October 31, 2007
It is all in a name
There are just certain names you can no longer use for your kid. Adolph, Napoleon, Vlad, Dracula and Hillary all come to mind. Thanks to The Kinks, anyone who names their daughter Lola is a sadistic mental midget.
October 29, 2007
Ode to Fred
I was desperate, working two part time jobs at just above minimum wage. My wife was pregnant with our first child. My college degree was not opening the doors of opportunity. Times were tough, I lost out one job because the other final candidate had nearly twenty years of experience. The early/mid eighties were hard times, economically. I saw the ad in the paper and zipped off a resume.
I am not sure why I was called for an interview. I was not qualified in any way to be a Quality Manager at an injection molding plant. It was clear to me ten minutes into the interview I was not qualified. For the plant manager, Fred, I am sure it was clear within two minutes. He spent considerable time talking to me anyway. Maybe he was looking for a respite from plant issues. As the discussions wrapped up he gently told me 'Thanks, but no thanks...lack of experience...blah, blah...' Dang, darn and double damn, I just had to get a real job. My wife was supporting us, thankfully she had good insurance.
I had nothing to lose at this point, and this guy had been very nice to me. I asked the question we have all wanted to ask. I said " Fred, I understand I am not qualified for this job. I agree I do not have the experience. I hear that all the time. Just how am I to get experience if no one will hire me?" Fred commiserated a bit, told me he got his start in the military and said I should keep trying, the right job would come around. I went home and circled more ads in the paper.
A few days later I got a call. It was Fred. He had a proposition for me. He had gone to corporate and got permission to create a position for me -- Management Trainee. He promised I would get experience. He said I would do a variety of work, running presses, driving a forklift, filing, scheduling, everything. He promised I would work hard, I might have to do shift work, and the pay would be low -- about the same hourly wage I was making at my part-time jobs. Taking that job remains today one of the best decisions I have ever made.
I did it all: every job in the plant except heavy maintenance and the plant manager's job. I ran presses, swept floors, did assembly, supervised every shift. I did payroll and served as the receptionist. Scheduling, inventory, driving a forklift were all in a day's work. There was no regular rotation. If someone was sick or needed a hand -- I was the man. I might run a press for a few hours. I would get called to the office and home I would go -- ready to be foreman for the second or third shift. I worked like a dog. Often I put in eighty hours a week. I would work twelve hours on Friday and come back to supervise the twelve hour weekend shifts we had hired. I would work from 3 am to 3 pm on Friday, return to work 12 am to 12 pm on Saturday and Sunday. Back to regular work at 7 am on Monday. Week after week. I learned about manufacturing. I watched Fred and learned how to manage people.
I cleaned the gutters at his house, washed his car and went to buy him concert tickets. I picked up his wife when her car broke down. I drove his daughter home from school when she missed the bus, all part of the training. And when Fred was promoted to the corporate office I drove his car to New York so it would not have to be shipped.
I was a valuable fill-in for the company. Given time, I might have had a bright future. Three years of working my ass off,and I now had experience. A recruiter called and I was offered a new job. The Company was not pleased, the President called to try and talk me into staying. The wage differential was just too much. Fred called and offered congratulations.
I have only seen him a few times since. He eventually moved back to Indiana. His slight drinking problem became a major drinking problem. He did some time in politics, a few stints as a plant manager. The last I heard he was running the street department in my home town.
Last week I got an email from a friend. She said that rumor has it Fred tried to kill himself. He was in the hospital. There was some shady dealings at the Street Department and Fred was implicated. The shame was too much.
Fred was one of the best three managers I have ever had. he taught me about manufacturing, about management and about people. Most of all he gave a wet behind the ears twenty-four year old kid a chance. Thank you, Fred. May God give you the strength to exercise your demons. You had a profound positive influence on my life.
I am not sure why I was called for an interview. I was not qualified in any way to be a Quality Manager at an injection molding plant. It was clear to me ten minutes into the interview I was not qualified. For the plant manager, Fred, I am sure it was clear within two minutes. He spent considerable time talking to me anyway. Maybe he was looking for a respite from plant issues. As the discussions wrapped up he gently told me 'Thanks, but no thanks...lack of experience...blah, blah...' Dang, darn and double damn, I just had to get a real job. My wife was supporting us, thankfully she had good insurance.
I had nothing to lose at this point, and this guy had been very nice to me. I asked the question we have all wanted to ask. I said " Fred, I understand I am not qualified for this job. I agree I do not have the experience. I hear that all the time. Just how am I to get experience if no one will hire me?" Fred commiserated a bit, told me he got his start in the military and said I should keep trying, the right job would come around. I went home and circled more ads in the paper.
A few days later I got a call. It was Fred. He had a proposition for me. He had gone to corporate and got permission to create a position for me -- Management Trainee. He promised I would get experience. He said I would do a variety of work, running presses, driving a forklift, filing, scheduling, everything. He promised I would work hard, I might have to do shift work, and the pay would be low -- about the same hourly wage I was making at my part-time jobs. Taking that job remains today one of the best decisions I have ever made.
