I'm not a very smart man...

A lot of people running for office this year are using the theme of change. Case number one is the race for the Indiana Seventh District for the US House of Representatives. That seat has been owned by liberal Democrats for my lifetime. Julia Carson, whose voting record is similar to Maxine Waters and Cynthia McCommie's died in office last fall. They are holding a special election. Ms Carson's grandson is the Donk Party nominee. His entire message is we need change. For me that raises two questions. One, since the Dems are in control of Congress, doesn't that mean he is repudiating the Democrat leadership? Secondly, doesn't his message indicate he is against everything his grandmother stood for?

The same arguments hold true for B Orama Osama Obama. He is part of the Democrat controlled Legislature. He is part of Washington. If we change from the way things are now, doesn't that mean we should have a Republican controlled Congress?

I am just saying...

Here you go

"I feel like a Valentine poem.
Anyone game?"

Big Dick wanted a VD poem:

Its Valentine's day
Big bucks for flowers I paid
I hope I get laid


What have you got?

Exclusive interview with B Obama

In a new outreach program Democrat Presidential contender Obama has agreed to be interviewed by bloggers. This humble scribe was one a scant few granted exclusive interviews.

HB: As a Republican, I am not familiar with your platform. Can you give me the condensed version of your positions?

BO: I am for change. It is time to change Washington.

HB: What changes are you going to make?

BO: We are going to do things differently.

HB: How are you going to do things differently?

BO: By making changes.

HB: And some of those changes are...?

BO: I am glad you asked. We are going to make changes for the American people.

HB: ?????

BO: Change!

Do not forget to buy your lover a V-D card

Here is a copy of last year's post, since no one clicks links:

Monday, February 12, 2007

A love story

Thursday, the second wrestling meet of the week. I took a beating, yet still won. You remember the old joke about "does your face hurt?", yes it did. On the bus ride home I had time to think. In the dark it all became a stark reality. I just had to get out of going to that dance.

How could I break it to her? She bought a dress, I had ordered the corsage. Dinner reservations were made. I did not even know this girl. I could say I was sick. Think, man, think. If I cancelled I would be a heel, and Teresa would be pissed. That would be bad. She would not like me to cancel a date with her best friend.

Friday, I woke, no closer to a resolution. I had a crush on this girl, Teresa. Her best friend asked me out to a Sadie Hawkins dance. It was a big deal, the biggest dance of the year except for the prom: dresses were bought, suits were worn. I said yes, thinking the girl would talk about how wonderful I was and Teresa would see me as something besides a friend. Sixteen year old boys do not always think logically, especially when it comes to women. Yes, my motive was wrong. I did not care.

Wrestling practice was supposed to be short, most of the team had a date for the dance. I had two black eyes, the result of high cheekbones and sharp elbows. We started wrestling around and my partner Jeff got a bloody nose. He got them all the time and of course, I laughed at him. This really made him mad and he was determined to give me a bloody nose as well. The only problem is I had never had one. EVER. He proceeded to give me several hard cross-faces. He hit me with an elbow, he smashed me with his skull. No bloody nose. I took a quick shower before heading home to get ready for the dance. Shit, my left eye was swollen shut, my right eye and cheek were hues of blue, green and purple. I bet her parents would be real impressed.

I circled the block twice mustering the courage to knock on the door. Her nephew answered. Fortunately she was ready. A few quick pictures and we were on our way. No one asked how I came to look like a prizefighter.

On the way to the restaurant we did not speak much. I gave this girl a quick glance. I barely knew her. Only after she asked me to the dance did I discover her last name. Her short hair was dark, almost black. It fell in soft waves framing her face. Her nose was straight and narrow, freckles covered her cheeks. Her eyes lit up each time she smiled. They were hazel.

We went to the local Moose Lodge for dinner (the oldest in the world), there was not much else in the little town where we lived. I had pork chops. Neither of us spoke much during dinner. Aborted conversations ended with one word answers. "Is your steak OK?"

