July 28, 2006

24(Like the Show) Otter Style- Kind Of

The following takes place on Thursday, 28 July 2006
1:00 PM– Arrive at Indianapolis airport late from my meeting.
1:20 PM- Arrive at airline counter to find out my flight was cancelled.
1:23 PM – On standby for the 4:00 PM flight – booked on the 5:50 PM to Philly. Scheduled to be home at 9:30 PM
1:45 PM – Through security
1:46 – 3:45 PM – Reading and one of my favorite pastimes, people watching
3:55 PM – 4:00 flight is full
4:00 -5:35 PM - Reading and one of my favorite pastimes, people watching
5:38 PM – Boarding for Philly
6:02 PM – Announcement that we have a two hour ground hold from Philly due to weather.
6:08 PM – Deplane and rebook my puddle jumper flight from Philly. Scheduled to be home at 11:30 PM.
6:19 PM – Rebooked my flight from Indianapolis to Pittsburgh then Philly then the puddle jumper home. Scheduled to be home at 11:30 PM.
6:28 PM – Boarding for Pitt.
7:28 PM – Arrive Pitt for 8:05 PM flight to Philly.
7:37 PM – Flight to Philly delayed until 8:50 PM
8:47 PM – Flight to Philly delayed until 9:35 PM – Still OK on my puddle jumper connection – Pitt to Philly scheduled time 45 minutes – A lot of weather delays and the puddle jumper home leaves Philly at 10:45 PM. Still scheduled to be home at 11:30 PM.
9:15 PM- Boarding for Philly.
9:37 PM – On runway for takeoff.
9:38 PM – Announcement that we have a 45 minute ground hold. Next update at 10:30 PM.
9:45 PM – Scotch.
9:58 PM – More scotch.
10:13 PM – What the hell, one more scotch.
10:24 PM - Announcement that we have another 45 minute ground hold. Next update at 11:15 PM. Scheduled to be home at 11:30 PM?
10:30 PM – Return to the gate from the runway for more fuel. This impeded the scotch program damn it.
10:35 PM – Cleared to depart. Everyone back on the plane… Please don’t forget the fuel.
10:51 PM – Lift off……with the bad weather, 45 minute flight, there is still a chance that I will make my puddle jumper flight.
11:02 PM – Realize I would be home if I had driven.
11:30 PM – Due to weather, we are in a “holding pattern”. It’s OK because my friend Johnny Walker was with me.
11:45 PM – Cleared to land.
11:53 PM – Just kidding – in a “holding” pattern.
11:55 PM – One more scotch just “because” and they are free and I can.
Friday, 28 July 2006
12:06 AM – Cleared to land.
12:10 AM - Just kidding – in a “holding” pattern.
12:15 AM - One more scotch just “because” and they are free plus I can.
12:25 AM – Cleared to land.
12:35 AM – Land
12:38 AM – Optimism because the planes are backed up for takeoff….
12:47 AM – Customer service desk to check on the status of my puddle jumper.
12:50 AM – It’s gone……booked on the 8 AM flight. No hotels…only option is to sleep in the airport. So I decide to go to terminal my flight will leave from in the morning and sleep there.
12:57 AM – The info board in the main terminal shows my puddle jumper at the gate with a 1:15 AM departure! Scheduled to be home at 2:15 AM.
12:58 AM – The shuttle is not running. I will take the walk bridge that connects the terminals. The #$%@*% walk bridge is closed! Outside in the rain to get to the other terminal.
12:59 AM – Dead run…well at least for me. An old guy with a walker did pass me….
1:04 AM – Arrive at the terminal, only to see the security gate down. “I need….pant, pant….in for the puddle jumper flight at 1:15”….. The reply, “Do you have a boarding pass”? Hell no asshole – I enjoy running around Philly in the rain at 1 in the morning just to talk to you……. “Yes” I kindly reply. His retort, “Then you need to use a white courtesy phone to have an airline representative meet you at the security gate and escort you to your departing gate”. What the F***K. I have a boarding pass; I have to go across the entire terminal to get to my gate…I am out of breath, wet, and half drunk.
1:06 AM – Waiting for the page operator to answer the phone.
1:07 AM - Waiting for the page operator to answer the phone.
1:08 AM – Waiting for the page operator to answer the phone.
1:09 AM - Waiting for the page operator to answer the phone.
1:10 AM – Page complete…
1:14 AM – “Wat you wunt?” “I am trying to get on the puddle jumper flight at 1:15”. “That flight aint gonin’. You all are gunna take a bus. But let me check foya”.
1:20 AM – Nothing
1:25 AM – Confirmation that the flight is cancelled and we are taking a “four hour tour” on the bus home. Scheduled to be home at 5:30 AM.
1:30 AM – Trying to find the luggage from the two flights that were cancelled and make up the bus tour.
1:45 AM – Mass bitterness, mass bitching, mass assholes.
1:47 AM – I have my backpack – let’s go – I don’t care about your luggage, It will eventually get home…
1:49 AM – “Your luggage will be at the airport when you arrive”.
1:52 AM – “We found you luggage we are loading it on the bus”.
1:55 AM – “Oh I forgot, I need everyone’s ticket”
1:58 AM – “Thank you folks for being patient”.
2:00 AM – The tour starts.
2:08 AM – I’m asleep….
4:18 AM – I’m awakened because we stop at a truck stop for fuel, cigarettes, pee break and whores I guess.
4:20 AM – Realize I could have driven to Cape Cod from Indianapolis.
4:30 AM – We depart again.
5:20 AM – Awakened when I hear, “Where you going”? “My ‘Tom-Tom” says to take this two lane mountainous road, it’s faster”. Leave the interstate for a two lane road with a tour bus? You have got to be kidding.
5:23 AM – Return to the interstate system.
5:28 AM – Back asleep.
6:06 AM – Arrive at the puddle jumper airport.
6:18 AM – Get in bed……..
That should just about wrap-up my shithole bad luck travel for a few months……

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