I did it all: every job in the plant except heavy maintenance and the plant manager's job. I ran presses, swept floors, did assembly, supervised every shift. I did payroll and served as the receptionist. Scheduling, inventory, driving a forklift were all in a day's work. There was no regular rotation. If someone was sick or needed a hand -- I was the man. I might run a press for a few hours. I would get called to the office and home I would go -- ready to be foreman for the second or third shift. I worked like a dog. Often I put in eighty hours a week. I would work twelve hours on Friday and come back to supervise the twelve hour weekend shifts we had hired. I would work from 3 am to 3 pm on Friday, return to work 12 am to 12 pm on Saturday and Sunday. Back to regular work at 7 am on Monday. Week after week. I learned about manufacturing. I watched Fred and learned how to manage people.
I cleaned the gutters at his house, washed his car and went to buy him concert tickets. I picked up his wife when her car broke down. I drove his daughter home from school when she missed the bus, all part of the training. And when Fred was promoted to the corporate office I drove his car to New York so it would not have to be shipped.
I was a valuable fill-in for the company. Given time, I might have had a bright future. Three years of working my ass off,and I now had experience. A recruiter called and I was offered a new job. The Company was not pleased, the President called to try and talk me into staying. The wage differential was just too much. Fred called and offered congratulations.
I have only seen him a few times since. He eventually moved back to Indiana. His slight drinking problem became a major drinking problem. He did some time in politics, a few stints as a plant manager. The last I heard he was running the street department in my home town.
Last week I got an email from a friend. She said that rumor has it Fred tried to kill himself. He was in the hospital. There was some shady dealings at the Street Department and Fred was implicated. The shame was too much.
Fred was one of the best three managers I have ever had. he taught me about manufacturing, about management and about people. Most of all he gave a wet behind the ears twenty-four year old kid a chance. Thank you, Fred. May God give you the strength to exercise your demons. You had a profound positive influence on my life.
October 27, 2007
Why you should never watch Rosie
Oh, probably not safe for work or anyone under 18. If this applies to you do not look today.
October 26, 2007
Random thoughts
I would like some pie. Who wants to make the old HB a pie? I prefer fruit pies.
That is all I have at the moment.
That is all I have at the moment.
October 25, 2007
What he said...
The man is a damn genius
James at Old and Evil always skins it down to simplicity and common sense. Must be the Hoosier upbringing or the career in the military. If you are not reading him every day, you should.
I guess JK Rowlings revealed that one of her creations might be gay. Get a fucking life people its just a damn book, the same book that has flying broom sticks , dragons and a ton of magic. Its called “FICTION” for christ sake, imagination, it ain’t real, but I guess some people are still in shock that there really isn’t a starship Enterprise.
James at Old and Evil always skins it down to simplicity and common sense. Must be the Hoosier upbringing or the career in the military. If you are not reading him every day, you should.
Enough about the cheating Patriots already...
Blah, blah, blah The Patriots are the greatest team ever...score soooo many points...blah, blah. They said that about the Rams a few years ago too. They lost in the Super bowl to a balanced team with a good defense. The Colts can score on anyone. The game on November 4 will come down to who has the better defense, who can get a key turnover.
The Patriots wil not go undefeated, even if they beat the Colts. Even an egomaniac like Belicheater will rest his starters after Home field and the playoffs are a lock. Do you really think he will plays his starters against winless Miami in a meaningless game in December?
Honestly, who would you choose for your team -- harrison, Wayne and Clark or that pothead Moss. Like TO, his poison will come out and infect the whole team.
The Patriots wil not go undefeated, even if they beat the Colts. Even an egomaniac like Belicheater will rest his starters after Home field and the playoffs are a lock. Do you really think he will plays his starters against winless Miami in a meaningless game in December?
Honestly, who would you choose for your team -- harrison, Wayne and Clark or that pothead Moss. Like TO, his poison will come out and infect the whole team.
October 24, 2007
What I saw in the edge of the Limberlost
One of the neat things about being a travelling salesman is that my car breaks down often near a farmhouse. The farmer always has a bevy of hot horny daughters...Well I do get to see some interesting stuff like this:
That is Gene Stratton Porter's house. I took the picture with my phone yesterday. Some of you older readers may have been forced to read the Limberlost books.
I have not read MS Porter's books, but I am told they are pretty good. For me, you just cannot beat another Hoosier author for a novel of early Indiana life. I highly recommend you head to the library and get the Bears of Blue River. What the heck, check out some Gene Stratton Porter too.
That is Gene Stratton Porter's house. I took the picture with my phone yesterday. Some of you older readers may have been forced to read the Limberlost books.
I have not read MS Porter's books, but I am told they are pretty good. For me, you just cannot beat another Hoosier author for a novel of early Indiana life. I highly recommend you head to the library and get the Bears of Blue River. What the heck, check out some Gene Stratton Porter too.
You should read Ralphd00d
I always miss out on the fun. My man and ex-pat Hoosier hit the big 10K mark yesterday. I was on the road and missed out. Here is a gratuitous link anyway Ralph. Congrats.
October 23, 2007
Nothing
Long day at a customer location. I really have nothing to offer except my opinion that Tony Kornheiser is a complete dooshbag. Did he not recognize that New England was NOT playing the MNF game last night? I swear he sleeps with a blow-up Tom Brady Doll. I think he would blow Brady if he walked into the broadcast booth.
