You stupid, stupid people

"All nations must come together to build a stronger, global regime"

This from your President last week. While he was at it, he agreed to let an international board, dominated by European Bankers, to regulate banks and private companies in the US.

He now wants to open our borders. He bows before foreign potentates.

At first, I gave him the benefit of doubt. I thought he was just in over his head. Now, I really believe Obama's goal is to destroy our nation as it currently exists. He is willing to turn over our sovereignty, he is doing everything in his power to nationalize industry. Read the works of Alinsky and the 1960's radicals -- he is following the program at an accelerated rate. Orwell was just off by about a quarter of a century. Obama apparently did hear his Pastor's cry of God Damn America, he is trying his best to speed up the process.

This goes beyond a political disagreement, I am terrified for our nation. Where are all of the liberal hand wringers and haters that were convinced W was taking away our rights? In just a few months this guy has made a mockery of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.

Those of you who stayed home or voted for The Obama in a pique of anger, Are you proud of yourself now?

Help us Obi Wan, the Republic needs you. The nation yearns for a Conservative leader. It is time to stand up Republican Party. We can no longer afford to be Democrats-lite.

I see dead people

But only when steering an imaginary pirate ship.

I have the con, Mr. Quartermaster...

Take that health Nazis...and a heartfelt plea

I just poured a tall glass of whole milk. I stirred in a bunch of Hershey's syrup. I drank it down in two big gulps.

Hell ya. You should try it.

In other news it is reported Tom Cruise wants to remake Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Leave it alone Hollywood. The perfect version has already been filmed. There is nothing anyone can do to make that film better than the original. Just leave it alone, please...

Today's WTF moment

An Indiana Sheriff Deputy was fired because he refused to be zapped by a stun gun in a training exercises. Read it here.

The County Sheriff responsible for this idiotic policy should be fired instead. Does he also train his deputies by beating them with a nightstick? Does each deputy have to be shot by his gun in order to "know how it feels?" Are the officers in Hamilton County cuffed and tossed in the back of a squad car for training purposes?

Compare and contrast

African Pirates have seized an American Flagged ship with an American crew.

What will be our President's response? I know what the first President from the Democratic Party did. I bet the response is much different from the latest.

Here is a not too subtle hint..."to the shores of Tripoli..."

Mr. Obama, with all respect, you are no Thomas Jefferson.

Edit: The latest reports indicate the American crew took back control from the pirates. Don't tread on me, eh asshole Somalies? Not all Americans are candy-assed peacenik hippy Democrats.

I guess the crew felt they needed to act on their own since the White House was "monmitoring the situation trying to decide a course of action". Way to take a decision, Mofos.

Shhhh

Don't tell on me, but here I am posting to the old blog when I am in the middle of a web-based sales meeting. I am bored to tears, but at least I am not in New Frikin' York! The overseas guys are now speaking. Fighting the heavy French accent is a struggle, especially when I have no interest in the topic.

It is snowing. That is beyond depressing.

The Obama is still spreading his Socialist bull. That too is depressing.

There is some kind of basketball game tonight. I have no interest at all.

Can we be honest with each other? Readership is down. I know that is a direct reflection of the content. You are bored, I am bored. Do not be surprised if posting becomes sparse. The batteries need some charging.

Of course, every time I have said that in the past, I get a creative streak. The best course of action is to check back several times a day.

Today's Earworm

4/5 of the family

If you snooze, you lose

Secrets of the world revealed

I made a nice lasagna last night. I hate to be the one that opens the doors of mystery, but lasagna is just not that hard to make. I might add, I make my own sauce -- no jar stuff for me.

Life continues here at the old homestead, it is cold and blustery today after heavy rain last night. I have a lot of yard work to do and the rains have greened up the grass. I refuse to mow the lawn when the temperature is in the 40's.

The boy continues baseball practice, it looks as if he will be the starting center fielder for the freshman team.

I am so dismayed, so much in shock over the rapid decent of our nation into socialism, I am without words. Discussions of a one world government, of a global currency leave me chilled. The Obamas constant refrain that he has to fix America leaves me stunned. We live in the most successful nation in the history of the world, and he believes it needs to be changed? Seriously, you who voted for this guy, is this what you wanted? Is this what you expected? Do you really think the bankruptcy of our nation is a good thing? Do you really truly believe the people owe their existence to the Government, not the reverse? Am I the only one who looks at the news every day, and find myself speechless?

Pelosi and the Pope

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. The speaker and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before. To make it a little more interesting, the speaker says to the Pope, "Did You know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive, the Pope says, "But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."
The speaker seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.

Which President is a hick?

I see The Obama continues to put a lot of thought in his gifts to foreign dignitaries. He gave the Queen a frickin iPod. That is what I got for my birthday. What does he do, send an intern down to WalMart to grab something on the way out of town? I can see it now: "Shit, Michelle I forgot to get something for the Queen. I need some smokes too, before the price goes up. Send an intern down to the store, will you? Oh, and you better get some kind of sweater. People are starting to compare your fashion sense with Larry the Cable Guy. It is supposed to be cold on that damn island. Do we still have to separate our shampoo and shave cream in a little plastic bag for the airport?"

Hey poor people, how does that tax increase on cigarettes feel? Good thing The Obama was only going to tax the rich! Hahahaha you fucking moronic sheep. Just wait until they go after your beer and whiskey and increase gas taxes again. What?, you say you cannot afford one of those new hybrids? Your old car is all you have and $4.00/gal is more than you can afford for gas? Hey that cap and trade scheme is going to raise my electric bill 50-100%, you cry? Too bad, you must be rich, because Uncle Obama will only go after those big evil rich people and corporations. Oh, you lost your job because the small business you worked for got higher taxes. Too bad for you.

Does it make you feel better that the Dems, in a true reflection of their anger over badly run businesses giving out bonuses and raises with taxpayer money gave themselves a pay raise? Even though their approval ratings were lower than Bush's, by all public opinion their job performance was less than acceptable. They voted themselves a raise. Don't fret, it is only tax money -- we will just raise the rate on the rich...

this site is offensive

The ertwhile Hotel chain Embassy Suites says so. As a result I could not use their computer to post interesting and timely words of wisdom. Instead you get entries by phone, which means no spell check and spotty punctuation. The tiny Treo keyboard was not made for fat fingers.

How cool was it that my visitors ID badge at my customer yesterday sported the number 007? I know.

It appears I am facing a muli-hour flight tgis morning in the middle seat. It sucks to be me. I see a huge guy walking up to the gate. Will I again win the seatmate lottery? Check back often to find out. Oh, and get your mind right, tomorrow we will play "where was Hoosierboy?"

Dear Blog

I wish I had more time for you, blog. You see, I have a week's worth of work to catch up on. And there is that issue of the flat tire on the car I need to get fixed so I can get to the airport for my early afternoon flight. I have to shower. I need to pack. I love you, but I have other priorities right now. I've got to make the donuts, baby. Don't cry. I cannot stand it when you cry. I will try really hard to pay attention to you when I get back, M'kay?

Lerves you,

HB

d'ja miss me?

On March 22 this old piece o' crap had its fourth anniversary. I was not here for it. As you might have guessed,given the weak content of late, I just returned from a nice vacation in sunny Florida. Do not hate me.

I got tanned next to the pool, burnt at the beach and thrilled at the Theme Parks (not Mickey's). I drank a few beers, and smoked a couple of cigars and reveled in doing absolutely nothing; no work, no blog, no bills, no responsibility at all. I walked a little and ate a bunch. I read and listened to music. I napped in the afternoon. The drive down was a breeze, coming back a burden. Construction and one bad accident around Atlanta left traffic snarled for hours. At one point it took more than two hours to go 15 miles. It was a marathon drive home, but we made it.

Maybe, if you are nice, I will post few pics in the weeks to come.

Now starts a new week. The bills and mail lay piled on the table. A week's worth of newspapers has been scanned. Emails read and a post is up. I leave on a business trip tomorrow. I have memories -- and another year of work before another vacation comes around.

one final rerun

I am in a summer mood. This old post describes a typical summer evening in the late 1970's in small town Indiana. BTW, the guy going in for knee surgery? That is my friend who suffered the heart attack last week.

