June 20, 2008

Dr. Dickhead

As most of you know I work from home. That is why you get a taste of my personal wit and charm on a semi-regular basis here. The wife is a teacher's aid and is home during the summer. I have to be honest and admit having her and the kids home really screws up my routine. When it is just me at home I do what I want when I want. If I want lunch at 10:00 in the morning, I do it. If I want to take a small break and watch pygmy sex videos with my hand on the old trucker clock, well I indulge. I take a shower when the mood hits. This is often after watching pygmy sex videos. Anyway, you get the point. They all have their own agenda and it sometimes interferes with mine.

I never turn on the TV during the day. I sometimes listen to music, but not always. Being an old fart, I prefer to use the main computer with the 17 inch monitor as opposed to my laptop. This computer is in the living room. The wife sometimes turns on the TV and watches the crap that is on in the afternoon. Usually this means some decorating show, but sometimes she turns on Captain Obvious -- Dr. Phil. How this windbag ever got a Doctorate is beyond me. I can only imagine the attention needy psychosis that drives people to air their problems to him on TV.

I really like his usual advise. You have to stop being abusive. Ya think? Beating your kids with a sand filled hose is just wrong. No kidding? He offers this bit of wisdom Jim, you cannot punch your wife, it is just not acceptable, Or how about I am willing to roll up my sleeves and get down in the trenches to help you, but you have to realize screwing the babysitter in front of the six year old has to stop.Or maybe Look here, high heels and makeup are not an issue in themselves, it when you pair them with a lace jockstrap and cup that draws some unwanted attention and ridicule, Joe.

Do we really need to be told that Mom, Dad, your daughter wears all black clothes. She has spiked hair and a dozen tattoos. She screams at night 'f(bleep)ck me Satan'. Whether or not she is keeping her room clean enough may not be your biggest issue as parents.

When Dr. Dickhead is not pushing the obvious, he is listening to insane people spin their tales. I am concerned my daughter is a harlot, a fallen woman. she is always wanting to go over to the neighbor's pool and swimming with that boy next door. She wears this slinky two piece swimsuit. I am concerned she may not keep her Chasity pledge in such sinful surroundings. Well how old is this boy asks the genius Doctor. Just one year older than my Susie. A tearful Mom confesses she even saw the kids kiss once. Oh, and little Susie is 7 years old.

Where do they get these people, all of them? I mean the people being counseled, the producers, the good Doctor himself, the people who watch this crap, where do they come from? Are they really allowed to vote?

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