My wife was reading a magazine while the game was on, and even she commented about the love affair. She asked why I did not turn down the sound. I would have, but the Colts gave the broadcast rights to an AM station that pumps out about 50 watts after dark. I am stuck watching the assholes on ESPN.
I never thought I would miss Howard Cossel and Dandy Don. Even a stuttering bumbling Madden or a caustic Dennis Miller is better than Jaws and Korheiser screaming at each other. Oh, and nice job almost missing the safety because we are too busy talking to Russell Crowe about rugby.
My wife was reading a magazine while the game was on, and even she commented about the love affair. She asked why I did not turn down the sound. I would have, but the Colts gave the broadcast rights to an AM station that pumps out about 50 watts after dark. I am stuck watching the assholes on ESPN.
I never thought I would miss Howard Cossel and Dandy Don. Even a stuttering bumbling Madden or a caustic Dennis Miller is better than Jaws and Korheiser screaming at each other. Oh, and nice job almost missing the safety because we are too busy talking to Russell Crowe about rugby.
October 22, 2007
Ode to Texas
Texas has brought us many wonderful things. Here is a list:
Texas themed steak house chains
The legend of the Alamo
Some of my favorite bloggers. I bet I have more Texicans on my blogroll than any other state.
This guy. Please, take ten minutes and peruse his site, you will thank me later.
One of the best fourth quarters of football ever, in the Texans/Titans game yesterday. What a heartbreaker for all 37 Houston fans.
Texas themed steak house chains
The legend of the Alamo
Some of my favorite bloggers. I bet I have more Texicans on my blogroll than any other state.
This guy. Please, take ten minutes and peruse his site, you will thank me later.
One of the best fourth quarters of football ever, in the Texans/Titans game yesterday. What a heartbreaker for all 37 Houston fans.
October 21, 2007
Up in Smoke
I enjoy a good cigar periodically. I have a small humidor and it usually has 15 to twenty cigars nestled in cedar/tobacco scented humidity. Lately, there is a variety of bands and sizes represented. I have moved away from buying stogies by the box to purchases of cigars that I like or catch my fancy. Nearly all are 'good' cigars, none are the kind you would find at the drug store or gas station, if you understand.
I have maduros and naturals, Most are of medium ring size and length. One aspect is a constant. My best, most expensive cigars will be waiting, meticulously cared for. I will purchase a good cigar, paying ten, fifteen or more hard-earned greenbacks. Then I will not smoke it. The Ashton Cabinet selection I acquired for my daughter's graduation -- unsmoked. Maybe I will try to light it at her college graduation next year. This same tale could be told for a half a dozen perfectos in the humidor.
The 20 cigar box of H. Uppmans gifted me by my wife for Christmas took years to burn up in fragrant smoke. I gave away probably 6-8 at that. The last of the litter I smoked last winter -- probably 12 years after being out in the humidor.
My very good cigars --I know they are there. I take them out on occasion and smell their magnificent aroma, inhaling the scent of fine tobacco and the perfumes of cedar. I gently put them in their place and grab a less expensive smoke to enjoy on the deck. Should they age that long? Am I missing on the full bodied flavour by admiring the construction instead of smoking the little turds? Maybe. I just cannot help myself. I buy 'em and I keep 'em. Just another quirk of the old HB.
Aren't you proud? A whole post about cigars and never a crack about Clinton/Lewinski. Until the end anyway.
I have maduros and naturals, Most are of medium ring size and length. One aspect is a constant. My best, most expensive cigars will be waiting, meticulously cared for. I will purchase a good cigar, paying ten, fifteen or more hard-earned greenbacks. Then I will not smoke it. The Ashton Cabinet selection I acquired for my daughter's graduation -- unsmoked. Maybe I will try to light it at her college graduation next year. This same tale could be told for a half a dozen perfectos in the humidor.
The 20 cigar box of H. Uppmans gifted me by my wife for Christmas took years to burn up in fragrant smoke. I gave away probably 6-8 at that. The last of the litter I smoked last winter -- probably 12 years after being out in the humidor.
My very good cigars --I know they are there. I take them out on occasion and smell their magnificent aroma, inhaling the scent of fine tobacco and the perfumes of cedar. I gently put them in their place and grab a less expensive smoke to enjoy on the deck. Should they age that long? Am I missing on the full bodied flavour by admiring the construction instead of smoking the little turds? Maybe. I just cannot help myself. I buy 'em and I keep 'em. Just another quirk of the old HB.
Aren't you proud? A whole post about cigars and never a crack about Clinton/Lewinski. Until the end anyway.
October 20, 2007
October 18, 2007
Waiting on the other shoe
The wife is gonna be pissed.
I am not too happy myself.
We will be fine, we treat it as extra income.
The third quarter bonus is what we use for Christmas etc.
There will not be a third quarter bonus this year.
Tell me again the economy is rosy.
I am not too happy myself.
We will be fine, we treat it as extra income.
The third quarter bonus is what we use for Christmas etc.
There will not be a third quarter bonus this year.
Tell me again the economy is rosy.
October 17, 2007
What's for lunch?
Tuna salad on Wonder bread with pretzels and a big old glass of apple cider.
What did you have?
What did you have?
