Random Ramblings

The wife comes home from work yesterday and something she never does -- turns on Oprah. I don't know why, I guess she was bored. The Oprah had some doctor as a guest and he was talking about ways to live longer. I heard him say that doubling the amount of sex you have in a year can add three years to your life. It is literally true that if your wife turns you down she is killing you. I looked at the wife and asked if she heard that. Without missing a beat she pointed out that two times zero is still zero. I could not think of a single smart reply. I still can't, and I guess it may be too late.

For some reason I have been afflicted with unbelievable amounts of gas lately -- nasty odoriferous mustard anal bombs of the worst kind. I was at the store yesterday picking up the ingredients to make some baked manicotti. I reached in for some frozen chopped spinach and felt the urge. I looked around an not a soul was in the aisle. I pushed my cart and let it fly. I stopped to get some cheese on the next aisle and heard a woman exclaim " Oh my god, what is that smell?"

You have to be thankful for the little victories life gives you.