What does your world look like?

Here is a damn meme you can try. I made it up myself.

Go 1/4 mile from your home and take a picture. What does your world look like? Here is a view from my bug-splattered windshield of the subtle beauty to be found in the nation's breadbasket.

I double dog dare you to play along.

Rainy Days and Mondays...

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.” -- Longfellow


We finally got some rain this morning. I woke at about 5 am to the flash of lightning and the rumble of thunder. It rained for a bit. The ground is so dry I am sure most of the water just ran off. How dry is it? My magnolia is shedding leaves. It is pretty dry when you have to water trees. The little brook in the back yard dried up for a few days, it is now barely running with about a half inch of water. There has been no further sign of the anaconda that stalked me there a few months ago. He moved on I hope. I have seen no shed skin or any other sign of his presence.

The sky is still overcast and there may be another opportunity for precipitation. I hate to see a weekend rained out, but I was beginning to think I was in the desert. I have only had to mow two or three times this year.

Regular season baseball ended with a loss in the league tourney. The boy played very well the last half of the season and was one of the few that consistently hit the ball. Too many errors, too few hits doomed us early and often. Now we gear up for the all-star tourneys and higher pressure games.

It looks like there is more travel on the horizon than usual, with anticipated trips to Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas (hello Dick, interested in a free dinner?). I also have to make my usual jaunts in Indiana and Illinois.

Thanks to all for your prayers, thoughts and kind words. It means more than you know. I will try to keep you updated.

a slice of life

I sat on the porch last night smoking a fine cigar. A gentle breeze blew the leaves on the sycamore in the front yard. I plugged my iPod into my head and watched the fireflies blink their Morse code. While Jim Morrison told me the music was over and to turn out the lights, I puffed contentedly. We had a late dinner of tacos after returning from the ball field. Baseball, tacos and a cigar -- a good evening. The wife and daughter cleaned up the kitchen as the youngest played Wii. For a few minutes bills and work and worry were left behind. When I came in, the wife was on the phone with her sister.

On June 18, 2005 my oldest son broke his collarbone. While my wife was at the hospital with him, she got a call that her brother had suffered a massive heart attack and was not expected to live. Three days later on June 21, her mother entered the hospital for a colonoscopy to remove a cancerous growth. All survived.

Two years later we have learned my mother-in-law is again stricken with cancer. There is a growth in her kidney, most likely a migration from the colon. There is an additional walnut sized growth in her lungs. Without chemotherapy the doctors estimate her days are numbered to four to six months. She is frail, Alzheimer's has claimed her memory. She is terrified. The family is not sure she can survive the chemicals. She is my wife's mother. Is there a choice?

I could rant and wail. The last couple of years have been tough. Every day brings a new challenge. Lefties might spin my sitemeter like a weather vane in a tornado and leave asshole comments, but life moves on. We just have to look for the silver lining of that dark cloud that seems to perpetually darken the Hoosierboy household. I just have to find a few minutes each day when the wind ruffles the huge leaves of the sycamores, the smoke curls from the cigar and David Crosby or Van Morrison or John Anderson croons in my ear.

If there is a lesson I have learned the last couple of years is that we cannot hide from our problems, but we do not have to let them dictate our happiness. The next months will be a challenge. I hope I can remember that lesson.

Are you bored yet?

Jerry knows me well, I do not play nice with others. I rarely do the meme thing, because I am a jerk, What can I say? I am torn in regards to the EIDITBHB meme (everyone is doing it but HB). Jerry says I am least likely to play. Do I follow my instinct and refuse, or do I take my normal course of action and do the opposite, just to be contrary. Decisions, decisions.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
There has been a Joe or Jo in at least 4 generations of my family (including my daughter who sports JO as her middle name). My middle name is the same as my Dad.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
When my Grandma died.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Whenever I take notes, I have to transcribe them quickly, else I will not know what I wrote.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I hate lunch meat. Does Spam count -- I love Spam.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Three. Girl, boy, boy

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
This is a stupid question

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
John Knowles said in "A Separate Peace" that sarcasm is the protest of the weak. I love that quote. Sarcasm rules in my life.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Nope.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I parachuted the first TWO times I ever was on a plane. I would do it, sure. Would I seek out the opportunity -- no.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I do not like cereal much. Corn Flakes or Wheaties, sitting in milk Long enough to get to a soggy oatmeal like consistency.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Sometimes.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
I used to be physically strong. Now I am getting old man muscles. Mentally strong -- sometimes.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Just about any

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their handshake

RED OR PINK?
I like red

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My amazing ability to instantly forget someone's name. Unless I see their name in print, I've forgotten it before the handshake is over. My answer is the same as Jerry's. Terrible habit in my line of work.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?


WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Blue jean shorts no shoes or socks

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A bowl of ice cream before bed last night

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of farts

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
the broken one with label peeled off

FAVORITE SMELLS?
dead skunk in the middle of the road

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Dale

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Baseball, football

HAIR COLOR?
Brown with lots of grey creeping in.

EYE COLOR?
Blue.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. Bifocals

FAVORITE FOOD?
Beef and noodles with mashed potatoes

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Knocked Up and Fantastic four silver surfer both last week. Zulu Dawn and Dodge Ball at home

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Yellow NIKE T shirt.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Fall

HUGS OR KISSES?
I hate to be touched

FAVORITE DESSERT?
key Lime pie. Any pie, but I am not much for dessert

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Book VII in the Brotherhood of War series by WEB Griffin. This is about my fifth time through this series. I started about two weeks ago. I would rather read than do anything

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Picture of my kids about five years ago

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Dodge Ball

FAVORITE SOUND?
laughter

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Depends on my mood. Both are on my iPod

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
I have been to Germany, Austria, Canada, The Netherlands, France, Italy, England. I never felt further away from home than when I was in New York City

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I can touch my nose with my tongue. Ladies ...

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Clinton County Hospital

Pick those berries, mow that lawn

It seems some big liberal/progressives/leftists has taken umbrage at one of my illegal immigration posts. Of course they use the old tactic of the left, instead of debate they label me as too dumb to understand the concept of a parable. Us "beef jerkey brigaders" are just too ignorant to understand that we should not put out birdfeeders, lest we attract Mexicans. Somehow this makes us racist fucks and assholes. Yep, I am the one insinuating Mexicans eat birdseed?

These elite are so ignorant they believe we all have brown people to do our household chores, mow our lawns and do the gardening. Right, and Jeeves drives my children to prep school in the Rolls.

If it is racist to think people should follow the law, then I am guilty. What is so hard to grasp about the term "illegal"? A quick perusal of the police blotter in my small town newspaper will show more than 50% of those charged with crimes have Hispanics surnames. More than 50% of the traffic accidents involve those with Hispanic surnames. Does pointing that out make me a racist?

I am called a racist because I call bullshit on the myth these people do the work Americans refuse? Ask any high school kid looking for a part time or summer job what is available. Even the old standby jobs detasseling and baling hay are hard to come by anymore.

There are several Japanese transplant factories in my community. Managers from Japan come to town with their families. They hire tutors, they create jobs. Their kids go to school and struggle until they learn English. Hispanics come, they demand the school newsletter be printed in Spanish, the schools have to hire aids to teach them English. There has never been a Japanese aid hired. Does pointing this out make me a racist asshole?

Here is what I propose:

1. Build the double fence. Mine it if you have to. Patrol it, use sensors, whatever -- control the border.

2. Place a tax, tariff, surcharge on any funds transfer sent out of the country to Mexico of 20% by any individual.

3. Fine any employer caught hiring illegal workers $100,000 for the first PERSON, Double it for every subsequent illegal hire. I am not talking incident, but every person caught in a raid etc. I am not a computer expert, but I do not think it would be that hard to create a database and find instances of duplicate SSNs being used. Run the search and go after the employers and workers using illegal SSNs.

4. Enforce the laws already on the books. Impeach, prosecute and create a new culture of intolerance for any municipality, Mayor, City Council, LEO who will not enforce the laws on immigration. No safe zones. Banks, DMV, etc. should not be allowed to accept the 'consular ID cards, heck even the Mexican Government will not accept them as valid identification.

