April 27, 2009

A new environemntal movement

Yesterday was a beautiful day. As I was enjoying the sunshine it occurred to me I might not be as accepting of the "green" movement as I should. So, beginning today, I am creating a new initiative. I will not actively solicit contributions. You will not see me hosting infomercials or "walks" or star studded fundraisers. There will be no ribbons, car magnets or rubber bracelets. This will be a quiet protest to save a species. Join in as you see fit.

Sometimes man can be cruel. We have hunted the passenger pigeon and the sea cow to extinction. Massive herds of sperm whales no longer frolic in the ocean waves. Pandas, gorillas and giant squid are nearly extinct. The mighty grizzly once roamed the continent. The Sasquatch has not been seen in years. Most of us have never seen a Broom's pygmy possum or a giant California condor in the wild. No more are the jackalope or unicorn. Siberian Tigers and snow leopards are but few. Why even the northern Hairy-nosed Wombat and the Hawaiian Crow are on the endangered list.

Through conservancy, the American bison, bald eagle and even that terrifying killer and eater of young babes going to visit gramma, the wolf, all have a new lease on life. We are trying to save the last vestiges of the Amazon rain forest, even though it harbors deadly snakes.

Right here in Indiana there are more than 25 species of plants and animals that are considered endangered source. The list includes the Indiana Bat, the white catspaw,the copperbelly watersnake (good riddance) and the piping plover. Endangered plants include Mead's milkweed and the running buffalo clover.

Yet there is killing of certain plants going on right now in our country on a scale you cannot imagine. We are killing this plant by the millions. It is happening in your State, your city, your town, and perhaps in your neighborhood. I am talking about the Dandelion, natures little yellow ray of sunshine. This harmless little beauty springs up in your yard every spring, covering those nasty bare spots in your grass. Dandelions are a yellow carpet of softness. We marvel at the butterfly as it changes from a slimy caterpillar, yet we do not notice the dandelions change from yellow happiness to white cotton ball!

I know, dandelions are not as cute as a panda or as sexy as a koala (neither are even bears!). We worry about saving the tigers, but no one gives a fig about the plant worlds lion -- the Dandelion! That is why starting today I am creating the Hoosierboy Dandelion Preserve. Located right here on my own property the HDP will allow dandelions to live in their natural habitat among the crabgrass and wild violets.

Why should we save the dandelion? I will tell you. There is a lot of talk that certain man-made chemicals are destroying the environment. According to renowned scientists like Al Gore, if we do not move quickly the inhabitants of certain secret places and all polar bears (they are bears) will drown because the oceans will rise and we will all live in a new global-sized Sahara desert. I am told that plants, through a mysterious process, convert evil CO2 into oxygen! And get this --people and baby seals and tigers and whales all need oxygen to live. Save the dandelion and save your grandma. Save a baby kitten. Save a puppy. Do it for the children. Do it for the Iberian Lynx.

Help me in this fight to save the dandelion. Do you know the murder of this plant is so widespread there are even commercials on how to do it? There are even certain special chemicals marketed to help the murderers with their task? There are even people that brag there are no dandelions in their neighborhood. And some people try to claim bigotry is dead with the election of the all-knowing all wonderful messiah junior, one B Obama. I cry nay. As long as there are killings of dandelions I say hate exists.

I am still trying to gather evidence, but it is my firm belief the Final Plan to destroy the dandelion is a Right Wing Conspiracy. Follow me here. Conservatives live for the most part in rural areas and red states, while democrats and liberals inhabit the big cities and towns. Who is more likely to have a large yard? Who is more likely to frequent golf courses? Who is more likely to buy expensive killing chemicals to wipe out the fuzzy dandelion, natures happy pill? That is right -- the evil rich white guy conservative. I bet Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck have nice, dandelion free lawns.

Do not be part of the conspiracy. Throw off those sheep's clothes and join with me. Save the dandelion. Do it for the yellow and the white.

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