Originally posted July 20, 2007

One Night in Frankfort

The air is punctuated by the deep rumble of engines and glass pack mufflers. The shouts and whistles of the kids mix with an occasional car horn and racing engine. Some of the cars are parked, most are cruising at idle speed around Mac's Hamburger Stand. The cars are of many varieties, many are muscle cars jacked up in the back to accommodate the wide tires. Some are family vehicles or the old junkers the kids could afford. Being a rural town, there are a lot of pickup trucks. The music plays a cacophonous soundtrack, radios and eight tracks turned at various volumes -- loud and really loud. Nearly all are playing rock and roll. One of the stoners has a unique turntable mounted in an old marine compass in his van.

We cruise down the highway and turn into Mac's parking lot. Jeff's Camaro growls under the hood with power. We are not looking for a race, but we are trying to score some booze. As we slowing drive around the restaurant I scan the cars and crowd for someone who can score. Maybe they are old enough, maybe they have a contact. We briefly consider driving to Illinois, it is early enough to make the two hour drive each way, but we know we do not have the money to buy gas and beer. Besides, when we get back it will be too late to party it up before we have to go home. Jeff is not crazy enough to leave cases of beer in his trunk. I do not see anyone as we turn back onto the strip.

We join the line of cars traveling slowly down the highway. We make the turns through town and around the square. We head back east towards Mac's. Our vehicle is part of the summer conga line of automobiles cruising the strip through town. A girl in a halter top leans against the bridge. I whistle and call to her. She flips me off. The sequence is repeated by various cars and teen aged boys in our wake. She is there to be seen. We try and think of a source for beer. I wonder if my brother has any? We have not seen him cruising yet this evening. It is still early. I suggest we buy some cigars. As we pull into the grocery I spot Bill's Torino. As usual he has washed and waxed it to a brilliant shine. Jeff goes into the store to get some smokes, I head over to Bill's car. It is actually vibrating with the power of the speakers blasting the Rolling Stones. He turns it down as I ask if has any beer. After some teasing and giving me a hard time he says he will get us a case of Little Kings or Strohs. I give him a ten spot. He just made a couple bucks profit since those are the cheapest beers around. He says it will cost us six of the beers. I whine, but he knows I will give in. He is going to drink all night for free when he buys beer for the rest of us. It is only fair, he has the five o'clock shadow and fake ID. We agree to meet in an hour or so. He is on the way to pick up my brother.

We rejoin the line of cars and after some time park up on the square next to a cobalt blue Cougar. The driver asks if we want to get high. We consider it, but neither of us has much money left after paying for the beer. It is still a week until payday for us both. I was not much for grass anyway. We drive to the park looking for girls. We find a couple of other buddies, they ask if we have some beer and we tell them we have some on the way. They are going to pick up some as well. We park Jeff's car and get in with them. We get our beer and Brian drives to a seedy part of town. He goes into a house. We discuss the rumor that a guy walked through an upstairs window of the place while high on angel dust. Troy tells us he is going to the hospital for surgery in the morning. Ah, we are celebrating! Bill bought us Little Kings Ale, Brian drops a case of the same in the backseat of his big Buick.

Flying down country roads we throw the empties at mailboxes. Cigar smoke rolls out the windows and music washes over us. The smell of corn and farm mingles with our laughter. We head out to Michigantown hoping for a fight or at least a disagreement. The tiny burg is dead. We head back toward town and Mac's. We sit on the car and drink our beer from paper cups. We trade some of our beer for a pint of rum. We head inside to buy some cokes for mix.

Stars whirl through the night sky and the cars rumble through the parking lot. The music blares as the evening heats up. We discuss going to Lafayette, but we know we will sit and cruise and drink right here at home. Some girls stop and flirt, they are not interested in us as much as the rumor we have some booze. We continue to ply Troy with liquor, joking about our goal to see that he will not need anesthesia for his operation -- he will be feeling no pain!

After a bit we pile back in the car and cruise some more. As usual, Brian is low on gas. We all throw in a couple of bucks. We drink, we laugh and the the night rumbles on. The cars honk and music blares through the shouts and waves as cars pass heading the opposite direction on the strip. Four young boys, just on the edge of manhood, get gloriously drunk on beer, on rum, on summer, on the joy of being alive.

Yet another rerun

Sorry, the creative well is a little dry right now. I guess I used it up in this old post from 2006:

June 25, 2006

Die, you sick mofos

What is the difference between a crazed crack whore who breaks your windows, crawls into your house and spray paints her crazy, crackwhore shit on your walls and a fat, acne ridden, comic book reading, blowup doll fucking, dog turd eating, 40-year old loser, living in his Mom's basement with two cats that he forces to lick his milk soaked balls, asshole spammer that gets his jollies infecting your computer with viruses, dickwad?

That is the longest sentence you will ever read from this poor blog writer from the Hemingway school. Let me try again. If it is illegal to break into my house and trash it, why is it legal to send viruses that infect my computer? My kids have again infected one of my computers with a virus (actually several, only one remains) a nefarious infectious Trojan that is sunk deep in my operating system. I will get it, but I have already spent hours working on this bastid. Like the mondo worm I had before, we will have to run tool after tool to get rid of it.

Why can't we prosecute the perpetrators of these attacks? They are invading my personal property intent on destruction. What is the difference? If I broke into your car and spray painted Hillary for President on your dashboard I would be prosecuted (and probably shot). Is forcing my computer to your website any different? I find both offensive. Is breaking your window and throwing into your living room hundreds of handbills for sex houses and child porn illegal? Why is it Ok to do that to my virtual mailbox?

Here's to you Mr. Spammer, Mr. Virus sender -- rot in Hell after dying a slow painful death of a mutant form of mad cow disease you contracted by giving your neighbor's collie a blowjob. I hope your dick falls off in your Cheeto-stained fingers (assuming you can find it with a pair of jewelers tweezers). I wish you get kidney stones the size of boulders. I hope you trip going up the stairs wearing your Mom's old high heels and break your puny pencil-neck. I hope you choke on your Hot Pocket. I hope the pizza burns the roof of your mouth. I hope you hang yourself while trying that crazy autoerotic asphyxiation while jacking-off thing. I hope you get the plague from the bites of fleas living in the rolls of fat on your unwashed body. I hope you die alone -- surrounded and consumed by the hatred of the innocent people you have preyed upon.

Keep it up and I will get really pissy about this.

Reruns

Originally posted December 4, 2006

Ghost of Christmas Past

About ten years ago the movie Jingle all the Way came out. It was a fun, amusing Christmas movie. After another year or so it came out on video. On day around 2001 or 2001 my youngest went on a kick like little ones do and watched that movie every day. He loved the Turboman character. That year (he was 7 or 8) all he wanted for Christmas was a Turboman action figure. Oh, shit. That stuff had been off the market for several years. We tried to explain, but he would only reply that Santa could get it for him. Double shit.

We steered him to other stuff, but when Christmas came and there was no Turboman, he was disappointed. He even said so. Thus began the great Turboman hunt. We went to toy collectors, eBay, even enlisted people to help to no avail. Finally about two months later we found a new Turboman, in the box on eBay. It was expensive. We had it sent.

The youngest has always been pretty smart, he taught himself to read before kindergarten. He read the first Harry Potter book in the first grade, much of it out loud to me. It took him nearly a year, but he got it done. I knew we had to be tricky with this.

So I typed a letter from Santa, made up some North Pole letterhead, Christmas tree border and everything. In it, Santa explained that he was sorry he did not deliver the Turboman at Christmas, but the elves no longer made that toy. The head elf had had to dig out the blueprints and order the parts. Santa apologized and hoped my son would have a Merry Christmas a little late. I slit the flap of the box and slid the letter in. When the little one came home from school we said he had received a mysterious box in the mail.

He nearly crapped. I have never seen a kid so thrilled. As an added bonus it got us another year or two of Santa. In the end, I think it worked out even better than if we had found the toy at Christmas. This remains one of my favorite "Christmas" memories.

hungry hungry

I like grilled cheese sandwiches. Some bacon on that would be good.

Who will make me one, served with a giant dill pickle?

Today's earworm

Ready, Steve?



This one's for you, Big Dick

Tired

Is anyone else as sick of politics as I? I think I am going to put a one week personal moratorium on discussing the inadequacies of the current teleprompter administration. Feel free to vent in the comments all you want, I just am taking the week off of politics.

They are out to get me

A few weeks ago I described the shitty rental car I was assigned at the Charlotte airport. I am convinced those assholes at Hertz are out to make me look bad. The car I was given this week was even worse. I am not sure how to describe it. Was it an oversize station wagon? Maybe it was am undersized minivan? All I know it was a Mazda and it was not only ugly, it was uncomfortable and terrible to drive. I would not pay $500 for that piece of shit. If you own one of these you should hang your head in shame. I bet you are embarrassed to even go to a hippy green AlGore rally in that thing. Am I paranoid, or is this the ugliest car ever?

