Stuff I think

Why haven’t we seen a press release from UCLA announcing they have dismissed those three basketball players who managed to embarrass the university and America when they opted to shoplift while in China?

I don’t care how well they can dribble and shoot the ball, an honorable program would give those players the boot and the hell with the win-loss record.

Edit. Never mind

I’m baaaack

I walked in the front door around eleven last night. The total trip, hotel to home, was about 26 hours. I scored a aisle seat with an empty seat next to me on the long Shanghai to Toronto leg.

I went to bed around 12:30 and managed to sleep about 4 hours before getting up. I will be fighting sleep this afternoon.

Forgive me for not throwing up a meaningful essay today. Perhaps something will come to mind later.  I doubt you want to read any more semi-sarcastic travelogues.

I will leave you with an amusing anecdote. On Sunday we went to the Sun yat-Sen mausoleum in Nanjing. Like most places in China it was crowded. There were about a thousand school kids there (not an exaggeration). My colleague told me the kids were very excited. Most have never seen a “foreigner” (read round eye) before and found me way more interesting than a dead guy who died

school kids in their blue track suit uniforms

almost a century ago. I received lots of stares and embarrassed  giggles. After descending the stairs we were walking along the path back to the parking lot when one brave little guy, about eight or nine, had the temerity to actually offer me a shy “hello”. I gave him a hello right back. He ran thrilled back to his group chatting excitedly. My guide laughed and said the boy kept telling everyone “He spoke to me, he spoke to me”.

I am glad to give someone a thrill in life. My ego allows me to imagine that for the next couple of weeks the lad will be mentioned by his classmates: “Hey, remember that time Ralph spoke to that foreign guy”. In time the legend will grow to describe that we had a full conversation.

I have to admit, the whole thing made my day too.

Do you prefer pig snout or scrambled duck brain?

Jinshan temple

When you read this, provided you are not up in the middle of the night surfing the interwebz, I will still be here.  Despite the time stamp on the post, it is pushing four in the afternoon as I hunt and peck at the laptop keyboard.  I am still here, but not for long. I head home tomorrow and I am more than ready. I like Chinese food, but I am jonesing for a good old American cheeseburger.

Last night at dinner I grabbed a skewer of...meat...I took a bite and I must have made a face, because it tasted terrible. My host look at me and said "You do not like duck stomach?".

Why no, I do not. I also do not like sheep intestines, chicken feet, bullfrog, nor pig tongue. If I never lay eyes on tofu again I can live with that. To break things up, we are having Korean food tonight.  I wish I could skip tonight's dinner with my colleagues, go to the Burger King down the street and grab something, but they would be appalled and ashamed if they did not entertain me. They would never leave a guest to fend for himself.

In all, it has been an enjoyable trip, albeit too long. I saw some cool stuff. Like the temple above. I saw some funny stuff. Take this for example:

I am pretty sure that does not mean what they think it does

Embiggen both or either picture if you desire. Or not.

I am done working for the day. I will be picked up in a few hours.  In the meantime, I am tempted to hit the minibar. Instead, I might take a nap. I need to get my body adjusted back thirteen hours.  I will likely recover around Saturday.

Right here in this post you get a slight glimpse of the good and bad side of travel -- especially International travel.

There is some music you have to hear before you die

This is one of those songs.

the eleventh day of the eleventh month...

The leaps and bounds and hoop-jumping I must  perform just to read certain interwebby things, not to mention even post these words here in Red China, reminds me of how much we Americans take our freedoms for granted.

That freedom, while God-given, has only been protected at a steep price in blood and vigilance. Our men and women in the armed services have served to guarantee we have freedom enjoyed by few people in history. 

Thank you for your days and nights away from loved ones, your service, your sacrifice.

Stuff that cracks me up

Here is a definition of irony: I visited a small museum dedicated to Chairman Mao.

They were selling souvenirs.

Nothing like using the very definition of Communism in a capitalist venture.

It appears Trump is on a similar travel schedule

I am in sync with the President's travel schedule in that we are both in China.  China is a big place, so that is like saying we share space in the US. I was here first this week. I wasn't doing Secret Service advance scouting. In fact, I am a long way from the Forbidden City where the Trumpster met with the big Poobah from China. I will still be here after the President makes his escape.  I suspect his travel arrangements are just a bit more comfortable than mine. The taxpayers are not funding my travel, perhaps that is the difference.