Wednesday Whines
Here is what is coursing through my mind on a Wednesday morning:
Mrs Goldbloom,I know you are busy. I know it is quite possible life has tossed you curve balls, there may be problems we do not know. You may be bored with whole blogging thing. Take five minutes and tell us you will not be posting any more. Look at Alli's site for a template.
Alli, please come back. At least leave me a comment that you are alive and well.
A thick, juicy steak sure sounds good.
I have slipped into a mode of too much snacking lately. I have lost about 20 lbs. and I think it is coming back. Willpower HB, willpower.
I need to start getting a little exercises. I have dropped my lunchtime walk habit. I will try to rectify that beginning today.
Here is what I think -- the economy is going to take a HUGE downturn in the next months, probably just prior to the elections. I am seeing a significant slowdown in my customer base, and the forecasts for next year are far from rosy. The stock market and unemployment are not yet reflecting this, but trust me, it is coming. Yesterday I heard a couple of people talking at the gas station and the lady said she just got laid off. That is a phrase we have not heard for a while. The big question is who will get blamed -- Bush or the Dems in Congress if things go bad.
Baseball needs to start shortening the days in the first rounds of the playoffs. The prospect of the World Series in Cleveland or Colorado or Boston played in a driving snowstorm is very real this time of year.
Football finally ended for the little one last night. The team lost again. One win in two years. The coaches finally used more than three plays from the playbook. That is all they used in the previous three games. The game previous they ran EVERY play to the right for the entire game. Then they punished the boys for losing by making them run. In last night's finale, the coaches changed nearly every position and only played 14 kids total in the whole game -- offense, defense and special teams. They seemed really confused when the team ran out of gas in the fourth quarter. The head coach was livid that most of the team took off their helmets and sat down on the bench in the last half of the game. In my years in organized sports I have never seen a worse bunch of coaches.
Seriously, how can anyone consider electing Hillary. I beg anyone to tell me why they would cast a vote for her. I am truly baffled by her popularity.
Mrs Goldbloom,I know you are busy. I know it is quite possible life has tossed you curve balls, there may be problems we do not know. You may be bored with whole blogging thing. Take five minutes and tell us you will not be posting any more. Look at Alli's site for a template.
Alli, please come back. At least leave me a comment that you are alive and well.
A thick, juicy steak sure sounds good.
I have slipped into a mode of too much snacking lately. I have lost about 20 lbs. and I think it is coming back. Willpower HB, willpower.
I need to start getting a little exercises. I have dropped my lunchtime walk habit. I will try to rectify that beginning today.
Here is what I think -- the economy is going to take a HUGE downturn in the next months, probably just prior to the elections. I am seeing a significant slowdown in my customer base, and the forecasts for next year are far from rosy. The stock market and unemployment are not yet reflecting this, but trust me, it is coming. Yesterday I heard a couple of people talking at the gas station and the lady said she just got laid off. That is a phrase we have not heard for a while. The big question is who will get blamed -- Bush or the Dems in Congress if things go bad.
Baseball needs to start shortening the days in the first rounds of the playoffs. The prospect of the World Series in Cleveland or Colorado or Boston played in a driving snowstorm is very real this time of year.
Football finally ended for the little one last night. The team lost again. One win in two years. The coaches finally used more than three plays from the playbook. That is all they used in the previous three games. The game previous they ran EVERY play to the right for the entire game. Then they punished the boys for losing by making them run. In last night's finale, the coaches changed nearly every position and only played 14 kids total in the whole game -- offense, defense and special teams. They seemed really confused when the team ran out of gas in the fourth quarter. The head coach was livid that most of the team took off their helmets and sat down on the bench in the last half of the game. In my years in organized sports I have never seen a worse bunch of coaches.
Seriously, how can anyone consider electing Hillary. I beg anyone to tell me why they would cast a vote for her. I am truly baffled by her popularity.
October 16, 2007
Damn you, Turks
Congress is intent on passing a resolution to condemn the Turks for the slaughter of Armenians back in 1915. As you can imagine, this is pissing of the Turks, one of our few allies in the Middle East. The Democrats who are obsessed with passing this resolution say it has nothing to do with making the long-term prosecution of the war in Iraq more difficult. After all, that Turkey is one of our major points of supply to our troops in Iraq is mere coincidence. I am sure Ms Pelosi will soon be introducing bills to condemn other acts of atrocity. Here is a starter list:
The Russians for the deaths of hundreds of Poles in the Katyn Forest
The Mexicans for the Alamo
The Japanese for Nanking, and Korea and Pearl Harbor
Che and his buddy Castro for his creative use of baseball fields
Pol Pot for the Killing Fields of Cambodia
Stalin for well, being Stalin
Ditto for Lenin (Funny how the Communist populate this list isn't it?)
The Seventh Cavalry for Wounded Knee
The Sioux and Cheyenne Indian Nations for the battle of Little Big Horn (fair is fair)
The Germans for massacre of three Roman Legions at Teutoberger Forest
The Germans for the killing of millions of Jews
Count Dracula for the slaughter of Muslims and Gypsies
Spain for the Incas, Aztecs and others
The US, Colorado Militia, and others for the Sand Creek Massacre
The Mexicans for Camerone
Scipio for the destruction of Carthage
The Greeks for the destruction of Troy and the slaughter of Persians at Marathon
The Persians for the slaughter of Greeks at Thermopylae
And most of all the Congress should condemn that British guy for burning those people alive in the church in the movie The Patriot. That act will make as much sense as going after the Turks for an event nearly one hundred years ago. The slaughter of the Armenians is pretty small potatoes compared to the record of killing and murder by the Communists and Socialists whose philosophy is so admired by Speaker Pelosi.