And yes, that is the actual car I was given.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to me. Thanks for all of your gifts, you stingy mofos (sarcasm alert).

Whoo hoo

Have I mentioned I have a wonderful wife? She bought me a new iPod Touch for my birthday.

I wanted to get laid, but I will be satisfied with the iPod.

Travelling with the Hoosierboy

I visited the Kings Mountain National Battlefield Tuesday afternoon. For those of you who have forgotten their 8th grade American history, Kings Mountain was a battle fought during the Revolutionary War. A British force of Tories found themselves surrounded on a ridge near the North/South Carolina border. The American or Patriot forces consisted of militia from North Carolina and a strong contingent of "over the mountain" men from South Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia. Both forces consisted of about 1,000 men. The forces of good and freedom (the Colonials) kicked the sorry British asses. It was an overwhelming victory. The British gave up on the hope that the war could be fought with "native" troops. Jefferson said Kings Mountain turned the tide of the war.

Here is the Memorial on top of the mountain:
Here is the grave of Patrick Ferguson, the British commander:

You should know how to make the pictures bigger by now.

Go here to read actual details of the battle.

And so it goes

I just flew in from the Carolinas and boy are my arms tired! I had a couple of successful business meetings Monday, including a dinner with a customer at a top flight expensive steak house. Thank you expense account!

As I prepared to hit the sheets at the ol' Hilton garden Inn, my wife called. My best friend since seventh grade had just had a heart attack. He turned 48 last month and was in great physical shape. He was shocked to life in the emergency room and medivaced to Indy. The doctors put in a stint in the wee hours of the morning. His main artery was 100% blocked. So far, things look good. I am sure any extra prayers you send would be appreciated. His wife just lost her stepfather a few months ago. You might remember I wrote about it at the time.

Needless to say, my mind was not completely on my work today. A three-plus hour drive on little or no sleep did not help. Nonetheless, I managed to get some new opportunities to quote. A plane ride home and here I am, posting to this pig instead of snuggling with my wife. The things I do for you.

Apparently it is St Paddy's Day.

It has been a rough week or so.

Kids are quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
_____________________________________ ` _______

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten
years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right...'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but
also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

AIG can kiss my ass 165 million times

I am probably late to the table with this story, but this leaves me infuriated. It is no wonder AIG is floundering like a killer whale on the beach. In most companies bonuses are paid for good performance, or when expectations are exceeded. In my company it is unlikely I will get a bonus this quarter, not that I am doing a bad job, but because business sucks. At AIG you get a bonus even if you do a poor job, apparently:

"We cannot attract and retain the best and brightest talent to lead and staff the AIG businesses, which are now being operated principally on behalf of the American taxpayers — if employees believe their compensation is subject to continued and arbitrary adjustment by the U.S. Treasury," [AIG Chairman Edward]Liddy said.

The best and brightest? These people made decisions that have lost the insurance giant billions and indebted our children's children's with nearly a trillion in debt. If this is the best the company can get, I submit the company would be better off if the employees quit in a huff.

The large bulk of the payments at issue cover AIG Financial Products, the unit of the company that sold credit default swaps, the risky contracts that caused massive losses for the insurer.

Maybe some of those people should lose their jobs. Good people lose their jobs every day when a company makes bad decisions.

Why isn't anyone concerned I will quit since my compensation has been lowered? My company will lose some of the best and brightest if I or a few others leave. Where is the widget industry bailout?

I do not want the Government telling anyone how much they can make. No bureaucrat should take the decision how much is enough. As far as I am concerned, the executives of AIG have perpetuated a fraud upon the taxpayers. They should be prosecuted just like DOD contractors that pad their overruns and the crooked managers at ENRON. What is the difference?

For a better take, go read this post by GuyK

Weekend Funny

Very Superstitious

Hello Sportsfans, welcome to another Friday the Thirteenth. Some believe this date portends bad luck. Fridays have been considered bad luck for centuries. Did you know the British Navy would not set out on a voyage on a Friday? When coupled with the number 13, superstitious people everywhere are wary on this date.

For those of us who have been repeatedly kicked in the crotch throughout our lives by fate, bad luck is a way of life. This date is just another day on the calendar. Put it this way, if I were to find a $50 bill on the sidewalk, not only would it turn out to be counterfeit, but I would be prosecuted when I tried to spend it! So I do not believe in luck. Bad things happen to us all and if you focus on the negative, that is what you reap. Anyone who has read this pitiful excuse for a blog any length of time knows I am not a roses and lollipops kind of person. I like to think of myself as a realist who considers the up and downside of everything. If you plan on things going wrong, then you are never surprised when they do and you have prepared for the worst.

Walk under that ladder. Look up to make sure nothing or no one is falling from the top. Break a mirror and then sweep up well, so you do not risk infection from stepping on a shard of glass in the future. Step on a crack, your Mom could use some time away from you anyway. Some people believe if you say goodbye to someone on a bridge you will never see that person again. This is only true if you push them off.

Some people believe it is bad luck to light three cigarettes from the same match. First off, if you are smoking three fags at once you have more issues than bad luck. Second, everyone knows that by the time you light the third cigarette, the sniper has you scoped in and you run of bad luck is about to end.

It is said that if you drop a comb while you are combing your hair is a sign of a coming disappointment. The chick at the haircut place dropped the comb three times while cutting my hair last time. I was disappointed in my haircut. And did you know some folks of a superstitious bent believe cows lifting their tails is a sure sign that rain is coming? You call it rain, I call it a cow patty. Whatever.

I have heard people say that it's bad luck to leave a house through a different door than the one used to come into it. It is harder to find you car if you do that.

Fishermen have their own set of superstitions. Throw back the first fish you catch then you'll be lucky the whole day fishing. Or you might go hungry. I wouldn't toss back the first one until I caught the second one. If you count the number of fish you caught, you will catch no more that day. Sure, if you catch "one". It's bad luck to say the word "pig" while fishing at sea. I say it is bad luck to say the word "pig" when you are in bed with your lady or man.

We all have superstitions. Some, like mine, make sense. I will not wear a stripped shirt to take a test. This order must be maintained -- left sock, left shoe, right sock right shoe. Never close your eyes at night if the clock reads a pattern (1:23, 2:46) or is on a five (11:00, 10:05, 2:20). These simple rules of life make perfect sense and should be followed by everyone. The idea that the dried body of a frog worn in a silk bag around the neck averts epilepsy and other fits or that a day on the calender is unlucky -- that is just crazy.

Hola

Hello Friends,

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. I cannot begin to express how much your thoughts and prayers mean to me. Thank you.

I have not read much news, so I find I have little to talk about. You are not interested in the personal details that seem to be taking a significant amount of time. The visitation is on Friday and the Funeral on Saturday and then the healing can begin. We had a minor inter-family spat as my wife's brother insisted nothing could be done on Friday, since it was the 13th. Finally he gave in and agreed to a Friday visitation. I thought for a moment I was going to have to step in, but the sisters outvoted him. It was a major concession since they (there are three sisters, one brother) all wanted to do Thursday/Friday. The good news is there is no money, no property so there will be no fights on that.

Words fail me

I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words and prayers.

My MIL passed away this morning. Posting will be light for a few days.

On the Beach

Yes my friends that is your esteemed humble author back in the summer of 1985. That picture was taken on the gentle shores of San Padre Island, TX. I was grabbing every available chick and asking to have my picture taken. I happened to be married to the one in the picture.

The wife and I were down on vacation to Texas and we made a side trip to the Gulf shore to frolic in the waves and drink some beer. In those days that was my favorite occupation -- drinking beer, not frolicing -- as you can see by my hefty beer gut. In those years the basics of Fat In Indiana were born. The fat part anyway, the old blog did not start for about 20 more years. I was sure getting fat, in any case. Too much beer and too little exercise does that to you.

Anyway, the point of this post is not to do the Sherman and Peabody thing. Nor is it to mention I married way above my grade level. I managed to get that girl preggers some six months later, BTW. My point is that two weeks ago I had to buy a some new work pants. The size was smaller than what I wore in this picture. In fact, I purchased size 34 waist. I have not worn that since I was in college. It took 25 years to grow that monster fat ass and gut.

