Unless you live in a cave somewhere you are probably aware that Sunday is the ultimate Hallmark Holiday. Like it or not men, your lady is expecting something. Do yourself a favor and go get your wife, girlfriend and/or significant other (check all that apply) a friggin card. You should also spend $40 bucks and grab some flowers. You may have to go to Walmart or that creepy guy who sells roses out of his van on Highway 9. Even a cheap bouquet of mixed flowers will work. If that is too much effort, grab a box of chocolates (get the heart shaped box) or even a teddy bear. Jewelry is always a perfect gift. Use your head when gift giving. She does not want uncomfortable underwear and negligees. She does not want a Jersey with her name on the back. If it plugs in or is used to do housework or cooking -- it is not a good Valentine's gift.
Yes, I know it is a stupid holiday, but you just have to play along. Buy her a nice dinner. Hold open the doors (open the car door for her). Compliment your woman. Do not wear your "I'm with stupid" T-shirt. Shave, put on deodorant. Be nice.
Women -- your man does not want any of the items listed above. No candy, no boxers or socks with hearts on them. he does not want a coffee mug. He does not want a cute stuffed animal. Never buy matching shirts. What your man wants is a steak, a beer and some sex. Trust me on this. He is willing to skip the beer and steak if necessary. He only cares about getting a card if you include a hand written coupon for a blowjob, a backrub, and/or a free night of gettin' laid without complaints from you. The old Hoosierboy would not lead down the wrong path. Your man just wants to get laid. To your guy, that is romance.
Men -- turn on the charm. Spend a few bucks.
Women -- give up the nookie. It won't kill you to be a little sexy.
7 comments:
March 14 is the official Steak and Blow Job Day, you know. For Val Day, I suggest a nice spaghetti dinner and some good ol' cowboy sex. And maybe a gift card from Home Depot.
I gave H a subscription to Maxim and a gift cert to the local alcohol shop last year.
Personally, I don't want a backrub, thank you very much! Ok, I wouldn't mind a nice backrub, but the other choices rank much higher on the list.
Takes a little more effort to be sexy from 900+ miles away but I'm working on it.
After reading your list, it's good to know I'm still in touch with what my man wants.
We've already started with the foreplay, he threw a snowball at me as soon as I walked into the kitchen this morning and we built a snowman together. LOL
I'm giving Kel a ribbon, wrapped around my unit.
This places high in the running for your best post ever!
Oh my gosh.
I LOVED THIS POST!
Thanks for the laughs, my friend.
May you all "feel the love," whatever your definition may be.
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