The Russians for the deaths of hundreds of Poles in the Katyn Forest
The Mexicans for the Alamo
The Japanese for Nanking, and Korea and Pearl Harbor
Che and his buddy Castro for his creative use of baseball fields
Pol Pot for the Killing Fields of Cambodia
Stalin for well, being Stalin
Ditto for Lenin (Funny how the Communist populate this list isn't it?)
The Seventh Cavalry for Wounded Knee
The Sioux and Cheyenne Indian Nations for the battle of Little Big Horn (fair is fair)
The Germans for massacre of three Roman Legions at Teutoberger Forest
The Germans for the killing of millions of Jews
Count Dracula for the slaughter of Muslims and Gypsies
Spain for the Incas, Aztecs and others
The US, Colorado Militia, and others for the Sand Creek Massacre
The Mexicans for Camerone
Scipio for the destruction of Carthage
The Greeks for the destruction of Troy and the slaughter of Persians at Marathon
The Persians for the slaughter of Greeks at Thermopylae
And most of all the Congress should condemn that British guy for burning those people alive in the church in the movie The Patriot. That act will make as much sense as going after the Turks for an event nearly one hundred years ago. The slaughter of the Armenians is pretty small potatoes compared to the record of killing and murder by the Communists and Socialists whose philosophy is so admired by Speaker Pelosi.
October 15, 2007
The Halloween Party
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween
party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
and
said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no
need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping
soundly
for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early,
decided go
to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she
thought
she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted
when
she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick"
he
could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he
left
his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her
husband.
After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear
and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate
intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she
slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous
behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of
time
he had.
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're
not
there." Then she asked,"Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell
you, I
never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown
and
some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all
evening."
You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker
all
night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your
Dad,
apparently he had the time of his life."
party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
and
said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no
need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping
soundly
for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early,
decided go
to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she
thought
she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted
when
she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick"
he
could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he
left
his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her
husband.
After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear
and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate
intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she
slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous
behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of
time
he had.
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're
not
there." Then she asked,"Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell
you, I
never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown
and
some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all
evening."
You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker
all
night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your
Dad,
apparently he had the time of his life."
October 14, 2007
The paranoid's lament
I think my wife is trying to kill me. I am positive she is slipping various prescription medicines into my food. How do I know this? I have experienced a wide range of side effects described by serious-sounding announcers on TV commercials for prescription medications.
Drowsiness, joint pain, nausea, blurred vision (that one cleared up when I put on my glasses), diarrhea, irritability, headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia -- I have felt all of these and more over the last several weeks. Well, all the side effects except the four hour boner. I keep waiting on that one.
We all need something to brag about, even when we are being slowly poisoned.
Drowsiness, joint pain, nausea, blurred vision (that one cleared up when I put on my glasses), diarrhea, irritability, headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia -- I have felt all of these and more over the last several weeks. Well, all the side effects except the four hour boner. I keep waiting on that one.
We all need something to brag about, even when we are being slowly poisoned.
October 13, 2007
Weekend Cartoon
This has long been a feature of Fat in Indiana, suspended for a want of material, but I have enough for the next several weeks. All the cool kids are off doing their Deliverance Dance in Georgia, They ain't writing in the blogs today, so you have plenty of time to peruse my archives. Enjoy.
October 12, 2007
I wanna hold your hand, 'cause we can't play footsie
On some subjects I am clueless. That never keeps me from pontificating, however. Divorce is one of those subjects.
I saw on the news Heather Mills is claiming Sir Paul should pony up 150 Million or so of his hard earned money since they are getting divorced. I think he owes her a share of any monies he made while they were married, but what right does she claim the cash earned as a Beatle? Was she there during the 12 hour sets in Hamburg? Was she at the sweltering lunch concerts at the Cavern Club? Was she pelted by jellie beans, her life in danger after every concert in the US? Did she have to put up with Yoko Ono?
I guess the bigger question is why did he not get a pre-nup?
I saw on the news Heather Mills is claiming Sir Paul should pony up 150 Million or so of his hard earned money since they are getting divorced. I think he owes her a share of any monies he made while they were married, but what right does she claim the cash earned as a Beatle? Was she there during the 12 hour sets in Hamburg? Was she at the sweltering lunch concerts at the Cavern Club? Was she pelted by jellie beans, her life in danger after every concert in the US? Did she have to put up with Yoko Ono?
I guess the bigger question is why did he not get a pre-nup?
October 11, 2007
Local weather guy drops the F bomb on air
Monday was a record setting day in the Hoosierland. Temperatures were in the 90's. Today's high will be the upper 50's. The weather quack dropped the F-bomb this morning -- yep there is a chance for frost Friday night / Saturday morning.
Insert break here while I have some OJ and a hit of coffee.
