June 21, 2010

If I had a time machine

I dig the show Bewitched. I will admit I have a secret mild crush on Samantha. If the 1960's Elizabeth Montgomery came to the house I have permission from the wife to have a sordid affair. An easy decision since I cannot time-travel to the 1960s and the loverly Ms Montgomery is dead and doing her magic in the afterlife.

I will say this though, I do not get her asshole husbands on that show. Durwood marries a smoking hot witch. He could come home from work and in just a twitch of his wife's cute nose find himself laid back in the recliner with a cold beer in one hand and a bowl of cashews in the other. Dinner of his choice could be ready with a wave of Samantha's hands. He could have roast beef or hot dogs, hamburgers or pork loin. She would not mind. Who wants to slave away at a hot stove all day making beef burgundy or roasted chicken?

Instead, Darrin Stephens is the ultimate male prick. The poster boy for the birth of feminism. His wife will do things his way and only his way. No magic. No twitching of the nose, no help from the black powers. Not from a religious sense of duty, oh, no. Darrin wants things done according to his lights. "Scrub that oven with your hands Missy". "Breakfast better be ready when I come downstairs and I want dinner on the table when I get home". By the way, old Darwood might be bringing home his asshole boss and some sleazy client so Samantha better be prepared to fix dinner for six or eight with little notice -- but no magic, bitch. If Mr. Stephens had his way, he would prevent his wife's relatives from ever stopping or dropping in. He hates their magic and is beyond rude whenever they appear. Yet his own Mother is an overbearing, intervening, snob. He makes her welcome any time.

Good old Darrin hates his wife's magic powers until he gets in a pickle and then he is all for her using them. Every show is the same. Darrin gets himself behind the 8 ball and Sam saves his sorry ass with her magic and awesome good looks. I may have made up that last part.

The first husband -- greasy hair Darrin -- has some real anger issues. He is always gripping about Samantha's mother. He never seems to understand that if you are rude and pisss off a Mother0in-Law you are asking for trouble. Double that if she is a witch. A smarter less domineering asshole would have learned his lesson the first time his MIL zapped him off to an iceberg.

Samantha's second husband, who is mysteriously also named Darrin Stephens is an asshole too. I can only guess she married him only so the monogrammed towels could still be used. If anything he is a bigger jerk than greasy haired Darrin. He is always giving Sam that arched eyebrow glare of disapproval, even when her magic saves his bacon.

I just do not get why some hot chicks are drawn to the wrong kind of man. I have to agree with her family -- she could have done so much better. Perhaps a 1980s or 1990s Hoosierboy. There is no way I frown at that hot magic mama.

3 comments:

Galt-in-Da-Box said...

I never got the premise of that show either, other than why the hell Darren Stevens (the latter version of which was a flamer BTW, like the asshole on the Brady Bunch) wouldn't want to join 'em rather than beat 'em...but they overplayed that hand with I Dream Of Jeanie too.
You called it right: 'Liz Monty was hotter than a $2 pistol!

Jean said...

The original hubby/actor died in real life. They replaced him with a lookalike without interrupting the story line.

Joe said...

Actually Jean, Dick York had severe back problems and asked to leave the show. York was bed ridden and addicted to pain killers for the remainder of his life. He died in 1992.

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