Friday Music

 

Mellow Me

 So I was at the grocery grabbing stuff for supper, I did not have a lot of stuff but I did have 5 pounds of potatoes and a gallon of milk plus some other things, so I selected a cart instead of a little carry basket, 

I grabbed my stuff and went to an open self check-out line. I paid and as I gathered up my bags I placed them and the milk and potatoes in my cart to push it back to the lobby. At that time a middle-aged woman came up behind me. 

"Hey you," she said in a snotty tone, "Are you just going to just walk off and leave your basket?"

I turned and she was pointing at a hand basket someone had left next to the checkout.

WTH?

I gave her my best look of disdain. "Clearly, I have a cart, it is not mine," I silently added you f-ing busy-body self-important Karen. I resisted to urge to flip off this haridan and left the store. 

I bet she is a real joy to her kids and husband, if she has either.

See, I am getting more mature and easy to get along with in my old age. I avoided an easy confrontation with a real bitch. 

Sheesh

 I've been at this far too long. When I started this piece o'crap blog my youngest kid was 12. 

My eldest granddaughter "graduates" from elementary school Friday.  She will be 12 in December, 

I've been posting here for an entire generation.  No wonder I can't think of anything to write about.

Here's about 20 seconds you will never get back

 I'm back after a quick trip to Grand Rapids to see a customer yesterday. It was a nice and productive visit. 

I wish something interesting and blog worthy occurred on this trip. It rained. I doubt that piqued your interest. 

It is supposed to rain some more today and all week. It is May. 

The Cubs are 3-7 over the past 10 games. *@$%.

That kind of Monday

 

Final historical comment

 Sadly, the garbage in the past five posts is more accurate than the communist shit written by historian Howard Zinn

Here is a palate cleanser,  Dolly doing Jerry Lee:

Have a great Sunday.

A Thousand Years of History in Five Short Posts

To recap, A Norman Bastard invaded England and claimed the throne. For the next seven centuries, France and England fought over who was king of their respective countries. Their bitter feud came to a head when a bunch of rebel colonials declared independence from Great Britain and France stepped in to help. The Americans defaulted on their loans and the result was one of the causes of the French Revolution. In the ensuing wars, French General (and later Emperor) Napoleon rampaged through Europe, humbling the militaries of every continental power (except Great Britain). After the fall of France, Germany rose to power and influence in the next decades. 

In an ill-advised pissing contest, France declared war on Germany and it took the Germans about six months to utterly defeat France. The French were so humiliated and embarrassed they vowed to never forget. 

The French lost the Seven Years War, so helped the Americans defeat the British in the American Revolution. The French lost the Napoleonic Wars, so were jealous of the rising German Power. They lost the Franco-Prussian War, so demanded harsher-than-harsh terms on the Germans after The Great War (WWI). 

Economic conditions in Germany were so bad following WWI that the nation was in economic collapse. The currency was not worth the ink it took to print it. Unemployment was at astronomically high levels, exacerbated by a Global Depression (the Great Depression wasn't just an American thing). An articulate orator rallied the German people, exhorted them to greatness and promised a future where the Germans would rule Europe for a thousand years. People with no hope will follow anyone who promises a light at the end of the tunnel. It is a little-spoken truth that the best way to boost an economy is war, and well, those damn French (and the Jews) caused all of this economic pain so...

Germany invaded Poland on the way to France and the world exploded into war. 

And that is how an ambitious bastard Norman sort of, kind of, started WWII.

Why do you vote Democrat?

 177 Democrats voted AGAINST a resolution honoring fallen police officers. 

They did not abstain. They did not avoid showing up for the vote. The actively voted no. 

I am sickened. 

If you support this vote you are uncordially invited to never visit this blog again. 

Good riddance. 

Part Four, or a race to the finish because I am getting bored.

 In summary, by the end of the 19th Century, the French so loathed the Germans for their humiliation in the Franco-Prussian War that after nine hundred years, they make a treaty of friendship with the British.

All of the European powers looked askance at the upstart Americans who are raking it in economically without the divine guidance of a king, and as a result, all those Royals have given up power to elected representatives in order to maintain their way of life -- you know, living like royalty. 

There remained a bunch of crazy leftists who actually believed that insane economic theory crap spouted by Karl Marks and Frederik Engels. Far left anarchists believed they could bring on a perfect society by killing political leaders, especially kings. 

Now the Austrian Empire is by this time is a frail and wasting empire run by a weak and inbred family. Disgruntled people throughout the edges of the Empire are in a mild state of revolt. One leftist knucklehead murders the Archduke of Austria and his wife.  That assassination will lead to the deaths of 80-100 million people. Damn leftists.

The treaties kick in. 

Austria declares war on Serbia. Russia declares war on Austria. Germany declares war on Russia. France declares war on Germany. Germany declares war on France. Great Britain declares war on Germany. Turkey wants some of those Russian Black Sea territories so they declare war on Russia. No one cares much. The Americans are like, how can we make some money out of this situation?

