I got nothin'. The tank is empty. Time to recharge the batteries.
The kids are on spring break next week, and I am going to take a break from blogging at the same time. I plan on drinking beer, smoking cigars, playing catch with my boy. Maybe I will get laid.
Some time off will hopefully stir the creative juices and I will be back better than ever, ready to entertain you. Or not. The best thing for you to do is click here repeatedly. And do not forget links: give me bunches of links.
See you in a week or so.
March 30, 2007
March 29, 2007
Answers to my faithful readers
Mrs. JG asks "How can I keep my children & Mr Jose from driving me insane?"
Dear Mrs JG. You ask one of the eternal questions. You might as well ask me why is there air, what is the meaning of life, or why are turds tapered? Are there holes in your underwear? Of course, else where do you put your legs? Anyhoo, this is in the realm of HB. Like the Great Wizard of Oz, I have the answers. To keep Jose happy I suggest copious amounts of sex and beer. That great 20th Century philosopher Jeff Foxworthy summed up men's needs nicely -- 'Men want to see something nekid and have a beer.' The kids will quit driving you crazy in 15-20 years maximum. If you cannot wait, I suggest you play subliminal messages while they are sleeping encouraging them to join a traveling amusement show. A year or two spent as a carnie will give them the appreciation for you that may be missing at this time. As a side benefit the young ones will learn the secret of deep fried Twinkies and Snicker bars.
Imp asks "How do I track down that scum sucking anarchist piece of whale shit degenerate dog sucking turd eating goat fucking cowardly cunt no good son of a bitch whoreson mother fucking asshole who shit on a burning American flag, put a whoopin on his cowardly ass and get away with it? "
There are dozens of people trying to identify this asshat. I would like to suggest that there is not a court in the land that would convict you if you gave the guy the beating he deserves, but there are still Clinton and Carter appointees on the bench. I feel a little 'free speech' that involves setting the person in question on fire and then shitting on him would be in order.
Ralph asks "If I came walking up up to your front door, smelling like a bum sitting in a trashcan covered in booze and trash for day, saying my car broke down up the road , could I use your phone, but first I have to take a humongous crap, so could I use the bathroom first - would you let me in?"
No, but I would have a beer or three with you. Everyone knows those kind of special shits are best saved for a Burger King restroom.
Big Dick enquires "If you could write a novel, what would it be about?"
Well Dick, the novel in question is written in my mind, at least partially. A few chapters are finished, the balance outlined. It is the story of a young man in the early 1980's who travels the country tracing Kerouac's On the Road. He meets a variety of off the wall characters on the way. Oh, and he beats the shit out of a mime, so it cannot be all bad. The novel is supposed to be funny. My lack of skill and talent makes the work so far just pathetic. I like writing scenes, descriptions and action. I am not good at dialogue. I may publish the first chapter here again (it is in the archives somewhere). I also began a spy-type thriller where a hired assassin tries to kill the Vice President. I published the beginning of that one several weeks ago.
Cappy (hello and welcome, cappy) wants to know "What pain and torture would you propose for that scum sucking anarchist piece of whale shit degenerate dog sucking turd eating goat fucking cowardly cunt no good son of a bitch whoreson mother fucking asshole who shit on a burning American flag in Oregon recently?
Also, what is your favorite drink?"
Well, see above. In addition I would like to beat his feet with a baseball bat. What I would really like to do is take these over privileged jerkoffs to Russia, to the former Soviet Republics to interview and discuss life under a socialist government with people who lived the nightmare. I would take him to Cuba, and drop him sans money, sans ID documents to learn how good he has it here. I would send him to the Congo, not as a tourist, but penniless to live as a citizen. I would do anything to make these poor pathetic rich kids understand life is pretty damn good here these United States. After he returns, we should set him on fire and shit on him. As he is recovering from his burns, he will be allowed to read only the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution for at least two straight years, no TV, no visits, only the founding documents. When he finally grasps the true meaning of freedom and the promise of liberty represented by this country, he would be banned forever -- kicked out -- NEVER to return, like Adam and the Garden of Eden.
Orange juice, beer, Dr Pepper
Dear Mrs JG. You ask one of the eternal questions. You might as well ask me why is there air, what is the meaning of life, or why are turds tapered? Are there holes in your underwear? Of course, else where do you put your legs? Anyhoo, this is in the realm of HB. Like the Great Wizard of Oz, I have the answers. To keep Jose happy I suggest copious amounts of sex and beer. That great 20th Century philosopher Jeff Foxworthy summed up men's needs nicely -- 'Men want to see something nekid and have a beer.' The kids will quit driving you crazy in 15-20 years maximum. If you cannot wait, I suggest you play subliminal messages while they are sleeping encouraging them to join a traveling amusement show. A year or two spent as a carnie will give them the appreciation for you that may be missing at this time. As a side benefit the young ones will learn the secret of deep fried Twinkies and Snicker bars.
Imp asks "How do I track down that scum sucking anarchist piece of whale shit degenerate dog sucking turd eating goat fucking cowardly cunt no good son of a bitch whoreson mother fucking asshole who shit on a burning American flag, put a whoopin on his cowardly ass and get away with it? "
There are dozens of people trying to identify this asshat. I would like to suggest that there is not a court in the land that would convict you if you gave the guy the beating he deserves, but there are still Clinton and Carter appointees on the bench. I feel a little 'free speech' that involves setting the person in question on fire and then shitting on him would be in order.
