December 10, 2009

Random Ramblings

Happy Thursday to you out there in winter wonderland. Baby it is cold outside. Here we find ourselves at Thursday already. Don't you find Thursday as the most worthless day of the week? That is a pretty sad comment on the day named after the el Supremo of Norse gods. Think about it. Monday sucks, we know it and are mentally prepared. Tuesday you hit your stride. Wednesday is hump day, you are almost there. Friday heralds the weekend. Thursday is just an "ughhh, gotta make the donuts" kind of day. I bet if you were to do a survey, Thursday brings more problems to the workplace than any other day. But for me Thursday is not so bad this week. I am on vacation tomorrow, so this is my Friday! As an added bonus, I am off all of next week too. I rolled into December with 8 days of vacation, and it is use 'em or lose 'em where I work. I know, reason 237 you wish you were me.

Did you learn anything from yesterday's post? I knew Cardigan lead the Charge of the Light Brigade, but I did not know he was considered such a piece of crap as a human being. Here is a fun fact for you to nibble on today -- Andrew Jackson's tombstone makes no reference that he ever served as President. Don't look at me that way. You will spring this bit of trivia on someone before the holidays are over.

What, you do not believe me? Imagine yourself at the family gathering. After the ham or turkey is gone everyone is sitting around waiting on the gossip girls to get their act together so the screaming kids can open their presents. There you are, stuck on the couch with Uncle Bruce and Aunt Petunia. You see your Uncle Bruce is wearing a pumpkin-colored cardigan sweater. You have already talked about the weather and if he made good time on the drive up. Conversation is lagging, and you know he is a liberal dipshit from way back, so you do not want to talk politics, and he is rather an effeminate pussy, so a frank discussion on the NFL playoff situation is out. Uncomfortable silence is creeping in.

You shoot from the hip. "Hey, Uncle Bruce, that is a nice sweater you have there. Did you know the cardigan was named after Lord Cardigan, the leader of the famous Charge of the Light Brigade?" He will admit he had no such knowledge. You continue. "I read all about Lord Cardigan at this very interesting, fascinating, and entertaining blog the other day. Apparently the guy was a real piece of work, a real asshole." His wife, bossy Aunt Petunia chimes in, telling you that the conversation is boring her to death. In the past, you would slink off to the kitchen to see if the women needed help with the dishes, or to the garage to grab a beer. Now you can look obnoxious Aunt Petunia and Uncle Bruce right in the eye, and say, "Well, speaking of dying, did you know Andrew Jackson's tombstone makes no reference that he ever served as President?" Game, set and fucking match. You never liked those stuck-up pricks anyway.

See, I am here to help. Speaking of help, I need some. I am usually pretty good with spreadsheets, but I am stymied by the math and formulas on one I am working on (I know, bad grammar).

I have a series of data points that have changed every week. I am tracking a customer's weekly forecast for the past six months. I am looking to see the cumulative change. Let us say there are ten lines. To get the cumulative change do I subtract A10-A9-A8-A7-A6..., or do I use the following format (A2-A1)+(A3-A2)+(A4-A3)...? Or am I completely off base? Remember I am looking to find the cumulative change. Hell, if I get the accurate number does it even matter? All I know is I have been key punching numbers for three days and I just want this spreadsheet to go away.

See, you think this is just random words thrown together by a chimpanzee with a laptop. Instead, we come right around to the work that needs to be done on this cold, dismal Thursday. I ask again, is there a single workday more disheartening than a Thursday?

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