I am not the smartest man in the world. No one would ever accuse me of being romantic. There will never be a Hallmark movie based on my life. When it comes to gift giving I rely heavily on the wife telling me specifically what to get her.
I have been married for nearly forty years and I know one thing, do not pay attention to this ad in the Sharper image catalog, I do not care if it is on the “Gifts for her” page:
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And no vacuums (even if requested) or gym memberships.
My ex for our first Christmas bought me a pairing knife.
My ex bought me a cake mix and can of frosting to make my own birthday cake. He bought cheap things that did not fit for Christmas and said I was too picky when they did not fit.
A cynical, wisecracking database administrator (Trace Adkins) descends on the idyllic, quaint villages of Noblesville at Christmas with the intent on detaining the data modelling staff in the pickle factory warehouse over the holiday until fifth normal form is enforced on the obsolete version of SQL Server, when he reconnects with his old flame, hottie Lott Bazongas, a nighttime line supervisor in the brining department (Kelsey Ballerini). Can she save the imprisoned data architect elves in time for the holliday festivities in the town square? And, what's this? It's the kindly corporate IT Auditor (Jim Bellushi) here to save the day in the heart warming "I'll Offshore Your Ass for Christmas", a 2023 Hallmark Special!
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