I have never been a 'cup is half full' kind of person. You might recognize that aspect of my personality if you have visited here very often. I have never been a 'the cup is half empty' guy either. Historically I think my philosophy was more akin to 'who stole my fucking drink?' I have tried to moderate my negative approach to life in recent weeks. In that spirit, instead of bitching about the cold, which is the norm for this time of year, I think I will celebrate I got to have ninety degree weather in October. I am a lucky man indeed.
Insert break here while I have some OJ and a hit of coffee.
I have never been a 'cup is half full' kind of person. You might recognize that aspect of my personality if you have visited here very often. I have never been a 'the cup is half empty' guy either. Historically I think my philosophy was more akin to 'who stole my fucking drink?' I have tried to moderate my negative approach to life in recent weeks. In that spirit, instead of bitching about the cold, which is the norm for this time of year, I think I will celebrate I got to have ninety degree weather in October. I am a lucky man indeed.
October 10, 2007
With apologies to Sam Cook
I don't know much biology, but I do know that if the Republicans put Rudy or Mitt as their candidate we will be spending the next 8 years under the Clintons.
A Rino cannot win, only a true conservative will bring out the voters for a resounding victory.
A Rino cannot win, only a true conservative will bring out the voters for a resounding victory.
October 8, 2007
You wish you were me
I do not know for sure what tomorrow will bring. I do know it will be extraordinary. You see, I am spending tonight at a Holiday Inn Express.
It is sure good to be me.
It is sure good to be me.
How to liberally waste your cash
I do not do it very often. I know a lot of you do not either.
This is important, Open this link and read this post.
She says what I wish I had the skills to write. I can only claim reflected glory by imagining she is my supersecret bloggy twin sister. Superpowerz indeed.
This is important, Open this link and read this post.
She says what I wish I had the skills to write. I can only claim reflected glory by imagining she is my supersecret bloggy twin sister. Superpowerz indeed.
October 7, 2007
I hate you right now
Fucking Cubs.
Otter texted(?)me last night that he does not think the Cubs will win it in our lifetime. I am afraid he is right.
4 generations of futility. I can only hope they overcome their history of failure and mediocrity soon, Ernie Banks cannot live forever. He deserves to see them win it all.
Otter texted(?)me last night that he does not think the Cubs will win it in our lifetime. I am afraid he is right.
4 generations of futility. I can only hope they overcome their history of failure and mediocrity soon, Ernie Banks cannot live forever. He deserves to see them win it all.
October 5, 2007
Friday
Isn't it amazing how a rasher of bacon and some coffee makes the day a little better? So far it has been pretty disappointing for both personal and professional reasons.
I am sorely dragging this morning. I stayed up to watch the Cubs lose again. I do not know why I got my hopes up. They will only disappoint me. My grandfather's father was a Cubs fan the last time they were world champions. Chew on that fat for a while.
Have you heard that term before? I have been derided for some weeks by a coworker for a similar phrase. He asked if something that happened bothered me and I replied that it was 'like water on a duck's back.' He said that made no sense and I pointed out that a duck's feathers were waterproof so water just runs off the duck's back. In other words it had no effect on me. He now tells me on a regular basis that is the dumbest phrase he has ever heard. Have you used that analogy?
Jack Aubry in the book Master and Commander says he feels when on shore like a "badger in a barrel", I am not sure what that means, but it is wonderfully descriptive. Are there colloquialism you use?
I am sorely dragging this morning. I stayed up to watch the Cubs lose again. I do not know why I got my hopes up. They will only disappoint me. My grandfather's father was a Cubs fan the last time they were world champions. Chew on that fat for a while.
Have you heard that term before? I have been derided for some weeks by a coworker for a similar phrase. He asked if something that happened bothered me and I replied that it was 'like water on a duck's back.' He said that made no sense and I pointed out that a duck's feathers were waterproof so water just runs off the duck's back. In other words it had no effect on me. He now tells me on a regular basis that is the dumbest phrase he has ever heard. Have you used that analogy?
Jack Aubry in the book Master and Commander says he feels when on shore like a "badger in a barrel", I am not sure what that means, but it is wonderfully descriptive. Are there colloquialism you use?
October 4, 2007
Emailed from Otter
The Bilingual Texan:
As a Texan is walking through his field, he sees a man drinking water from a stock tank with one of his hands.
The Texan shouts,…."Hey don't drink that water ! It has cow shit in it !!
The Man shouts back,….â€Soy mexicano, yo no entiendo inglés. Hábleme español.".
(I'm Mexican, I don't speak English. Speak Spanish to me)
The Texan shouts back,,,"Utilice ambas manos, usted conseguirá más para beber."
(Use both hands; you'll get more to drink.)
As a Texan is walking through his field, he sees a man drinking water from a stock tank with one of his hands.
The Texan shouts,…."Hey don't drink that water ! It has cow shit in it !!
The Man shouts back,….â€Soy mexicano, yo no entiendo inglés. Hábleme español.".
(I'm Mexican, I don't speak English. Speak Spanish to me)
The Texan shouts back,,,"Utilice ambas manos, usted conseguirá más para beber."
(Use both hands; you'll get more to drink.)
Questions
@&%$^#$ Cubs
This is a hilarious link
Baseball is going to kill me. Staying up late, getting up early, argghhh. Am I the only one second guessing the pitching change at the top of the 7th?