5. No more free Citizenship for illegals coming here to drop babies. This one is hard, and needs Constitutional Amendment to happen. This is not what our forefathers had in mind. Illegals should not get rewarded fro breaking the law.

6. Any immigrant convicted of a felony should be deported. No exceptions, illegal or legal.

If that makes me a racist asshole, then I guess I am guilty. Now I am hungry, I think I will get me some beef jerky. In the morning I am going to take down my bird feeder.

The King of America

As I look at the news in the Middle East I wonder about the state of our own Union. Just a short time ago the citizens of Iraq proudly risked death to vote for their future government. They bore ink-stained fingers as a badge of honor. Not so long ago in our own country we felt the same way about the right to vote -- it was a privilege, an honor. Today, only a minority bother to vote, and some want to make the act of voting a right instead of a privilege by giving franchise to felons, to illegals.

In the history of Man self governance is a rare thing. Some of us dream of life without government interference. Most humans cannot handle the responsibility that comes with freedom. In the course of history the natural form of government has been a type of monarchy or dictatorship. The leaders and kings put themselves in a position of power because they had the vision and most importantly, the strength to take charge. Sometimes this power passed through heredity. Sometimes a new leader took the reigns of governance through his own power. Almost always, in the history of mankind, power is held by a select group of people over the masses.

Scientist tell us the universe is in a state of entropy. Man wants to bring order to the universe. In government we seek order. Is it possible that a state of order is the natural state of government? Does political consideration defy the Laws of Physics. History shows the natural form of government is a dictatorship, a monarchy, strong rules and regulations. Most of world's religions spell out a single ruler, and offer a set of guidelines under which we should live. Even in those religions that offer a pantheon of gods and goddesses, one is the strongest, the ruler of the gods! Even in religion we want to be told how to behave, what to do. It is with little wonder Man is likened to sheep in the Bible. We are a herd waiting God's border collie to move us from point to point. Strong animals live in packs and groups. In each there is an alpha, the leader of the pack, the top lion in the pride. Only meek animals like sheep allow themselves to be herded. Man is the top predator, yet do we have a tendency to revert to a herd mentality?

Lincoln was right when he said Government was by, of ,and for the People. We can only be governed by permission. At least collectively. If enough of us do not like the government formed to rule our lives, we can change that government. That was the whole premise of our Declaration of Independence. Our Revolution was successful only because enough people believed in the concept of limited government, in the precepts of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

What makes Americans unique in this regard? In the history of Man democracy is a failed concept. The Greeks of Athens tried it with some success, until a crisis allowed a dictator to take charge. The same concept ruled the Romans for a few centuries during the Republic. Yet even the Greeks and the Romans were not willing to opt for a free republic or total democracy. Only a select group of elites were allowed the franchise. Entire groups were not deemed worthy of voting for the common laws and regulations of society. The Roman Constitution allowed for the plenary powers of the Senate to go to the Consuls during times of crisis. The foremost Republican advocates of the day believed dictatorial rule was all that could support them in time of need. Our own Forefathers believed voting should only be allowed to men of property.

Given the history of the world , why are we surprised when the people of Iraq and Afghanistan revert to the historical habit of monarchy and dictatorship? We are seeing before our eyes man waiting for a strong hand to lead them from crisis, to bring order from chaos. As a collective they are unable to self-govern. Show me a representative republic or democracy that has worked in the long run. The nations of South America were colonized by the Europeans. They fought their own wars of Independence and most modeled their fledgling governments upon that of the United States. Yet few have any form of free elections today. Corruption, strongman dictators or else a general sense of anarchy rules in most cases. A few such as Argentina and Chile are currently run by a freely elected Government, but we all suspect change is just a Junta away. In any case, the nations of South and Central America are far from providing the citizens of their nations with the opportunities for material and economic success found in the United States and Canada today.

France staged her own Revolution shortly after our own battle for freedom from Monarchy. In less than a decade they had chosen an Emperor to rule them. Subsequent attempts at a Republic failed in the same vein. France is on the Fourth attempt now? Political Science majors joke that France changes governments every time the wind blows from a new point on the compass. The same is true for the Italians. One only need to look backward in history 50 years or so to see how easily the Spanish and Germans accepted dictatorship as a form of Government. The governments of the Communist Bloc were classic examples of the elite rule over the masses. Asia, and Africa bear no examples of long-lasting democratic government.

Nearly every republic and democracy in the world was formed in the last one hundred years. Britons will claim they have a Republic, but they are unwilling to give up the Monarchical crutch. Something in the subconscious will not allow them to believe they do not need a single ruling figurehead, even in name only. The same is true for the Dutch, the Danes and the Swedes.

Here we stand, The United States, the great experiment. We are a long way from the limited government envisioned by some of our forefathers. The ideas of freedom for the individual and the relative strength of a central government were controversial even at the birth of our nation. Some men believed a strong central government was the only form of government that would work. Others believed the Government that governs least, governs best.

Today we find ourselves in a similar situation. There are some who believe that for the sake of the collective nation government must protect us all. Government intrudes into every aspect of our lives from rules on how a box of cereal must be marked to telling us we have to wear a seatbelt. Some believe even more rule and control are needed. A majority of us believe the government knows best and do not even vote, wanting to be ruled by those who claim to be smarter, better, more successful, better able to lead and govern. There are some who aspire to govern because they feel they are the elite.

Our nation is but a blip on history's radar. our experiment in democracy is an infant among Governments and Nations. Time will tell if we can successfully hold off the the temptation to let others rule us. In the next crisis will we allow a dictator to take charge? Never, you claim! Really? Who do we revere as our best Presidents? Among others, Lincoln and FDR. Both used wartime as an excuse to take away our freedoms. In the case of FDR we elected him an unprecedented third and fourth term. How close in spirit is that to the Consuls of Republican Rome?

The nanny state is alive and well. We must be diligent. We must be willing to fight for our individual freedoms. We must exercise our rights, lest they atrophy and wither. We must fight the temptation to be herded like sheep, to let the strong rule. We must be strong enough to accept the responsibilities of Democracy and self-rule. I am not sure if we are up to the task.

edit: or just read this, by a real writer who can express his ideas in a coherent manner.

A Real Pain in the Butt

The boy has a big black and blue and green bruise on his ass. It is in the shape of a baseball. Friday night you could even see the seam marks. He is not unaccustomed to being hit while batting. If you play much baseball it is going to happen. When he was younger he was hit at least once every game, not because he crowds the plate, but because he bats left handed. Young pitchers tend to throw to the outside corner and since 99% of the batters are right handed -- the lefties get hit. Once, as a nine year old, he was hit four times in one game during an all-star tournament. As he is older and playing with the big boys he is not hit so often, once early in the season he was struck on the foot and hard on Friday, right in the ass. He turned to roll away, but the ball still got him. I bet you would have a bruise too if you were hit by an object traveling about seventy miles per hour (112 kph for my metric minded readers).

We played some miniature golf last night. We had a lot of fun, I still cannot believe my wife beat me. I did not get any father's day nookie, but hope springs eternal, there is still tonight. I think the odds are better that I will win the lottery. How sad is that?

Happy Father's Day to you pops out there.

Saturday snot drops

I spent a good portion of the morning writing a long political post. I decided not to publish it today because my weekend traffic is lower than my normal anemic hit count. I want to make sure the trolls (Where are you guys?) have an opportunity to read it. Their moms are probably making them wash their pee-stained sheets from the basement bedroom today. Plus, the Fantastic Four movie came out, trolls can never miss a comic book movie. Here is a spoiler: Stan Lee is in the movie in a cameo shot. I know some of you are sporting wood at the very mention of that.

I am also eating bacon today. I am glad you joos and muslims do not partake -- more for me!

The baseball team kicked ass last night. The boy played really well, made a couple of spectacular stops at second base. The tournament starts on Monday and we play the same team we defeated yesterday.

I have to mow the yard today. Our extended drought means the grass is brown and crunchy, but the weeds are making the whole lawn look pretty shaggy.

Happy Father's Day to you all tomorrow. Ladies, if you are not sure what to get your man -- all he really wants is a little nookie. Trust me on this. I would never lead you astray.