Ralph asks "If I came walking up up to your front door, smelling like a bum sitting in a trashcan covered in booze and trash for day, saying my car broke down up the road , could I use your phone, but first I have to take a humongous crap, so could I use the bathroom first - would you let me in?"
No, but I would have a beer or three with you. Everyone knows those kind of special shits are best saved for a Burger King restroom.
Big Dick enquires "If you could write a novel, what would it be about?"
Well Dick, the novel in question is written in my mind, at least partially. A few chapters are finished, the balance outlined. It is the story of a young man in the early 1980's who travels the country tracing Kerouac's On the Road. He meets a variety of off the wall characters on the way. Oh, and he beats the shit out of a mime, so it cannot be all bad. The novel is supposed to be funny. My lack of skill and talent makes the work so far just pathetic. I like writing scenes, descriptions and action. I am not good at dialogue. I may publish the first chapter here again (it is in the archives somewhere). I also began a spy-type thriller where a hired assassin tries to kill the Vice President. I published the beginning of that one several weeks ago.
Cappy (hello and welcome, cappy) wants to know "What pain and torture would you propose for that scum sucking anarchist piece of whale shit degenerate dog sucking turd eating goat fucking cowardly cunt no good son of a bitch whoreson mother fucking asshole who shit on a burning American flag in Oregon recently?
Also, what is your favorite drink?"
Well, see above. In addition I would like to beat his feet with a baseball bat. What I would really like to do is take these over privileged jerkoffs to Russia, to the former Soviet Republics to interview and discuss life under a socialist government with people who lived the nightmare. I would take him to Cuba, and drop him sans money, sans ID documents to learn how good he has it here. I would send him to the Congo, not as a tourist, but penniless to live as a citizen. I would do anything to make these poor pathetic rich kids understand life is pretty damn good here these United States. After he returns, we should set him on fire and shit on him. As he is recovering from his burns, he will be allowed to read only the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution for at least two straight years, no TV, no visits, only the founding documents. When he finally grasps the true meaning of freedom and the promise of liberty represented by this country, he would be banned forever -- kicked out -- NEVER to return, like Adam and the Garden of Eden.
Orange juice, beer, Dr Pepper
March 28, 2007
Just who do I think I am?
I was lingering over my pathetic lunch of Stouffer's mac and cheese and a can of Dr Pepper thinking about this old blog. For over two years I have entertained mostly myself with a few good posts, a few really bad writings and a lot of mundane, soporific drivel. I really enjoy the rants, but such writing is exhausting mentally. No one can (or should) go through life perpetually pissed off. I also enjoy the few fiction pieces I have published, even if no one else does. The daily reporting of my life is likely the most boring aspect of this blog. Sadly after two plus years of writing I am not sure Fat in Indiana has developed into a place you can fit into a pattern, not a milblog, not a political blog, not a personal diary. Not much of anything, really. I guess it is a reflection of the author, lots of various interests.
In that spirit, I will revive a semi demi regular feature from the past -- Ask Hoosierboy. Leave me questions in the comments and I will endeavor to respond. Politics, history, personal stuff, anything is fair game, so bring it on! What am I listening to? What am I reading? What is my favorite drink? What pain and torture would I propose for that scum sucking anarchist piece of whale shit degenerate dog sucking turd eating goat fucking cowardly cunt no good son of a bitch whoreson mother fucking asshole who shit on a burning American flag in Oregon recently? Just ask!
In that spirit, I will revive a semi demi regular feature from the past -- Ask Hoosierboy. Leave me questions in the comments and I will endeavor to respond. Politics, history, personal stuff, anything is fair game, so bring it on! What am I listening to? What am I reading? What is my favorite drink? What pain and torture would I propose for that scum sucking anarchist piece of whale shit degenerate dog sucking turd eating goat fucking cowardly cunt no good son of a bitch whoreson mother fucking asshole who shit on a burning American flag in Oregon recently? Just ask!
What a difference a week makes
Wow, spring is bursting out all over. The magnolia, redbud and pear are all beginning to bloom. The grass is a lovely emerald and the crocus and tulips are starting to bud. By this time next week I will have to mow, if it keeps on raining.
Baseball is underway, and it looks like I will have a good squad this year. Of course I thought that last year and we went winless. I had not planned on managing a team, but they called on draft day and said please, so here I am in charge of a dozen 13,14, and 15 year old baseball players. The good thing about this age is you have weeded out for the most part those kids who do not really want to play. You have mostly good players who know what they are doing. I do not have to teach how to hit, how to field a ground ball. Mostly my job is reinforcing good habits and trying to correct little mechanical errors.
Did you see the story about the dog that supposedly gave its owner the Heimlich maneuver? I call bullshit.
My oldest son (18) leaves in the morning for a week in Japan. He will being staying with a host family and seeing the sights. He went in the same program a couple of years ago, so he knows what to expect. The hardest part is that communication is difficult as his cell does not work, and most families are understandably reluctant to allow long distance international calls. Sadly, I am sure he is looking forward to not seeing or talking to us for a week. Teenagers.
