September 30, 2010

Na na na na nahna nah nut

Today is my youngest boy's birthday. He is 17. He is a young man, but still my little boy.  I try not to let him know I feel that way. All he wants for his birthday is a new stereo for his car, one that allows him to play his iPod over the stereo. Too bad his car is still in the shop.  We do not yet have a price tag or completion date for rebuilding/replacing the transmission. I guess we will give him the money for the new stereo and he can buy the stereo when his car finally decides to come home.

I got up early to make him a hot breakfast. We are going out to dinner to one of his favorite places tonight. His brother, sister and brother-in-law will be joining us.  It will be a joint celebration, since his older brother has a birthday tomorrow. Last year we went to where B (the older boy) wanted to go.  Since the oldest boy is away at college, it is hard to get together multiple times.

Keep in mind the above when I post tomorrow. It will not be a rerun.  Different day, different kid's birthday.

September 29, 2010

Chapter 19, wherein I encounter one of the dumbest people to ever take to the friendly skies

I have flown commercial a bunch of times. Less than some people I know, but I would guess more than your average tourist.  I have never kept a complete count, but I know I have way more than 500 takeoffs to my credit.

I have experienced some amazing stuff flying. There was the guy who honestly could not work the seatbelt. I once sat next to a woman so terrified to fly she gripped my arm the entire flight, leaving bruises. I saw a guy piss into the air-sick bag while we were on the runway at Schipol (that one is in the archives somewhere). Monday I experienced passenger stupidity that would have to even make the list for a flight attendant.

We were coming into Charlotte Monday night. The plane was well down the glide slope, flaps extended, gear down. We were maybe 100 feet above ground, less than a minute from landing.  I suddenly hear the attendant in the back scream "sit down, sit down". An instant later the attendant in front is yelling over the PA "Lady you must sit down immediately, we are seconds from landing".

This stupid woman got out of her seat and started up the aisle, I guess to go to the head? The woman got back to her seat literally less than 10 seconds before the plane touched down. I do not care if you have never flown, you know when the plane is about to land.  A glance out the window should  be a major clue, even at night. I have never seen an act of such stupidity in 20 years of flying.  This stupid bitch endangered herself and the passengers around her.

Every day I am reminded of some advise I was gifted by my first boss -- "Remember, HB, people are basically stupid".

September 27, 2010

A few of life's truths

I received thsi last week in an email:

1. I think part of a best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start with # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my driveway.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer their call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

September 26, 2010

Allergy Season

Rolling Ridge Road was anything but the idyllic and picturesque boulevard suggested by its name. For one thing, ridges were few and far between in this part of central Indiana. Second, describing the slight changes in elevation found in the fields around town as “rolling” would be a stretch.

Rolling Ridge Road was a patched and aging street. It was not lined with old Victorian homes or even the ranches and split levels of the mid-twentieth century. It was a rather poor part of town. The street was lined with frame houses, bungalows and what in the South would be called shotgun shacks.

In the dust and crabgrass of what was the front lawn of just such a house stood Richard Sanders Jr. Richard was 9. He was a sickly scrawny and undersized. Richard’s mother took great pride in keeping a clean house and did the laundry regularly, but Richard always looked wrinkled and dirty. He had terrible allergies and his eyes watered and snot leaked from his nose every moment of the day. He was constantly sniffing and wiping the mucous from his upper lip with his sleeve or the side of his hand.

Richard was not well liked by his third grade classmates at Eisenhower Elementary. He was not athletic he was not particularly handsome. In addition, he was not too smart. Lately some of the boys had taken to calling him Little Dick instead of Richard. They always giggled when they said it. Richard did not quite get the joke. He guessed it was because his Dad was called Dick. One girl, Becky Myers, who was the fattest girl in school, never called him Little Dick. She always called him Colonel. He did not understand that either.

Richard Sanders Jr. was swinging his baseball bat on this fine early fall Saturday morning. Fall baseball was starting up in a few days at the Boys Club. Richard was determined this season he would not be the worst player on the team. He wanted to practice catching and throwing, but there was no one around. Besides he did not have a ball. The neighbor’s dog had chewed his up. His dad had whipped him for that. Richard had been told not to leave the ball outside.

Richard sniffed. He wiped the snot from his nose with his left hand and gripped the bat. He gave a mighty swing and in his mind he hit the imaginary ball right into center field. So small were the little boy’s dreams that he did not see in his mind a home run or even a double into the corner, but a little blooper into shallow center; anything but a dribbling ground ball that did not go past the pitcher’s mound. Right at the apex of his swing, Richard sneezed. The convulsion caused him to lose his snot slick grip on the bat.
____________________________________________________

Joe Moore was driving home with a box of donuts for his bride. He had been married just two months, and it took only a sleepy murmur from his young wife that “donuts sure sound good” to cause him to jump up and head to the store.