Two years ago my 38s were getting tight and I was trying on a pair of 40 waist jeans. I told myself "Hell no", and now I am just a little less fat. Two pants sizes less. I am still in Indiana though.

Just the facts, Ma'am.

I heard the President say that

"[W]e are going to make scientific decisions based on fact, not ideology".

He was talking about stem cell research. Too bad he is not inclined to make the same decisions when it comes to Global Warming Climate Change, solar power, wind power, green anything, drilling for oil, or nuclear power.

Hope and change.

Waiting on the phone to ring

I know you never click on links. This time I wish you would, to save me the trouble of rehashing and reviewing. Read this.

The battle is almost over. My wife's mother has put up the good fight. She lies in her bed, tenderly cared for by her granddaughter. She is tiny and shriveled. I bet she does not weigh 50 pounds. She looks like an old woman doll in her hospital bed. She will spend her last days as she has the past year, in her room at her granddaughter's house. Her ravaged body is wracked with pain, morphine her constant companion. Too weak to speak, her few whispers are mere gibberish, the cruelty of Alzheimer's to the end. The few scattered members of the family have arrived. The death watch is on. The hospice nurse says it is now days instead of weeks and months.

I watch my wife cry tears of pain. I am helpless. What do you say to ease her anguish? I think it is harder because her mother does not know her. Her brother and sisters suffer the blank looks and confusion as their mother looks at them as they talk to her, no clue as to their identity.

There is no way to say this. I feel like a slug even writing it. Please say a prayer to ease her pain. By that I mean both of them, my wife and my Mother-in-Law. I hope God does not judge me too harshly.

boo hoo wah wah

I just realized I have to reset the clocks. I do not possess the vocabulary (and could not spell the words if I did) to express my absolute loathing for Daylight Savings Time. You see, for a significant portion of my life the Great State of Indiana did not participate in that nonsense. Our clocks were always right. Of course, that meant half the year we were on Eastern Time and the balance on Central. For businesses in the State and those unfortunate souls that resided near the Ohio, Kentucky and Illinois borders, the never changing time was a nightmare. A few years ago Indiana joined most of the nation and climbed aboard the 'change your clock twice a year bandwagon'.

When first mandated, I suggested we boycott the biannual ritual and remain on standard time here at the old homestead. The wife nixed that idea right out of the chute. She is time-challenged enough without adding an additional burden of clock-math in the morning. You see, she is of the opinion that the time set for appointments, starting work and arrivals is a mere guideline. To her credit my constant harping on that subject for the 30 years we have known each other has started to improve her habits. She makes herself be on time through setting the bedroom clock eleven minutes fast. How that can work I have no idea, since she knows the clock is eleven minutes fast. Since everything is about me I now have the burden of setting the alarm eleven minutes after I want to get up, to get up on time. I swear I will never understand the female mind.

Of course, DST does not save daylight. Old Sol shines the number of hours it does regardless of the o'clock proclaimed on our various time pieces. Nor does it reduce power usage. Now we will just turn our lights on in the morning instead of the evening. As an added bonus the kids can go back to leaving for the bus stop in the dark of night.

Given the imagined energy crisis we face as a world, shouldn't we be saving energy year-round? Why is daylight only important in the summer? I should think we would want to save daylight in the winter when there is less of it. If we went on DST for a month, then off for a month, alternating year round we could save 6 hours of daylight each year! Calculating the therms, watts, lumins or whatever is used to measure light we would make AlGore's puny carbon-offsets look a joke. What did you say? Carbon offsets are a joke already? Oh.

On the bright side, I can use this as an opportunity to synchronize the various digital clocks to read the same. In addition, DST does function as a handy reminder to check the smoke detectors.

Weekend Funny

Today's Earworm

Rising Gas Prices

In my travels this week I noticed many gas stations raising prices considerably. When I fueled Wednesday I paid $1.81. Yesterday most stations were at $2.05. According to my handy-dandy calculator, that is an increase of more than 13%. A few talking heads claim it is because the demand is creeping up with spring. Except one of the largest snowstorms swept the bigger part of the nation last week so I think driving miles were down.

If we dig a bit deeper we see the price of crude is also low and dropping. So if there were demand spikes we would see it there.

No my Friends, we all know a business charges what the market can support. All it takes is one owner to say enough and raise his prices and the all the competitors in the neighborhood breath a sigh of relief and jack the price too.

Here is a thought. Many gas stations are what we would call a small businesses. Often they are family owned and operated. Like the rest of us these small business owners have seen their 401Ks turn into 201Ks since the Democrats took over Congress. More importantly, these people watch the news. They see the President is planning to punish them for their success by raising their taxes. They are looking ahead and trying to protect their meagre bank account.

I will explain this again, no business pays taxes. Ever. Raise taxes on a business and the price for the goods they produce will go up. Here is a detailed explanation on this phenomenon I wrote back in September.

You suckers Hoped for Change, you sure got it.

I just cannot make the connection

I heard a sound bite of the President at the opening of his health care summit. He said we have to get the health care costs under control -- so we can put Americans back to work and create jobs.

I guess I am just a dumb hick, because I do not see the correlation. If you cannot afford your health care why aren't you working? How will reducing health costs create jobs? What new businesses will be started? What factories are not being built because of rising health care?

Seriously, does anyone truly believe the layer of bullshit this administration is spreading?

Failure

Imagine you a re a German living in Wurtzburg Bavaria in 1932. A young politician is gaining power rapidly. You have read Adolph Hitler's Mein Kampf and the ideas he espouses bother you more than just a little. As he grows in power you think, "boy, I hope he does not succeed in his plan to eliminate the Jews". In other words you hope he FAILS.

That guy in charge of the Troops at Tianamen Square, I think we all hope he was not successful in rolling over the dissidents -- I bet we all hoped he would fail.

Liberal Democrats, if they are honest, hoped that the impeachment of Bill Clinton would Fail. and more than a few of you, against the war in Iraq hoped that President Bush would be less than successful -- FAIL. Remember 'I support the troops but not the mission'? That is nothing short of a wish for failure.

So why the outrage when Rush and others hope the socialist tax and spend policies of President Obama are an utter failure? I want him to fail if he really wants to tell us what to eat, how much to drive and where to set my thermostat. If he vowed to nationalize the car industry I would hope the attempt would fail. Suppose the President wanted to disband the dollar and move us to the Euro. What if he advocated turning Yellowstone into a shopping mall, or advocated filling in the Grand Canyon? Wouldn't we all hope he failed?

We all hope some people are less than successful at implementing programs we do not like.

I do know this, keep it up and Rush will have ratings higher than anyone could imagine.

You Obama voters are suckers of the highest order

I am driving to the land of the Golden Domers and the whole boring trip I hear the blurb at every news break how The Obama is going to streamline the Government Contract process. He is going to eliminate waste and save money for us poor taxpayers.

Is he going to remove the onerous and discriminatory provision found in almost every Government Contract that states that minority and women-owned businesses get first priority for the opportunity, regardless if another contractor (read white-owned / male owned)has a lower price?

I thought not.

Tip for the day

Do yourself a favor and add the always erudite and thoughtful Hyperbolic Chamber to your blogroll and daily read list.

You will not be sorry.

I hate you even more than that f-ing gnome

Can we agree that the most awful, vapid, loathsome commercials littering the airwaves today are the ones featuring the Comcast turtles? Maybe if Comcast did not air that intellectually empty piece of terrapin idiocy every five minutes my cable bill would not have to be so high.

I am just sayin'.

Misery

Here is today's earworm:



You are welcome.

Now someone just kill me, please?

Tuesday

There was some heavy reading in my last post. I guess I should balance it out with something light and fluffy today. Given my intellect that shouldn't be too hard, but it is. I have nadda. There is no good news out there. The Government keeps taking my hard-earned money and giving it to companies with failed policies. People live and people die. So do businesses. Maybe it is time to let AIG and Citi go the way of the dinosaur. How many more doses of CPR do we have to administer before we realize the heart of the company is just too weak? Time to give the DNR order to AIG, I think.

You say you want a revolution?

Sometimes we all get caught up in the hyperbole, the emotions of the moment. Many of us are upset at the course of the Government under the Socialist Democrats. I suppose some of the leftists felt the same way under GW. I am not sure why, since he was a most liberal Democrat President; a true RINO. What I am about to write will likely anger more than a few of you. I may even lose a few readers. After careful thought, I think you may conclude I am right.