"Yes, It is fine," she muttered. Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? OK, dinner, go to the dance stay an hour or so and make an excuse to take her home. Maybe I can claim I have wrestling practice in the morning. I noticed her hands. The fingers were long and smooth, a small hint of white fingernail polish graced the long nails. A few freckles dotted her arms. I tried hard not to stare at her chest above the white sleeveless dress. The swell of her breasts was enticing. She was kind of pretty. When she stopped in the ladies room after dinner I briefly thought about just leaving. She was in there a long time, and maybe she was hoping I would.

I still remember clearly the events before the dance. What I ate. The back of my neck burning with embarrassment. The feeling everyone in the dining room knew I was a lousy date, a failure, a hoodlum. The rest of the evening remains a blur. We found our table at the dance. We were sitting with her friends. I knew some of the other guys. The lights were low and suddenly this strange girl looked lovely. The band was playing and we sat and tried again to talk. Finally a slow dance was played and I summoned the courage to escort her to the floor. She fit perfectly in my arms. the top of her hair came to my eyes. Her waist was the perfect size for my skinny arms. She smelled faintly of flowers. After the song we walked to the punchbowl holding hands.

As we sat back at the table I moved my chair closer, we began to find things to talk about. My hand was on her thigh. I forgot my mother's admonition to not try to be funny. Mom told me that often others just did not get my dry sarcastic sense of humor. The girl had the most melodious laugh. We danced some fast songs. She had rhythm, I could only jerk around like a spastic monkey with a lobotomy. I was having a good time in spite of my efforts not to.

Another slow song began and we moved to the floor hand in hand. I put my arms around her, her hands locked around my neck. I looked into her eyes and saw my soul. She leaned to me, and I to her. Our lips met and electricity shot through my body. My hair stood on end. As our tongues met, I never felt like this before! Wow, I said as our lips parted. I was out of breath. I was not sure if we had kept dancing or not. The room spun. I kissed her again.

The night lasted forever and ended too soon. As we made out in the front seat of my parent's Monte Carlo, hurried plans were made for another date the next day. I drove home with her taste on my lips. Pizza, a movie and more electric kisses followed on Saturday.

Monday came and Teresa did not look quite so hot. She asked me how the dance went, a knowing leer on her face. I know now girls talk about that stuff*. Teresa told me she just knew the girl and I would get along. She suggested a double date the next week. Why not?

I found an old picture taken at that dance back in December of 1978. I see a skinny boy, his left eye shut, his right black. I see a couple of kids, unsure of life, of themselves. The pretty girl is standing next to that boy. I know the picture was taken as we arrived, before the slow dances, before the kiss. I know this because in the picture I am just a shy boy, smirking at the world.

I dated the girl for several years. I left for college. I got engaged. I got married.

The girl is now my wife. Her kisses are still electric.


* My buddy Jeff just asked me if I got 'any'.

I bow down to the religion of Algore and Global Warming

Behold the power of Mother Nature. Here is the awesome display of 5-10 inches of snow and ice. Impressive isn't it? After two days of dire winter storm warnings, we were inflicted with this impressive dusting. Not even the drivers of Dallas and Atlanta would be daunted by this massive accumulation. We had a similar scare a few weeks ago that called for more snow with fewer results.

The weather models cannot predict accurately 5 hours in advance. For cripes sake the forecast changed from 5-10 inches to 2-4 inches in less than an hour last night. How does anyone with a brain believe weather predictions for five, ten or fifty years from now? If you do, then you are a moron and I ask you never return to this site again. Life is too short to deal with gullible fools. Lace up your Nikes and prepare for the spaceship. The cult of Global Warming is for dunces and idiots.

Oh, and Happy Birthday Abe.

Do you know me?

