Nearly everyone in the blogosphere has published their version of the "_____ needs meme". How it works is you type in your name and "needs" into google, then look at the answers. Here are my results:
Hoosierboy needs for Ted "Swimmer" Kennedy to try that Chapaquiddick Bridge one more time. This time with Hillary Clinton along for the midnight drive. And we need the water deeper, and Swimmer drunker.
Hoosierboy needs that stupid Arby's oven mitt to erupt into a smoky, smoldering goo of melted cotton and nylon, never to plague the airwaves again. That goes for that damn Travelocity gnome, Quiznos baby, and lizard from the insurance company also.
Hoosierboy needs lots of blog hits, comments, and money. A naked supermodel straddling my face would not be a bad idea either.
Hoosierboy needs a ban on all things Halloween. Come on Parents, what values are you teaching your kids -- looting and begging? No wonder this holiday has grown so much; it is the liberal dream. Give me, give me. Sigh, I know, it has never worked at my house either.
That is what I got when I tried the meme. Do it yourself and see what you get.
October 31, 2005
Screw you, Al Franken. Are you reporting this?
go read this. Freakin liberal lying sack of shit news media. Up yours Jessie Jackson, Louis Fake-a-con, Al Sharpton, and Don King (just 'cause I think he's an ass).
Help me, Rhonda
Can someone explain to me why a respected Judge that interprets the law as it is written, who believes the Constitution is clear,is labeled an extremist? Is it extreme that a person does not see how an obscure toad that lives in ONE county in California does not fall under the jurisdiction of the Interstate Commerce Clause? Is it extreme to say that there is no right to privacy anywhere in the Constitution? Is it extreme to base your decision on the law on the LAW itself, not the court decisions of Germany, Canada, or Uganda? How did we come to this?
Open letter to Mr. W.
I am writing this letter to the parent of all kids who play sports who fall into a certain category. You know who you are. Thanks for ruining my weekend asshole. For the first time in a long time you actually made me lose sleep.
We were all disappointed when the boys football team lost in the tournament. Season over. To accost me on the sidelines and tell me that if only we had given the ball to your boy more...well, it is pointless. The game and the season are over. I really tried to walk away from you. To tell me I am a lousy coach, Ok, I can live with that. To bad mouth my kid, is going too far. In order not to make an ass in front of the kids I let you go on. I should have smacked you right in the heart of your half drunk, white trash, inbred mouth. I could have done it. But let us start with some facts:
I ran 6 plays in the last three games that your boy failed to execute. He ran the wrong way, so he did not get the ball. Clearly that is my fault that your kid is so stupid he cannot remember to run three steps to the right then cut back for the ball. It is also my fault that your kid did not even come and get the ball on the sweep. We have only been doing those plays in the league for four fucking years.
It is also my fault that your kid will not block. Thanks for standing little W, and letting a cornerback blitz take our quarterback out of the game because you could not even bother to step in front. You have a bright prospect as matador. Three of the first five plays we ran yesterday were to your boy. He gained exactly negative 6 yards. You are right, I should have run him more.
Thanks for all of your help with the team Mr. W. What I find most enlightening is your criticism. I have given up 2 hour s a day three to six days a week for the last 12 weeks to coach your son. You have volunteered exactly ZERO hours, minutes or seconds. Saturday, when they were begging for parents to run the yard markers I noticed you did not step up. Great job telling me off, when you will not give up a minute. Know more than me? You might, why don't you put that Monday morning quarterback sense to work. I am sure the Colts missed out when they did not call you. To think, they gave that dream job to that chump Tony Dungy when you were available.
I have been volunteering to lead and coach kids for more than 20 years, long before I had children of my own. Am I the best at it? Maybe not. But until you are willing to step up and help, quit criticizing those that do. Sit down, take the dick out of your mouth and shut the fuck up.
We were all disappointed when the boys football team lost in the tournament. Season over. To accost me on the sidelines and tell me that if only we had given the ball to your boy more...well, it is pointless. The game and the season are over. I really tried to walk away from you. To tell me I am a lousy coach, Ok, I can live with that. To bad mouth my kid, is going too far. In order not to make an ass in front of the kids I let you go on. I should have smacked you right in the heart of your half drunk, white trash, inbred mouth. I could have done it. But let us start with some facts:
I ran 6 plays in the last three games that your boy failed to execute. He ran the wrong way, so he did not get the ball. Clearly that is my fault that your kid is so stupid he cannot remember to run three steps to the right then cut back for the ball. It is also my fault that your kid did not even come and get the ball on the sweep. We have only been doing those plays in the league for four fucking years.