Some people in blogland are hinting at the need to feed the Tree of Liberty with Revolution (see Thomas Jefferson's quotes for the reference). Certain people are talking of "taking the country back" under the force of arms. We saw a similar panic-mode when Clinton came to power and the militia movement reared its head. A U-Haul packed with fertilizer parked in Oklahoma City put an end to most of that nonsense. I do not think anyone is really afraid of a bunch of middle-aged white guys holding maneuvers in the woods dressed in camouflage and carrying black plastic semi-automatic weapons. I used to dress up in a blue wool suit and shoot at make-believe Confederates with my 1863 Springfield. That did not make me a Civil War soldier either.

Two hundred and thirty some years ago a bunch of farmers and shopkeepers took on the greatest power on earth and won our independence. In no way do I short-change the monumental shift in politics that victory signaled for the world, but we should also recognize we were a small and insignificant theater in what could only be described as a World War between France and England. The British were literally fighting us with one hand tied behind their back. At that time military technology and small arms were not much different than what the average Joe kept above his mantle. The same could be said even in the time of the Civil War.

By the turn of the Twentieth Century military technology advanced to the point that citizen soldiers had little effectiveness against a standing army. The Boers made a heroic effort against the British. They were successful only in that the battlefield was vast rural country. The Boers were fighting a war of attrition. Victory could only be defined by the more powerful side quiting. They did not have to defeat the British Army, they only had to convince the British people South Africa was not worth fighting over.

The later half of the twentieth century has taught us determined group of insurgents can effectively tie up great quantities of troops in guerrilla warfare. If your object is to bleed the other side until he just gives up, you may succeed. If, as revolutionaries, your goal is to win a war-- you have no chance without modern guns, armor, and communications. To win a modern revolution or civil war, you need effective military tactics. You need armies, and the ability to take and hold objectives. You cannot hope the other side tires of the cost in funds and lives. You must defeat the other side in battle. Read your Clausewitz for goodness sake. The only way to overthrow a sitting government is to defeat its army. The Current Government cannot quit and go home. Only true war is an option. Remember no revolution can succeed without the support of the people (or at least the majority has to support or be indifferent). Russia, China, Cuba, Vietnam, the fall of the Soviet Block, Iran ousting the Shah -- all these successful changes in Government had the tacit approval of the people. The list of failed revolutions is countless.

How are you going to fight the established Government? Do you have body armor, satellites, hardened communications? Do you have an air force, a navy, artillery and tanks? Do you possess vast quantities of fuel, water, food, ammunition? How long do you think your three thousand rounds of hoarded ammunition will last in a sustained firefight?

Sorry fellas, Red Dawn was a movie. Shotguns and .30-06 rifles and model 1911 .45 handguns do not win battles or even skirmishes. Even that treasured M-1 you lovingly clean is obsolete. How long will you last against a .50 water-cooled machine gun or a BAR? How many armor-piercing rounds are in your gun cabinet? Do you have LARS rockets, bazookas? How will you defend against satellites that can track you to within a few feet or thermal imaging that can find you in your bunkers? Sure, we could hold remote sections of the mountains. We could hide like Eric Rudolph in the forests of Carolina. To win a Revolution you need to take the cities, the towns, the arsenals of Democracy. You must capture the political and military strongholds of the enemy.

All is not lost. We must continue to fight the Revolution of ideas. We must win the war at the ballot box. If Obama can can win with a platform that consisted of nothing more than vague promises of Hope and Change, so can we. Socialism and Communism are not irreversible -- ask the people of Poland, of the Czech Republic. Will it take work? Will it take patience? Will it take generations? Yes, yes and maybe. The good news is the cost of Socialism will soon burden us all. Nothing brings a person around to Conservatism faster than having you money confiscated. As my son cried when he got his first paycheck from McDonald's -- "who is this FICA and why is he taking my money?". Another Conservative was born. Fortunately the means of peaceful change are part of the fabric of our nation. If the will of the people supports the change you desire, the Revolution will occur without a single shot fired. That, my friends, is the true genius of our Founding Fathers. No President, no Congress, no Court can force us to change if the majority of the people are not in favor. Your vote carries the power of an atomic bomb.

I am not saying we should never fight, we must stand for our beliefs. If it ever comes the time when the black helicopters hover over your home while jack-booted stormtroopers kick in your door to get your guns, sure. We must defend our homes, our families, our rights. If The Obama declares himself President for life, if Pelosi refuses to relinquish the gavel, if armed troops take over your city and town, you must fight. That time is not here yet. Until then, put aside the paranoia, the panic.

Come on Spring

The wife is sick, I think she has the flu. I am not very good at the nurse thing. On the rare occasions I am sick I just want to be left alone. That way the latent hypochondriac inside me can prod the "poor me button" endlessly until I get so pissed off that no one cares about me. I get well in a fit of spite. Needless to say, I am a very bad patient and all who come into contact with me are glad I am relatively healthy...knocking on wood firmly and repeatedly here, Boss. Seriously Fate, I am not offering a challenge, just stating facts.

I think this time if year is my least favorite. The weeks just before Spring are filled with anticipation. We are waiting on the warm weather and bursts of color like a kid shaking and staring at the presents under the Christmas tree the week before Christmas. "Come on get here" we say to ourselves.

For me it is especially hard when it gets warm, then cold again. In early February I was in Florida and came back to gusty winds and blowing snow. Last week we hit the low 60s, then Friday we dropped back into a temperature more suited for your beer 'fridge or maybe even the freezer. I can stand the cold, it is the warm days that get up your hopes and then smack you with the reality of snow and ice. Mother Nature can be a real prick tease. She reminds me of that girl Marlene who let me feel her up through her swimsuit but would never give me a crack at the real thing back in the summer before ninth grade. You remember her? She probably went by a different name in your memories.

What I really wait on is some color in my life. The grass is brown, the trees mere blackened sticks. Ice rims muddy puddles in the fields and washed out trash collects along the fence rows. The withered remains of last fall's mums wait in the flower bed to be plucked up. The wind blows the dried tans of the big grasses outside the living room window. This morning, the sky is a dull blue. It sports none of the vivid blue that highlights the summer clouds. The sun shines, but has no warmth. Even the big Douglas Fir seems muted in its greens.

Like the old Carly Simon song that was hijacked by ketchup, catsup, whatever, I am anticipating the first burst of purples and yellows as the crocus and tulips poke from the ground. I cannot wait for the columbine and the crab apple to bloom. The bluster of March will give way to April rains and the soggy fields will yield the green spikes of young corn and soybeans. The cold winds will blow warm and I will glory in the heat of summer.

The boy begins baseball practice in a week or so. By the end of March games will begin. The ping of the bat and the smack of horsehide on leather will evoke warm memories. Brick dust and chalk, thunderstorms and flowers are in the weeks to come. Another birthday will mark the calender's official Spring. A few more weeks and the winds shift south.

Another season, another week of life will pass us by. Happy March Fools Day to you too.

More stuff for the list of things I wish I had written

Guy is always spot on in his analysis, but this post says what a lot of us are thinking.

If you voted for Obama you will be famous. Not only will your Grandkids curse your name for saddling them with a debt of unmanageable proportions, historians will point out your ignorance in electing an avowed Socialist was the beginning of the end for the USA. Obama -- the Nero of our time.

Hey -- you stupid sheep, Citi just got their third bailout in five months. This time the Obamaites tell us we have to give them taxpayer money because "lots of people have checking and savings accounts at Citi, we cannot let them fail". The FDIC guarantees deposits at banks. No one will lose their checking or savings money if Citi fails.

And the Velocigod again writes the words of wisdom, listen to him sheeple.

And finally, one more:

If global warming is caused by human industry, we already solved the problem. We elected a team whose backward economic ideas are going to make industry cease.

-- Tools of Renewal

Go read the whole thing.




In other news, the wife and I saw the new Clint Eastwood flick last night. Go see it. It was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time.

Weekend Funny

Cooking with the Hoosierboy

I cooked up some smoked sausage for lunch. I was going to heat up some 'kraut to go along, but I opted for some Frito goodness instead. Happy Friday to you. How are...that was the doorbell. Did you hear it? It was the FedEx guy bringing a package.

You are nosey. If you must know, it was penis enlarging cream. No, not really, it is a case I ordered from Canon for the Powershot SX110 camera my wife and I bought for ourselves at Christmas. Hold on while I open the box.

It works great.

I baked some chocolate chip cookies last night. The things I do for my family. I do not enjoy baking at all. The cookies taste fine, but they are really flat. This happened last time when the wife baked cookies too. After thinking on it, I bet we need to replace the baking soda. You bakers out there may have other answers.