What followed was four years of unmitigated hell. It was war at its most evil. Modern weapons against 19th Century tactics. Poison gas, tanks, aircraft -- all new advances in warfare entered the scene. The Germans unleashed the most evil weapon of all; they sent Lenin and Trotsky to Russia. The Germans considered Vladimir Lenin so awful, so terrifying, they kept him in a sealed, locked train car until they released him inside Russian borders. That evilness accounted for millions of additional deaths in the 20th Century.

Eventually, the French reminded the Americans about their aid in back during the Revolution, and the Americans stepped in on the side of the French and English and Russians. The Germans surrendered and the French remembered how humiliated they were by the Prussians in the Franco-Prussian War. They demanded such harsh terms on the Germans that an entire generation would suffer. These harsh terms would, more than anything, lead to WWII. 

Yeah, Yeah Part Three

 By the end of the American Revolution most of Europe viewed France's King Louis like their idiot cousin at the family reunion; he was going to double dip in the nachos and "forget" to pay his share for the hamburger and hot dogs. 

The fledgling Untied States was broke, the first government they formed under the Articles of Confederation was so weak it could not govern itself, and the new government it formed pretty much told the French "I know I owe you, but, I just don't have any extra cash this month". 

The French King was broke, he raised taxes on everyone and borrowed money from his neighbors to make ends meet. Instead of paying off his debts, King Louis partied. Hard. The French people were taxed out and starving. They looked across the Atlantic at the Americans and said "Hey, we could do that. We don’t need no stinkin’ king.”So the French tossed out the king and instituted some radical, far-left craziness that included chopping off lots of noble heads. 

European royalty looked at these events with alarm.  No one was a fan of crazy Louis, but he was their crazy Louis and if beheading Kings became a thing, well that was unacceptable to the kings of every other European country. That crap needed to end, like yesterday. As other kingdoms started attacking France, a remarkable Corsican rose through the ranks and became large and in charge. This guy was a brilliant strategist and tactician. He whipped the Austrians, then the Italians, then the Austrians again. He defeated the Prussians. Then Napoleon crushed the Prussians, Russians, and Austrians yet again -- and all at once at the Battle of Austerlitz. 

Eventually, after about two decades, the combined European powers defeated Napoleon and restored France back to a Kingdom. For the next fifty or sixty years France flirted with democracy and monarchy, changing governments every decade or two. 

Meanwhile, the Prussians started to consolidate power in northern Germany, ultimately defeating the Austrians in a little war. Alarmed, France told the Germans they better not, and I mean it, try to bring the German-speaking areas of southern Germany into the Prussian alliance.  Otto von Bismarck laughed at the French, stuck a rock on his shoulder and told the Frenchies, "I dare you to knock it off." 

France declared war on Germany. 

Germany defeated France in six months, one week, and two days. Pretty much five months of that war was Germany straddling France, dangling a big hocker over France's face telling France to say "Uncle." Historians call this conflict the Franco-Prussian War. I guess the Six Month One Week and Two Days War was not as catchy as the "Hundred Years War."

Germany forced France to pay an indemnity in exact proportion to the that imposed on Prussian by Napoleon. Those Euros have long memories. 

Hoosierboy Guide to History Part Deaux

 The English had just fought a war in North America to protect their colonies from the evil French and their Native American (no one called them that) allies. British politicians asked themselves why their constituents needed to cough up more taxes to pay to protect colonies from the French and the Indians when those colonists paid no taxes. 

The Parliament said the colonists needed to pay some taxes going forward. The American colonists replied that if we are going to get taxed we should get a vote on it. the Parliament said "You will take it and you will like it." 

The Americans replied "F@#k you." The King pointed out his army had cool red uniforms. The Americans told the king where he could shove those red uniforms. "Are you ready to rumble?" They demanded. War was on.

Now at this point in history the British army and navy were the most powerful in the world.  While the plucky Americans continued to fight, they lost most of the battles, but just like Cool Hand Luke, the embattled colonials refused to stay down.

Meanwhile, the Americans sent  smooth operator Ben Franklin to talk to the King of France. "Hey King, your cousin King George is a real dick." he told the King of France.

"I hate that guy," said French King Louis, so Ben explained that if the French would just give the Americans a little bity loan, the colonists would knock that bully George down a peg or two. Oh, and if Louis threw in some ships and sailors to sail those ships and a few regiments of infantry, victory would be guaranteed. "And money, don't forget the money," Franklin's buddy John Adams added.

"I hate that guy," Louis said again. "Do you promise to pay me back?" 

Ben Franklin looked over at John Adams and winked. "Sure, with interest."

So the French gave troops and ships and money, lots of money, to the Americans. Finally after seven years of war, Parliament looked at the recalcitrant Americans like a parent sick of arguing with their teenager. "If you think life is so easy out there in the adult world - good luck," and they took back the cell phone and kicked the ungrateful jerks out of the British Empire. 