It is also my fault that your kid will not block. Thanks for standing little W, and letting a cornerback blitz take our quarterback out of the game because you could not even bother to step in front. You have a bright prospect as matador. Three of the first five plays we ran yesterday were to your boy. He gained exactly negative 6 yards. You are right, I should have run him more.
Thanks for all of your help with the team Mr. W. What I find most enlightening is your criticism. I have given up 2 hour s a day three to six days a week for the last 12 weeks to coach your son. You have volunteered exactly ZERO hours, minutes or seconds. Saturday, when they were begging for parents to run the yard markers I noticed you did not step up. Great job telling me off, when you will not give up a minute. Know more than me? You might, why don't you put that Monday morning quarterback sense to work. I am sure the Colts missed out when they did not call you. To think, they gave that dream job to that chump Tony Dungy when you were available.
I have been volunteering to lead and coach kids for more than 20 years, long before I had children of my own. Am I the best at it? Maybe not. But until you are willing to step up and help, quit criticizing those that do. Sit down, take the dick out of your mouth and shut the fuck up.
October 30, 2005
October 29, 2005
Weekend cartoon I
I received a bunch of cartoons from my brother. I will post them from time to time.
October 28, 2005
I got memed. Is that a word?
Alli tagged me. I need a post. Here goes.
1. Five things I plan to do before I die:
A. have grandchildren
B. say I sorry and make amends
C. travel
D. retire
E. buy a motorcycle
2. Five things I can do:
A. start a fire three ways without matches
B. throw a knuckleball
C. carry on a conversation
D. play Euchre
E. tell jokes from memory
3. Five things I can’t do:
A. ice skate
B. snow ski
C. tolerate stupidity
D. understand liberals
E. walk away from an argument (but I am getting better)
4. Five things that attract me to the opposite sex:
A. eyes
B. boobs
C. brains
D. humor
E. boobs
5. Five things I say most often:
A. 37
B. um
C. Oh come on
D. Dear Lord...
E. G**Damn it
6. Five celebrity crushes:
A. none really
7. Five people I want to do this:
come on volunteer
1. Five things I plan to do before I die:
A. have grandchildren
B. say I sorry and make amends
C. travel
D. retire
E. buy a motorcycle
2. Five things I can do:
A. start a fire three ways without matches
B. throw a knuckleball
C. carry on a conversation
D. play Euchre
E. tell jokes from memory
3. Five things I can’t do:
A. ice skate
B. snow ski
C. tolerate stupidity
D. understand liberals
E. walk away from an argument (but I am getting better)
4. Five things that attract me to the opposite sex:
A. eyes
B. boobs
C. brains
D. humor
E. boobs
5. Five things I say most often:
A. 37
B. um
C. Oh come on
D. Dear Lord...
E. G**Damn it
6. Five celebrity crushes:
A. none really
7. Five people I want to do this:
come on volunteer
Religion and the State
There has been a pretty spirited debate going on over at Moonbatty's and Alli's. In spite of my hundreds of profound, yet misspelled words, the debate rages on. Does not everyone know that when I pronounce an opinion the debate is over? No?.
Well, in that case, go read this guy's post, he says it much more eloquently than I did and he is right. Difster is an alright dude.
Well, in that case, go read this guy's post, he says it much more eloquently than I did and he is right. Difster is an alright dude.
October 27, 2005
GW -- stop being a patsy
Miers has withdrawn her nomination. I can say that does not upset me much. I am echoing Limbaugh and others here when I say it is time GW showed a set of balls.
Now is the time to nominate the literal, conservative judge we elected GW to nominate. Do you think Kerry would have thought twice about nominating the most liberal, international law citing asshat he could find? Swimmer Kennedy would be up for nomination as Chief Justice and The Grand Wizard Byrd would be replacing O'Connor. It is time to tell the Republicans in the Senate to step up and do the country's business. If I were Bush, I would have every Republican in to the office and lay out the law. The American people elected the Republicans to give us smaller government, responsible spending, a Supreme Court that follows the Constitution. The People did not elect Republicans to make friends with Democrats, to compromise, to spend like a drunken sailor on leave.