Speaking of escape, I have been informed my plans have changed. I have been "volunteered" to stay into next week so I can carry some urgent samples back by hand. Unfortunately they will not be finished until early next week. What is an extra few days from home when I have already been gone a week?

Hmm, my sarcasm font seems to be inoperable.

On the bright side, I will get to do some sight-seeing over the weekend, so that is cool.  I was told the original plan was to take me to see the large temple complex near Hangzhou. I ruined plan that when I told my hosts I was there a few years ago. You remember. If not, look it up. You can find pictures in the archives. You should try and keep up. In any case, I am sure whatever we see, it will be interesting. My hosts have been very accommodating.  That is not sarcasm.

There is some additional good news, I have increased my Mandarin vocabulary by 30%. I now know three words. Look at me, trying hard not to be the ugly American.

I thought I had adjusted pretty well to the 13 hour time difference. Then came last night. I fell asleep early, woke up after 4-5 hours and then slept in fits.  I am up early now. That means I have time to type this drivel. Lucky you.

I guess we are all the beneficiaries of good fortune. BTW, that is more of that elusive sarcasm font.


Enjoy your Friday, Thursday whatever.

A post written tomorrow for your enjoyment today.

I have not seen much on this trip to the Far East: hotel, car, plant, car, hotel. Rinse and repeat.

I have eaten some good food and some not-so-good. Chicken feet, not so good. Beef tongue, tolerable. I still cannot mange chopsticks. My hosts have given up on me in that regard.

I forgot Google is verboten in Red China. So is my personal gmail account. I have gone through leaps and bounds to post this quick note since Blogger is Google too. I am sneaking in through my company's VPN.  I expect the authorities to burst into my hotel room and any moment and drag me off to be squashed by a tank in Tienanmen Square.

Actually the visit is fine, I am finally getting adjusted to the time difference.

Not that you care.

I will say this.  I don't watch CNN at home. That is pretty much the only English channel available here in Zhenjiang. The programming is all Russia/Trump 24-7. I mean the theme of every single story. There is such an anti-Trump bias it is palpable.

Enjoy your week. And yes, this post was written tomorrow due to the international date line and all of that time zone stuff.

Lucky you

I said I probably wouldn’t post. I lied. Total complete boredom compels me to electronically scribble a note to you.

“How’s that?” , you ask. I’m here in Canukistan on a long layover. I have free WiFi. I’ve been here since just before eight AM. My next flight leaves at 1320 for those of you who can tell military time. That means I have — lemme pull out my fingers and count — a bunch of free time. Then, my boredom unsated, I get to climb into another flying tube of aluminum and fly west for 15 hours or so. Yay, me. Then I get to ride in a car for three or four hours. My total trip will be pushing 30 hours from the time I left home. Say it with me “Boy, Joe, I wish I had your job, traveling to those cool places”.

I said say it.

Since I am parked in the international terminal the loudspeaker is blaring in multiple languages. Since it is Canada, everything is in English and Surrender Frog. Gotta keep those Québécois happy. Of course, hypocrite I am, I will need all announcements in China to be in a English. It is my right as an American. Everyone knows that. Catering to me is completely different. I think that is called irony, and it has nothing to do with wrinkled shirts.

Security took forever this morning. There were only two lines open: one for TSA Pre, one for the rest of us schmucks. I got there just in time, after I moved into the queue, the line stretched almost back to the central airport lobby. You would have thought a few of the 15 or 20 TSA types standing around talking about last night’s episode of Last Housewives or something could have fired up another x-ray machine, but that is just thinking crazy. One Agent told folks in the back of the line there were six lanes open in the B Terminal with no waiting. He said they could go over there. I just wondered why they didn’t bring some of those  superfluous TSA agents over to the A Terminal and open up another lane? Silly me.

I’m giving serious thought to lying down on the dirty floor and taking a snooze. I’m afraid I will sleep right through my flight. I could set an alarm, but mostly I’m just all talk. Besides, I need to sleep over on the plane. I have to get my body clock shifted 12 hours.

Enough bitching. How’s your weekend going?

Uninspiration

Yeah, I am lacking. I haven’t posted for a couple of days. I’ve really got nothing to say.

I know.

I could whine and complain, but you don’t care.  Who wants to read that stuff?

Baseball is done. Hurry up February. The Colts suck and things won’t get better soon. I don’t like basketball. Politicians of both parties should suffer painful crotch fires (That should no way be considered a threat, rather a metaphor for my general disgust).