Happy Friday. Buck up. Spring is coming.

'Splain this, Lucy

I seldom do it either. Click on links that is, I figure if the link was so important the linker would give me the details.

Here is on link you should really open. As Cosby used to tell us, be careful, you just might learn something. Now keep that link in mind the next time you vote.

I sure would like to see my liberal lapdog Sammy 'splain this away.

Nice wig asshole

You people in South Bend who keep voting for Pat Bauer are just stupid fucks. You are dumber than a post. You should be sterilized so you cannot reproduce kids as stupid as you. We would all be better off.

Details at Eleven

I like pancakes

Happy Hump Day

Good morning Patriots. I feel refreshed this morning after a long travel day yesterday and a good night's sleep. I did not watch the President's speech. Sorry, but as I stated below the President talking about fiscal responsibility after signing the largest spending bill in history is too ludicrous to consider. Too bad partisan Sammy can't see that 90% of the bill is porkety-pork. If anyone can prove to me how creating wetland habitats for the salt water mouse creates jobs I will post a picture of my naked ass.

I travelled with the Big Boss yesterday, escorting him to visit some major customers in Chicagoland. Gloom and doom all around. Those of you not involved in heavy industry may not realize that last summer steel prices surged out of control. This was in the same time period gas and oil prices went crazy (so did aluminum). Anyway, I asked one of my customers for some cost relief. That is a fancy way of saying I want to raise prices. The customer finally agreed yesterday! I also got a contract extension. It all made me look good in front of the Big Boss.

I think there is a skunk in the neighborhood. Several times in the last week or two I have noticed the distinctive skunk odor in the morning when I go outside. Given my luck, it likely lives under one of my shrubs and will dose me when I go out to mow this summer.

The irony of it all

According to reports, the President is planning a speech this week outlining his plans to reduce the Federal Deficit, This is little more than a week after pushing for and signing the single largest spending bill in the history of the United States. If it were not so sad, you think this administration is a Saturday Night Live skit.

I hate to say I told you so, but I bet Obama's plan includes letting the Bush tax cuts expire. He has already given 'tax cuts' to people who do not pay taxes. I bet the middle class tax cut he touted while running for office is just no longer in the cards. I predict he will say the economy is too tough right now. He is probably right. Instead, we are going to pay more taxes.

I will be pissed, but I will be able to say I told you so.

Hope and Change indeed.

Weekend Funny

Urgent Update

A chicken pot pie, chocolate pudding and a cold glass of water made for a good lunch on a cold Friday.

What did you have?

Do you have to be measured for a straight straitjacket, or are they one size fits all?

Well it is Friday and I plan on trying hard not to comment on politics on a Friday.

The only problem is I really have nothing interesting to relate to you. It is cold, snow is expected tonight. You just tell me "welcome to the club".

Hey, tell me if I have gone completely crazy. Wait, do not answer yet. I like the view out of my kitchen window. I live on a cul-de-sac. The view out my window is the backyard of the houses on the street behind me. It stretches as a tree-lined grassy avenue for three or four hundred yards. Every day I can see the vagaries of Mother Nature in that narrow corridor. I have this idea that I will take a picture of that view every day and see a photographic history of the change of seasons -- the neighbors apple trees in bloom, the fruit, the change of the leaves. You get the idea. Here is a crappy cell phone picture of the view. I would use my good Canon if I were to do this:


The angle is not quite right, the lane goes probably close to 1/4 of a mile to a copse of trees. I need to step a few steps left. Hey, it was very cold and the Treo is not the best camera. Have I lost it? The only problem is I will have to go outside to take the picture, the window interferes too much with camera (screen etc.).

Maybe I will do the Big Grasses instead:


Is this what I have come to?

A few unoriginal thoughts

According to The Obama, the stimulus bill was so important not a minute could be wasted to get it passed. Your Representatives had a scant 16 hours (in the wee hours of the night) to vote on the package. We were told not a minute could be wasted as jobs were at stake. Why did the President wait four days to sign it? I guess making sure he got the right publicity was more important than jobs. I guess The Obama really does care more about himself than he does you. Of course we know why a quick vote had to be done -- the Democrats who wrote the bill wanted to get it passed before the American Public could find out what was in it.

Now the President wants the 93% of Americans who pay their mortgage on time to pay for the balance that cannot, will not, and should never had been given a mortgage. Could Sammy or his liberal friends explain to me again how The Obama has no intentions of punishing the successful or redistributing wealth? Let me understand, the Government forced banks to give mortgages to people unqualified. Now we will force those same banks to reduce interest, forgive penalties and fees and this will make the banking and housing system stronger? Consider this, the stock market has lost nearly 6,000 points since the Dems took over Congress.

Obama has vowed to be our first "green" President. He cares more than most about our environment. He wants to reduce greenhouse gases. Yet he flies to Denver in a 747 with about 20 heavily armored SUVs that get about 5 mpg. Local police drive escorts through Denver and Phoenix so he can sign a bill and announce his solution to the mortgage crisis. If he cared about the environment he could have signed the bill in Washington and given his speech on TV. If he was so interested in speaking to the kids at that Arizona High School it could have been done via closed circuit. To save money we use a web based client for meetings in my company. Maybe he should have tried that. The Obama does not care; after all it is only tax money. Ponder this, it has been estimated it costs $68,000 per hour to operate Airforce One. In addition to the 747, the President's security requires two VC-25As and a C-130 for his limo. One source estimates it costs $85,000 in fuel alone for these three additional planes. How many carbon offsets will that take? How many unemployed to could be provided for? Heck, that amount might just take care of the 14 kids that woman has spawned in California with the help of the taxpayers.

I see the Obama has already extended his deadline for pulling troops out of Iraq and is increasing troops strength in Afghanistan ( I thought surges in troop levels would not work in war against insurgents/terrorists?).

Can we stop with the worst economy since the Depression and the hysteria over banks failing? There were 13 bank failures in the last year. More S&Ls folded in the 1990's. There were 10,000 bank failures in 1932. Inflation was higher in the 1970s. Unemployment was higher in 1982. Maybe if we are so concerned with getting Americans back to work, we should start enforcing the immigration laws and send the illegals packing. That would open about 6 million jobs for Americans who want to work.

Those of you who voted for this empty suit -- is this the Hope and Change you voted for? The good news is if things keep on, we will have some significant change in 2010.

Chapter 10, more strange travel adventures

I arrive back at the airport to return home late yesterday afternoon. I have a late flight, 8:15. There is an earlier flight at 6:30. I go to the gate to see if I can get on that flight. The nice lady from USAIR tells me they no longer have standby for flights. She said they call it taking an earlier flight. I am serious. They have seats available and I can have one for $50.00. I point out the seat is empty. She said it is stupid, she knows, but the airline would rather fly an empty plane than let someone make a change without charging for the effort. I said I will keep my flight. She leaned forward and said she would too. It was a good thing because karma rewarded me for not being an ass and raising a ruckus and for having the cramped flight on the Canadair flight Tuesday. I took my later flight on a big roomy 737 with maybe 30 people on board. I had the entire row to myself. It was like flying back in the early 1990s again. Of course I was reminded that fate was in charge of my life when I looked for my car. Someone had moved it to a completely different location from where my memory said I parked it. I am sure the mistake was not mine. Anyway after wandering around for 20 minutes in the blowing snow I found where it was parked.

I did score a sweet 4-pack of Elvis movies at Target for $7.50.

I know, you wish you could live my life of wild adventure. Men want to be me, chicks want to be with me.

Chapter IX, werein the author complains a lot

So I board my tiny little Canadair jet Tuesday afternoon and take my accustomed aisle seat. I look with apprehension as the remaining passengers board the flight saying that little prayer we all do -- "not next to me, not next to me". There she was, three hundred pounds of woman bearing down on seat nine E. Thighs like sides of beef, she gave me the nod. It was not my lucky day. She did not talk to me at least. I feigned sleep as soon as I could anyhow, just to make sure. As soon as we were airborne she pulled out a bag of Chex snack mix and munched away. At first I thought the smell was the snacks, but I realized she was just odoriferous. I bet there were wrinkles and rolls that had not been washed for months. Hell, there was probably a pizza roll or ham sandwich moldering away in there. Her fat may have been hiding the Limburgh Baby or Natalie Holloway. At least the flight was short.

