Ode to an Ode on a Greecian Urn

Sit back, grab some coffee or a cola, perhaps even your favorite adult beverage.  This could quite possibly be the best blog post I have ever written. I let my wife read it and afterward she had that post-coital frazzled yet contented look I have seen on occasion. She wore the same leering smile on her face most of our wedding  night. You might need a smoke when you are finished. 

Think of a cold beer after mowing the lawn on a hot summer day. The sweat is dripping on your brow. The heat waves are shimmering, visibly reflecting from the blacktopped street. Flowers are wilting, you almost expect their bright reds and yellows and purples to melt and run under the noontime rays. This post will is like a refreshing Bud or PBR or Strohs as it bubbles down your parched throat.

Think of that Christmas when you came down the stairs and glimpsed that bright red Schwinn under the tree. Remember the time Santa left you the Easy Bake Oven or the GI Joe with full scuba gear. Reflect on the joy of finding that Power Ranger Zoid wrapped in the yellow foil paper on your eighth birthday, when Mom had told you for weeks it was sold out from every store. This post is like getting your first Cabbage Patch or Barbie Doll.

As wondrous as the stuff  I photograph from my car window at 60 mph

I think I can fairly compare the joy you will derive from this post to the euphoria you felt with your first kiss, or the first time you held your daughter in your arms.

This post will remind you of puppies and kittens and the sweet smell of bread in the oven. Reading it is like jumping on a trampoline, spotting a bald eagle or staring into the wondrous and beautiful abyss of the Grand Canyon.

The post I present is like the first snowfall of winter, rainbows after a spring shower and red roses in a green vase. This post is waterfalls, watching a a pitcher hurl a perfect game, and your team winning the Superbowl.

This post is the joy of leaving a well-placed chili fart in the cereal aisle at WalMart, a glimpse of a nipple, and a video of a skateboarder racking his nuts on a stair rail.

This post will make you forget Shakespeare, Hemingway and Twain. It will invoke the emotional roller coaster of a Citizen Kane, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Gone With the Wind, or Rambo II.

This is a post for the EOB; I don't want my ass kicked.

You should read her. She is as wrong as wrong can be when it comes to politics, but she is entertaining as hell.

Oh, I am heading for the friendly skies and I don't have time now to write the post I had planned.

Sorry about that.