Why do trolls never stick around and defend their position?
What is the last book you read?
What is the last movie you saw?
Rented?
What did you have for supper last night> I whipped up sloppy joes, tater tots and corn.
Who will be in the World Series this year?
The Super Bowl?
What are the odds I get laid this week?
This is a hilarious link
Baseball is going to kill me. Staying up late, getting up early, argghhh. Am I the only one second guessing the pitching change at the top of the 7th?
Why do trolls never stick around and defend their position?
What is the last book you read?
What is the last movie you saw?
Rented?
What did you have for supper last night> I whipped up sloppy joes, tater tots and corn.
Who will be in the World Series this year?
The Super Bowl?
What are the odds I get laid this week?
October 2, 2007
Tom Paine, Call your office...
Lately, I find myself trying to come up with topics to write about. The quality of posts for the past several months reflects this. I cannot imagine anyone is interested in my daily travels or family life. I have not had the time or desire to publish a history lesson that so few of you find entertaining or interesting. I would guess the response is ditto for sports. One of my favorite topics has always been politics. You will notice there has little written on this site about politics for some time. My interest has not waned, but I find myself overcome by a sense of inevitability.
We rallied to defeat an immigration amnesty bill, only to have it again hidden in a defense appropriation bill. The flood of immigrants has not abated. Hospitals, social services, schools and law enforcement are overburdened with the cost in language, time, and increased services required by the influx of third world immigrants.
It is inevitable we will get some kind of government sponsored health care. The people will scream for it. The Conservatives will agree for a minimal program, only to see it grow over time into complete socialized medicine. Twenty years from now we will complain about the poor care, the long waits and wonder why our best and brightest no longer want to enter the health care field.
Despite mountains of evidence that socialism/communism are abject failures EVERYWHERE they are tried, we are moving toward a bigger, more intrusive government. Hillary says she wants to give every child $5,000 at birth. She just bought millions of votes. Many people will think they get the cash upfront -- pennies for placenta. A few more will actually believe that $5K will be a fortune in 18 years. Given steady inflation and the current interest rates, that money will no more buy a car or house at that time than it does now. In any case, if you give something for nothing you only create a greater demand. The poorly educated-lower wage-immigrant-welfare-driven-all for more government portion of our society will be fucking like rabbits.
I am disappointed in the President, the Congress and the Republicans in general for forgetting the principles and the voters that got them there. They have not learned the lesson of the last election, of Reagan's victories -- move Right! They have put the leftists back in charge. For some reason compromise only seems to go one way. Where is the strong leader that will stand up and say the truth, that will call out the leftist for what they are, that will stand up against illegal immigrants and universal health care? Who will point out clearly that radical Islam is our enemy, that giving away money just for being born is not a right or permitted in the Constitution? Who will propose smaller government, less taxes, and more freedom? Who will stand up and say it is not the Government's business if I smoke, do not wear a seat belt or fry my potatoes in beef fat? Who will reaffirm my right to fill in a puddle in my back yard or clear a logjam from the stream next to my property? Who will stand up a defend my right to own a gun?
Our country is moving in a direction I cannot fathom, but I feel powerless to stop it. Senators and the press say and publish lies, yet there is no censure. Show me a politician that is honest and I will show you a politician that has not been caught. Show me a fair and unbiased reporter and I will tell you he will soon be unemployed. I can find nothing positive in today's discourse.
I have been called at various times a bulldog, a mule, hard headed, stubborn, a fighter. This is by my family. Yet I find myself beaten to the canvass by life, by politics, by unrelenting religious fanatics, by by the news, the world at large. I can duck and counter-punch the the blows life gives me in the microcosm. I can handle the bills, work, and daily tribulations.
It is the larger fight, the hammer of haymnakers from politicos and Muslims and the left wingers hell-bent on destroying our Constitution I can no longer defend against. I stand here, wobbling on my feet, waiting on the bell to give me respite. I feel a sense of defeat I have never before experienced. A tiny voice in my brain whispers that the American people, the Western World at large, does not have the stomach for the fight against Radical Islam. We are not willing to see dead mothers and children and babies. We are not willing to destroy holy places, churches and mosques. We are not willing to sacrifice for generations to ensure the supremacy of our culture. We lack a Charles Martel, a Tours, a King Richard.
We do not have the resources to fight the battle in our schools where our children are hammered with socialist propaganda every day. Where they are taught global warming is real and caused by man (especially Americans), that other societies and governments are better or as good as our own, where self esteem is more important than reading or long division. They are taught that citizens of the US should be ashamed because of (name your reason), where there should be no losers in sports.
The takers are outnumbering the producers in this country. Since ancient times the historians and elders have decried the young, claimed that society is going to hell. For once, as it applies to these United States, I believe it is true. We are seeing the effects of decay of the disease of liberalism eat away the skeleton that holds our nation together.
I no longer have the energy to rant about it. I feel like I am pissing against a hurricane wind. I will post again when I have something to say. Thanks for reading.
We rallied to defeat an immigration amnesty bill, only to have it again hidden in a defense appropriation bill. The flood of immigrants has not abated. Hospitals, social services, schools and law enforcement are overburdened with the cost in language, time, and increased services required by the influx of third world immigrants.