Weekend Cartoon

Threepeat

On a completely unrelated note, I am enjoying some fine bacon and a cold Dr Pepper for breakfast. I had my coffee and OJ earlier.

I dug out the ice cream freezer and made some home-made ice cream last night. Man, was it good. Only recently have I learned there are a great many people out there who have never had home-made ice cream. You do not know what your are missing. I have an electric model that works pretty good, the crank-type is the best, but it is hard work. Some days it is good to be me.

On being a Hoosierboy

It is Friday. I am reading the blogs over there on the sidebar. I read most of them every day. Just so you know.

Tonight is our last regular season baseball game. We play the other sucky team in the league. We have beat them. We also drew them for the first game of the tourney next week. It will be interesting o see how the team plays. After playing six games in ten days, we have not played for eight days. I was not able to schedule a practice. My employers have this unreasonable demand I actually do some work for my meagre pay. The boy made the all star team. He should have, he has been a starter for the last 4 years and has one of the highest batting averages every year.

The A/C is fixed, pipes frozen, freon added (or whatever they use these days).

I try not to talk about work here, it is a dangerous habit. I have one customer a little more than 2 hours away. Not a long drive, but enough. This is not my biggest customer, but in the top five (The top three account for about 70% of my territory). This customer brought in a new buyer about a year ago.. He is young and is still learning his way, although he says he has previous purchasing experience. Every time I visit he blows me off. Yesterday I spent a whopping three minutes in his office. Nearly five hours total driving to spend three fucking minutes? Why did he agree to the appointment? This guy is incapable of a conversation.

HB: How is business?
Buyer: Not bad.
HB: How does the rest of the year look?
Buyer: About the same as last year.
HB: How is your family?
Buyer: OK
HB: You taking a vacation this summer?
Buyer: No
HB: Do your boys play baseball or soccer (anything?)
Buyer: not really
HB: About your customer who wants you to switch widget suppliers away from us, we will be glad to go and speak with your end user.
Buyer: OK. I will tell our sales guys.
HB: Why don't we go down to that department now and I will tell him what we can do to help keep this customer?
Buyer: Naw, he says he has it under control. Anything else?
HB: only I have to stab you with this mechanical pencil right in the jugular vein...

Is it a power trip to make me drive up there and blow me off? Is he incapable of conducting a conversation? Is he afraid to tell me he does not have time (happens every f-ing day) when I call for an appointment (I NEVER visit a customer without an appointment). Is he just a fucking dolt? It will be a long time before I visit again, that I can tell you. How do you even write a call report for a three minute conversation? This guy is like talking to drywall.

TGIF

Algore is a dumb ass

The Czechs get it. I get it. Why is Algore so stupid?

Read this.


stolen from Woods Walker

Women

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So,one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much smarter than men.

The third Monday this week

Did you miss me yesterday? The computer was down most of the day. I have been infected with a nefarious virus. I spent much of the day trying to kill it. I have only partially succeeded. The notorious, and as I read, hard to destroy Smitfraud-C is in my system. Unwanted pop-ups appear all the time. One of the ads is a program to get rid of smitfraud. These scumbags should be hung, drawn and quartered.

As we continue with the summer weather, and lack of any rain at all, my air conditioner has stopped working. I am not as tough as I was as a kid, it was hard to sleep last night.

Each day I wake thankful for my blessings, telling myself it is good to be me. The last two years have made that a tough sell. I know there are people far worse off than I, but some days it is hard to be upbeat. If you happen to have a winning lottery ticket you want to split let me know!

Well, I need help fighting my computer carcinogen, if you have any recommendations, let me know.

Bird feeders and other tales

I received this in an Email this morning:


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.
< /SPAN>
Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table...everywhere.

Then some of the birds turned mean: They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud: They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone.

I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quiet, serene and no on e demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now lets see...our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be a automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands.

Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families: you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor: your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English: Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press "one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than "Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist."

Housekeeping

The Hoosier Blog Alliance is gone. The very few that still post have been added at random to my blogroll. If I missed you please drop me an email or comment.

I added a few blogs and erased a few others. If you want to be added, and I have no idea why you would want to be associated with this piece of crap blog, let me know.

Public Service Announcement

Remember the "Star Wars kid"? This is almost as funny.



Watch. Laugh.

I see the cold mist in the night...

I realized a few days ago something was missing from my life. It was a case of not knowing you missed that particular annoyance until it returned. On and off, for as long as I can remember I have heard music in my head. Not bells or ringing in my ears, but songs, lyrics, drums, the whole shebang. I have written about it before, and at times it is an annoyance.

I am not sure when I lost this ability, but it was sometime in the last several months. I wonder if it is related at all to the frequent writer's block and complete loss of creativity I have been experiencing? May be stress causes the music to come and go? Maybe I just was not listening.

Anyway, for the past several days the music is back. This morning I am hearing Perpetual Change from Yes. Lat night it was the Allman Brothers version of Stormy Monday.

Does anyone else have the perpetual earworm disease?

You cannot make this stuff up

From the Shelbyville News, Friday June 8, 2007.:

6/8/2007 2:00:00 PM Email this article • Print this article
Police, Fire, & Hospital
INCIDENTS

4:02 a.m., unit block of East Rampart Road - Kenneth W. Lee, 35, Versailles, was arrested for fleeing law enforcement after driving his van at a high rate of speed through a motel parking lot, then stopping and fleeing, even after the officer identified himself and ordered him to stop. Lee told Patrolman John Renbarger he ran because he did not want to be seen the way he was dressed. He was wearing a skirt, high heels, stuffed bra, black pantyhose, a blouse and makeup.

I do not possess the vocabulary to express my thoughts on this article.

Go home

In a lot of ways I am like Forrest Gump; I am not a smart man. I never used to think so, but when it comes to this whole immigration issue I believe the solution is not that hard. If you are here illegally you must go.

I understand the concept of shipping home 12 million or so people will cause a problem. After all, most of these people are doing a job of some sort. I do think that if we take away the incentive to be here most will return of their own accord.

I have expounded on this many times and I have yet to get any rebuttal on these proposals:

1. Build the double fence. Mine it if you have to. Patrol it, use sensors, whatever -- control the border.

2. Place a tax, tariff. surcharge on any funds transfer sent out of the country to Mexico of 20% by any individual.

3. Fine any employer caught hiring illegal workers $100,000 for the first PERSON, Double it for every subsequent illegal hire. I am not talking incident, but every person caught in a raid etc. I am not a computer expert, but I do not think it would be that hard to create a database and find instances of duplicate SSNs being used. Run the search and go after the employers and workers using illegal SSNs.

4. Enforce the laws already on the books. Impeach, prosecute and create a new culture of intolerance for any municipality, Mayor, City Council, LEO who will not enforce the laws on immigration. No safe zones. Banks, DMV, etc. should not be allowed to accept the 'consular ID cards, heck even the Mexican Government will not accpt them as valid identification.

5. No more free Citizenship for illegals coming here to drop babies. This one is hard, and needs Constitutional Amendment to happen. This is not what our forefathers had in mind. Illegals should not get rewarded fro breaking the law.

6. Any immigrant convicted of a felony should be deported. No exceptions, illegal or legal.

Did you know the DOT is going to allow Mexican trucking firms and drivers unfettered access to our roads and highways? The Houe voted overwhelmingly to stop this nonsense, but the Bush-led DOT is going forward anyway as soon as July of this year. There is no evidence Mexico has control over thier trucking industry and driver and vehicle safety. The DOT is going forward because the Senate has not moved the Bill to committee. Why is this a good idea? Write your Senator and tell them to get this stopped.

There you have it, HBs guide to solving the illegal immigrant issue. Follow these steps, then we can discuss guest workers, visas, etc. Treat this like a plumbing problem: find the leak, stop the leak, then repair the plumbing. Congress is trying to replace every pipe in the house and modify entire sewer system. What they should do is crawl under the sink and turn off the water. I like a good debate, show me the error of my ways.

Friday Grab Bag

I could give you several posts today, I am in a Chatty Cathy type mood. I am pretty excited still about something that happened earlier in the week, even though many of you will not care. During our baseball game Wednesday night my team turned a triple play. This is a rare baseball feat. It is the first I have seen in person. The play for the true cognoscenti was a 4-3-2. It began with a line drive to the second baseman (little HB) who whipped it to first to get that runner leaning off base then a rocket to home to get the runner from third who was tagging up. I have to tell you I nearly wet my pants. It made losing yet another game by one run almost worthwhile.

