The other night we went to a pizza joint*. Long bench seats are on one side of tables and chairs the other. I was seated so I had a perfect view of an older woman. She was probably in her fifties and she was...well, it is hard to be charitable...she was fat. She was also ugly. And the swath of tattoos did not help. My opinion was also affected by her posture. She sat with one pudgy leg propped sideways on the bench seat, the other limb on the floor. Did I mention she was wearing a short dress? She had on pink undies. It is not like I was looking. It was just...there, right in my view. Her pink wrapped snatch area was staring right at me. Very large and in charge. There it was, a thick cellulite hambone of thigh and bulging pink...shudder. I spent my meal staring down at my plate, afraid to even look up to take a drink. It was the exact opposite of sexy. It was the kind of sight that would turn a young man gay; turn him off women forever. The “What not to Wear” folks would have had a stroke on the spot. It almost put me off my feed. I told my wife when we got home she should throw away any pink panties she owned. I never want to see pink undies again.
I SO wish this was a post of fiction.