I am the smoke from your campfire dissipating in the leafy branches of the trees. I am the dream that makes you smile in your sleep. I am the shadow on the lawn you see on a moonlit night. I am the moan of the wind on a springtime morning. I am the ache in your heart for what you never had. I am the pain in your gut for all you miss. I am the cloud that shines red-gold in the setting sun. I am the butterfly that flutters from petal to petal. I am the drifting snow. I am the smell of corn and fresh mown alfalfa in the fields. I am here and not. I exist on the peripheral of your vision, a shape, a ghost. I am thunder in the clouds. I am the magic you feel at Christmas. I am the tremor you feel in your soul walking a dark street at night. I am the goosebumps on your arms, the tears in your eyes. I am the lingering smell of your wife on the pillow. I am the frost etched on your windows, only to be melted by the winter sun. I am the nuzzle of your man on the back of your neck. I am summer lightning over the horizon. I am a lingering kiss goodbye. I am neither here nor there. I am the lie that tells the truth. I am the pain of childbirth. I am the joy of a first kiss. I am the white heat of betrayal. I am the cold touch of loneliness. I am the kick of a gun. I am the thrill of a roller coaster. I am nobody. I am here and gone. I am real and imaginary. I am Hoosierboy, and I do not exist.

Dream Weaver

Did you ever have one of those dreams that was so real, that drew you in so deep, it lingered with you even after you woke up? The kind that fades away slowly as the minutes tick by on the clock?

I had one of those dreams this morning. For mysterious reasons I was attending a meeting at my former elementary school. We were a little early for the meeting which was to be held in my fifth grade classroom, so I showed my friend the cafeteria, the library, the gym etc. All was perfectly normal, the school had been modernized so it was familiar, yet different. It felt like more than thirty years had passed since I tread those halls, but I still knew my way around. The only thing that was really bizarre was my companion was an African elephant 12 feet tall. Oh, and the elephant could talk, but only to me.

Dr. Freud please call your office.

Retired Green Beret shoots intruder, gets court martial

BREVARD, Jan. 19, 2008 - Retired Army Green Beret James T. (Smokey) Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling pretty good about it.
Taylor, at age 79, is one of the oldest members of Chapter XXXIII (The LarryThorne Chapter) of the Special Forces Association. He was placed on trial byfellow Chapter XXXIII members under the charge of "failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber" in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, TN, in November.
The court martial, of cour se, was very much tongue in cheek. The eventitself was deadly serious.

Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of November 5, 2007, when an intruder broke into his home. He investigated the noises with one of his many weapons in hand.
"It was just after Halloween, on Monday morning at 4:30," Taylor said. "I heard this commotion at the door and grabbed my fishing gun, a little .22 revolver, to see what was going on. I got to the front door and this fellow had ripped my security door out of its frame. He said, 'you're going to have to kill me. I'm coming in.'"
When a warning to leave went unheeded, Taylor brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes. "I was about four feet away from him when I shot," Taylor said. "Looking back now, I'm glad he didn't die, but that boy had the hardest head I've ever seen. The bullet bounced right off."
The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the house then got up and ran down the street. Taylor dialed 911 and Knoxville police apprehended the wounded man about 200 yards away, hiding in a hedgerow.
Complicating the case, as well as the court martial, the offender was released on bail but failed to appear for his court date. Knoxville police said the man was homeless. They did not know his whereabouts or why he had been given bail.
The charges brought against Taylor by his fellow Green Berets were considered to be serious. He is a retired Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with extensive combat experience during the wars in Korea and Vietnam.
"Charges were brought against him under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial," said Chapter XXXIII President Bill Long of Asheville, NC.
The trial was held at the Hampton Inn in Brevard, part of the group's regularly scheduled quarterly meeting. Long appointed a judge, Bert Bates, a defense counsel, Jim Hash, and a prosecutor, Charlie Ponds. All are retired Special Forces non-commissioned officers with extensive combat and weapons experience.
Ponds outlined the case against Taylor, emphasizing that the citizens of Knox County were going to be burdened with significant costs to again apprehend, and then prosecute and defend the would-be burglar.
"Proper choice of a larger caliber gun would have spared the citizens this financial burden," Ponds said, "while removing one bad guy from the streets for good. He could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn't big enough to get the job done."

