March 12, 2016

TMI. You were warned

Long time readers know from stories here that there was a time I had significant digestive issues. One of my meds, not the one that muffles the voices in my head, gave me significant bouts of diarrhea. I'm talking colonoscopy prep type episodes. Explosive, corrosive ass soup so odiferous it would make a sewage plant worker tear up in disgust occurred once or twice a week. I threw away more stained tightly-whiteys than you can imagine. I'm off those meds now.

These days I shit cellophane wrapped cubes.

That is a lie.

My bowel movements have become more routine these days. Now, my turds are compact elongated tennis balls, solid and firm. And they routinely stop up the toilet, especially the low water types.

Thursday morning I dropped an especially heavy load of these rocks into the hotel toilet. I wiped with only a little more paper than Sheryl Crow recommends, and flushed. I saw the familiar swirl of water and the slow rise of the bowl contents. I had log jammed another toilet. I finished packing and as a courtesy told the front desk about the situation as I checked out. I was, of course, a bit embarrassed.

Yesterday evening I got an email from the hotel apologizing for the stopped up crapper! They offered bonus points out of their concern that my stay was not perfect. The hotel apologized because I stopped up their toilet. Can you imagine?

For more than a decade I have stayed exclusively in hotels from the Hilton chain whenever I can choose. I have stayed at this particular Hilton Garden Inn more times than I can count. Now you know why.


Anonymous said...

A few years ago, we had an employee who was on the large size. Every once in a while he would stop by our building and use the facilities at the other end of the building. This building is old , built back in the 50's out of concrete and steel and one half of the building has blast doors and is under 20 feet of dirt and concrete. I won’t go into details of what use to be worked here, but this is Charleston and it did have a Navy Depot at one time. Well anyway, this guy would show up, and within 10 minutes the building would have to be evacuated. I have no idea what the problem was with his digestive system or what the hell he ate but damn! The first time the fire department showed up and had to put on oxygen masks to go in the building, said employee was later terminated for other reason, but I have no doubt he was a democrat.


CGHill said...

Traditional non-low-flow toilets never seemed to have problems like this.

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

The thing I love about low-flow toilets is that, gallon for gallon, they probably end up taking more water than the old standard toilets because you have to flush more than once.

Of the three crappers in the house, one is original 1960-vintage, another is a pre-low-flow replacement, and the last is one of the original low-flows that actually has a tank that's just large enough.

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