Baseball is underway, and it looks like I will have a good squad this year. Of course I thought that last year and we went winless. I had not planned on managing a team, but they called on draft day and said please, so here I am in charge of a dozen 13,14, and 15 year old baseball players. The good thing about this age is you have weeded out for the most part those kids who do not really want to play. You have mostly good players who know what they are doing. I do not have to teach how to hit, how to field a ground ball. Mostly my job is reinforcing good habits and trying to correct little mechanical errors.
Did you see the story about the dog that supposedly gave its owner the Heimlich maneuver? I call bullshit.
My oldest son (18) leaves in the morning for a week in Japan. He will being staying with a host family and seeing the sights. He went in the same program a couple of years ago, so he knows what to expect. The hardest part is that communication is difficult as his cell does not work, and most families are understandably reluctant to allow long distance international calls. Sadly, I am sure he is looking forward to not seeing or talking to us for a week. Teenagers.
March 26, 2007
I'm a man...
...so sang the Spencer Davis Group. What makes a man a man? I do know what makes me tick. Here are 11 facts about my thought processes,what I believe. This is what makes me, ME:
I believe:
1. Farts are funny. There is no discussion on this.
2. There is humor in the pain, embarrassment and agony of others. I like the Three Stooges, videos of guys getting racked and excruciating sports plays. I am not alone here, look at the popularity of Jackass, sports blooper shows and Youtube.
3. I like war movies, westerns, and comedies.
4. The Constitution guarantees us equal opportunity, not equal success. If you cannot see the difference, you education is lacking. If you believe it states otherwise, you are a socialist, a communist. I believe every law should pass this litmus test. Does it guarantee equal opportunity (and NO MORE). If it helps guarantee equal success, it is bad.
5. Progress can not be stopped, only diverted. I used this line in an earlier post and the more I think of it the more I am confident it is true. If we do not embrace the future, if we do not strive for success every day, we will lose the race to others who are not afraid of change. It may sound strange coming from a staunch conservative, a devotee of history, but change is good.
6. Education is a lifelong process.
7. Anyone who believes the Second Amendment applies to militias is a complete moron who is ignorant of the BOTH English language and the historical antecedents of the Constitution. In the same vein, the Constitution does not guarantee a separation of Church and State.
8. It is your obligation as a man, a person, and a human to defend and protect the weak and those who cannot defend themselves. Evil exists, it is our duty to fight against evil at every turn. Killings in the name of God are murder, and evil. If you support terrorists you are a terrorist. There is no compromise on this. Those who give money and support to Hamas you fit this category. Ditto the PLO, etc.
9. I am blessed to live in the greatest nation ever devised. We citizens of the United States are blessed with liberty, wealth, and freedon unheard of in an society in the history of man. If you believe we are the terrorists, we are the evil, you lack a knowledge of history and an understanding of the world. Travel, read, listen and educate yourself. If you still feel that way: Move. You are not advancing society. Are we perfect?: no, but show me a society that offers more opportunity for success, more freedom, more kindness and tolerance.
10. There is no greater pain, humiliation, confusion, failure, and wonderment than in being a parent. Most days I have no clue what I am doing, yet somehow I have three wonderful kids. I would not trade my children for anything, and I would give my life over to the worst pain and suffering imaginable to make them happy, to protect them, to ensure their success. I can not imagine life without any of them. Parenting is by far the hardest and most rewarding job I have held.
11. Try and find some humor and fun in life. Often we forget this. Smoke a cigar, eat some Spam, drink a beer, tell a joke, have some sex. Politics might get us down, we may be flabbergasted and amazed people buy into the global warming hysterics, that Bush McHaliburton chimpy did this or that. We may hate the Clintons and their hypocrisy. We may believe Republicans are heartless. No matter what we believe, life is good in these United States. Enjoy life.
What do you believe?
I believe:
1. Farts are funny. There is no discussion on this.
2. There is humor in the pain, embarrassment and agony of others. I like the Three Stooges, videos of guys getting racked and excruciating sports plays. I am not alone here, look at the popularity of Jackass, sports blooper shows and Youtube.
3. I like war movies, westerns, and comedies.
4. The Constitution guarantees us equal opportunity, not equal success. If you cannot see the difference, you education is lacking. If you believe it states otherwise, you are a socialist, a communist. I believe every law should pass this litmus test. Does it guarantee equal opportunity (and NO MORE). If it helps guarantee equal success, it is bad.
5. Progress can not be stopped, only diverted. I used this line in an earlier post and the more I think of it the more I am confident it is true. If we do not embrace the future, if we do not strive for success every day, we will lose the race to others who are not afraid of change. It may sound strange coming from a staunch conservative, a devotee of history, but change is good.
6. Education is a lifelong process.
7. Anyone who believes the Second Amendment applies to militias is a complete moron who is ignorant of the BOTH English language and the historical antecedents of the Constitution. In the same vein, the Constitution does not guarantee a separation of Church and State.
8. It is your obligation as a man, a person, and a human to defend and protect the weak and those who cannot defend themselves. Evil exists, it is our duty to fight against evil at every turn. Killings in the name of God are murder, and evil. If you support terrorists you are a terrorist. There is no compromise on this. Those who give money and support to Hamas you fit this category. Ditto the PLO, etc.