Hash disagreed. He said Taylor had done the right thing in choosing to arm himself with a 22.
"If he'd used a .45 or something like that the round would have gone right through the perp, the wall, the neighbor's wall and possibly injured some innocent child asleep in its bed. I believe the evidence shows that Smokey Taylor exercised excellent judgment in his choice of weapons. He clearly remains, to this day, an excellent weapons man."
Hash then floated a theory as to why the bullet bounced off the perp's forehead. "He was victimized by old ammunition," he said, "just as he was in Korea and again in Vietnam, when his units were issued ammo left over from World War II."
Taylor said nothing in his own defense, choosing instead to allow his peers to debate the matter.

The jury, consisting of all the members of the Chapter, discussed the merits of choosing a larger caliber weapon as well as the obvious benefits to society of permanently deleting the intruder so he would never again threaten any private citizen.
The other side of the coin, that of accidentally causing injury to a completely innocent citizen if a more powerful gun had been used, also gained considerable support.
Following testimony from both sides, Judge Bates determined the charges should be dismissed. The decision was met with a round of applause.
In fact, there was strong sentiment expressed that Taylor should receive an award for not only choosing wisely in picking up the .22, but for the accuracy of his aim under difficult and dangerous conditions.
After the trial Taylor admitted the ammunition was indeed old and added the new information that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out the door.
"I would have had an even worse mess to clean up if it had gone through his forehead," Taylor said. "It was good for both of us that it didn't."
Meanwhile, back in Knox County, the word is out: Don't go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.

I guess McCain does not look so bad

I have seen this before, but the story bears repeating as often as possible. Otter forwarded this list in an email. I encourage anyone to dispute the facts:

Hillary Clinton has been telling America that she is the most qualified candidate for president based on her "record," which she says includes her eight years in the White House as First Lady - or "co-president" - and her seven years in the Senate. Here is a reminder of what that record includes:

- As First Lady, Hillary assumed authority over Health Care Reform, a process that cost the taxpayers over $13 million. She told both Bill Bradley and Pat Moynahan, key votes needed to pass her legislation, that she would "demonize "anyone who opposed it. But it was opposed; she couldn't even get it to a votein a Congress controlled by her own party. (And in the next election, her party lost control of both the House and Senate.)

- Hillary assumed authority over selecting a female Attorney General. Her first two recommendations (Zoe Baird and Kimba Wood) were forced to withdraw their names from consideration, and then she chose Janet Reno. Janet Reno has since been described by Bill himself as "my worst mistake."

- Hillary recommended Lani Guanier for head of the Civil Rights Commission. When Guanier's radical views became known, her name had to be withdrawn.

- Hillary recommended her former law partners, Web Hubbell, Vince Foster, and William Kennedy for positions in the Justice Department, White House staff, and the Treasury,respectively. Hubbell was later imprisoned, Foster committed suicide, and Kennedy was forced to resign.

- Hillary also recommended a close friend of the Clintons, Craig Livingstone, for the position of director of White House security. When Livingstone was investigated for the improper access of up to 900 FBI files of Clinton enemies (Filegate) and the widespread use of drugs by White House staff, both Hillary and her husband denied knowing him. (FBI agent Dennis Sculimbrene Confirmed in a Senate Judiciary Committee in 1996 both the drug use and Hillary's involvement in hiring Livingst one. After that, the FBI closed its White House Liaison Office, after serving seven presidents for over thirty years.)