I went to a wing place for dinner. I had a hankering for a few hot pieces of chicken and cold beer. They said the wait was short. They seated two parties that came in after me. As I was heading to the hostess stand to see what was up, they led me to the worst table in the house. Front center of the room, near the door and next to the kitchen. I told the hostess it was crap, they seated people behind me and then give me a shitty table, but she pretty much ignored me. I will not be back soon. Listen, if you are a hostess take note. Quite often men dining alone in mid week at a restaurant near a hotel are probably on business. That means expense accounts. That means we tip big. Do not put us at a table in the middle of the room. We want a booth in the corner. Many dining establishments share tips, you screwed yourself and the waitress, who was not so good at her job either.

I hate my rental car, it is the GM version of the PT Cruiser, whatever they call it (Chevy HHR?). If you own one of these vehicles you are a douchebag. I do not care if you never visit here again. Face facts. In addition, if you drive that boxy-looking Nissan SUV you should immediately hang yourself also. If you drive a Scion of any type you might as well wear a name tag that proclaims to the world you are an asshole with no taste. I drive a Taurus as a company car and it is a shitsucker vehicle too, so there.

Monday, again

Look at me. My eyes are swollen and the bags underneath could accommodate a change of clothing. I am mean and and angry. The friggin' coffee pot works too slow on a day like this.

I was up until 2:30 this morning trying to fix my son's computer. It is infect with so many viruses and bugs you would have thought it spent a month or two in the Congo. My repeated warnings of "you need to run the virus scans" went unheeded and now the MoFo is really sick. I beat the boy within an inch of his life. No not really. I told him if I can't fix it he is out of luck, I will not pay to fix his mistakes.

One of the many virulent strains would not even let him log on. I had to do a re-install of windows (repair). The virus scan took all night and I know all are not gone. I know he has a cousin to the malicious one I picked up at Supergurl's she who will be nameless, and he has some Trojan that is sending penis enlargement emails from his computer. I am pretty sure I will not get it fixed before I head south on business later today.

The great living room furniture decision is in day 4. I will keep you posted.

So how is your Tuesday going?

Choices

If you were forced given the opportunity to choose, would you go for

Ginger or Mary Ann from Gilligan

Jennifer or Bailey from WKRP

Wilma or Betty from Bedrock

We are faced with a similar decision. Well, at least my wife is. You see, our current living room furniture is about a decade old. The fabric is worn through in places, the springs sag where I plop my fat ass. This furniture lived through my kids' teen years, through spills and stains, popcorn and farts and drool. I am loathe to spend the money, but it is time for a replacement.

Thus the dilemma. Looks over comfort. The wife struggles over the decision. Does she want the set that fits into her decor, or the set that makes you go ahhhhh when you sit down? The cost is nearly the same for either choice. Just as you would be proud to escort Mary Ann and Bailey and Betty to the prom, the more comfortable set is still attractive. By the same token, the prettier set is like Ginger and Jennifer and Wilma you could snuggle up with it all night -- but you know that couch is a little more high maintenance, not the set that would go for beer and pizza.

To me the choice is obvious. I wear jeans and a t-shirt whenever possible. It is rare to catch me in shoes inside the house. I am all about the comfort, Baby. I would choose Bailey and Betty and Mary Anne and the more comfortable couch without a seconds hesitation. But in the end, it is all about what makes the wife happy. If she chooses, then she cannot complain for the next decade. As long as I can get a prime spot in front of the wide screen, I will be OK. I am willing bet riding Jennifer or Ginger for a few hours a night would be something I could live with...

Weekend Funny

My Valentine

Reason 137 why you should visit here many times every day

Eight Thousand Dollars

$8,000 for you. $8,000 for your spouse. $8,000 for your Mom. your Dad, your Son, your Daughter. $8,000 for each of your friends. We would all have to pay more than $8,000 for every man, woman, child, and those unborn to pay the cost of the Democrat/Obama stimulus package over the next ten years based on costs estimated by the CBO.

Now my math might be off, I have trouble when that many zeros are involved. This is by far the largest spending bill ever considered in the US. We bought the western half of the US and Alaska cheaper. The entire New Deal cost less.

Yet Nancy and Harry and Obama expect our Congressmen and Senators to vote on the 600-page bill without reading it. Would you trust a lawyer or a banker or a politician enough to sign a paper without reading it? Would you sign a contract that ensures every member of your family will have to pay $8,000 without reading the fine print?

I read a lot. I go through an average of two books a week plus newspapers, magazines and blogs. I can easily read a page a minute in a standard hardback novel. Histories and technical prose I read a bit slower. I could not read this bill in the twelve or so hours available before the vote. Yet the Democratic Party leaders expect their colleagues to read, understand a vote on a bill that will affect generations to come with no time to read the fine print.

No matter what party is involved, call your Representative and Senator and urge them to read the bill prior to voting. Will a few days really matter? What secret measures are included? Is there a provision to make Obama king for life? Are we spending millions to protect a fucking mouse habitat in San Franscico? As a matter of fact we are. What jobs does that create? With so much of our money at stake shouldn't we know what we are buying? Is it too much to ask the Congress to put at least as much research and questions as we would if we were buying a car or stove or a damn iPod? What is in there they do not want us to know about?

After all -- it is only your money.

Hope and change indeed.

edit: he says it better

Quote of the Day

I'm not the superstitious type, which is why I don't like superstitious people. They're bad luck.

--Serge Storms in Nuclear Jellyfish by Tim Dorsey (page 3).

Appropriate for a Friday the 13th I think.

TGIF

The youngest boy started Drivers Education last night, Gosh I feel old.

Have you done your shopping for your sweetie this Hallmark Holiday? When everyone finally realizes my true genius and innate leadership abilities and makes me King of the World, Valentine's Day (what happened to the Saint part anyway?) will be one of the holidays I abolish. Do not fret, Lincoln and Washington will get their days back, and they will be ON their birthday, none of this Monday bullshit.

I just realized I get Monday off, good for me.

I can not say enough how bad it sucks to go from 80 degree weather back to 30 degree weather. They weather quack is calling for snow on Saturday.

I am off I have work to do.

Maybe more later, you better click back often; say every 15 minutes or so. I need the hits, some of you have been slacking off lately.

Today's words of wisdom

No woman will ever be truly satisfied, because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money.

New and Improved! Now with more sour flavor!

Good Morning fans. I am back home in the chilly windy Hoosierland. It was reported there were wind gusts pushing 70 mph last night. That is pretty close to hurricane strength gales. As I was walking to my car at the airport, a gust blew so hard it actually pushed me backward! I stepped forward and it was as if the hand of God hit me in the chest.

Did you catch The Obama on TV the other night? His body language suggests a really angry person. It is as if he thinks Congress should have passed this stimulus bill just because He wanted it. I was floored when he admitted there was a large portion of spending in the bill that did not relate to any stimulus. Then why isn't he pushing Pelosi and the gang that could not spend enough to trim out the fat? That would get the Repubs on board and we should not be spending at levels unseen in the history of the nation. If you do not believe me:

Jim Bianco of Bianco Research crunched the inflation adjusted numbers. The bailout has cost more than all of these big budget government expenditures – combined:

• Marshall Plan: Cost: $12.7 billion, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $115.3 billion
• Louisiana Purchase: Cost: $15 million, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $217 billion
• Race to the Moon: Cost: $36.4 billion, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $237 billion
• S&L Crisis: Cost: $153 billion, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $256 billion
• Korean War: Cost: $54 billion, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $454 billion
• The New Deal: Cost: $32 billion (Est), Inflation Adjusted Cost: $500 billion (Est)
• Invasion of Iraq: Cost: $551b, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $597 billion
• Vietnam War: Cost: $111 billion, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $698 billion
• NASA: Cost: $416.7 billion, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $851.2 billion

TOTAL: $3.92 trillion

courtesy of ritholtz.com

Or maybe this will put it in perspective:

The only single American event in history that even comes close to matching the cost of the credit crisis is World War II: Original Cost: $288 billion, Inflation Adjusted Cost: $3.6 trillion

The $4.6165 trillion dollars committed so far is about a trillion dollars ($979 billion dollars) greater than the entire cost of World War II borne by the United States: $3.6 trillion, adjusted for inflation (original cost was $288 billion).

Go figure: WWII was a relative bargain.

Here again

Do you think that is awful? Those numbers were crunched before the current stimulus spending plan touted by our President.

traveling

So here I am in a sooper sekrit location working at the most boring trade show in America. The only good thing is it is in a warm sunny location (howdy Mickey). I will be returning home tomorrow and the sun and warm breeze has given me a case of spring fever. I did manage to play 54 holes of golf. I walked them all carrying my clubs. Is it important to point out the 54 holes were putt-putt?

