October 23, 2005

The Nature of Hell: My Sunday Post

Sorry for the dearth of posts this weekend. Sometimes life intrudes on our hobbies. One reason is I have nothing to post about. HB with nothing to say? There are people who know me now fainting dead away. I always have an opinion on something.

About all that is going on is football. I am sure none of you find that subject interesting. The all star team is winless through three games. The little one has been hit, sacked, rushed, hurried, and hit some more by a line that suddenly resembles a picket fence with huge gaps. He now feels like Houston's David Carr. When your basic smash is thrown for a loss, EVERY TIME, you know it is a long day. The backs spent most of yesterday being crushed by 2-3 defenders in the backfield. The line problem is not lack of will, or effort -- it is execution. Once the little one was hit by 5 defenders at once. He sat up looked at the linemen and shouted "Would someone please block?" His momma raised him to be polite. He is covered in bruises.

So, in desperation I will share another joke from my dad. This is for you science types out there::

Hell

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

BONUS QUESTION:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

Of course, the corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

3 comments:

GUYK said...

LOL!

Anonymous said...

It is time to become reasonable. It is time to come in itself.

Anonymous said...

It seems to me, you are right

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