Random thoughts

I would like some pie. Who wants to make the old HB a pie? I prefer fruit pies.

That is all I have at the moment.

What he said...

The man is a damn genius

I guess JK Rowlings revealed that one of her creations might be gay. Get a fucking life people its just a damn book, the same book that has flying broom sticks , dragons and a ton of magic. Its called “FICTION” for christ sake, imagination, it ain’t real, but I guess some people are still in shock that there really isn’t a starship Enterprise.

James at Old and Evil always skins it down to simplicity and common sense. Must be the Hoosier upbringing or the career in the military. If you are not reading him every day, you should.

Enough about the cheating Patriots already...

Blah, blah, blah The Patriots are the greatest team ever...score soooo many points...blah, blah. They said that about the Rams a few years ago too. They lost in the Super bowl to a balanced team with a good defense. The Colts can score on anyone. The game on November 4 will come down to who has the better defense, who can get a key turnover.

The Patriots wil not go undefeated, even if they beat the Colts. Even an egomaniac like Belicheater will rest his starters after Home field and the playoffs are a lock. Do you really think he will plays his starters against winless Miami in a meaningless game in December?

Honestly, who would you choose for your team -- harrison, Wayne and Clark or that pothead Moss. Like TO, his poison will come out and infect the whole team.

What I saw in the edge of the Limberlost

One of the neat things about being a travelling salesman is that my car breaks down often near a farmhouse. The farmer always has a bevy of hot horny daughters...Well I do get to see some interesting stuff like this:




That is Gene Stratton Porter's house. I took the picture with my phone yesterday. Some of you older readers may have been forced to read the Limberlost books.
I have not read MS Porter's books, but I am told they are pretty good. For me, you just cannot beat another Hoosier author for a novel of early Indiana life. I highly recommend you head to the library and get the Bears of Blue River. What the heck, check out some Gene Stratton Porter too.

You should read Ralphd00d

I always miss out on the fun. My man and ex-pat Hoosier hit the big 10K mark yesterday. I was on the road and missed out. Here is a gratuitous link anyway Ralph. Congrats.

Nothing

Long day at a customer location. I really have nothing to offer except my opinion that Tony Kornheiser is a complete dooshbag. Did he not recognize that New England was NOT playing the MNF game last night? I swear he sleeps with a blow-up Tom Brady Doll. I think he would blow Brady if he walked into the broadcast booth.

My wife was reading a magazine while the game was on, and even she commented about the love affair. She asked why I did not turn down the sound. I would have, but the Colts gave the broadcast rights to an AM station that pumps out about 50 watts after dark. I am stuck watching the assholes on ESPN.

I never thought I would miss Howard Cossel and Dandy Don. Even a stuttering bumbling Madden or a caustic Dennis Miller is better than Jaws and Korheiser screaming at each other. Oh, and nice job almost missing the safety because we are too busy talking to Russell Crowe about rugby.

Redneck Tractor Pull

from Otter

Ode to Texas

Texas has brought us many wonderful things. Here is a list:

Texas themed steak house chains

The legend of the Alamo

Some of my favorite bloggers. I bet I have more Texicans on my blogroll than any other state.

This guy. Please, take ten minutes and peruse his site, you will thank me later.

One of the best fourth quarters of football ever, in the Texans/Titans game yesterday. What a heartbreaker for all 37 Houston fans.

Up in Smoke

I enjoy a good cigar periodically. I have a small humidor and it usually has 15 to twenty cigars nestled in cedar/tobacco scented humidity. Lately, there is a variety of bands and sizes represented. I have moved away from buying stogies by the box to purchases of cigars that I like or catch my fancy. Nearly all are 'good' cigars, none are the kind you would find at the drug store or gas station, if you understand.