You have weather. I have weather. They may or may not be similar.

That about covers my normal topics. Feel free to insert your own adventure.

Oh, posting will be sporadic at best for the next week or so. You will survive. Sometimes I can some posts when I know I will not be able to get here daily. Occasionally I throw up a rerun. Not this time.

Have a great weekend. I made other plans.

Bitch set me up

Lee, Washington, Jefferson, Grant, Lincoln - no monuments for you. Your lives and beliefs make us squirmy and squishy, and remind us of old unpleasant times and besides you were white. Spit.

A crack-head corrupt former mayor — You deserve a statue.



Edit: This is the best thing you will read on the whole “get rid of history” movement

I have a little wooden replica cigar store Indian I call Charley

It is spitting snow this morning. What happened to those beautiful fall days we didn’t have? I blame it on climate change. I am certain we are all gonna die. Really. All of us.

We had four (4) trick-or-treaters last night: two pairs. The wife bought three bags of candy and a box of little bags of cheese balls. I told her to buy one package of six full-sized Snickers or Reese’s.  The four kids last night makes a total of less than 20 visitors on Halloween since we moved here in 2013. I don’t know what made my wife believe this year would be different.

Now I have to fight the temptation to grab a Milk Dud or Almond Joy or little chocolate bar every time I shuffle through the kitchen. Yeah, I am about as likely to ignore that giant bowl of candy right next to the Keurig as I am to not look at her nekkid boobies when she takes off her shirt. I think she is secretly trying to kill me. She bakes cookies and cakes every week. A few Sundays ago I was shooting diabetic meds into my gut while she was baking cupcakes.

It is hump day. You already know that. Couple keen insights like identifying the day of the week with a weather report that has no relevance to you and you can see why this blog has an audience of fourteen. Insty has nothing on this collection of musings.

How about a couple of political thoughts?

Suddenly, Democrats have a big issue with draft dodgers. They are outraged by Trump’s bone spurs. They were so upset that Bush served in the National Guard they made up stuff. But when it comes to Democrat military service (I’m looking at you Bill Clinton) there is nothing to see here folks, just move along.

If I spent my time cataloging liberal hypocrisy I would get nothing else accomplished.

As far as I can tell, a guy did lobbying for the Ukraine, didn’t fill out the proper forms, banked a bunch of money for doing the work, lied about it and now that proves Trump did something with the Russians and therefore cheated Hillary out of getting a chance to sell nights in the Lincoln Bedroom for outrageous amounts of cash. Does that cover it or am I missing not just the smoking gun, but the evidence anyone brought a .45 to the meeting to start with?

A dude murdered a bunch of people with a truck in New York. He was from a majority Muslim country, shouted “Allah Akbar” , and had ISIS materials in the truck. Police are not sure if it was a terrorist attack.

I think that about covers the world as I see it for today.

In the spirit of the season

I intend to dress up like a guy who does not wear a Halloween costume tonight when I pass out candy to the three Trick-or-treaters we expect this evening. In other words I will be sporting jeans and T-shirt.

I was born a ramblin’ man

Yesterday’s poor me post got me to thinking about travel. Not so long ago I was doing some calculations. Windshield time is good thinking time. Based on various company car odometers I know I have driven in excess of one million miles. I estimate I am getting close to 800 airplane trips. I wish I had kept exact track back when I started traveling. I know my first business trip via plane was to Albany, NY in the late 1980s.

Somewhere In the archives  there is a list of airports I have flown to, through, and from. I have added a few since, so the number is probably 50 or 60?

I have more nights in a hotel room than a $5 hooker. I’ve been a Hilton diamond member for a decade, and top tier frequent stayer in other chains before that. Let’s say I stayed an average of 30 nights a year, I know that is low, that would be more than 700 nights in a strange bed since 1993. That is a bunch of hotel points!

I used to highlight in my atlas every city I hit on a business trip. The atlas wore out. I have been to 45 states, not all on business, but most. I have been to 14 different countries, at least 10 of those were for business.

I know business people who make my travels seem insignificant. I have a buddy who is a true road warrior. He is gone Monday through Thursday or Friday every single week. I know folks who have taken foreign assignments. I know a few international players who go overseas every month. There are guys who travel the highways every day, but still get home every night. They are definitely traveling men. Those who work in the airline industry or even some in the military laugh at my minuscule record of my excursions. I do think I have been out and about more than your average bear.