9. I am blessed to live in the greatest nation ever devised. We citizens of the United States are blessed with liberty, wealth, and freedon unheard of in an society in the history of man. If you believe we are the terrorists, we are the evil, you lack a knowledge of history and an understanding of the world. Travel, read, listen and educate yourself. If you still feel that way: Move. You are not advancing society. Are we perfect?: no, but show me a society that offers more opportunity for success, more freedom, more kindness and tolerance.
10. There is no greater pain, humiliation, confusion, failure, and wonderment than in being a parent. Most days I have no clue what I am doing, yet somehow I have three wonderful kids. I would not trade my children for anything, and I would give my life over to the worst pain and suffering imaginable to make them happy, to protect them, to ensure their success. I can not imagine life without any of them. Parenting is by far the hardest and most rewarding job I have held.
11. Try and find some humor and fun in life. Often we forget this. Smoke a cigar, eat some Spam, drink a beer, tell a joke, have some sex. Politics might get us down, we may be flabbergasted and amazed people buy into the global warming hysterics, that Bush McHaliburton chimpy did this or that. We may hate the Clintons and their hypocrisy. We may believe Republicans are heartless. No matter what we believe, life is good in these United States. Enjoy life.
What do you believe?
March 25, 2007
Progress and fear
Did you see Peyton Manning on SNL last night? I thought he was pretty funny. To bad the show itself is just not real amusing any more.
The Governor of Indiana has announced he will scrap his plans to build a toll road bypass around Indianapolis. I am not sure if the idea was sound or not, but the opposition, hyperbole, and hysteria surrounding the planned road was astounding. How can someone be against a road where the course has not been determined? A letter to the editor in my local paper compared the road to a tornado, claiming it will be more destructive! People were convinced the road would go through their church, that the county would be cut in half, with no way across. Apparently, over and underpasses are not in the lexicon of these fools. I state again -- no path was determined, only a feasibility study! In 20 years, when the highways and interstates around Indy are choked with traffic, when the commute times double and triple, these same people will complain to the heavens about the need for better and more roads.
Reality proves without modern transportation infrastructure your community will struggle to find growth and success. This was true 150 years ago when people feared the railroad, to 50 years ago when similar fights were held regarding the Interstate system. Beyond the issue of taking land and using public money for roads, it is clear the cities and towns near the railroad and along the interstates are those blessed with manufacturing, with development, with growth. In the case of this highway, people from all over the state flocked to public meetings to speak out against the new road. How can a person that will not be affected by a road, a shopping center, a housing development be against it? This is a pure Luddite philosophy. Sadly, these same farmers and and growing elderly population will be complaining loudly about the shrinking tax base and rising property taxes. Wake up, Wal-Mart is here, and it will be replaced by someone with a better business model. Woolworth was the 'Wal-Mart" of the last century, and who knows what economic changes we will see in the future. This I know --the stores downtown on the public square, the mom and pop grocery are never coming back. The ideal life you remember does not exist any longer, if it ever did. Progress can not be stopped, only diverted elsewhere. What truly scares me is the number of people who think that is a good thing.
The Governor of Indiana has announced he will scrap his plans to build a toll road bypass around Indianapolis. I am not sure if the idea was sound or not, but the opposition, hyperbole, and hysteria surrounding the planned road was astounding. How can someone be against a road where the course has not been determined? A letter to the editor in my local paper compared the road to a tornado, claiming it will be more destructive! People were convinced the road would go through their church, that the county would be cut in half, with no way across. Apparently, over and underpasses are not in the lexicon of these fools. I state again -- no path was determined, only a feasibility study! In 20 years, when the highways and interstates around Indy are choked with traffic, when the commute times double and triple, these same people will complain to the heavens about the need for better and more roads.
Reality proves without modern transportation infrastructure your community will struggle to find growth and success. This was true 150 years ago when people feared the railroad, to 50 years ago when similar fights were held regarding the Interstate system. Beyond the issue of taking land and using public money for roads, it is clear the cities and towns near the railroad and along the interstates are those blessed with manufacturing, with development, with growth. In the case of this highway, people from all over the state flocked to public meetings to speak out against the new road. How can a person that will not be affected by a road, a shopping center, a housing development be against it? This is a pure Luddite philosophy. Sadly, these same farmers and and growing elderly population will be complaining loudly about the shrinking tax base and rising property taxes. Wake up, Wal-Mart is here, and it will be replaced by someone with a better business model. Woolworth was the 'Wal-Mart" of the last century, and who knows what economic changes we will see in the future. This I know --the stores downtown on the public square, the mom and pop grocery are never coming back. The ideal life you remember does not exist any longer, if it ever did. Progress can not be stopped, only diverted elsewhere. What truly scares me is the number of people who think that is a good thing.
March 23, 2007
And so it goes...
I guess lying, cheating, rat-bastard commie, hypocrite Democrats just cannot help being who they are; namely lying cheating, rat-bastard commie, hypocrite Democrats. They came into office claiming to represent the people's wishes. I guess the "people" want a do-nothing Congress that is only interested in thwarting the Executive branch, losing the war on terror, growing Government and lining like pigs to the trough. The Dims have loaded their "let us lose another war" bill with loads of pork to make sure they buy the votes they need to get passage of a bill sure to be vetoed. Our enemies laugh up their sleeves in the meantime.