I am told insects have tiny brains, they are capable only of motor functions and survival thoughts. I disagree. Why else would the little juice filled bastards know exactly where to throw themselves at my windshield to get the most from their kamikaze attacks? Every time I get a big, slimy hit on a bug it is right where I look through the windshield. I have to spend the next hours looking at guts and gore. Windshield washer only spreads it around. Yesterday, one of these little insect splodytards made such a mess I had to pull over at the next exit to wash off the windshield at a gas station. I swear if there is reincarnation, those Islamic assholes either were, or will be, insects hurling themselves in useless self-destruction at any available piece of auto glass. It reminds me of the joke I tell my kids -- What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass! Hah. Oh quit, you will repeat it before the day is out.

As I was doing my work thing this week I mused I used to travel to the Pacific Northwest, The Netherlands, Germany, The Carolinas and New York among other places on a regular basis. Now I go to Monon or Kendallville, and Anna and Rockford. I am home with my family more and I am not spending three or four nights a week staring at the art work on the wall of whatever hotel I am in. Life is good.

Today is my wife's birthday. I have to go and get her something. I have procrastinated because I have no idea what to get her. She already has me, I imagine all gifts pale in comparison. Anyway finances are tight so I will get her something (?!?) and a nice dinner, most likely. We have no ball games on her birthday, the first time in many years. She will be xx old this year. Hey, I am not as stupid as you think I am, peoples. I will not publish that info, even if she does not know about this mess of rambling incoherent half-formed thoughts and musings I call Fat in Indiana. Suffice it to say she will still be older than me.

The little one had all-star tryouts for baseball last night after our game. I am not coaching this year. He played very well. I believe, but I am not impartial, his starting spot is secure. He will move from second base, where he plays in the regular league to the outfield. He has become a good outfielder and at this age (he is 13) there is no longer the "put the crappy players in the outfield" stigma. As he points out, he sees more action than some of the infielders. The team made it to the Regionals last year (5 state championship, one round short of the World Series) and look good again this year. Of course there is always the angst and worry he will not make the team, especially since the manager and I had a falling out last fall -- the reason I was not asked back to help coach. We can only hope that he does not take out his frustrations with me on my kid. That would be a pretty shallow asshole. My son already has to fight the fact his Father and Grandfather did not play baseball here. Welcome to Small Town, John Mellencamp.

June 6

I originally published this on June 6, 2005. It is still appropriate.

Monday, June 06, 2005
"The most difficult and complicated operation ever to take place"
The Above quote is by Winston Churchill. Joseph Stalin said
"The history of war does not know of an undertaking comparable to it for breadth of conception, grandeur of scale, and mastery of execution."


June 6, 1944. Not many under the age of 40, or maybe even 60, know the importance of this date. D-Day. The assault on Normandy, an operation that has never been equaled in the anals of history. The landing location was kept a secret, the Hun was stunned to the very core. Yet it was a close thing. Read the fine tome by Stephen Ambrose. Did you think Private Ryan was graphic? Read the words of the men at Utah, Gold, Juno, and Omaha beaches.

Nearly 175,000 Canadians, British, and Americans landed on D-day, at a cost of more than 10,000 casualties. We do not know for sure. It was only after several days of fighting that role calls were made, paperwork completed. Over 6,600 Americans were casualties, over 2,000 of those were on Omaha Beach and 2,500 were from the Airborne troops. These men sacrificed to save the world from the likes of Hitler. They freed Europe and saved France from its own traitorous Vichy Government.


"As the first men jumped, they crumpled and flopped into the water. Then order was lost. It seemed to the men that the only way to get ashore was to dive head first in and swim clear of the fire that was striking the boats. But, as they hit the water, their heavy equipment dragged them down and soon they were struggling to keep afloat. Some were hit in the water and wounded. Some drowned then and there... But some moved safely through the bullet fire to the sand and then, finding they could not hold there, went back in to the water and used it as cover, only their heads sticking out. Those who survived kept moving with the tide, sheltering at times behind underwater obstacles and in this way they finally made their landings.

Within ten minutes of the ramps being lowered, Company A had become inert, leaderless and almost incapable of action. Every officer and Sergeant had been killed or wounded... It had become a struggle for survival and rescue. The men in the water pushed wounded men ashore, and those who had reached the sands crawled back into the water pulling others to land to save them from drowning, in many cases only to see the rescued men wounded again or to be hit themselves. Within twenty minutes of striking the beach Company A had ceased to be an assault company and had become a forlorn little rescue party bent upon survival and the saving of lives."

Official Unit Report, Company A, 116th Infantry, 29th Division.


On the backs of these men and the rest of the "Greatest Generation" that we owe our freedom today. Thank God for them in your payers tonight.

Lower the flag, Boys

From the Shelbyville (IN) News:

6/5/2007 3:30:00 PM Email this article • Print this article
'Skippy' dies after being tranquilized
Kangaroo eluded search for two days

B.J. Fairchild-Newman
Staff Writer

A Shelby County kangaroo's brief taste of freedom ended on Monday when he died at his local home after being shot with a tranquilizer dart by a Hancock County Animal Control officer.

WISH-TV of Indianapolis reported that the 6-foot-tall marsupial named "Skippy" escaped from his rural Fountaintown home after two teenage girls opened his cage as a prank.

The Shelby County Sheriff's Department and the Hancock County Sheriff's Department then proceeded to hunt for the elusive animal after he was reported hopping down State Road 52 near the intersection of SR 9 in Shelby County. The search was called off late Saturday night when the animal was not spotted, and no one reported sighting the animal during the day on Sunday.

Misty Elliott, superintendent of Greenfield-Hancock County Animal Control, said her department received a call between 9 and 10 p.m. on Saturday after owners David and Sue Schutt reported the kangaroo missing.

Elliott said her department contacted an Indianapolis veterinarian who specializes in exotic animals and received information about the dosage of tranquilizer appropriate for a full-grown kangaroo and then joined the hunt, but the animal eluded authorities.

"We were told to use a premix of xylazine and ketamine, and we even loaded a lower dosage than the vet suggested," Elliott said.

Even though most people do not consider kangaroos as dangerous animals, Elliott said a kick from one could be lethal to a human.




"This is how they defend themselves," Elliott said. "They are extremely strong animals."

At 3:22 a.m. on Monday, the Shelby County Sheriff's Department received a report of the kangaroo again hopping down SR 52, and Greenfield-Hancock County Animal Control responded with their tranquilizer gun. Animal control officer Roger McKinney II was able to shoot the kangaroo with the tranquilizer. Elliott said that McKinney reported that the animal was groggy but still conscious while the officer and owner David Schutt loaded Skippy into the animal control truck for transport back to his Fountaintown home.

Elliott said the kangaroo was still alive when McKinney left the Schutt home, but the owners discovered him dead in his pen later Monday morning.

The Schutts did not respond to phone calls made to their home on Monday afternoon.

According to Dean Shadley, a wildlife conservation officer with the Indiana Department of Natural Resources, no permit is required to own a kangaroo because they are not classified as "vicious or endangered."

Death of a salesman.

I am off to do my Willie Loman thing; to convince potential customers to buy my superior products. Wingtips are are laced, the tie is knotted around my neck like the noose it is. Face is shaved, teeth are brushed. I don't need luck, this is my job and I have resigned myself I am good at it. I never wanted to be a salesman, but I have been at it for 15 years, I do not think I could go back to the cubicle farm at this point.

Smile HB, and remember it is never a good practice to let people know they are horses asses, even though most people are.

Jumpin Jeepers

First I was faced with huge and angry snakes. Now I have contend with this. What next, bears, lions, armadillos and jackalopes? Marsupials on the loose in my geographic environs. Who would have thunk?

Weekend Funny

Swing, and a miss.

