October 20, 2010

Stop me before I tell you it was 15 miles uphill to school

I was a skinny little runt as a kid.  I just did not know it. I fought well above my weight class, and I did it often. I liked to carry my candy cigarettes rolled in the sleeve of my T-Shirt.  Like every other kid in the neighborhood USA,  I pretended to smoke them, squinting my eyes from the imaginary smoke. The best part of breaking off a candy cigarette from the pack was the first moment when you blew on the candy stick and the powdered sugar came off just like real smoke. If I remember, candy cigarettes tasted pretty much like sugar-flavored cardboard. I also liked the bubble gum cigars, until I discovered real cigars.

I am not sure how old I was when we started smoking cigars in the shed out back, maybe eight or nine. That was back in the day when a busy Mom could send her kids to the store down the street to pick up a pack of Salems and a gallon of milk. It was no big deal to use your Coke bottle return money to purchase a pack of Swisher Sweets or Dutch Masters.

This time of year I was probably using my hard-earned dimes to purchase plastic Dracula teeth or paraffin lips.

6 comments:

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Swisher Sweets. Echhh.

I knew a guy who smoked those when I was a kid. You couldn't have forced one on me when I started smoking...

I started smoking a pipe when I was 18 and only stopped when my wife stopped smoking several years ago. I miss my Petersons but every time I light up I end up with asthmatic bronchitis.

Joe said...

I would not smoke a Swisher on a dare these days. I decided a decade ago, before the "boom" I would rather have quality over quantity. I can afford to smoke the cheap smokes evrey day, but I prefer to have a good quality smoke evry week or so. Now as we head into winter, i will get even less smoking time (I only smoke outside).

curmudgeon said...

Don't forget the "Wolf Brothers Rum Soaked Crookettes". Now those were stylin'!

Nothing like a good Arturo Fuente or maybe a Macanudo now though.

mts1 said...

At one gas station in Gary, they sell pre-drilled Phillies, as in the center is empty. Pray tell, I wonder why they do that? I would never think a good company would suggest that its buyers imbibe in illegal wacky tobaccy, now, anymore than I'd suggest that makers of those glass pipes also sold in said gas station would do that.

Swisher Sweets were always good for causing explosive diarrhea. If you're feeling stopped up, smoke one and release the hounds. I thought I was the s*** when I smoked Rigoletto coronas in high school. Then I thought Double Tovarsky was it in vodka's, too, and Gallo was a good wine, so what did I know about anything until I reached legal age, quit sneaking, and got a real education.

If you pass down I-80/94 one more time and don't avail yourself to Strictly Men cigar shop off the Calumet exit in Cal City, God may delay your entry to heaven when you die as punishment. When you go in, ask for one of HIS cigars - his make a CAO smoke like a big cigarette by comparison. Dude has his own plant in Nicaragua.

Cappy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cappy said...

Curmudgeon - those were the original ElRopo cigars! Nothing but the finest Rigolettos in the CaptainSQL ManCave and secret hideout in Cain Park!

MTS, yeah, Rigolettos and that fine brew known as any suds I could get my hands on. That, my man, was living!

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