Then those crazy Americans formed a country and established a government without a king. Heck, there was no nobility at all. 

The rest of Europe looked on in alarm.

Hoosierboy Guide to History

 About a thousand years ago a French Guy invaded England and proclaimed himself King and that is why WWII  (as in World War two, not, ahem, eleven) happened. 

For the next few centuries the king of England and the King of France fought over territory, over money, and over who would be king of France. Several English monarchs in these years could not even speak English, only French. In fairness, I cannot understand Old English either. 

Things grew so bitter, the French and English fought a war that lasted one hundred and sixteen years, but that conflict goes by the nickname The Hundred Years War, I suppose because some dorky historian believed it flowed off the tongue easier. Ultimately, the French kept the French throne and the English the English throne, and British monarchs then spent their time fighting their relatives, the Welsh, Irish, and Scots, the Dutch, and the Spanish and anyone else that irritated them. Basically the English were soccer hooligans before World Cup soccer was invented. 

Then the Spanish started bringing boatloads of gold back from the New World and both the British and the French wanted in on some of that sweet "exploit the natives" action. 

In North America the French went for trapping and trading furs and the British started sending over malcontents, criminals, and religious fanatics to colonize the wilderness. Everybody was making money, if you were a Royal or their buddy.

Things were going great until like a couple of selfish kids France and England started fighting over what would later be described as "red states" and the old animosities raised their ugly head. "Mine" "No. Mon" brought the two kings back to war and this time they only went at it for about seven years. Clever historians called this conflict the Seven Years War. 

The French lost. Their nation's collective psyche didn't take it well.

More in the next episode as we examine how Newton's Third Law of Motion applies equally to history.

Monday music

 

Happy Mother’s Day

 …to all you moms out there.

How it’s made

How does a priest make Holy Water?

He boils the Hell out of it. 

Ba Boomp

Shuddup. You will repeat it. 

Making the Rounds

 Four or five nights a week the video doorbell gives a “motion detected at the front door” alert. This usually happens in the overnight hours, anywhere from 1-4 AM. It is invariably a big fat raccoon walking across the yard, near the porch. Strangely, he is always crossing right to left. Heading somewhere, never returning. 

Where does he go? Is this part of his normal exercise routine, a normal walking pattern he never varies? Is this his route to work?  Is my neighbor’s garbage can the nearest “store” where he gets his last-minute “groceries”? 

I don’t know where the raccoon comes from. I don’t know where he is going. I do know I’m on the way to wherever it is. 

All that plus arthritis

 Here is a medical update you did not ask for. The hand doctor injected my recalcitrant finger with a dose of cortisone this morning. I should know in the coming days if that injection heals my trigger finger/tendonitis or if I need surgery. The good doc says injections work 75% of the time. 

My hand is still a little numb, so mouse handling is a bit sketchy right now. 

What is wrong with people?

 I saw a woman, probably around thirty, carrying a cat around the grocery store yesterday. She had it in a baby carrier across her chest. 

WTH? Are there no Board of Health laws? 

I’m willing to bet my next paycheck she is single. 

This day

 Not only is it Star Wars day, it is my youngest granddaughter’s birthday. She turns seven. This little one is filled with joy and fun. She has a great sense of humor. 

The wall next to my desk is covered with her drawings. She is so sweet and I hope life and eventually the cruelty of middle school girls doesn’t suck that joy from her. 

No accounting for taste

 I’ve always read a lot. For some reason outside of the Game of Thrones, I’ve never really enjoyed SciFi. I don’t know why. I vaguely remember buying a paperback back in the Seventies about a rooster, basilisk, and a dog. I found it weird. 

Aside: the internet is awesome. I typed in “Rooster, Basilisk , and Dog book” into the search engine and learned the novel was “The Book of the Dun Cow” by Walter Wangerin Jr. it came out in 1978. I’m sure I bought it because of the title. 

Some folks like rap music and opera. Some people don’t like John Wayne movies. I’ve even heard people opine that Sean Connery isn’t the best James Bond, so my unfondness for science fiction isn’t completely egregious. 

Softball Saturday

The temperature is in the thirties this morning.

…The  resident cardinals are getting “busy” on the edge of the gutter outside my window. Now one of them is singing in the broken maple tree. Life is universal…

Anyway, anyone who has read here a while knows I love baseball. The youngest granddaughter plays softball and she plays a game this morning. Near freezing temps and sitting at a ball diamond makes for a miserable morning. Just wait until one of those girls hits that big old ball with a metal bat! Ouch. 

It won’t matter to the granddaughter, her birthday is Monday and she is having a party with her friends this afternoon. 

Life is good. 

The coffee is hot

 I suppose it is a function of finance. Yesterday was payday, so it felt like a Friday. Imagine my disappointment to discover I have to go to work today. Then we must consider yesterday’s deposit was only possible because I am working. I better plop in front of that computer this morning, no matter my level of enthusiasm, if I want another similar deposit mid-month. So it goes, probably until I die.