- In order to open "slots" in the White House for her friends the Harry Thomasons (to whom millions of dollars in travel contracts could be awarded), Hillary had the entire staff of the White House Travel Office fired; they were reported to the FBI for "gross mismanagement" and their reputations ruined. After a thirty-month investigation, only one, Billy Dale, was charged with a crime - mixing personal money with White House funds when he cashed checks. The jury acquitted him in less than two hours.

- Another of Hillary's assumed duties was directing the "bimbo eruption squad" and scandal defense: ---- She urged her husband not to settle the Paula Jones lawsuit. ---- She refused to release the Whitewater documents, which led to the appointment of Ken Starr as Special Prosecutor After $80 million dollars of taxpayer money was spent, Starr's investigation led to Monica Lewinsky, which led to Bill lying about and later admitting his affairs.

---- Then they had to settle with Paula Jones after all.

---- And Bill lost his law license for lying to the grand jury.

---- And Bill was impeached by the House.

---- And Hillary almost got herself indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice (she avoided it mostly because she repeated, "I do not recall," "I have no recollection," and "I don't know" 56 times under oath).

- Hillary accepted the traditional First Lady's role of decorator of the White House at Christmas, but in a unique Hillary way. In 1994, for example, The First Lady's Tree in the Blue Room (the focal point each year) was Decorated with drug paraphernalia, sex toys, and pornographic ornaments, all personally approved by Hillary as the invited artists' depictions of the theme, "The Twelve Days of Christmas."

- Hillary wrote "It Takes a Village," demonstrating her Socialist viewpoint.

- Hillary decided to seek election to the Senate in a state she had never lived in. Her husband pardoned FALN terrorists in order to get Latino support and the New Square Hassidim to get Jewish support. Hillary also had Bill pardon her brother's clients, for a small fee, to get financial support.

- Then Hillary left the White House, but later had to return $200,000 in White House furniture, china, and artwork she had stolen.

- In the campaign for the Senate, Hillary played the "woman card" by portraying her opponent (Lazio) as a bully picking on her.

- Hillary's husband further protected her by asking the National Archives to withhold from the public until 2012 many records of their time in the White House, including much of Hillary's correspondence and her calendars. (There are ongoing lawsuits to force the release of those records.)

- As the junior Senator from New York, Hillary has passed no major legislation. She has deferred to the senior Senator (Schumer) to tend to the needs of New Yorkers, even on the hot issue of medical problems of workers involved in the cleanup of Ground Zero after 9/11.

- Hillary's one notable vote, supporting the plan to invade Iraq, she has since disavowed.

Quite a resume, isn't it? Sounds more like an organized crime family..

Beat, bushed, tired

A couple of old buddies showed up last night. It has been a while since they visited, and as a result I only slept about two hours. I bet some of you know those guys -- Indigestion and Insomnia. I am not sure why I had such heartburn. I fried up some chicken and made mashed spuds and white gravy. Not really a spicy meal. Maybe it was the grease.

I finally get the stitches from my mouth in about an hour. Those threads have driven me nuts for about four days. I think all will be better when they are gone.

Like the stupidest commercial on TV says, have a happy period, if you are in the midst of your menstrual cycle. The rest of you should have a happy Friday.

It is all in a name

I am not one to make fun of people. As a child I was teased for my surname by cruel children and their parents. I would not do that to another person, especially an immigrant trying to better himself and provide the fruits af the American dream for his family. OK, yes I will.

This guy comes by the booth yesterday. He looked to be a native of the Indian subcontinent. This was on his name tag:

Menahj Atwah

I had to leave the booth I was laughing so hard. I am not making this up.

Tuesday Afternoon

So here I am preparing for day two of the world's most boring trade show. It is Super Tuesday. It is Mardi Gras. It is supposed to be in the 80s here in the sunshine state. Whoops, if you see my wife it is 50 and raining.

I normally sleep on planes. I guess I have flown 500 or 600 flights in my life. Yesterday I was seated next to a guy who was terrified of flying. He talked the entire flight. I tried to turn the conversation to other topics, but he paniced over every minor bump adjutmet and turn. It became tedious after a while. The joys of travel are few.