Did the Donks roll back their socialist agenda in the 50 plus years they controlled Congress? Why should we? You were placed there to do a job. When are we going to get serious about immigration? Why are we supporting the Palestinian Authority. They are harboring and encouraging terrorists. I thought GW laid out the Bush Doctrine that said we would seek out and destroy terrorists and the countries that harbor them. Put Syria on notice. Tell Iran to get their shit in a sock. Tell the PA that not only are we going to kick their ass if they do not clean up their own human garbage, but we will let Israel help. Lebanon -- same thing. North Korea, STFU, play by international rules or starve. Marx said the proletariat would always turn to revolution when their conditions were bad enough. the people will get rid of Kim in time.
Face it GW, the press, the Democrats, the Hollywood liberals are always going to hate you. You are marked in history just like Clinton. Do not go down trying to kiss the liberal ass. Stand up for what got you elected, Conservatism. Reagan did it and he will be listed as one of the greatest Presidents in history. Do not fold. We have been waiting 5 years for you to stand up and be strong. Now is the time.
Now is the time to nominate the literal, conservative judge we elected GW to nominate. Do you think Kerry would have thought twice about nominating the most liberal, international law citing asshat he could find? Swimmer Kennedy would be up for nomination as Chief Justice and The Grand Wizard Byrd would be replacing O'Connor. It is time to tell the Republicans in the Senate to step up and do the country's business. If I were Bush, I would have every Republican in to the office and lay out the law. The American people elected the Republicans to give us smaller government, responsible spending, a Supreme Court that follows the Constitution. The People did not elect Republicans to make friends with Democrats, to compromise, to spend like a drunken sailor on leave.
Did the Donks roll back their socialist agenda in the 50 plus years they controlled Congress? Why should we? You were placed there to do a job. When are we going to get serious about immigration? Why are we supporting the Palestinian Authority. They are harboring and encouraging terrorists. I thought GW laid out the Bush Doctrine that said we would seek out and destroy terrorists and the countries that harbor them. Put Syria on notice. Tell Iran to get their shit in a sock. Tell the PA that not only are we going to kick their ass if they do not clean up their own human garbage, but we will let Israel help. Lebanon -- same thing. North Korea, STFU, play by international rules or starve. Marx said the proletariat would always turn to revolution when their conditions were bad enough. the people will get rid of Kim in time.
Face it GW, the press, the Democrats, the Hollywood liberals are always going to hate you. You are marked in history just like Clinton. Do not go down trying to kiss the liberal ass. Stand up for what got you elected, Conservatism. Reagan did it and he will be listed as one of the greatest Presidents in history. Do not fold. We have been waiting 5 years for you to stand up and be strong. Now is the time.
Kill the white people
Here is an excellent post about racism in this country from the Hoosierhawk. Go read it and wonder why this kind of hatred does not get more coverage.
October 26, 2005
This would be sad if it was not so funny
This is a couple of days old, but it is funny as hell.
The sad fact is that these people are out there. They are working and living and VOTING in your community. They are your neighbors. They think Hitler is paying them to do the ironing. They think they have to line the bed in foil to prevent perverted aliens from filming them having sex. These people believe that the Government is hiding aliens in Nevada (imagine, a race smart enough to get to Earth from the far reaches of this or another galaxy, but are incapable from escaping from Area 51).
These people believe that Bush lied about WMDs in Iraq (even though these mysterious WMDs were the basis for an attack by Slick Willie during the Lewinsky thing. These lunatic people believe that the White House "leaked" the name of a CIA Operative, who never left her desk, who was named as a CIA officer in public documents years before her husband lied about a trip to Africa. These people believe that Bush "stole" not one, but two elections. They believe a sitting President knew about an attack on the US and did nothing to prevent it.
