July 12, 2008

Ding Dong the bells are gonna chime

We are going to a wedding today. It is my daughter’s best friend. My daughter is the Maid of Honor. It is pouring down rain. No bride should have to get married on a rainy day.

The affair is a big Catholic wedding (no mass) with what I believe to be around 300 guests. There will be a sit down dinner, DJ, the works. I cannot imagine the cost of such a wedding. I will likely find out in the near future. I guess I take the man’s point of view — what a waste. That money would make a really nice honeymoon or even better, a down payment on a house or car. I would opt for a small ceremony, modest party and something tangible, if I were to vote. Yes ladies, I know. I had a big wedding too.

I expect I will be pissed by the time we get home. These things get the wife atwitter. She thinks I will say or do something that will embarrass her, or she thinks is inappropriate. I will not be allowed to quietly make fun of anyone, make sarcastic comments, discuss anything with anyone less I offend somebody. She will ignore the fact that I interact with people all day long, that I do know how to behave and be nice. I am a salesman for goodness sake. If I really spent my time being an ass in public I would be out of work. She transfers her insecurities to me, and I suffer for it. She ignores the fact I have never behaved the drunken lout or called the fat lady a tub of lard in a loud voice or wondered aloud about cousin Rudy's sexual orientation. Never happened, even once.

She will refuse to dance (even slow dance) or interact and I will sit there bored shitless the whole reception. She will frown at me if I drink more than a beer or two. By the end of the evening I will hate the couple, their families and my wife. I have been down this road before. There is nothing like sitting a table watching others have fun. We will not be allowed to leave early.

I have such an optimistic, sunny outlook.

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