At least the Republicans were upfront when they stole from the taxpayers. The author of the 'bridge to nowhere' was unapologetic. Nancy Pelosi and her lying rat-bastard cohorts pretended they would stop this nonsense. Instead, they just hide the largess
to asparagus farmers and shrimpers in a defense bill. I guess it is a trait the Dims learn early, hide the stealing of other's money in an out of a way place. Is there a big difference in using pork to bribe a vote by hiding it a defense bill, or putting the bribe in your freezer, Mr. Jefferson? Can someone please let me know when we are going to have the ethical Legislature the Dims of both houses promised? When are you going to clean out the rat's nest of your party?
How much longer are we going to tolerate the posturing over the firing of 8 fucking worthless lawyers? If this is a big deal can we call Reno and Clinton to task for ditching NINETY-THREE? Attention, assholes, of course they were fired for political reasons -- they were political appointments.
What most disturbs me about the Dimocrits is they have learned nothing. They are trotting out the same old game plan that caused us to lose in Vietnam. They will not abandon the old tax and spend mentality nor the attack dog politics they have used in the past. The gains the liberals made in the House and Senate are more a reflection on the piss poor job performance of GW, than an embrace of the socialist agenda proffered by today's left wing nut jobs. Trust me when America finds out what the Dimocrits truly represent they will be swept out of office in a flash. That is why for the next two years we will see no legislation, just posturing, investigations, and the spread of pork on an unprecedented scale. After all, when you are a lying, stealing rat-bastard commie hypocrite, you just have to be you.
March 22, 2007
My little slice of heaven
Fresh bread, creamy smooth Jif peanut butter, honey and Cheetos, is there a better lunch on a rainy Thursday?
Wimpy Dads
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the wimpiest.
The first one says," My dad is so scared that when lightning
strikes, he slides underneath our bed."
The second kid says, "That's nothing. My dad is so scared that
when my mother works nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door."
The first one says," My dad is so scared that when lightning
strikes, he slides underneath our bed."
The second kid says, "That's nothing. My dad is so scared that
when my mother works nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door."
An old one, yet still a classic
First time sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big
event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the
pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy
for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and
sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be
rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
House and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and
bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans
over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this
religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big
event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the
pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy
for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and
sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be
rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
House and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and
bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans
over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this
religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."
March 21, 2007
Miscellaneous Ramblings
A huge thank you for all of your kind birthday wishes. There was no cake, since I am trying to lose weight, and no nookie, since someone would not cooperate. That is pretty shitty for a birthday, don't you agree? I told her that if she did not want to join in the birthday fun she should at least hire me a hooker. That did not go over very well. Some people have no sense of humor.
I am sitting here listening to some Steely Dan, the recently released Definitive Collection was a birthday present. I am trying to decide which tracks to add to my iPod.
I had a good customer visit this morning. It is nice to meet new people, and this looks like a good company to deal with.
I am going to have leftover beef and noodles for lunch. I fixed them for supper last night since they are my favorite meal of all time. I have mentioned here before, if I ever find myself on death row, beef and noodles and mashed potatoes will be my final meal. What will you request?
I am sitting here listening to some Steely Dan, the recently released Definitive Collection was a birthday present. I am trying to decide which tracks to add to my iPod.
I had a good customer visit this morning. It is nice to meet new people, and this looks like a good company to deal with.
I am going to have leftover beef and noodles for lunch. I fixed them for supper last night since they are my favorite meal of all time. I have mentioned here before, if I ever find myself on death row, beef and noodles and mashed potatoes will be my final meal. What will you request?
March 20, 2007
Forty-five
Forty-five: approximately the number of links to this blog.
Forty-five: the average number of posts I churn out in a month.
Forty-five: this was my forty-fifth post.
Forty-five years ago these were the top five songs in the country:
Forty-five years ago writer/director Stephen Sommers was born in Indianapolis
Forty-five years ago JFK issued this Executive Order
Forty-five: the atomic weight of Rhodium
Forty-five: the caliber of the world's greatest hand gun.
Forty-five: the approximate number of ounces of beer I have consumed this month.
Forty-five: my favorite ring gauge of cigar.
Forty-five: for a viking, you only a 15% chance of living this long.
Forty-five: the age of Lincoln when he was defeated for the Senate by Stephen Douglas
Forty-five: the age of Thoreau when he died. Also the age at death of James Agee
Forty-five: length in months of WWII in the Pacific.
Forty-five: How old I am today.
Forty-five: the average number of posts I churn out in a month.
Forty-five: this was my forty-fifth post.
Forty-five years ago these were the top five songs in the country:
1. Hey! Baby - Bruce Channel (Smash) *4 weeks #1* 1
2. Mashed Potato Time - Dee Dee Sharp (Cameo) 4
3. What's Your Name - Don and Juan (Big Top) 3
4. Duke of Earl - Gene Chandler (Vee Jay) 2
5. Twistin' the Night Away - Sam Cooke (RCA)
Forty-five years ago writer/director Stephen Sommers was born in Indianapolis
Forty-five years ago JFK issued this Executive Order
Forty-five: the atomic weight of Rhodium
Forty-five: the caliber of the world's greatest hand gun.
Forty-five: the approximate number of ounces of beer I have consumed this month.
Forty-five: my favorite ring gauge of cigar.
