the crack of dawn (Who the fuck is Dawn and why is her crack exposed anyway?) making that whoo-oop hooo call over and over and over and over and.....@^%$^**&%$#@ birds.

Speaking of birds, the wife and I were watching Iron Chef yesterday. One of the dishes was fried squab (pigeon?) and the chef instructed the diners to bite off the back of the head and suck out the brains. He showed them how to hold the beak just so. He also fried up some tripe. It used to be people ate tripe and pigs feet and souse (head cheese) and brains and sweetbreads and blood sausage and such because they had to use the whole animal. It was an economical decision. Now the rich and decadent go for the entrails and brains as a delicacy. What next -- an appetizer of deep fried pig ears and chicken beaks served with leach and blood salsa, followed by roasted haunch of field mouse (free range) and seasoned with dandelion curry, served with wild rice tossed with toe-jam infused butter and accompanied by a rich salad consisting of field greens, pink yak-milk cheese and fried catfish tails in a warm dressing of cow butt swipes? I think I'll stick with bacon and hamburger and steak.

Oh, if I can get 80 or 90 of you to visit, or one of you to click here 80 or 90 times I will hit 70K visits. That is more visits than people who live in my county. Thanks for your continued support. Why you come here, I don't know. What you are looking for is an even greater mystery (except for the dozen or so hits every day looking for pygmy sex -- mostly those are from middle eastern countries). I do appreciate it.

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