It is inevitable we will get some kind of government sponsored health care. The people will scream for it. The Conservatives will agree for a minimal program, only to see it grow over time into complete socialized medicine. Twenty years from now we will complain about the poor care, the long waits and wonder why our best and brightest no longer want to enter the health care field.
Despite mountains of evidence that socialism/communism are abject failures EVERYWHERE they are tried, we are moving toward a bigger, more intrusive government. Hillary says she wants to give every child $5,000 at birth. She just bought millions of votes. Many people will think they get the cash upfront -- pennies for placenta. A few more will actually believe that $5K will be a fortune in 18 years. Given steady inflation and the current interest rates, that money will no more buy a car or house at that time than it does now. In any case, if you give something for nothing you only create a greater demand. The poorly educated-lower wage-immigrant-welfare-driven-all for more government portion of our society will be fucking like rabbits.
I am disappointed in the President, the Congress and the Republicans in general for forgetting the principles and the voters that got them there. They have not learned the lesson of the last election, of Reagan's victories -- move Right! They have put the leftists back in charge. For some reason compromise only seems to go one way. Where is the strong leader that will stand up and say the truth, that will call out the leftist for what they are, that will stand up against illegal immigrants and universal health care? Who will point out clearly that radical Islam is our enemy, that giving away money just for being born is not a right or permitted in the Constitution? Who will propose smaller government, less taxes, and more freedom? Who will stand up and say it is not the Government's business if I smoke, do not wear a seat belt or fry my potatoes in beef fat? Who will reaffirm my right to fill in a puddle in my back yard or clear a logjam from the stream next to my property? Who will stand up a defend my right to own a gun?
Our country is moving in a direction I cannot fathom, but I feel powerless to stop it. Senators and the press say and publish lies, yet there is no censure. Show me a politician that is honest and I will show you a politician that has not been caught. Show me a fair and unbiased reporter and I will tell you he will soon be unemployed. I can find nothing positive in today's discourse.
I have been called at various times a bulldog, a mule, hard headed, stubborn, a fighter. This is by my family. Yet I find myself beaten to the canvass by life, by politics, by unrelenting religious fanatics, by by the news, the world at large. I can duck and counter-punch the the blows life gives me in the microcosm. I can handle the bills, work, and daily tribulations.
It is the larger fight, the hammer of haymnakers from politicos and Muslims and the left wingers hell-bent on destroying our Constitution I can no longer defend against. I stand here, wobbling on my feet, waiting on the bell to give me respite. I feel a sense of defeat I have never before experienced. A tiny voice in my brain whispers that the American people, the Western World at large, does not have the stomach for the fight against Radical Islam. We are not willing to see dead mothers and children and babies. We are not willing to destroy holy places, churches and mosques. We are not willing to sacrifice for generations to ensure the supremacy of our culture. We lack a Charles Martel, a Tours, a King Richard.
We do not have the resources to fight the battle in our schools where our children are hammered with socialist propaganda every day. Where they are taught global warming is real and caused by man (especially Americans), that other societies and governments are better or as good as our own, where self esteem is more important than reading or long division. They are taught that citizens of the US should be ashamed because of (name your reason), where there should be no losers in sports.
The takers are outnumbering the producers in this country. Since ancient times the historians and elders have decried the young, claimed that society is going to hell. For once, as it applies to these United States, I believe it is true. We are seeing the effects of decay of the disease of liberalism eat away the skeleton that holds our nation together.
I no longer have the energy to rant about it. I feel like I am pissing against a hurricane wind. I will post again when I have something to say. Thanks for reading.
Eat Me Tony
Tony Kornheiser is a complete blowhard. He and Jaws constant screaming at each other makes Monday Night Football nearly unwatchable. His effusive praise for the New England team coached by Bill Bellicheater makes me sick. Arguing this is the best team ever and that we should expect the patriots to go 16-0 because he does not see anyone that can beat them is a bit much. New England is very, very good. But their opponents so far are a combined 4-12. Any of the elite teams would look good playing those teams.
The Colts have beaten the Pats three straight times. They play again AT Indy. New England also has to play Pittsburgh and Dallas. Let us take a look at the records after those games. New England might very well be undefeated at that point, but could we hold off with the greatest team ever talk until the teams have played more than 1/4 of the season?
The Colts have beaten the Pats three straight times. They play again AT Indy. New England also has to play Pittsburgh and Dallas. Let us take a look at the records after those games. New England might very well be undefeated at that point, but could we hold off with the greatest team ever talk until the teams have played more than 1/4 of the season?
October 1, 2007
Deer Camp
> The guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one
> wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it
> wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they
> voted to take turns.
>
> The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning
> with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
>
> They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly,
> I just sat up and watched him all night."
>
> The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same
> thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what
> happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the
> roof. I watched him all night."
>
> The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football
> player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and
> bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it! They
> said, "Man, what happened?"
>
> He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and
> kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long.
> wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it
> wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they
> voted to take turns.
>
> The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning
> with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
>
> They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly,
> I just sat up and watched him all night."
>
> The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same
> thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what
> happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the
> roof. I watched him all night."
>
> The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football
> player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and
> bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it! They
> said, "Man, what happened?"
>
> He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and
> kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long.
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