Joe was driving with the windows down on this early fall morning. A Beatles tune was playing on the radio. Outside of town farmers were in the fields harvesting soy beans and corn in the dry sunny weather. Dust and particles from the ground-up stocks filled the air in the distance. Joe shut his eyes for a second to suppress a sneeze. It did not work. Just as he sneezed he felt an unbelievable pain in his head. It was the last thing he ever felt.
____________________________________________________

Lynn Harper was considered pretty in high school. She was also considered “easy”. She found herself pregnant at sixteen. She apparently passed the promiscuity gene to her daughter and Lynn found herself a grandmother at 33. She was walking her grandbaby out of boredom. Her daughter was at work this fine Saturday morning. In fact, she had rung up some donuts for Joe Moore a few minutes ago. Lynn did not know that of course. Lynn did not mind babysitting. She had planned on going to some garage sales, but taking the baby in and out of the car seat was a pain. It was warm, so Lynn decided they would go for a walk instead.

Lynn stopped pushing the stroller to light a cigarette. She noticed that little runt across the street was twirling a baseball bat. She remarked to herself, again, how that kid was sure weird. She noticed the baby had tossed her stuffed Eeyore toy onto the sidewalk. As she bent to pick it up, Lynn sneezed. As she blinked away the sensation, she heard a car accelerate. She looked up to see a black Taurus heading toward her. She did not have time to move before the car struck her and the stroller head-on.

__________________________________________________________

As the bat flew end for end through the air, lives all over town would feel the impact. In one instant a bat flew from a snot-slick hand, Fate guided it through an open car window, where the bat hit and killed a man driving home with donuts. The dead driver’s car swerved and hit and killed a grandmother and her granddaughter before coming to rest against a light pole.

Little Richard Sanders Jr. stood in his front yard staring in confusion as snot dripped down his lip.

September 24, 2010

Idiots in Charge

No further evidence is required to prove the need for actual adults in charge of Congress. Today actor/comedian Stephen Colbert was asked to testify about immigration before a Judicial subcommittee.

Colbert spent ten hours working with immigrants in upstate New York last summer.

I once spent two days working on a Habitat for Humanity house. I am reasonably sure that in no way qualifies me to testify about the construction industry.

To the ruling Democrats, that makes me an expert.

Here is a report about his brilliant testimony.

I guess the Democrats in charge want to see a comedy act on the taxpayers dime.

Fucktards.

When you wish upon a star

Back in May, one of the occasional Liberal commenters here at this old blog showed some remarkable compassion:

I hope you have to have a heart bypass one day. And let me be clear: not because I want your life to be in danger, but because I want you to have to eat healthy food for the rest of your life. Every time you ate spinach (or whatever food you think is yucky) would be a victory for all thinking people worldwide. see here and here
In some kind of twisted logic I still do not understand, my old buddy Dave believes that if you are overweight you are stupid.  He still propagates this theory.*  If you are not overweight, I guess you are smart?  I suppose that is why we see so many Nobel Prizes for physics going to starving Ethiopians? Anyway, according to Dave, I am fat therefore I am stupid. He has repeatedly stated this theory even though I weigh between 2 and 6 pounds above my ideal weight for my height. This is true today and it was true in May.

But there is a ray of sunshine visible at the end of the tunnel. I am going to eat some spinach and other veggies.  I am going to eat more healthy altogether. You see, wishes do come true. At least sorta.

Last week I was diagnosed with type II diabetes. I poke myself twice a day and take some pills. I will have to watch my diet and change my eating habits. Some of my favorite meals are off the list for a while -- potatoes, noodles, white bread, pie, soft drinks. Healthy foods are in the plan.

As soon as I get my sugar controlled I will be smart! My Mensa application is filled out and stamped.

I know certain of you will be disappointed -- after all it was not a heart attack. But it is all about the means to the end, right?

Watch the news, thinking people worldwide will be celebrating their victory!

I hope there are fireworks.  I like fireworks.


* Seriously the guy has some real issues with overweight people.  I don't know if he did not get enough to eat as a kid and blames fat people? Or perhaps he is a closet chubby chaser.  Maybe he was the fat kid who got picked on in school? Was he abandoned by an overweight parent?  He needs some help.

September 23, 2010

Wrestling with pigs in the mud...

I've been slumming again. facts sure piss people off.

One step forward, three steps back

I live in a Hokey-Pokey world. I progress forward and something happens to set my life back. I suspect your life is much the same.

Yesterday the boy set off to the big city with some of his buddies for a Wednesday Boys night out at Hooters. They are teenagers, perhaps they have a thing for hot wings?

