November 6, 2011

I woke an hour earlier than usual -- or did I?

I am not going to offer my semi-annual bitch about the time change. It is what it is.

The wife has decreed we are going to have a family portrait taken today. She has made the arrangements. All three kids and my son-in-all are going to participate too. We are all going to smile and like it.

I was told I need a new shirt for this occasion. The boy needed something new to wear too. As such, we found ourselves at the Mall yesterday. Santa Clause was there. WTH? It is just the first week of November. The trees still have leaves.  Some of the trees in my neighborhood have barely changed color to a sickly green-yellow.

I love Christmas.  I listen to Christmas songs with gusto. I decorate the house at great risk to life and limb. We have three Christmas trees. But it is way, way too early to start in with the Christmas and the Santa. This whole situation is a perfect example of why the various peoples of the Earth need someone with my superior outlook and world view to be Supreme Arbiter of Taste and Ruler Plenipotentiary. And not just someone -- the people of the world need ME in charge. I think we can all agree on that point.

When I am King of the World, on day one, late in the afternoon just before beer and cigar time, we will be done dispensing justice, and taking decisions on when we can start decorating the mall for Christmas. At that time I will issue an important decree that will demonstrate to all mortals walking terra firma my fairness and wisdom.I am talking about dispensing the kind of superior judgement that puts me right on par with Solomon..To whit; effective immediately, all young men shall pull up their fucking pants above their ass.

That fixed, we will deal with this change-the-clocks-twice-a-year nonsense.


Jean said...

I'd vote for you.

Fred said...


Anonymous said...

Your gonna piss of The ONE,, don't you know he is already King of the World, the Sultan of Suave, and the Prince of Puke. Did I mention the replacement for Tiger Woods.

James Old Guy

Ed Bonderenka said...

I won't vote for you.
One doesn't become king via voting, but by acclaim or intrigue.
When do we commence plotting?

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

You don't vote for kings. To (to coin a phrase) wit:

"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king."

Represent, man. Represent.

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