I have maduros and naturals, Most are of medium ring size and length. One aspect is a constant. My best, most expensive cigars will be waiting, meticulously cared for. I will purchase a good cigar, paying ten, fifteen or more hard-earned greenbacks. Then I will not smoke it. The Ashton Cabinet selection I acquired for my daughter's graduation -- unsmoked. Maybe I will try to light it at her college graduation next year. This same tale could be told for a half a dozen perfectos in the humidor.

The 20 cigar box of H. Uppmans gifted me by my wife for Christmas took years to burn up in fragrant smoke. I gave away probably 6-8 at that. The last of the litter I smoked last winter -- probably 12 years after being out in the humidor.

My very good cigars --I know they are there. I take them out on occasion and smell their magnificent aroma, inhaling the scent of fine tobacco and the perfumes of cedar. I gently put them in their place and grab a less expensive smoke to enjoy on the deck. Should they age that long? Am I missing on the full bodied flavour by admiring the construction instead of smoking the little turds? Maybe. I just cannot help myself. I buy 'em and I keep 'em. Just another quirk of the old HB.

Aren't you proud? A whole post about cigars and never a crack about Clinton/Lewinski. Until the end anyway.

Weekend Cartoon

Waiting on the other shoe

The wife is gonna be pissed.

I am not too happy myself.

We will be fine, we treat it as extra income.

The third quarter bonus is what we use for Christmas etc.

There will not be a third quarter bonus this year.

Tell me again the economy is rosy.

What's for lunch?

Tuna salad on Wonder bread with pretzels and a big old glass of apple cider.

What did you have?

Wednesday Whines

Here is what is coursing through my mind on a Wednesday morning:

Mrs Goldbloom,I know you are busy. I know it is quite possible life has tossed you curve balls, there may be problems we do not know. You may be bored with whole blogging thing. Take five minutes and tell us you will not be posting any more. Look at Alli's site for a template.

Alli, please come back. At least leave me a comment that you are alive and well.

A thick, juicy steak sure sounds good.

I have slipped into a mode of too much snacking lately. I have lost about 20 lbs. and I think it is coming back. Willpower HB, willpower.

I need to start getting a little exercises. I have dropped my lunchtime walk habit. I will try to rectify that beginning today.

Here is what I think -- the economy is going to take a HUGE downturn in the next months, probably just prior to the elections. I am seeing a significant slowdown in my customer base, and the forecasts for next year are far from rosy. The stock market and unemployment are not yet reflecting this, but trust me, it is coming. Yesterday I heard a couple of people talking at the gas station and the lady said she just got laid off. That is a phrase we have not heard for a while. The big question is who will get blamed -- Bush or the Dems in Congress if things go bad.

Baseball needs to start shortening the days in the first rounds of the playoffs. The prospect of the World Series in Cleveland or Colorado or Boston played in a driving snowstorm is very real this time of year.

Football finally ended for the little one last night. The team lost again. One win in two years. The coaches finally used more than three plays from the playbook. That is all they used in the previous three games. The game previous they ran EVERY play to the right for the entire game. Then they punished the boys for losing by making them run. In last night's finale, the coaches changed nearly every position and only played 14 kids total in the whole game -- offense, defense and special teams. They seemed really confused when the team ran out of gas in the fourth quarter. The head coach was livid that most of the team took off their helmets and sat down on the bench in the last half of the game. In my years in organized sports I have never seen a worse bunch of coaches.

Seriously, how can anyone consider electing Hillary. I beg anyone to tell me why they would cast a vote for her. I am truly baffled by her popularity.

Damn you, Turks

Congress is intent on passing a resolution to condemn the Turks for the slaughter of Armenians back in 1915. As you can imagine, this is pissing of the Turks, one of our few allies in the Middle East. The Democrats who are obsessed with passing this resolution say it has nothing to do with making the long-term prosecution of the war in Iraq more difficult. After all, that Turkey is one of our major points of supply to our troops in Iraq is mere coincidence. I am sure Ms Pelosi will soon be introducing bills to condemn other acts of atrocity. Here is a starter list:

The Russians for the deaths of hundreds of Poles in the Katyn Forest

The Mexicans for the Alamo

The Japanese for Nanking, and Korea and Pearl Harbor

Che and his buddy Castro for his creative use of baseball fields

Pol Pot for the Killing Fields of Cambodia

Stalin for well, being Stalin

Ditto for Lenin (Funny how the Communist populate this list isn't it?)