He called about twenty minutes after he left home. There is a detour and my first thought when the phone rang was he got lost. No such luck. As he left the detour and turned onto the highway the car would not accelerate.  He said it was like the car went into neutral. Oh Oh.

I drove over and he was right.  The car would not go into gear.  No reverse, no forward, no dice. I called a towing company and they are taking it to a local garage for analysis (the next county over).  The mechanic drove the tow truck.  He said that it was very rare for a transmission failure on a Honda (2002), especially when there were no symptoms  prior to the problem -- no slippage, hard to shift, etc. He opined it may be a corroded electrical component. I can only hope.  I expect a transmission for that car will run $1,500 or more. I am not sure the car is worth it.

The mechanic is going to check it out today and call me with the damages. I need a break. Cross your fingers.

edit.  Bad news, it is a broken imput shaft.  The mechanic is looking for a used transmission, he says that will be cheaper than a rebuild.  I neither case I am looking at some serious money.

September 22, 2010

Give back the money Dan Coates

In case you forgot, General Motors is owned by the US taxpayers (60%). The Federal Government has no business taking my money and your money and our kid's money and giving it to politicians for election funds.

It is happening.

Each of those recipients should give back the money.  If GM has the spare cash to throw around it should be paying back the bailout (and yes I know they paid back some of it -- using other bailout money). GM should use that money to buy back the Treasury owned stock.

Republican Senatorial candidate Dan Coates of Indiana took some of that taxpayer cash.  He should give back the money now.

Happy B-day Big Bro



Happiest of days to you Otter.

September 21, 2010

Give me a break

I am totally sick of the paparazzi following me around all of the time.

A special post to you

Things have been a bit sparse around this old place lately. I imagine many of you are clicking, yawning and moving on.  I don't blame you. Pretty soon the political landscape will open up and I will have some things to say.

Maybe not.

I have some issues going on in my life. Work is keeping me busy. I am sure you have no interest at all in what I eat for lunch, or my opinion on sports. Hell, you might not care about my opinion on anything!

Surfing my daily reads leads me to believe I am not alone in my blogapathy. For most of you, I don't care if you are disappointed in my lack of effort here lately. I will say to you, though (and you know who your are), I apologize and I will try harder in the future.

September 20, 2010

scary

Dear GOP

Don't you get it?  Voting for a RINO is the same as voting for a Democrat. So what if you have a "majority" if you cannot get anything passed because a number of your party vote with the other guys.

September 19, 2010

Again via the discount bin at WalMart

Me and Elvis are going to Blue Hawaii.

I should be back in time for football.

September 18, 2010

I must be off

Blogging will be light this morning.

Me and Elvis are going to a clambake, clambake.

September 17, 2010

Tax the rich, feed the poor

Go read this. It is a very nice description of how "socking the rich" is a failure as a tax policy. You Progressives out there, I would be glad to see your argument.

chirpity fucking chirp.

It is clear I was dead on prior to the election when I wrote that The Obama's economic policy was stolen from Alvin Lee and Ten Years After:

Everywhere is freaks and hairies
Dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity
Tax the rich, feed the poor
Till there are no rich no more

I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you

Population keeps on breeding
Nation bleeding, still more feeding economy
Life is funny, skies are sunny
Bees make honey, who needs money, Monopoly

I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you

World pollution, there's no solution
Institution, electrocution
Just black and white, rich or poor
Them and us, stop the war

I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you

The song is pure communism, but it is still an awesome tune:

September 15, 2010

Dear GOP

Are you listening? Did you take a long hard look at the Delaware Primary results? We are sick of holding our nose and voting for the likes of Bob Dole and John McCain. We are no longer interested in voting for "electable" candidates.

We are a conservative nation.  When GOP candidates run under conservative principles they win (why do you think so many Democrats run under conservative themes?). When we try to be Democrats lite, we lose. We the people are no longer interested in voting for a candidate because they have an "R" behind their name on the ballot.

Fuck the RINOs. You, the leadership of the Republican Party better wake up.  Since you took big losses in 2006 you have failed to hear us, the voters. We threw you out, not in support of the other guys, but to send a message.  You did not heed our warning.  We sent a larger and far more painful message two years ago. Are you listening yet? Contrary to what many believe, The Obama was elected more as a referendum on GW and McCain.

Why do you think McCain's polling increased so much when he added Pallin to the ticket?  The same reason he chose her -- her conservative bonafides.

Pay attention you power brokers in the Party. Listen to the people, or you will find yourselves in the dustbin, along with the Whigs. A new party will take up the mantle of conservatism. It is not too late. Together we can win.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005
Powered By Blogger