Scarier than a zombie

Nearly 30% of people who get a refund on their State and Federal taxes actually believe the Government is giving them money.

These people not only vote, they are allowed to procreate.

A musical interlude

Check this out

That is my oldest boy. Listen to the song 'it never happened'. This song like all of the others was written by him and he plays every instrument and does the mixing and recording. What is interesting to me is the violin part(s). He plays them himself as well. He just got that violin for Christmas and could not play it at all. He has made great progress in just over a month. In fact, he taught himself all of the instruments. Beyond learning percussion in Middle School band he has had no music lessons.

Of course, a parent always thinks their kid is talented.

Heavy lifting on a Monday

I have often held the 14th Amendment as a piece of legislation worthy of liberals worldwide. It is filled with good intentions, but the daily application of the language brings us a great deal of illegal immigration problems, Gay Marriage and the virtual death of the 9th and 10th Amendments.

The way this Amendment was ratified is interesting. After the Civil War the radical Republicans, the equivalent to today's flaming liberals, wanted to end the slavery question for ever. Just as now most of these radicals hailed from the Northeast (f-ing Yankees). There were not enough states on board to ratify the 14th Amendment. Benjamin Wade and his cohorts came up with a brilliant plan. As a condition of returning to the Union, the former Confederate States had to ratify the 14th Amendment.

This raises several issues. One, the Civil War was fought under the guise that a State could not leave the Union. How can you rejoin a club you never left? Second, not following the various Reconstruction measures was never a choice. Under the harsh measures of Reconstruction many Southern leaders lost the right to vote amd hold public office, so many of the States' Legislatures were filled with carpetbaggers of questionable residency credentials. Finally, if the various Confederate States were not part of the Union, the ratification of the 14th Amendment before they were readmitted means the ratification was not legal. In other words, were they full-fledged States or not?

Discuss among yourselves.

Have a chaw

This post of Og's stirred some memories. In my youth I was fond of chewing tobacco. It started one day when my dad was working in the yard and pulled out a plug. I asked him what it tasted like and he gave me a small chunk with the admonition to never swallow the juice. I am sure his intent was to teach me the evils of tobacco in a real hands-on lesson. I liked the stuff. So on and off from the time I was 8 or 10 I chewed (I could never enjoy Skoal, just leaf) or smoked an occasional cigar. In those days there was no age limit on buying tobacco, or if there was, it was not enforced.

By my late teen years I chewed regularly. In college good old BeechNut red was the tonic that kept me up late studying. I had a very large jar I had rescued from the kitchen trash and for months I spit into that jar, never emptying it. It was a gross science project worthy of the most evil Nazi surgeons. I kept it in the window near my desk so the gamma rays from the sun could work extra magic on the thick smelly fluid. My used cuds also were spit into the jar. Alas one Saturday the jar disappeared while I was in the shower. Either one of my roommates or my girlfriend chucked it out. No one claimed responsibility. The next penicillin, the cure for Aids or Cancer was probably living in that jar.

One evening late in my college career I was sitting in an easy chair reading an assignment. I habitually spit into a plastic coffee cup (then dumped it into my jar). The tome must have been dreary as I was drinking coffee. Not being completely stupid, the coffee was on the left of the chair, the spit cup on the right. You know what is coming. I reached down and took a huge swig of BeechNut spit. It took me a week or two before I could chew again.

My wife is a good soul. The only thing she has ever asked of me is that I quit chewing when we got married. I still smoke an occasional cigar, but I have rarely chewed since. I have to say I do not really miss it, but it did cure the boredom of long road trips.

Weekend Funny

Learn something this Friday

Benjamin Franklin Wade missed out being President of the US by one single vote. Al Gore has nothing to complain about. You see, in the years after the end of the Civil War there was major disagreement on how to bring the recalcitrant Rebel States back into the Union. Lincoln believed that since the States were not allowed to leave in the first place, then there was nothing to 'bring back". Hard-core Republicans like Wade thought the South should be punished.

Benjamin Franklin Wade was as partisan a Senator that ever walked the halls of the Capitol Building. He makes Kennedy and Reid look like mere pikers. Franklin was an ass and hated all who did not agree with him. He rose to become President Pro Tempore of the Senate after Andrew Johnson took over the White House following Lincoln's death.

Johnson took a soft approach to reconstruction and the hard-line of the Republican Party thought he was falling back on his old Democratic Party leanings. They felt he should be impeached. Not for any crime, but because he not following the party line. The Radical Republicans thought impeachment should be like the term of office for the British Prime Minister -- when the President lost the support of Congress he should be let go.

Congress passed a bill saying no appointees to a cabinet position could be fired by the President after they had been confirmed by Congress. Johnson fired Sec of War Seward and that was the excuse Congress needed to begin impeachment. Johnson thought the firing would be challenged in the court system and he would be supported by the Supreme Court, but Congress moved swiftly. The overwhelming majority of the House were Republicans and Articles of Impeachment were voted quickly.

The trial moved to the Senate where our good friend Mister Wade failed to excuse himself, even though he had everything to gain by Johnson's impeachment. There was no Vice President, so Wade was next in line should Johnson be impeached.

Just enough Republicans felt that a real crime should be committed before the President was booted and that using impeachment as a political tool would set a bad precedent. Most importantly, a vote against impeachment was a vote against Wade as President. One newspaper at the time wrote, "Andrew Johnson is innocent because Ben Wade is guilty of being his successor" [Trefousse, Hans L. Benjamin Franklin Wade: Radical Republican From Ohio. New York: Twayne Publishers Inc., 1963. p. 309.]The Senate failed to impeach Johnson by one single vote. Johnson remained in office, and Benjamin Franklin Wade missed out on being President.

no title

I have not abandonded you. I am in a supersekrit location and interwebz access is spotty. Even typing this post from the old Treo is a pain.

You should feel good knowing I am taking time to say hola while sitting in a customer's parking lot.

Tell me thanks and how much you love me.

And yet another Obama nominee is a tax cheat

read this

Are there any Democrats that pay taxes?

No wonder they think raising taxes is a good idea, they don't pay any. Obama is starting to make the Clinton administration look honest. Of course, most of his appointees are Clinton leftovers, so maybe they are just the ones who did not get caught the first go-around.

Tax cheats on parade

I filled out the Federal and State tax forms for my kids yesterday. To the best of my knowledge I filled them in correctly. I guess they will never be picked to serve in the Obama Administration.

read this

Just think, a whole story from the AP, and never once a mention of which party the tax cheater belongs to. Oh, and I guess we will have to suspend the "lobbying" rules for him too, as the White House Spokesman says, it takes a while to implement these rules.

Hope and change, hope and change. Looks like a Clinton rerun to me. Are there no honest Democrats to be found? Wasn't it Biden who claimed it was patriotic to pay your taxes. So when we say Democrats like the Sec of Taxcheats Treasury or Daschle do not love their country aren't we a little correct?

Groundhog Day

It is just too bad someone did not go all Equus on the woodchuck out in Pennsylvania. Then he could not see his bleeding shadow. I am ready for spring.

Obama, why are you letting the citizens of Kentucky Die?

It appears more than a million people remain without power in Kentucky. There are numerous deaths, and authorities believe the total will climb as rural homes are finally searched. The Governor has called out the national guard. Shelters are full and one county executive said no more space is available and told citizens that are able to move south.

Through it all FEMA has been nearly non existent. They have managed to send fifty (yes 50) generators to the beleaguered state. FEMA has sent no crews, set no shelters, provided no water or food.

The Presidency of George Bush was roundly criticised when FEMA took three days to respond to Katrina, yet the press is strangely silent when the Federal Government remains a no-show after five days in Kentucky. The press hounded Bush for days and weeks and months after Katrina. Indeed, he was still criticized on his response as he left office.

There was always a strong undercurrent of belief (and some actually stated it) that a white President let Black people die in New Orleans. Is our first black President allowing white people to die in the Bluegrass State? Of course, I do not believe either claim. I use these wild unfounded statements as an example of the utter hypocrisy of the press, the left, and supporters of The One. I bet most of you penned thousands of words disparaging Bush on Katrina, where are you now? Where is the condemnation in the press, the blogs, your conversation? Yet you same leftists tell me there is no media bias, Bush deserved all of the criticism.

Blow me.