I was listening to the end of an interview with David Horowitz at lunch. He verbalized something I have thought for quite some time. Why is it when a conservative discusses ideology and position with a leftist, we look at their ideas as misguided, loony, pie in the sky. We try to point out that most of their ideas have been tried and failed. We posit their arguments as I have above, irrational, delusional, misguided, wrong, yet good intentioned. When the opposition describes a conservative it is always in terms of evil. We want to starve old people and the homeless. We want to destroy the environment. We wage war for profit and oil. We are killing people just to make war. Rove is Evil. Bush is Hitler. Never mind that in scope of socialist ideology Kerry and Gore are both the close cousin of the NAZI party, the communists of the USSR and the Khmer Rouge. Still, I would never call them Nazis, or mass murders. Do the liberals really think Conservatives want dirty air and water? Do you believe we have so little compassion for the fellow man we would like him to starve? In some of my electronic conversations with leftist (like Moonbatty or Breezy) they are shocked we believe in many of the same basic principles, we only disagree on the means to get there. A liberal believes that government is the answer to problems, I believe we should help ourselves. Does that make me evil?
I think there is a secret stash of lead paint, and most of the DU eats lead paint chips for a snack while they watch PBS in the evening. My only question, is do you eat salsa or dip with lead paint chips?
The sad fact is that these people are out there. They are working and living and VOTING in your community. They are your neighbors. They think Hitler is paying them to do the ironing. They think they have to line the bed in foil to prevent perverted aliens from filming them having sex. These people believe that the Government is hiding aliens in Nevada (imagine, a race smart enough to get to Earth from the far reaches of this or another galaxy, but are incapable from escaping from Area 51).
These people believe that Bush lied about WMDs in Iraq (even though these mysterious WMDs were the basis for an attack by Slick Willie during the Lewinsky thing. These lunatic people believe that the White House "leaked" the name of a CIA Operative, who never left her desk, who was named as a CIA officer in public documents years before her husband lied about a trip to Africa. These people believe that Bush "stole" not one, but two elections. They believe a sitting President knew about an attack on the US and did nothing to prevent it.
I was listening to the end of an interview with David Horowitz at lunch. He verbalized something I have thought for quite some time. Why is it when a conservative discusses ideology and position with a leftist, we look at their ideas as misguided, loony, pie in the sky. We try to point out that most of their ideas have been tried and failed. We posit their arguments as I have above, irrational, delusional, misguided, wrong, yet good intentioned. When the opposition describes a conservative it is always in terms of evil. We want to starve old people and the homeless. We want to destroy the environment. We wage war for profit and oil. We are killing people just to make war. Rove is Evil. Bush is Hitler. Never mind that in scope of socialist ideology Kerry and Gore are both the close cousin of the NAZI party, the communists of the USSR and the Khmer Rouge. Still, I would never call them Nazis, or mass murders. Do the liberals really think Conservatives want dirty air and water? Do you believe we have so little compassion for the fellow man we would like him to starve? In some of my electronic conversations with leftist (like Moonbatty or Breezy) they are shocked we believe in many of the same basic principles, we only disagree on the means to get there. A liberal believes that government is the answer to problems, I believe we should help ourselves. Does that make me evil?
I think there is a secret stash of lead paint, and most of the DU eats lead paint chips for a snack while they watch PBS in the evening. My only question, is do you eat salsa or dip with lead paint chips?
I went golfing...
It was a sunny morning, a little before 8.00 am, on the first hole of a busy course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker.
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!"
I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back...
"WOULD THE ASS HOLE WITH THE MICROPHONE AND THE PA SYSTEM KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT?"
--from my brother
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!"
I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back...
"WOULD THE ASS HOLE WITH THE MICROPHONE AND THE PA SYSTEM KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT?"
--from my brother
Tuesday Night Lights
Fake smash left, counter right. That is the play that won our all star team the first game of the tourney last night. The play scored a touchdown in overtime to gain a 6-0 victory.
The boy played great.
October 25, 2005
Lover's embrace
I will seek and find you . . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when
I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
--The Flu
Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!
from my brother
RIP Rosa
I wanted to make some comments about Rosa Parks today. As usual other talented writers have said it better than I ever could. Moonbatty is one of them.
I have to wonder, if Rosa and Malcom X, and the Reverend King would be happy about the turn the civil rights cause has taken. Was it their idea that leaders like Jackson and Sharpton have become little more than shakedown artists and race baiters?
Just wondering.
Rest in Peace, Mrs. Parks, your seat is secure in Heaven.
