October 6, 2006

Yes, Little Jose, There Is a Tooth Fairy

I hate to tackle this issue, after all the loverly Mrs. Goldbloom was an ally in my recent victory in the blogwar against the evil Dragonlady. This post has me in a tizzy and I must respond.

Yes, Little Jose, there is a Tooth Fairy. In all ages there have been small minded people who do not share the dreams of children, of poets, of storytellers, of Pisces. Some people will try and tell you that there is no mysterious figure that sneaks into your room under the dark of night and snatches worthless enamel and calcium structures from under your pillow. They will try to say you are not really paid for the pain and suffering of losing your teeth. These small minded folks will try and tell you that you deserve no reward for your humiliation and degradation of being asked by stupid adults "What happened to your tooth?" You need to be rewarded for not replying " It fell out, you dumbass".

These same narrow minded adults will try and tell you that there is no bogeyman, no leprechaun, no evil clowns, no killer rabbits, no tooth fairy. Some will go so far as to say there is no Hooiserboy. Well let me tell you little Jose, there is a Tooth Fairy just as sure as there are haunted houses and evil spirits and Hoosierboys. Let me add, that not all of the brown acid was bad at Woodstock, so you cannot believe authority figures.

The Tooth Fairy lives in all of us. She is the spark that sets off the fire at the gas station. She is the pinprick that pops your Birthday balloon, the scratch on your favorite CD...no wait that is the April Fools Fairy. The Tooth Fairy is the magic of Disney World, the shiver that runs up your spine as you get your first kiss, the feel of a good pee after holding it too long.

Rest assured, the tooth fairy is there watching you sleep in a sort of creepy way. No matter what your Mom says, the Tooth Fairy knew about those little dog teeth. She may not have paid you, but the Fairy gave that little tail wagging doggie a well-deserved milkbone. Keep up the good work, brush your teeth and keep saving your money, 'cause Uncle Hoosierboy has one kid in college and another starting next year -- he might need a loan. Believe, Little Jose, Believe.

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