Forty-five: for a viking, you only a 15% chance of living this long.
Forty-five: the age of Lincoln when he was defeated for the Senate by Stephen Douglas
Forty-five: the age of Thoreau when he died. Also the age at death of James Agee
Forty-five: length in months of WWII in the Pacific.
Forty-five: How old I am today.
Happpy Birthdayyyy Hoosierboy!
Everyone be sure to wish HB a Happy Birthday today....True, he is not as old as I am, but he looks it!
Love Otter!
Love Otter!
March 19, 2007
Pizza and America
Go read this post from sssteve. It is an interesting tale of immigrants and America.
Random Ramblings
How are your College Basketball Brackets? Did you pick those upsets?
Cherry yogurt gets its vibrant color in part from concentrated beet juice.
I believe I am addicted to orange juice and chap stick. Not together.
"What good is it to get warm out if all it is going to do is rain?", a quote from the wife when watching the weather last night.
I need to go see "300". My son said it was awesome. The story of Leonidas and his 300 men(and the Thespians -- there were more than a thousand of them fighting with the the Spartans) ignited my lifelong love of history.
I fried chicken last night for supper. What did you have?
It was nice to have the daughter home this week. The last two summers she has worked two and three jobs, and over Christmas when she was not working she was visiting her boyfriend in Chicago. It was good to just have her home.
Why is it you can find poker on at least two channels any hours of the day, but you cannot find baseball anymore?
Can we just forget about "Britany"? Oh, and how hard is it to take a simple blood test and settle the whole Anna NIcole paternity case? I just want it to go away.
Cherry yogurt gets its vibrant color in part from concentrated beet juice.
I believe I am addicted to orange juice and chap stick. Not together.
"What good is it to get warm out if all it is going to do is rain?", a quote from the wife when watching the weather last night.
I need to go see "300". My son said it was awesome. The story of Leonidas and his 300 men(and the Thespians -- there were more than a thousand of them fighting with the the Spartans) ignited my lifelong love of history.
I fried chicken last night for supper. What did you have?
It was nice to have the daughter home this week. The last two summers she has worked two and three jobs, and over Christmas when she was not working she was visiting her boyfriend in Chicago. It was good to just have her home.
Why is it you can find poker on at least two channels any hours of the day, but you cannot find baseball anymore?
Can we just forget about "Britany"? Oh, and how hard is it to take a simple blood test and settle the whole Anna NIcole paternity case? I just want it to go away.
March 18, 2007
If you are going to San Francisco...
My daughter came home from college last weekend for spring break (go Butler). I was a little concerned as she was wearing Birkenstocks.
I was relieved last night when she said something about "stupid hippies".
All is right in the world.
I was relieved last night when she said something about "stupid hippies".
All is right in the world.
March 17, 2007
Another shooting spree on memory lane
There was always that kid in the neighborhood that just pissed you off. In ours he was the red-headed kid next door. His name was Ritchie. he was smug, and arrogant, and always had to be better at everything. He got it natural - his dad was even worse. You know the type; they had to have the first color TV, the nicest cars, new bats and ball gloves.
As we were about the same age, and he lived right next door, we played together a lot. We built Matchbox and Hot Wheels roads in the gravel driveway driveway. We played army. We rode our bikes around the neighborhood. We had a lot of fun. I would say that nearly every day we had a major argument about something as well, the kid was just an asshole.
When we got older, Otter shot him with the BB gun from about three inches, and once sold him a nickle bag of parsley. We laughed our asses of when Ritchie thought he was "stoned". The sort of kid you just loved to hate.
There were lots of kids in our subdivision, most of about the same age. As an example, if you counted down both sides of the street, there were probably around 30 kids on my block. All were within 5 years age of me (plus or minus).
The neighborhood featured small front yards and huge backyards by today's standards. Our yard was very large and the yards on either side were fence free too, so we had a perfect football field. In fact, it was probably close to regular width and about 150 yards long if we wished. Often the goal line was past a certain tree on one end and the property line on the east. We could get a decent game of football going, with anywhere from 8-11 on a team. The games were often violent affairs, full contact and it was not unusual for the game to break up in arguments and fist fights. More often the game simply became not football but "maulball", also known as "smear the queer", or whatever you might have called it. Basically the intent was to tackle whomever had the ball.
One of these football games sprang up on a warm fall day. Some of the kids had helmets, some shoulder pads, some none at all. The game was in the early stages, when new kids just jumped on a team in alternating order, to keep things even. We heard a shout from Ritchie's house -- "Can I Play". We told him sure. Out he came in a full and complete football uniform. Pants, shoulder pads, helmet, jersey -- the works. It was all a pure snowy white. He looked like a real football player.
He played for a while, the game was rough and Ritchie was lording above the rest of us about his football uniform. I am not sure how it started, maybe he was whining about the grass satins he was getting on his football pants. Maybe it was just spite. I do not remember who started it, I am sure it was one of us "Hoosierboys" (ie.; Otter or me), but some one took a rotten tomato from the garden located in the eastern end zone and threw it square on that beautiful white helmet. The rotten tomato exploded in a red mass of seeds, pulp and skin. Ritchie puffed in an indignant, chest swelling swagger. He made a move to the garden like he was going to kick some ass. So like brothers often do, we both threw another tomato. Splat on the jersey, splat on the helmet. Everyone though this was funny as hell, so when he started to run towards home, they formed a chain to keep him in place. Soon rotten tomatoes and green peppers were pelting the little asshole as he lie on the ground crying and sobbing. Everyone joined in the fun. Finally we ran out of old produce, or maybe we felt sorry for him and he ran home crying and telling us he was going to tell his dad.