I went to buy some tickets to send to a customer yesterday and while at the local Ticketmaster branch I bought some tickets for the local Triple A baseball team. The Indianapolis Indians play at Victory Field, one of the greatest places in the world to watch a baseball game. The whole family minus my oldest son, who had to work, plus my daughter's boyfriend attended the game. We had a great time. Is there a better evening spent than at the ballpark?

Three young couples and their kids occupied the seats behind us. The ladies spent the whole game yakking. One clearly was in the home party business. She spent the whole night talking how she needed one more booking to make her quota. She whined about this ALL NIGHT. She even called prospects during the game. The other ladies looked for excuses to get away. They took turns taking all of the kids (4-5 of them) from babies to maybe 4 years old for walks. This bitch droned on on on. When the other ladies were not around she droned to her husband. A stuck record was more entertaining. I expect people to talk during a baseball game, not everyone is as interested in the minute flow of the game as I. But you would think this woman would pay attention for at least one second. By the fourth inning my son leaned over and said " If she could just book one more spa...". What a bore this woman was.

In all we had a great time. Since my oldest did not get to attend, here is one of my favorite pictures of him taken when he was just a little guy.

That myspace page a few posts below? That is him playing every instrument on every song. He is just learning to write songs, but he is getting better.

Men

Meanderings

Allergies have been kicking my ass for the last couple of days. We need some rain to beat down the pollen.

The baseball team returned to its losing ways last night. They played well against the leagues unbeaten team. One of my best players was not there.

I miss my trolls. They make for easy posts.

As I read through the sidebar I find some of you are also experiencing creativity issues. Not all of you, just a few. It is good I am not alone.

Check this out. Tell me what you think.

Dear George

The American people want the illegals out. Gone. Sent to whence they came.

The American people do not want Amnesty.

The American people do not want a lousy $3,000 fine few will pay.

I do not care about splitting families. The wife and kids can go too. When one commits any crime, that splits up families. It sucks, but every illegal knew they were breaking our laws. Do not do the crime...

We are sick of "push one for English"

We are sick of ten hour waits at the emergency room because it is filled with illegals with sore throats.

We are sick of having to pay for extra teacher's aides, court interpreters, etc. because a segment cannot, and often will not, speak the common language. My German relatives changed their name to make it sound more 'English'. Learning the language was their first priority.

I am sick of mariachi music. And take the skunky Corona back to Mexico too.

George, you are wrong to chastise the American people. You are wrong to offer amnesty. Reagan made this mistake, do not follow his poor example.

Close the border. Tax HEAVILY any funds transfers out of the country. Fine every business caught hiring illegals $100,000 for EACH illegal they have hired. The next time double the fine, and double it again until they stop. Prosecute any Mayor, police chief and sheriff who refuse to enforce and report immigration laws. They are failing to uphold their sworn oath to uphold the laws of this country. If your own Justice Department is not enforcing the immigration laws currently on the books -- well, for that George, you should be impeached.

Dear Obama -- Are you stupid?

Whew hoo, we finally won a ballgame last night. After a five game losing streak. The boy still is struggling at the plate, he hits the ball right to someone EVERY time. Hard line drives, deep fly balls, hopping grounders, it does not matter. The odds will turn in his favor eventually.

Osama Obama says he wants to provide insurance for everyone. We will all pay lower premiums. Businesses will cover the extra costs. This is just one more example of why the Dimocrats are ignorant about business. Companies are in business to make money. Without profits to reinvest, to pay the shareholders and owners that business will be closed. When the government adds regulations and costs to a business they pass it to the consumer. Why have your utility bills doubled and doubled in the last decade?-- regulation and Government costs. The same for every item you buy. If the Socialists get their way and add the cost of health insurance for everyone to a business, then we will all pay more in the price of cheese, bread, cars, appliances, houses, lumber -- everything we buy. Who does that hurt -- the poor. Hello inflation, goodbye expanding economy.

Look, you cannot provide more of a good at a lower cost -- especially a service. There are no economies of scale in health care. Already those interested in Medical School are turning from family practice, fewer want to be doctors. Lawyers, Medicaid and HMOs are strangling doctors, and this will only make it worse. Universal health care is not the answer. If you want to wait a year for non-emergency surgery, if waiting a month for a doctor visit is the care you want -- then you should vote for this nit-wit. If you want the cost of medical treatment to drop -- reign in the lawyers.

idiots.

Hello Monday, redux

It is the second Monday of this week. I have nothing interesting, witty, or intelligent to offer at this time. I do have a baseball game this evening.

I did have a poor me post earlier, but I took it down pretty quick. What I think I need is a good kick in the ass to get me motivated. I am sure you can all line up behind Dick.

I have not heard from Dell. 8 days and counting as I wait for that magical call from the Fraud Department that was promised within 24 hours.

I hope we all get laid tonight!

Mortar Boards and tassels

Graduation went of without a hitch. The house looked great. The wife was satisfied. Despite the weatherman's predictions of rain and thunder the day was mostly sunny with nary a drop of precipitation. Many people showed up and we have enough food left to feed most of you -- come on over. A big thanks to you all for helping me deal with my wife's craziness. I also want to offer a HUGE thanks to Jerry at Back Home Again. You should blogroll him if you have not already. The kids all played down by the little brook. They found some stray crawdad parts (pinchers)likely left by the feral cats in the neighborhood, but no snakes or basilisks. After cleaning the front porch on Friday evening one of these cats pissed all over one of the chair legs. That pissed me off.

If you will remember several months ago my son's best friend was killed in a car wreck. My son has had a tough time with it. That young man's family went to graduation (all of the students wore a ribbon in his honor) and then they came over for the open house. That was a great thing for my son. The mother is tougher than I. Going to the graduation had to be difficult. I am glad my son stays in touch with that family.

We are done with graduation for a couple of years. Thank goodness. Today I plan on catching up my blog reading, playing a little baseball (if it does not rain) and finishing the final book in the Master and Commander series. I began to reread these books in January and I have about 100 pages left in book twenty. If you have not read these novels you are missing on an entertaining and literary jewel.

Have a great Holiday Weekend. Oh, and for those of you keeping score, no call yet from the fraud department at Dell 130 hours and counting.

24 hours

Here is a math quiz, in honor of today being the last day of school. How many hors is it from 6:00 PM on Monday to 11:00 am on Thursday? If you are in India, and Work for Dell that period of time is less than 24 hours. I know this is true because I have been told by 17 different people now I would be contacted in 24 hours by Dell's mysterious and unaccessable Fraud Department. I know where Bin Laden is, he works at Dell. They are impossible to find as well.

My aching back

Here are pics of the some of the landscape work done over the weekend. I built these flower beds (you know the drill clickee = biggee):




There is a ton of work yet to be done. I do not think anyone has paid attention to the landscaping in years. Oh, and the wife hates the red trim -- that is what she wanted me to repaint this week. Did not/will not happen.

Dell Sucks

Monday evening my wife came home from work and checked the online bank balance. She knows I have a history of forgetting to mention debits to her on occasion. Man was she surprised to see the account overdrawn. The culprit was a mysterious charge from Dell Computer. For more than one thousand dollars.

We have one Dell computer, a laptop I bought for my daughter when she began college. It was not my choice, the school virtually insisted on that brand and offered a steep discount to encourage the purchase. The computer lived up to my expectations and is a piece of junk (the keys keep falling off, among other problems). Imagine my surprise when one was billed to my debit card. We did a quick check with the kids, none had inadvertently ordered or even been to the Dell website.

The wife called Dell, I called the bank. The bank said since the debit was still in pending, we should contact Dell, but they could do nothing until the charge became "official". The wife waited on hold with Dell for nearly twenty minutes and gave up. I called back. After nearly 20 minutes on hold I finally spoke to an Indian lady who while helpful said she would investigate and I should hear back shortly. She agreed I had no orders placed. This was around 5:15 pm. For me 'shortly' means within and hour or so.

Tuesday morning I had no resolution via email or phone call. I called the bank, they would not reverse the charges, but told me how Dell could fax the info to them and the account would be cleared. The banker was nice but explained that they could not reverse the charges in case I was trying to commit fraud. Made sense to me.