Maybe more later. Have a great day.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

18-1. Best team ever? We no longer need to have that discussion. The Patriots and Belicheat must feel like they were kicked in the crotch by an elephant on steroids. The best part of all -- I get to spend the next three days with a rabid Patriots fan. I have a bucket of salt to rub in that raw bleeding wound.

Posting will be light as I head to warmer climes to work a trade show. In the time/space continuum there are normal hours and there are trade show hours. They say a dog lives seven years for every one of ours. A trade show hour is one seventh of a regular hour. That means if you are there for two hours, it seems like fourteen. Trust me on this. They like to hold these fetes at nice warm locations, thinking that makes it more palatable. Instead, it is just cruel that you are stuck inside. Of course the location is what lures the attendees -- a vacation and free stuff for spending 40 minutes at the show. What really sucks is I will be sans car so I will be stuck with my colleagues the whole time. The stitches in the jaw preclude smoking some choice stogies in the sun.

My mouth is feeling pretty good. The wife was bitching at me for bleeding on the sheets Friday night. I said I did not do it on purpose. I must have moved my head off the towel I put down for that purpose while I was sleeping. I guess I was not supposed to move. I punched her right in the nose. That shut her pie hole. Not really. I did not punch her and it did not stop her yammering. She was just in one of those moods yesterday.

I have to shower, pack and get some wipers for the car before I head to the airport. The left one is in shreds. Have a good Monday, Mofos.

My Superbowl Prediction

When I was first married I did not care much for sports. Other than a Cubs game I rarely tuned in. I especially did not enjoy football. A drinking buddy and co-worker invited me to his house in January of 1988 to watch his favorite team, the Denver Broncos, take on the Washington Redskins in Superbowl XXII. Given Jeff had caught his wife in bed with his best friend just a few weeks before, I thought I'd best attend his party.

What was that? You want details? Well, Jeff worked third shift. So did his best friend (who was also the Best Man in his wedding). His wife worked third shift too, in a different department. His MIL worked for me on first shift. Is it inbred enough yet? Jeff had been married for exactly two years. This company worked lots of overtime. It was not unusual to be called upon to work an extra four hours at the end of a busy shift. On this particular day, which happened to be his Anniversary, Jeff was called to work over. His spouse and his buddy, who both worked in different departments went home at the regular hour. I listened to Jeff complain about working, I went to the big boss and asked if we could let him go early. Others promised to stay over on first shift if necessary to make up the work. Since it was Jeff's big day the boss agreed.

Jeff was not surprised to see Sam's car in his driveway when he got home three hours early. He thought they were going to have some drinks to celebrate. He even purchased a bottle of cheap champagne. He was surprised to catch them doing the pokey part of the hokey pokey (put the love worm in...)on the couch. After he chased the jerk out of the house he threw the bottle of bubbly through the back window of the former best friend's Chevy.

When I arrived at the Superbowl Party Jeff was especially irate because the 'friend' had filed charges against Jeff for breaking the car window. How is that for balls the size of grapefruit?

Well, Washington destroyed Denver 42-10, and I left at halftime after the Redskins notched 35 points in the second quarter. Less than a year later I would leave that job and that town, never to talk to Jeff again.

Oh, the point of the story? The Patriots will not be denied. While it sickens me to say it, the game will be a blowout. I will quit watching at halftime, just like Superbowl XXII.

It is never simple with me, is it?

Oh, and thanks for your well-wishes. I am feeling fine.

Dear Mr. Fantasy

I am not one to dream about other women, especially married women. Fantasies about married women I do not know and have never met are most disturbing. I had a very disconcerting dream last night that involved SWMBO, of Blog d' Elisson fame.