I do not remember the aftermath. I think we passed it off as were having a tomato fight and everyone had participated. That was kind of true -- just the sides were slightly uneven. I do not remember being punished and I am not sure if Richie's dad came over to complain or not. If he did, my Dad probably told him to fuck off, he often did, even though they worked at the same place.
I do remember that we never saw that white football uniform again.
As we were about the same age, and he lived right next door, we played together a lot. We built Matchbox and Hot Wheels roads in the gravel driveway driveway. We played army. We rode our bikes around the neighborhood. We had a lot of fun. I would say that nearly every day we had a major argument about something as well, the kid was just an asshole.
When we got older, Otter shot him with the BB gun from about three inches, and once sold him a nickle bag of parsley. We laughed our asses of when Ritchie thought he was "stoned". The sort of kid you just loved to hate.
There were lots of kids in our subdivision, most of about the same age. As an example, if you counted down both sides of the street, there were probably around 30 kids on my block. All were within 5 years age of me (plus or minus).
The neighborhood featured small front yards and huge backyards by today's standards. Our yard was very large and the yards on either side were fence free too, so we had a perfect football field. In fact, it was probably close to regular width and about 150 yards long if we wished. Often the goal line was past a certain tree on one end and the property line on the east. We could get a decent game of football going, with anywhere from 8-11 on a team. The games were often violent affairs, full contact and it was not unusual for the game to break up in arguments and fist fights. More often the game simply became not football but "maulball", also known as "smear the queer", or whatever you might have called it. Basically the intent was to tackle whomever had the ball.
One of these football games sprang up on a warm fall day. Some of the kids had helmets, some shoulder pads, some none at all. The game was in the early stages, when new kids just jumped on a team in alternating order, to keep things even. We heard a shout from Ritchie's house -- "Can I Play". We told him sure. Out he came in a full and complete football uniform. Pants, shoulder pads, helmet, jersey -- the works. It was all a pure snowy white. He looked like a real football player.
He played for a while, the game was rough and Ritchie was lording above the rest of us about his football uniform. I am not sure how it started, maybe he was whining about the grass satins he was getting on his football pants. Maybe it was just spite. I do not remember who started it, I am sure it was one of us "Hoosierboys" (ie.; Otter or me), but some one took a rotten tomato from the garden located in the eastern end zone and threw it square on that beautiful white helmet. The rotten tomato exploded in a red mass of seeds, pulp and skin. Ritchie puffed in an indignant, chest swelling swagger. He made a move to the garden like he was going to kick some ass. So like brothers often do, we both threw another tomato. Splat on the jersey, splat on the helmet. Everyone though this was funny as hell, so when he started to run towards home, they formed a chain to keep him in place. Soon rotten tomatoes and green peppers were pelting the little asshole as he lie on the ground crying and sobbing. Everyone joined in the fun. Finally we ran out of old produce, or maybe we felt sorry for him and he ran home crying and telling us he was going to tell his dad.
I do not remember the aftermath. I think we passed it off as were having a tomato fight and everyone had participated. That was kind of true -- just the sides were slightly uneven. I do not remember being punished and I am not sure if Richie's dad came over to complain or not. If he did, my Dad probably told him to fuck off, he often did, even though they worked at the same place.
I do remember that we never saw that white football uniform again.
March 15, 2007
Just like Tippi Hedren
I think I have posted in the past about my loathing of all things avian. Birds are dirty and stupid. Robins and doves in particular get something in their pea-sized brains and that thought is locked for the duration.
At my old house we had a robin that decided to attack the window on the porch. Was he trying to fight his rival, did he think the other side was a perfect nesting space? Who knows, but for days he pecked on the same spot in the window dawn to dusk, leaving only when we opened the door or pounded on the window. H pecked himself bloody, yet never did he stop. He shit the porch and window sill to a white gooey mess in the process. The widow was a mess from slobber and piss and spit. He was like Poe's Raven, knocking and pecking on the window, never stopping. A pellet gun made that bird nevermore.
A few years later a pair of doves made a nest in the hanging flower pot on the same porch. By the time it was discovered eggs were laid. The wife would not let me destroy the nest. Watering the plant and leaving the front door became an adventure as the bird would fly right at your face. Every year until we moved we had to fight off the doves, who spent every waking moment trying to rebuild that nest -- every year, every day. Every morning I would tear out the nest. Every lunch I would destroy the work they had done. Evening, I was like the big bad wolf and the pigs -- I tore the dove's house down. They finally began to work at night and the pre-dawn hours. The worst was the constant whoo-it whoo whoo on the roof. We even quit hanging up a plant the last two summers, but they tried to build a nest on the porch rail. I put out a plastic snake and owl to finally get them to move across the street.
Now I have a robin obsessed with trying to move into the dryer vent in this house. I put up a screen, but I hate that since lint will eventually build up in there. That will mean regular trips up the ladder to make sure the vent is clear. The vent is about 20 feet up, btw. I watched the robin try and pull at the screen, luckily there is no perch so she literally has to take a flying leap at it. I am loath to shoot at it with the pellet gun, since if I miss I will hit the neighbor's house (I live on a corner).