 I don’t travel like I used to. I don’t want to fly 120 legs a year. I don’t want to log 70,000 miles a year behind the wheel of a sedan. But I have. It is what makes me, well me. Besides, it has provided a wealth of blog fodder, even if my rambling tales and travelogues are the soporific you need before bed.

Get up there Sal, we’ve passed that lock...

Here we are on a downright cold Sunday morning. It is overcast and still dark at 7:41 AM as I hunt and peck at the little iPad keyboard. If it dries out, I have some outside stuff to do. I need to put the hose away for the winter, dismantle the swing, and clean up debris from the big willow. Nothing hard, nor too time consuming. I should rip up the tomato plants from the garden. Summer lingered well into fall, and we went from the 80s to the 40s in a hurry. Now all of those chores need doing.

Why the urgency, you ask? I’m off to the Far East next weekend. I offer a lower-case “woot” to express my lack of excitement. Back in 2013 when I went to China the trip was way better than I expected. Perhaps that will be true this time as well. If I am honest, it is the trip itself that sucks. Usually, my favorite part of traveling is the “getting there”. Twenty hours-plus on various planes, trains, and automobiles is no fun. I was thinking about it yesterday, it was more than fifteen years ago when I did a lot of international travel (is going to Europe 5-6 times a year a “lot”?). Not that I am ready for a bed in a nursing home, but hard travel at 40 is different than travel at 55. I don’t know how to explain it, but business travel is not vacation travel. You have to adjust to the time ASAP, meetings and work start right away. There is no relaxing ramp-up to get used to your surroundings. Colleagues want to make sure you are entertained, so long days end with late dinners, followed by yet another early morning.

It sounds like I’m gripping, and I am. I also recognize I have been fortunate enough to go all over the world on an expense account. That is indeed, pretty cool. Short of the military, I have travelled more than most people. I have seen stuff most people dream about. I have walked the Great Wall, seen the Louvre, the British Museum. I touched the Rosetta Stone. I have visited cathedrals and castles. I also put in 15-18 hour days for a week at a time and spent more days than I can count away from my wife and kids. International travel most always extends over a weekend. Or two.

 I would leave in an instant for a vacation trip to just about anywhere. Traveling around the globe to work; meh. It is hard to explain to anyone who has never had to do much business travel. In my heart, I know the trip will be fine.

 I just wish I could get the hang of chopsticks.

I came upon a child of God...

I went to the doctor this morning. He was moderately happy. My blood sugars are still too high, but overall my A1c has dropped down to 7.8. Not where I want it, but reduced 30% from just a month ago. If the wife would keep from making pies and cake and cookies in the evening it would help. I suppose some would argue it is my own fault for eating said bad stuff. That is crazy talk, every bad thing in life is someone else’s fault. She is lording her sugar privilege over me. I need a safe space, preferably one with a comfy recliner, large TV, cold beer, and cigar smoking.

One side effect of the various meds is my weight is good. I weigh less today than I did when I got married. In fact,  I weigh pretty much what I did upon high school graduation way back in 1980. Last week I hit what has to be a 30 year low. My weight is down nearly 60 pounds from when I started this blog. Maybe I need to change the web address?

I have regretted the blog domain Fat in Indiana since about a year into this exercise in navel gazing. What a stupid name. Unfortunately, I have never been able to think up something really clever, and starting over is just too much effort. Besides, there is 137 years of genius captured in the archives of this blog.

I finished the Ken Burns Vietnam documentary last weekend. It started fairly even-handed, but took a decided anti-war turn in the final few episodes. Nixon evokes a powerful hate among the leftist types. I was somewhat disappointed to find that a majority of the vets interviewed throughout the series ended up as anti-war protesters. They were part of the bunch who chucked their medals over the Capital fence and rooted for John Kerry in his “I saw war crimes” testimony before Congress. I suppose their later political position does not color their impression and war experience, but I cannot help feeling there must be some bias there and I question the whole series based on that.

Oh, well, I’m sure no one at PBS cares what I think. Why would they?

Have a great day.

About the blog

I’m still here. Breathing and thinking;  everything a sentient human ought to do. Except writing stuff here. That, I’m not doing. Well, except I am. The fact you are reading this is proof. I haven’t, -written, that is - for a few days.  Confused? Me too. 

There was a layer of frost on the pumpkins this morning. There was frost on the grass as well. I suspect that cold snap will kick-start the trees into fall mode. The leaves on most of my trees are decidedly green.  

