May 31, 2012

Ant Farm Diaries

What is with the ants this year.  I thought we had them eradicated a week ago, but last night we found some more. I guess it is the heat plus the dry weather. We have a crop of fucking ants we cannot seem to kill. I cannot find where they are coming from.  There is no trail or run, they are just there on the cabinet or on the wall.  Where we keep finding them is by a cabinet that stores dishes, there is no food nearby.

These bastards are hard to kill.  They swim in bug spray then build sand castles in the sevin dust.  They strap on bibs and feast on ant bait. If you wash them down the sink, they come back up the drain arms held high like they just completed some made-for-TV obstacle course..  These ants do the backstroke and frolic in the toilet as if it were a municipal pool. I pee and drop a turd in on occasion, just to give the place that public pool feel. They do expire when they are flushed.

There is never a whole herd of ants like you see often. It is always just a one or two, usually just standing there on the counter or the side of the cabinet.  It is my theory these we find are the lookout ants, watching for "The Man" while their evil cohorts do drug deals and sugar buys with the spiders and pill bugs in hidden nooks and crannies. They may even be involved in a secret lady bug fight club.

I do not know where they are coming in. They don't seem to be going after the food.  They won't die under ordinary means. I don't know what they are after.  I am starting to get a little afraid. I had an ant farm as a kid.  Sometimes I would shake it up like an Etch a Sketch and destroy their tunnels.  I think they are coming for revenge.

1 comment:

Ed Bonderenka said...

They often come in from outside.
Ant poison along the outside wall.
I was remodeling my kitchen a few years ago and pulled some drywall off the outside wall.
I saw one of the studs under the kitchen window had a small hole in it.
Soon a carpenter ant crawled out. Then another, and another, and a bunch more while I was running to get the spray and fill the hollow 2x4.

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