I guess I will have to rely on the fucking snake that I know is hiding in my back yard to rid me of my bird problem.
At my old house we had a robin that decided to attack the window on the porch. Was he trying to fight his rival, did he think the other side was a perfect nesting space? Who knows, but for days he pecked on the same spot in the window dawn to dusk, leaving only when we opened the door or pounded on the window. H pecked himself bloody, yet never did he stop. He shit the porch and window sill to a white gooey mess in the process. The widow was a mess from slobber and piss and spit. He was like Poe's Raven, knocking and pecking on the window, never stopping. A pellet gun made that bird nevermore.
A few years later a pair of doves made a nest in the hanging flower pot on the same porch. By the time it was discovered eggs were laid. The wife would not let me destroy the nest. Watering the plant and leaving the front door became an adventure as the bird would fly right at your face. Every year until we moved we had to fight off the doves, who spent every waking moment trying to rebuild that nest -- every year, every day. Every morning I would tear out the nest. Every lunch I would destroy the work they had done. Evening, I was like the big bad wolf and the pigs -- I tore the dove's house down. They finally began to work at night and the pre-dawn hours. The worst was the constant whoo-it whoo whoo on the roof. We even quit hanging up a plant the last two summers, but they tried to build a nest on the porch rail. I put out a plastic snake and owl to finally get them to move across the street.
Now I have a robin obsessed with trying to move into the dryer vent in this house. I put up a screen, but I hate that since lint will eventually build up in there. That will mean regular trips up the ladder to make sure the vent is clear. The vent is about 20 feet up, btw. I watched the robin try and pull at the screen, luckily there is no perch so she literally has to take a flying leap at it. I am loath to shoot at it with the pellet gun, since if I miss I will hit the neighbor's house (I live on a corner).
I guess I will have to rely on the fucking snake that I know is hiding in my back yard to rid me of my bird problem.
March 14, 2007
Best line ever
"Judges should not have the freedom to legislate from the bench any more than a private citizen has the right to make up his own laws on any suburban street."
RTG nearly always gets it right.
Liars and Hypocrites
I have not been sleeping well and I have turned on the Today Show this week prior to starting work. On today's episode of 'unbelievably biased and incomplete truth in journalism', Matt Lauer grilled the Attorney General on the firing of the eight Attorneys. He made the process sound vindictive, political and wholly unprecedented.
He failed to mention this is a common practice of Presidents for a number of years. The States Attorneys are political appointments and are often fired when there is political change. In the late 1980's I spent considerable time on a Federal Grand Jury. The attorneys and prosecutors I came to know were all fired. They were of the wrong political persuasion.
Interesting enough, one of the vocal critics of the firing of EIGHT States Attorneys is no other than the Co-President herself. When Clinton took office he fired EVERY SINGLE States Attorney, and replaced them with his own political appointees. Forty-three political firings by a Democrat and never a reference from Meredith , Matt, or Tim Russert (I guy I once respected).
By not reporting the whole story Lauer perpetuated a lie, and again the major media outlets have used half truths to sway public opinion. At least the ABC News article I linked does include that fact. The Today Show again shows its true colors.
Look, I am no fan of GW. I think he will go down in history as less than ineffective, but a bungler of the worst sort who made things worse for Americans. The growth of Government, the wholesale invasion of our country from the Mexican Border and the poorly prosecuted war in the Middle East will all be laid at his feet (Notice I said the prosecution of the war, not whether we should have been in Iraq). This hub bub is nothing more than partisan politics and once again Matt Lauer and his friends are abetting hypocrites like Clinton and Shummer to demagogue an issue.
Shame. Too bad the Dan Rather School of Journalism has taken over as the gold standard for reporters. Fake but Accurate indeed.
He failed to mention this is a common practice of Presidents for a number of years. The States Attorneys are political appointments and are often fired when there is political change. In the late 1980's I spent considerable time on a Federal Grand Jury. The attorneys and prosecutors I came to know were all fired. They were of the wrong political persuasion.
Interesting enough, one of the vocal critics of the firing of EIGHT States Attorneys is no other than the Co-President herself. When Clinton took office he fired EVERY SINGLE States Attorney, and replaced them with his own political appointees. Forty-three political firings by a Democrat and never a reference from Meredith , Matt, or Tim Russert (I guy I once respected).
By not reporting the whole story Lauer perpetuated a lie, and again the major media outlets have used half truths to sway public opinion. At least the ABC News article I linked does include that fact. The Today Show again shows its true colors.
Look, I am no fan of GW. I think he will go down in history as less than ineffective, but a bungler of the worst sort who made things worse for Americans. The growth of Government, the wholesale invasion of our country from the Mexican Border and the poorly prosecuted war in the Middle East will all be laid at his feet (Notice I said the prosecution of the war, not whether we should have been in Iraq). This hub bub is nothing more than partisan politics and once again Matt Lauer and his friends are abetting hypocrites like Clinton and Shummer to demagogue an issue.
Shame. Too bad the Dan Rather School of Journalism has taken over as the gold standard for reporters. Fake but Accurate indeed.
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