Now before the Son of Eli jumps in his car and drives North to kick my ass, I should explain some details. In my dream she shot me with an arrow. In the nether regions. To be most specific in my left butt cheek. I asked her a tearful why as the shaft was removed from my bloody flesh. She gave me a bold look and said " Well, your jaw does not hurt so much now, does it? Why would this apparent nice mother, wife, and according to Mr. Elisson, wonderful woman, do such a heinous act in my nighttime slumbers? I blame it on the Vicodin.

Apologies to all concerned. This is a true story.

update

OK, I was not really sick, just in pain. I broke a tooth Monday night and have been in pain since. 3 Advil every two hours is probably not a good thing. I had not slept more than 15 minutes at a time for three days. I still was my dazzling self while visiting customers this week.

Now, less two teeth, I am at the keyboard. Even better I have a script for Vicodin.

I get a troll for the first time in months, and I do not have access to the Internet. Oh well, Dick took care of him. On that subject lets get something straight. Just because you are a war hero it does not make you a good President. Can anyone name a good thing from the Taylor and Tyler Administrations? How about William Henry Harrison? And perhaps our greatest hero of all (and one of my personal heroes)Grant was saved from being one of our worse Presidents by Carter and JFK.

I will give the devil credit, unlike John IservedinVietnam Kerry, McCain does not run on his military record. I just think he is not a Conservative. He is better than Obama/Hitlery though.

Well, I am off to ice my jaw and watch some John Wayne.

Sick

Maybe later

And another thing...

It looks like McCain just might get the nod for the Repubs. I do not possess the vocabulary to express my disappointment with that choice. I keep waiting for that phantom Conservative candidate to show up in time to win the Superdooper Tuesday Primaries. Can we vote for the ghost of the gipper? I know this if my choices are McCain and the Hildebeast, I might just stay home. How do you choose between bad and worse? Do you want your eyes poked or your balls kicked?

A vote against Hillary equals a vote FOR McCain. He of the Keating Five, He who is against reducing taxes but amnesty for criminals. He is who is for limiting my Constitutional Rights, but in favor of granting them to Islamofascists and terrorists. He who claims to be a 'maverick' but is really just a RINO at best. How ironic that the two candidates that have been at the edge of dubious fundraising in their careers might be going head to head. McCain only became for campaign finance reform after he was caught.

As I have stated before, is this really the best we can came up with for candidate of the most powerful office in the world?

Update

Posting will be light the next few days as I head to the city with big shoulders to do my work thing.

A wicked front moved through last night. Yesterday morning it was 49. Today it is 7with a windchill of minus 11. Most of the temperature change was ushered in in about an hour as heavy rains blew in on the back of 60 and 70 mph winds. Those in the south would call that a hurricane. In the Midwest that is tornado weather and it looks like a few slammed into area. Here at the homestead we had lots of rain that turned to snow and lightning. No apparent damage.


Have I mentioned I hate the Patriots?

Politics

I was going to spout a political rant. I was flipping through my regular blog reads while the phrases and verbiage turned in my mind. Then I read this CLICK HERE and my work was done for me. This is a political platform I could get behind. I know I am not alone, a politico who took each of these stances would get elected. He would be murdered by the yellow journalists that make up the press, drug behind a car in a cactus patch, his mail, laundry and every rock of his path of life examined and turned over. If he survived that, the majority of working Americvans would vote for him. The rest of Americans, the welfare state would not. That is where we are. Those who want the Government to provide are beginning to outnumber those who want to just be left the fuck alone. Guess who will win the future elections as the nanny state grows?

A Challenge

Tuna salad on white bread
Cheetos
Dr Pepper
All chased by a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie


How about you?

Sunday Review

Last night I fried up some breaded tenderloins and baked some mac and cheese. Add some biscuits and frozen corn and we had a fine Sunday meal.

I took the little one to do some hitting at an inside cage yesterday afternoon. He is getting in the mood for some baseball. The season ended on such a down note last year, I was concerned about his attitude. He will be fine. I guess it is time to quit calling him little one, he will be driving (with a learner's permit) this time next year. In my mind he is still my little guy. He is taller than my wife and will likely catch me in his next growth spurt. The oldest is already taller.