I called Dell. I was on hold for about 15 minutes and talked to a man from India. He confirmed I had no orders but told me the fraud department had to fix my issue and they would get back to me in 24 to 48 business hours (re: 3-6 days). I explained that was unacceptable, the bank was holding my money and I needed the account cleared today. We spoke in circles for quite a while before I demanded his supervisor. I held for more than 20 minutes to be told only the fraud department could help me. I asked for the fraud department. She told me she could not connect me. I told her to look it up in the directory. She said it did not exist. I pointed out the stupidity of telling me to contact a mysterious department. She explained that they would call me in 24 to 48 business hours. I became rather irate at this point and explained it all again. This conversation went on with various employees, all Indians, for the next 4 hours. Most of that time was spent on hold. The wife spent and additional 2-1/2 hours on the phone, same conversation, same result. Between us, we spoke to more than 12 individuals, filed three case histories and spent 6-1/2 hours on the phone, and I used a vacation day. To no avail.

At Dell, when they make a mistake, or you are the victim of fraud, you can only be helped by one department. That department has no fax, no phone number, and can only be contacted via e-mail by Dell Customer Service employees. The mysterious fraud department will contact you at the appropriate time. Too bad if you are a victim of ID theft, too bad they have frozen your bank account, too fucking bad.

At about 8:30 someone called from the fraud department told my wife the order was cancelled, we would get a refund in seven to ten DAYS and not to worry. He would not say if it was a Dell problem, ID Theft, anything -- only "I cannot comment on that". When my wife pointed out we cannot wait ten days for our money. She asked him to fax a letter to the bank. He said they do not have a fax and hung up. She tried the callback feature but got the phone mail hell and finally the usual: "You cannot contact the fraud department..." She gave up and spent a good part of the night in tears.

Today I am off to file a police report for ID Theft and cancel my debit card. I hope that will convince the bank to release the pending $1030.93 from my checking account. I will then have more than $800 to pay for the graduation food we ordered and my son's graduation gift. If that does not work, I am fucked. We committed to the deli for food we cannot pay for. I have already left an Email to the one contact I have at Dell to get the Fraud Department to call me back. I will then call the Indiana Attorney General Consumer Protect Division to see if they can help. This is all too much, a company charges your bank account for more than one thousand dollars and says sorry we will fix it in a week to ten days? Am I the only one this would cause a problem? Am I being unreasonable here?

Here is what I am asking from you, my loyal readers -- do not ever purchase a Dell product of any kind. Tell your friends, tell your family, tell strangers on the street that Dell Customer Service is the worst in the industry, and ranks only with the guy selling siding from his rusted pickup, or the guy selling meat from a truck in reliability and response after the sale. Tell them Dell products suck, and their terrible Asian Customer Service and Fraud Departments will put you on hold for hours and never ever call you back.

FUCK YOU DELL COMPUTERS.

edit: A big thanks to the fine folks at my local bank branch who found a way to get me cash. They also are replacing my debit card and have instituted their own investigation. The police basically told me good luck.

Look at those baby blues

My youngest son. Yes, I agree he needs a haircut.

My oldest son

My middle child will graduate high school Saturday. He will be relieved and so will his parents. He is smart, but does not like to study. I know, Parents are biased, but I believe he is a gifted artist.This is an oil painting of Syd Barrett he did at school last week. He told us he will not study art in college. He says it is stupid. The real reason is his high school art teacher. She thought the best way to motivate him into using all of his talent was to give him a 'B' on art projects. She should have figured out four years ago this only makes him give up. He became increasingly frustrated he was getting Bs on work that was vastly superior to other students who were getting As. Four years later she has only motivated him to hating all art teachers. We tried repeatedly to talk to this teacher, but she said she knew she could get to my son's inner drive. He enjoys sculpture, but that is not his best subject. He really likes drawing best. Here are couple of animal drawings (sorry about the quality, it is hard to take a picture of a picture)
He really enjoys graphic arts and drawing cartoons. At one point that was his dream. He has created a whole series of comic characters:
Click to make bigger, but honestly the images do not do credit to the talent. He is going to college in the fall, intending to major in Japanese to become a teacher. He says he will not take art classes. That is sad, I think.

He returns.

Man, I am sore. I returned home on Friday from travelling all week. For those of you who travel have you ever noticed that whenever you allow extra time for traffic you always arrive at the airport early? We left early for LaGuardia on Friday since we had to travel at the tail of 'rush hour'. We allowed for the often one hour wait at the tri-borough, and breezed right through. I already was leaving an hour after my colleagues, so I was in the US Air terminal and through security by 10:30 for my 1:30 flight. Of course, things being what they are, nearly every flight out of that airport, including mine, was delayed by one to one and one-half hours. Upon arriving at Indy, The remote lot only had one bus running. A common theme these days in the travel industry -- raise prices, lower service. They compounded the aggravation factor by only having ONE payment booth open. Great planning for a Friday Evening! And you know,(my travel/road rage now ramped to full steam mode) that every idiot in Central Indiana was out on the highway driving ten miles below the speed limit in the left lane. I was glad to get home at last. I remembered why I hated travelling four days a week.

Anywhoo, I was telling you why I was sore. On Saturday I mowed and trimmed the yard. I pruned the bushes and flinged/flung the dog turds back into the neighbor's yard. I prepared the flower beds for planting. Then I took the boy to practice baseball. I hit about 75 balls to him for infield practice then we took batting practice. He has lost his confidence lately so we hit through the problem. I pitched somewhere close to 400 pitches. I still cannot raise my arm above my head on Monday morning. I should add when we practice, the boy determines how long and how much we practice. I will not force him to take hitting or infield practice. In fact it was me that cried no mas on hitting another bucket.

Sunday dawned with me putting in a new mailbox and post. Then we planted flowers and mulched for the balance of the day. I dug two new flower beds. Since I do not have a tiller, this means shovel and hoe. At one point I dumped some mulch into a flower bed and asked the wife if she wanted me to get my hoe to spread it around the flowers. She told me sure. I replied "OK, go ahead". She did not find it amusing, especially after I had to explain it to her. Well, "Ho" jokes did not work for Imus either. I put two coats of paint on the front door. Before dark we went and took some more infield practice. The boy laughed at me and told me I threw like a girl while we were warming up. The shoulder felt like the old commercial showing your engine running without oil.

I am so glad to go back to my real job today. It is so much easier than working for my wife. And the pay is better.

work work work

I have a busy week ahead. Multi tasking for the graduation fete. The spouse is a hrsh taskmaster, indeed. I will be doing some rearranging of the old template and blogroll, additions and subtractions will be the order of the day. So many of my favorites are gone, I am awaiting your return. Can the Hoosierboy be far behind?

Weekend Funny

Who thought it was a good idea to bring the woodpecker?

howdy

Another day of sales meetings. Today we had negotiation training. No more needs to be said about that. I am out of touch reading blogs, catching the news, anything beyond sales meetings, eating, and drinking copious amounts of beer.

Sucks to be me.

I stand corrected

Well, it is as I predicted in my mind, the women would all side with my wife. I guess it is a degree of what I think is 'wrong" and her opinion.

Travelling this week, so posts will be sparse and sporadic. I gave my presentation and the boss said I set the standard for what a sales presentation should be. See my ears blush? I gave him my best "ah shucks thank you." Hah, I thought it was good too. Some of the presentations were so boring...

Just a question for my readers -- if I were to ask if you knew what a 'sweeper' was, would you know? For example I would say I ran the sweeper yesterday. What did I do? I got a big blank look when I mentioned that word today, I was told it must be a 'Hoosierism'.

Please advise.

Uptight and Bitchy

I normally do not post stuff that is really personal, and sometimes I do just make up stuff, like the story of the allergy-ridden date I posted last week. That was just me and my dry sense of humour trying to be funny. Current events have left me in a state I just have to say what is on my mind or I will explode. So you guys get to read about it. Maybe my frustration can reach manageable levels.