I could fill the next couple of paragraphs with complaints. You are not interested. Rest easy, I won’t go down that path. 

I haven’t watched any baseball, but I wish I would have last night. It sounds like a contest for the ages. Oh, well. I won’t lose sleep over it. 

The granddaughter is spending the night. That is good. 

Look, I have just served up ample proof my life is boring, I have nothing to say, and my apathy level as regards the old blog is pretty high. You have shown a remarkable disdain for repeats. 

What do you want for nothing?

All the right moves

I pulled my T-shirt down over my sweaty back and surveyed the lawn. The grass was cut in nice straight strips. The trimming had been done around the numerous flower beds, ornamental bushes, trees and the house and patio. And this was in the prehistoric days before weed eaters and electric trimmers. I had trimmed the entire yard with those old scissor-type trimmers. Grandma asked me if I wanted to come in for a game of cribbage, but I told her I had to get home and clean up. I had a date. She said I could have a Coke, so I went down to the basement where she kept the soft drinks. It took just two long drinks to drain the little six ounce bottle.

Why does Coke taste so much better in little bottles?

When I came back upstairs Grandma handed me a bunch of cut daisies.

Some money would be nice.

She said they were for my date. I told her kids did not do that stuff anymore, but she said the girl would love it.

The girl met me at the door and gave me a wooden look when I held out the flowers. I told her they were for her and they smelled good. She stuck her face into the bouquet then handed them to her mother to put into water. We left for the movies.

Time to execute, initiate the set up. 

As we walked through the parking lot I stretched first my right arm then my left over my head. I repeated the motion in the ticket line. I explained I had been 'landscaping' all day and my arms were stiff. 

Oh yeah 

We took our seats for the movie and I held her hand during the previews. 

Take it slow HB. 

A few minutes into the movie I stretched the arms again, this time I slipped my left arm around her shoulder. 

Oh yes, you are smooth. Now the tricky part, take it slow and she will never know what is going on

She leaned against me. She turned to me and smiled. I gave her my best 'make her melt look'.

I slowly let my hand drop down and brush her breast. When there was no response, I repeated. 

Yes, yes, yes, she does not even know what I am doing! 

I let my hand rest on her booby. I began to gently massage. 

Go, go, go, yes!

I felt her breathe deep. I squeezed gently. I kissed the back of her neck. She began to breathe a little deeper. I rubbed against the nipple, I think it was getting hard. She began to breathe rapidly. She was almost panting.

Holy cow, she was getting hot

She whispered something, she was out of breath. "What?" I said.

"Stop" she moaned a little louder. I pretended not to hear. 

No no no no no

She brushed away my arm and hissed "Quit, let go". 

"I thought you were getting excited" I whispered into her ear.

"No, I am allergic to flowers, I can't breathe -- I need my inhaler."

A repeat from May 2007. Still a classic.

Rinse and repeat

Outside it is the same as yesterday — cold, gloomy. It is perfectly seasonable. It is not raining, though. Perfect weather for a pot of chili or soup. Also for sentence fragments and punctuation errors.

I have to confess, as much as I like baseball, I have no interest in this year’s World Series.

I have no interest in the politics of the day, either.

We covered the weather. We hit on sports. We touched on politics. What else is there? I am reading an account of the Alamo by Walter Lord.  I’m barely into it. I enjoyed his account of the Battle of Midway, I read it as a teen, and his writing of history is remarkably readable.

That’s it for today, I’m off to work.

Yawn

It is a rainy, dreary Monday here at the old homestead. Cool to downright cold temperatures are expected throughout the week. The recent spate of warm weather coupled with a bit of rain has my tomato plants confused. A bunch of blooms have formed that will never bear fruit once it drops below 30 next weekend. I have a couple of dozen green tomatoes that are ripening slowly in the weaker fall sunshine. I will try to pick them and either fry them up (my wife doesn’t like them fixed that way) or let them ripen in the window.

It was an uneventful weekend. We babysat Friday evening. Saturday we visited some friends and played euchre. Sunday I mowed the yard and watched some very bad football.  I am sure you are bored just reading about it.

I did paint the mailbox post to the approved neighborhood color. It has been the wrong color for at least the four years we have lived here. I got a note from the HOA last spring and ignored it. My neighbor said he had some paint left over if I wanted it. So making things right cost me about 15 minutes of my time and the water to wash out the brush. I am now right with the the autocrats.