Who are you?

Oh, to be born in a different time. Today, you are what you imagine yourself to be. Do you want to be a living Ken doll? No problem. Believe deep down you are a man woman dragon? You can do that. Even if you are a male and identify as a woman (or vice versa),  modern society is on board.

When I was an older teen, I identified as a 21 year old. Every time I tried to get a 12 pack of Strohs the clerk refused to sell it to me because I was 18, or 19, or even 20. I told them I identified as an older male, but no one recognized my rights. It did not help that at 21 I looked about 16. Heck I was still being regularly carded into my thirties. But it is clear I was discriminated against by an aged-defined society.

Today, I identify as a smart, quirky, 23 year old with six pack abs and devastatingly good looks. My mirror discriminates and that is an undeniable fact. So do the twenty-something coeds at the mall who fail to give me a glance, not even to subtly check out my ass. The horror, the pain, the tragedy. Society is unfair!

I also identify as a person with a well-funded bank account. Apparently, Chase Bank is not up to date with identity politics; they keep insisting I have actual funds in my account before they approve debit card purchases. They are guilty of being...monietists? In any case it is a clear case of discrimination.

Look, it is great to pretend. We all have a bit of Walter Mitty hiding deep within us. At various times I was sure I was Captain Blood, Robin Hood, Big Jake, or Geronimo. At ten I was sure I was Simon Kenton. For a time, I believed I was a writer, a deep thinker, a philosopher, a gentleman.

Alas, as Popeye so adequately stated it, "I yam what I yam". You are too. Biology never lies. If you want to cross dress, have horns surgically installed, or undergo takeadickoffme surgery, it is none of my business. That doesn't mean I have to agree with your new identity any more than you have to believe I am better looking than Zac  Effron.