I have to wonder, if Rosa and Malcom X, and the Reverend King would be happy about the turn the civil rights cause has taken. Was it their idea that leaders like Jackson and Sharpton have become little more than shakedown artists and race baiters?
Just wondering.
Rest in Peace, Mrs. Parks, your seat is secure in Heaven.
Finally a Quiz worth taking.
Like most of you I have used quizes as space filler, a means to a post. Here is finally one worth taking. It is as accurate as any I have ever taken. Try it.
October 24, 2005
I need a little bread and cheese...
I miss record albums. I miss the artwork. The tiny little picture on a CD does not give you the medium for great cover art. It is like seeing a copy of your favorite painting on a postage stamp. Something is lacking.
I miss the liner notes. I miss the insert with a poster or pictures of the artist you could sometimes find.
I miss the fact that you could actually open an album without a knife, chainsaw, bolt cutters, machete, bleeding fingers and a lot of swearing. Does anyone else hate the white label they use to seal the CD shut? Sometimes there are two of them. I bought a new CD Saturday.* I thought I would listen to it at lunch. Of course, it took me a significant portion of my lunch hour to try and get the stupid label off. As usual, it came off in little pieces. The edges were sealed down with the mystery glue that will not release to fingernail or knife pressure. I suggest they use that shit to seal down the tiles on the space shuttle and we would not be redesigning our space vehicle.
Am I the only idiot who has problems with the labels on CDs and DVDs?
*Neil Young's Greatest Hits (I wanted the new Rhino Yes live compilation, but I was unwilling to spend $49.00. Are you reading this Santa?)
I miss the liner notes. I miss the insert with a poster or pictures of the artist you could sometimes find.
I miss the fact that you could actually open an album without a knife, chainsaw, bolt cutters, machete, bleeding fingers and a lot of swearing. Does anyone else hate the white label they use to seal the CD shut? Sometimes there are two of them. I bought a new CD Saturday.* I thought I would listen to it at lunch. Of course, it took me a significant portion of my lunch hour to try and get the stupid label off. As usual, it came off in little pieces. The edges were sealed down with the mystery glue that will not release to fingernail or knife pressure. I suggest they use that shit to seal down the tiles on the space shuttle and we would not be redesigning our space vehicle.
Am I the only idiot who has problems with the labels on CDs and DVDs?
*Neil Young's Greatest Hits (I wanted the new Rhino Yes live compilation, but I was unwilling to spend $49.00. Are you reading this Santa?)
October 23, 2005
The Nature of Hell: My Sunday Post
Sorry for the dearth of posts this weekend. Sometimes life intrudes on our hobbies. One reason is I have nothing to post about. HB with nothing to say? There are people who know me now fainting dead away. I always have an opinion on something.
About all that is going on is football. I am sure none of you find that subject interesting. The all star team is winless through three games. The little one has been hit, sacked, rushed, hurried, and hit some more by a line that suddenly resembles a picket fence with huge gaps. He now feels like Houston's David Carr. When your basic smash is thrown for a loss, EVERY TIME, you know it is a long day. The backs spent most of yesterday being crushed by 2-3 defenders in the backfield. The line problem is not lack of will, or effort -- it is execution. Once the little one was hit by 5 defenders at once. He sat up looked at the linemen and shouted "Would someone please block?" His momma raised him to be polite. He is covered in bruises.
So, in desperation I will share another joke from my dad. This is for you science types out there::
Hell
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
BONUS QUESTION:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
Of course, the corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
About all that is going on is football. I am sure none of you find that subject interesting. The all star team is winless through three games. The little one has been hit, sacked, rushed, hurried, and hit some more by a line that suddenly resembles a picket fence with huge gaps. He now feels like Houston's David Carr. When your basic smash is thrown for a loss, EVERY TIME, you know it is a long day. The backs spent most of yesterday being crushed by 2-3 defenders in the backfield. The line problem is not lack of will, or effort -- it is execution. Once the little one was hit by 5 defenders at once. He sat up looked at the linemen and shouted "Would someone please block?" His momma raised him to be polite. He is covered in bruises.
So, in desperation I will share another joke from my dad. This is for you science types out there::
Hell
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
BONUS QUESTION:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
Of course, the corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
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