November 25, 2017

5859

My grandson died today. I Barely got a chance to know him. I held him for just a few minutes. He spent his precious hours of life on this Earth with his parents, as it should be. I take little comfort in the knowledge he is now with God.

A rare twist of genetics left him unable to live for long once the cord was severed. He was a fighter. He held on for 20 hours or so. The doctors predicted only minutes. He only had one half of a heart, but it was a big one. That baby was a fighter.

I mourn for the grandson I will never know: the missed games of peekaboo with his Paw, playing catch with a ball, trips to the playground, watching him play sports, go to school, grow into a sweet boy, a man.

I mourn even more for my daughter and son-in-law. No parent should ever have to bury a child. Such a burden is beyond my understanding. I lack the vocabulary, the ability to describe the unmitigated misery they must have felt choosing a cemetery plot and making funeral arrangements for a baby alive and kicking in his Mom's swollen belly, knowing he had no chance at life. I honestly do not know how they managed to climb out of bed each morning.

I would trade places in nanosecond to ease the pain his passing leaves in the lives of his mom, his dad, his sister. There will always be a hole in their life. I have lived my life. Little baby Sawyer had no chance.

My grandson died today. I am in grief. I am desolate. I am at a loss. I want to cry. My wife is devastated. I have not the means to comfort her. My family is hurting and I don't know how to help them. That is my job and I am failing. We have know this day was coming for months, but knowledge does not reduce the ache.

This tragedy is repeated a million times a day around the globe. We are not unique. That is no comfort either. This pain is personal.

Life will go on. My granddaughter doesn't understand. She is looking forward to her upcoming 3rd birthday and Christmas. We all have to slip on a brave mask and artificial smile for her. She deserves it.

Tomorrow will be better. The day after also. Incrementally the hurt will become a dull pain. I don't think the heartache will ever disappear completely. I hope not.

My grandson died today.  I Barely got a chance to know him.

10 comments:

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

I an so very sorry, Joe. But he is in God’s hands.

Jean said...

My heart breaks for you and your family.

Rey B said...

Prayers.

B said...

My condolences and prayers to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry Joe, I know the feeling. All I can tell you is one day at a time.


James Old Guy

slugmama said...

I am sorry for you and your family's loss joe, and I wish I had the words to comfort y'all. Knowing it happens to others or that it was coming doesn't help ease the grief or aching. As long as you all carry memories, though few, of that little one in your hearts it will help you go on.
Cyber Hugs are all I can give.....

Anonymous said...

I know you are all hurting, I know that hurt. I'm three+ years out from losing my daughter. There are lots of us willing to listen any time you want to 'talk.'

T

Ed Bonderenka said...

My condolences, my friend.
You and your family will be in our prayers tonight.
I cannot bear your pain in any degree, but may He who bore all for us, somehow comfort you and yours.

Stan said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please accept my deepest condolences. You, your family,and Sawyer are in my thoughts and prayers.

Cappy said...

My condolences to you and your family. May God help you through this sorrow and grief.

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