The oldest boy graduates high school in two weeks. We have decided to have the post-graduation at the house. Not a big deal, right? The wife has been in a tizzy for the past two weeks and it is only going to get worse. I understand we need to clean, but is it necessary to paint the entire house -- inside and out? I won that argument by simply telling her I refuse to do it. That garnered me two days of silence. Now she thinks we need to completely redo the landscaping. I have no issue with planting flowers etc., but things are getting ridiculous. While at Lowes she asked me how hard it would be to buy a bunch of pavers to expand the patio. She confirmed she meant before graduation. I explained it was a major project, costing beaucoup bucks and effort. That made her mad too. She proclaimed we were going to replace that mailbox, it was an embarrassment. Do we really need to replace the curtains in every room? Do we need a new comforter? Are the scratches on the laundry room doors that big of a problem? Ok, I will compromise and paint them.

I am telling you she has been so unpleasant and impossible I am ready to do something drastic. I would never punch her in the nose, but the thought did cross my mind. She is really upset I have to travel all week. The damn company went and scheduled a sales meeting just to piss her off. Hello Big Apple. Goodbye walking on eggshells.

Please help me. Am I too casual about the whole thing or has my wife gone off the deep end? Is this graduation a much bigger deal than I think it is? We rented a place for my daughter's reception when she graduated and I thought that was nuts too. If I make it the next two weeks it will be a miracle. The wife has been so unbelievably short tempered, mad, pouty and unpleasant I am starting to wonder if she is in the beginning of menopause or something. Of course I am not so stupid as to utter that thought aloud. Things better return to normal after graduation. For the first time in 23 years I have to honestly say I love my wife, but these days I really do not like her much.

An important message

Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there.

weekend funny

hack, spit, cough, upchuck

We were at the ball diamond watching a game last night. The little one was working -- he gets paid to be an official scorekeeper. The game ended around 8:15 or so. We decided to grab a bite to eat on the way home. We went to 'buffet' type place. The food was as bad as ever. We had just sat down in the EMPTY restaurant when a family came in. It was an older couple and their SEVERELY retarded, disabled, whatever the right term is, son. He is a quadriplegic and drools to such an extend he wears a bib. He cannot talk, move anything. I do not begrudge this family their night on the town, but they chose the table RIGHT NEXT TO OURS. There were probably 100 open tables to choose from. We were trying to eat as this kid proceeded to hack cough gag and spit up every thirty seconds or so. Have you ever tried to eat when someone is gagging and puking right next to you? It was like a cat with a giant hairball.

God forbid I ever find myself in such a situation with one of my loved ones. But for cripes sake shouldn't you have some consideration for others? I am not advocating the kid should be locked up or shut in, but you could try to separate yourself from other patrons when possible. So I ate about ten bites and the wife and kid less. Thirty-four bucks wasted.

Friday

Well, I have driven over 1300 miles so far this week. That is a bunch of gas. Each visit to the pump was painful. Now I have a shitload of paperwork to catch up. It is so good to be me. In the meantime*, it is sunny and warm outside and I am at the desk working on call reports, sample orders, quality issues and preparing my presentation for next week's sales meetings. I closed the blinds so I cannot see outside, otherwise I would be on the porch smoking a good cigar.


* am I the only one that hears Ted Knight's voice from the Superfriends every time I see the phrase "In the meantime"?

All the right moves

I pulled my T-shirt down over my sweaty back and surveyed the lawn. The grass was cut in nice straight strips. The trimming had been done around the numerous flower beds, ornamental bushes, trees and the house and patio. And this was in the prehistoric days before weed eaters and electric trimmers. I had trimmed the entire yard with those old scissor-type trimmers. Grandma asked me if I wanted to come in for a game of cribbage, but I told her I had to get home and clean up. I had a date. She said I could have a Coke, so I went down to the basement where she kept the soft drinks. It took just two long drinks to drain the little six ounce bottle.

Why does Coke taste so much better in little bottles?

When I came back upstairs Grandma handed me a bunch of cut daisies.

Some money would be nice.

She said they were for my date. I told her kids did not do that stuff anymore, but she said the girl would love it.

The girl met me at the door and gave me a wooden look when I held out the flowers. I told her they were for her and they smelled good. She stuck her face into the bouquet then handed them to her mother to put into water. We left for the movies.

Time to execute, initiate the set up.

As we walked through the parking lot I stretched first my right arm then my left over my head. I repeated the motion in the ticket line. I explained I had been 'landscaping' all day and my arms were stiff.

Oh yeah

We took our seats for the movie and I held her hand during the previews.

Take it slow HB.

A few minutes into the movie I stretched the arms again, this time I slipped my left arm around her shoulder.

Oh yes, you are smooth. Now the tricky part, take it slow and she will never know what is going on

She leaned against me. She turned to me and smiled. I gave her my best 'make her melt look'.

I slowly let my hand drop down and brush her breast. When there was no response, I repeated.

Yes, yes, yes, she does not even know what I am doing!

I let my hand rest on her booby. I began to gently massage.

go, go, go, yes

I felt her breathe deep. I squeezed gently. I kissed the back of her neck. She began to breathe a little deeper. I rubbed against the nipple, I think it was getting hard. She began to breathe rapidly. She was almost panting.

Holy cow, she was getting hot

She whispered something, she was out of breath. "What?" I said.

"Stop" she moaned a little louder. I pretended not to hear.

No no no no no

She brushed away my arm and hissed "Quit, let go".

"I thought you were getting excited" I whispered into her ear.

"No, I am allergic to flowers, I can't breathe -- I need my inhaler."

How you can tell a Catholic is driving too fast

I have a bunch of jokes that make fun of every religion -- I am an equal opportunity offender here. I will post more in the future. Now I am off to enjoy the pain and suffering of Chicago highways and toll roads.

Monday

Greetings. Sorry to leave the old Picture of Santa up to burn out your eyes. I had baseball games this weekend, we moved the daughter back home from college yesterday and I was sick. Nothing like carrying boxes up and down stairs while you are faint and nauseous and running a fever. The good news is she is home, now we have to find a place to put all of her junk.

I have to do my expenses today for work. I have not done them in a month, so the task is huge. Poor me. Check out some of the folks over there on the right, there is some good posts at their sites. Posting will be light over the next few weeks. I have lots of business travel on tap and my oldest boy graduates from High School, so we are trying to put the house into shape. I am not sure why the house has to be prettied beyond normal for people(mostly relatives) who have already been here, but the wife is in a serious uproar and it is easier to go along than fight about it. Some days it sucks to be.

Santa at his summer job

blame Otter

Friday Funny

A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist takes
out a needle to give the man a shot of Novocain.
"No way, no needles, I can't stand needles". The dentist starts to
hook up the laughing gas but the man again objects.

No gas, please the mask on my face is suffocating to me". The
dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

"No" said the patient "I'm fine with pills". The dentist then
returns and says "Here's a Viagra tablet"

The patient says "Wow, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill".



"It doesn't" said the dentist "but it will give you something to
hold on to when I pull out your tooth"

After dinner mint, Sir?...

I went to one of the local Chinese Buffet places for lunch. I had two medium sized helpings. Garlic Chicken over fried rice the first time and a mixture of Chicken and Broccoli and Pepper Steak on the second plate. I took small spoons both times. There was a guy there so fat he literally was sitting on two chairs -- on purpose. I bet he weighed an easy 500 lbs. I estimate the width of his back was close to five feet. This guy was huge. I forgot I have a camera phone now or I would have sneaked (snuck?) a picture.

When I got home I realized I splattered brown Chinese food stuff on my brand-new and never worn white Indianapolis Colts Super Bowl Champs T-shirt. I am such a klutz.

Go tell one of my favorite bloggers James Old Guy happy Birthday. While you are there read some of his archives, the guy makes a lot of sense.

Apologies

Oh, we are a sorry bunch. Everyone is apologizing these days. Don Imus for trying to be a hip rap artist, the LA Police Chief because his officers used "excessive" measures on rowdy rioting illegals, Clinton for slavery, Carter for everything. The list goes on forever. Well I wants me a piece of the apology pie.

I want an apology for the lousy breakfast I was sold at the Golden Arches this morning. I want a big ole Patsy Cline 'sorry' for the price of gas. Most of all I want a certain individual on her knees wailing, begging for forgiveness. I want true remorse for the wrongs done to me, for ruining my plans, for disappointing me on a regular basis. I want long-lasting and sincere lamentations for the pain and suffering inflicted upon my person. No, I am not targeting the chick that pulls out the lottery balls (but she would be high on the list). I am talking about the weather lady, and her cohorts on the local news.

