Picture This

I’m up early today. I don’t know why. I tossed and turned for about a half hour before I finally got up around four aye em. That’s okay. Maybe I will take a nap this afternoon. I worked a couple of 12 hour days earlier in the week. I planned on knocking off early today anyway.

It looks like we got about an inch of snow over night. A little more may yet accumulate. Another wave of arctic air is expected to follow this front bringing sub-zero temps yet again. I suspect it will be cold at your house too. 

In other news, the redecorating of the family room continues. You may remember— or not — I repainted the family room and kitchen in November. Maybe I did not mention it? I don’t know. I did paint it. The wife bought a new couch; more modern than her usual country look. Now we are updating the decor. I hung a new picture last evening above the couch. I did it right. I marked where she wanted the picture. I measured, leveled, and measured and leveled again. I put in the picture hooks. I rechecked my level. Measured again. Hung up the picture. Leveled again. Smiled proudly at the wife. 

“It’s crooked,” she says. I put the level on top of the frame. The bubble is dead in the middle of the lines. Ditto on the bottom of the frame. I even put the level on the sides of the picture to prove my point. “I don’t care what it says, it is higher on the left.” I told her it wasn’t and held out the level. “It looks crooked.” 

I go get a different level, in case gravity works better with the red one as opposed the blue one. Strangely enough, the picture is still level. “Maybe the ceiling is off?” She decides. 

“I can’t help you there,” I tell her. I grab the hammer. “Tell me what you want and I will do a ‘tap adjustment’ on the hook. But the picture is level,” I tell her. She frowns and stands to the side. She thinks it looks okay from an angle. 

I wonder if a level can be classified as a lethal weapon. 

We pushed the couch back in place. She frowns some more and decides that helps. “I guess it will be fine,” she declares. We all know what “Fine” means, right guys? 

I suspect I will rehang the picture sometime over the weekend magically trying to compensate for whatever she perceives as level, leveling my marks then putting the hanger 1/4 or 1/8 inch off of level. 

Note: It is quite possible the picture is crooked. Unlike my beautiful, lovely, perfect wife, I do not have a magic level in my eyeball. I depend on faulty mechanical bubble levels and gravity.