The Seventh Cavalry for Wounded Knee

The Sioux and Cheyenne Indian Nations for the battle of Little Big Horn (fair is fair)

The Germans for massacre of three Roman Legions at Teutoberger Forest

The Germans for the killing of millions of Jews

Count Dracula for the slaughter of Muslims and Gypsies

Spain for the Incas, Aztecs and others

The US, Colorado Militia, and others for the Sand Creek Massacre

The Mexicans for Camerone

Scipio for the destruction of Carthage

The Greeks for the destruction of Troy and the slaughter of Persians at Marathon

The Persians for the slaughter of Greeks at Thermopylae

And most of all the Congress should condemn that British guy for burning those people alive in the church in the movie The Patriot. That act will make as much sense as going after the Turks for an event nearly one hundred years ago. The slaughter of the Armenians is pretty small potatoes compared to the record of killing and murder by the Communists and Socialists whose philosophy is so admired by Speaker Pelosi.

The Halloween Party

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween
party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
and
said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no
need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping
soundly
for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early,
decided go
to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she
thought
she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted
when
she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick"
he
could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he
left
his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her
husband.
After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear
and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate
intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she
slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous
behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of
time
he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're
not
there." Then she asked,"Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell
you, I
never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown
and
some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all
evening."

You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker
all
night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your
Dad,
apparently he had the time of his life."

The paranoid's lament

I think my wife is trying to kill me. I am positive she is slipping various prescription medicines into my food. How do I know this? I have experienced a wide range of side effects described by serious-sounding announcers on TV commercials for prescription medications.

Drowsiness, joint pain, nausea, blurred vision (that one cleared up when I put on my glasses), diarrhea, irritability, headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia -- I have felt all of these and more over the last several weeks. Well, all the side effects except the four hour boner. I keep waiting on that one.

We all need something to brag about, even when we are being slowly poisoned.

Weekend Cartoon

This has long been a feature of Fat in Indiana, suspended for a want of material, but I have enough for the next several weeks. All the cool kids are off doing their Deliverance Dance in Georgia, They ain't writing in the blogs today, so you have plenty of time to peruse my archives. Enjoy.

I wanna hold your hand, 'cause we can't play footsie

On some subjects I am clueless. That never keeps me from pontificating, however. Divorce is one of those subjects.

I saw on the news Heather Mills is claiming Sir Paul should pony up 150 Million or so of his hard earned money since they are getting divorced. I think he owes her a share of any monies he made while they were married, but what right does she claim the cash earned as a Beatle? Was she there during the 12 hour sets in Hamburg? Was she at the sweltering lunch concerts at the Cavern Club? Was she pelted by jellie beans, her life in danger after every concert in the US? Did she have to put up with Yoko Ono?

I guess the bigger question is why did he not get a pre-nup?

Local weather guy drops the F bomb on air

Monday was a record setting day in the Hoosierland. Temperatures were in the 90's. Today's high will be the upper 50's. The weather quack dropped the F-bomb this morning -- yep there is a chance for frost Friday night / Saturday morning.

Insert break here while I have some OJ and a hit of coffee.

I have never been a 'cup is half full' kind of person. You might recognize that aspect of my personality if you have visited here very often. I have never been a 'the cup is half empty' guy either. Historically I think my philosophy was more akin to 'who stole my fucking drink?' I have tried to moderate my negative approach to life in recent weeks. In that spirit, instead of bitching about the cold, which is the norm for this time of year, I think I will celebrate I got to have ninety degree weather in October. I am a lucky man indeed.

today's funny