Time after time their prognostications have proven to be as false as Nostradamus, less reliable than the bum on the corner decrying the end of the world. When these weather charlatans are not shouting about doom and disaster like Chicken Little, they are promising sunny days that somehow get ruined buy a slow moving front, an unexpected dip in the gulf stream, an Alberta Clipper. Do they make their predictions through augury -- do they toss sheep bones, read the mixture of blood and entrails, the flight of birds, tea leaves? All could be as accurate as the computers, Doppler radars, and fancy graphics employed today. With all the advances in science they can no better predict the weather than ship captain with a barometer 200 years ago. Just think, these same individuals want us to buy into their weather predictions for 100 years in the future. Al Gore, you have more faith than I in the forecasting capabilities of the weather babe.

If I did my forecasts with the same degree of accuracy we accept with complacency from these hacks, I would have lost my job long ago and the company warehouse would be full of the wrong widgets. Let us look at the weather man's performance this week for example. On Monday the five day forecast was:

Tues Rain in the afternoon and evening
Wed Rain ending by morning -- party sunny the balance of the day
Thur Sunny
Friday Sunny and warm
Sat Sunny and warm

On Tuesday the forecast remained the same except the rain did not arrive so it was going to stretch into the early afternoon on Wednesday. OK, they were off by about 12 hours, this is borderline acceptable. It was still raining off and on at Eight PM.

Now here is the forecast offered this morning:

Thurs Rain off and on
Friday Rain, possible severe storms
Sat Rain ending in early afternoon
Sun Sunny
Mon Sunny

How can it change so much in two days? I want what is coming to me, I want you to tell me you are sorry, I want you fired. I want you placed in a pillory in the town square where we can pelt you with banana peels and rotten tomatoes. We will put you there on a day you predict will be sunny and 80, knowing full well the weather will be drizzle and 63 degrees. I want my sunny and warm Saturday.

Do not relax yet lottery chick, you are next.

Ameri-Centric!

In a gratuitous effort to antagonize one of my readers I will conduct another sweeping poll:

Name the greatest nation in the history of mankind


Place your vote in the comments. PLEASE do not disappoint me. Puppies and Kitties and little blue-eyed babies are counting on you to vote!

Get Set! point! Fire!?

During the Civil War volley fire was often directed by the drum, the human voice difficult to hear over the clamor and din of battle. The sequence was thus:

bump bump bump bump bump (ready). bump bump bump bump bump (aim). bump...bump...bump...BANG (the gun fires on the fourth beat). A another bump was the signal to reload.

In the British Army of the Napoleonic Wars the order was "Present, Take Aim, Fire".

To the best of my knowledge, the US Army has used the standard "ready, aim, fire" as the command for volley fire.

Alan Canfora, one of the nine students shot at Kent State has now released an audio tape he claims offers evidence the National Guardsmen were ordered to shoot the students. Canfora played the tape to reporters in which he says a Guard officer issues the command, "Right here! Get Set! Point! Fire!" Can any of my readers who served in the military or the Ohio National Guard in the Vietnam era verify that such a ridiculous firing sequence was ever used? I cannot hear the alleged order in the version I heard on TV, but if such words were uttered could it have been from the rioters?

Kent State represents the end of the Peace and Love era of the 1960s. The Woodstock Summer of Love was replaced by the riots at Kent State. Anyone who thinks this was a demonstration where the poor students sat around singing "Give Peace a Chance" and practicing non-violent revolution is sadly mistaken. This was a full-blown riot. Two days before, the students burned down the ROTC Building and prevented the firemen from putting out the fire. On the fateful day they threw rocks and refused to disperse. Too bad most of the videos on you tube only show stills, not the actual riot. The only one I could find was a German Documentary. The Guardsmen all testified they feared for their lives. The shooting was not justified, but one could understand what happened. In any case, the Shootings at Kent State remain one of our darkest days.

One last time

I realize for most of you the subject of history is the ultimate soporific. Your eyes immediately glaze over and your head drops to your chest, learned aversions from droning history teachers in high school that presented a list of dates and events on the overhead projector and chalk board. History is taught without passion. Most people, including my kids, look at the subject of the past and offer a ho hum and a why?

I love history. I have spent most of my life studying various aspects and historical periods. I have delved into the Napoleonic Wars, American Civil War, WWII, the Zulus, The Sioux uprising of 1890, Lewis and Clark, the Revolutionary War, and WWI in recent decades. It is a hobby. I make no claims to genius, no special insight.

I do believe I possess enough layman's knowledge to carry on a discuss of history and the effect of the past on modern man. I welcome a discussion, I like to learn from others. Informing me I am ignorant, a fascist, that I have my head up my ass because I think the Romans offered more to history than the Kingdom of Mali, well I am at a loss for words. Reasonable people would present their argument, I mine and we would agree to disagree. Some people, small and insecure, find it necessary to carry the discussion further. If I do not acknowledge their point of view as THE version, I become the monster, the idiot.

I see a similar dialogue in politics today. Those who believe in Global Warming refuse to have a dialogue, we must all radically change our lives NOW -- No compromise, no discussion. We must bow down on the church of Gaea. For those of us who might support the war on terror we are fascist baby killers and evil. Should we have a dialogue on the progress of the war and how it is being fought? -- absolutely. It is impossible when you begin with equating me with Hitler. In schoolyard discussions these were the ones who always reply to facts with "well, you are fat" before they ran away crying to Mommy. They are unable to carry the discussion on fact so they resort to insults and name calling. They are unable to recognize opinion is just that -- opinion. Like assholes, everyone's opinion stinks (except mine).

Mark is one of these people. I bet I can describe him very well. He is probably from the East Coast, a few years out of college. He is working in his first job, making decent money, but he thinks his boss is stupid. He has perhaps travelled to Central America or Mexico to either vacation or maybe he spent a week helping those less fortunate through college or church. He sees I am from Indiana and is certain I am a hick, stupid and uneducated. I must be dumb because I speak with a different accent and talk slow. He can not accept he might be wrong, another might have knowledge. Hey Mark, I saw the History Channel show about the Mongols too.

Mark sees the people of the world and feels bad that the Great Zimbabwe is not mentioned in the same breath as the Great Pyramid of Cheops. It is not fair. He thinks maybe reparations for African Americans might be a good idea. He thinks Bill Gates makes too much money, and we should dictate higher pay for those who work at McDonald's. He believes Wal-Mart is evil and exploits its associates because it will not provide insurance to its workers. He wants Christmas removed from schools, but sees no problem with Muslims demanding foot baths in the Taxi restrooms at the Kansas City Airport (at government expense). Mark can see no reason any citizen should own a gun. He thinks we should be forced to buy smaller cars, and wishes the price of gas was higher, so we would take public transportation. He is convinced Bush is the Anti-Christ and Haliburton the root of all evil. I bet he secretly believes that either/or we deserved the attacks on 9/11, or that the Government blew up the towers. He wants to ban pesticides and says we should buy organic vegetables, but he will not pay the price when he shops. I bet he is awesome at video games. I bet Mark thinks Augusta National should be forced to accept women members, but has no problem with his boys night out every Wednesday (where he wows his friends at NTN Trivia).

Mark looks at the US and believes it is wrong to have so much wealth, so much freedom, so much goodness. We must have stolen it. It must have been gained at the expense of the Bedouins, the Ugandans, the Ashanti, the name your group here.

Mark thinks he is an intellectual, he is pleased at the attention, never knowing he is but a troll, an insignificant speck getting his jollies putting a hick in his place. He will never see how so many of us are laughing at him, at his pathetic cries for attention. He demands we listen to him, yet no person of historical aptitude or knowledge would agree the "Songhai [was a]...pretty big, important empire", a rival in historical importance to Rome, the Alexandrian Empire or even the US today.

What is really sad is this poor lonely little boy has succeeded in stamping his foot, holding his breath and demanding we all look at him. Like a parent that repeatedly spoils his brat, he got two posts and a long comment from me. Now I wish he would just go away, I am bored with his pseudo-intellectualism and holier than thou attitude. On second thought. I guess I am stupid. I just wasted another ten minutes on this pathetic piece of shit.