My wife, daughter and eldest son are all fighting the cold/flu. I hope it stays away from me, but I feel that pressure in my sinuses and the nose is starting to drip a little. I am getting that achy feeling in my bones, so I am afraid I am about to get hit. I hope if it going to get me , it comes soon. I am off to warm climes next week for work and I want to be feeling good while enjoying the sun, er work.

My oldest boy has been offered a potential recording contract. He has been asked to record a single, in any case. The company is picking up the recording tab. We keep trying to offer encouragement without getting his hopes too high. He said he would quit college if it happened. We had to have a long talk about that. Any possible recording deal would have to pay enough for him to live on. We explained that if he quits college not only would he no longer have health or dental insurance, but he will immediately have to start paying on his student loans. Welcome to reality, son.

Here is his music page [edit. removed, if you want to check it out send me an email and I will provide the link.] It is not necessarily my taste in music, but I do like the song "Ricochet". He plays all of the instruments and sings. He taught himself to play the bass, the guitar, and keyboards -- all in the last two years or so. He played drums in the middle school band. He also did the recording. His songwriting skills have improved significantly in the last year.

In praise of Hillary

Hillary Clinton, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate is for banning all guns in America. She is considered by those who have dealt with her as a little more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida she asked the kids audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds.. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Little Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet.

'Well, stop clappin, ya stupid fucking bitch.'

A memory within a dream

I was little. I could not sleep. I went into the living room where my Dad was watching TV in his big black Naugahyde chair. I thought it was the middle of the night, but I am sure I had not been in bed long. I climbed into dad's lap. He was watching a movie. He had a bowl of chips and he let me have a few. He was watching PT 109. I saw the destroyer smash through the plywood of JFK's little boat. I snuggled on my Daddy's chest and I knew I was loved.

I only remember that tiny slice of life, but I would not trade that memory for the rubies of India. I dreamed about this memory last night. Life is sometimes weird.

More pigmy sex -- with photos!

Holy shit, I do not want to have to turn in my Union card (you know I loooove Unions). I guess I need to post something. Well let us start with excuses. No post yesterday because I was off trying to earn a buck. Those kids are like baby birds, mouths open crying for food. I thought I would post something later today, since I have a conference call in about 20 minutes with my boss and the company president. But clearly Blogging is Way more important.

In any case, quantity over quality and this counts as a post. My standing in the Union remains intact.

Random Wednesday Ramblings

I once decided I would write a book called "The Electric Death of Alexander Macabre". Consider it copyrighted.

By the time I go to sleep tonight I will have read 13 books since January 1. None had pictures.

I still need several documents before I can file my taxes including my W2. Can some of you accountant types explain why it takes so long to get a W2 in today's computer age?

I like Grape Soda. I am pretty fond of bacon.

Taking a quick look at those who aspire to the Presidency of the Greatest Nation in the World, I have only one comment -- is this the best we can do?

For reasons I will not discuss, I read through some of my archives yesterday. There were some decent posts in the early days. Now you get stuff like this. Read my archives sometimes and let me know what posts are interesting.

Acidman and others have bemoaned the fact that the post you spend a lot of time composing get little or no response. The trash you crank out in minutes is often the most popular. Go figure. Sometimes when I think I am being really funny, I get crickets. I am not sure how that makes me feel.

I find myself in a period of little or no motivation. Yesterday, a coworker mentioned he felt the same. What gives? Is it the weather? For me it extends beyond work.

I have not had a cigar in weeks and weeks.

I once could speak French. Now I can only speak Pepe Le Pew.

Why is Speedy Gonzales offensive? He is smart and always wins.

Through the magic of the Internet I have been watching old episodes of WKRP in Cincinnati. I had forgotten how funny that show was.

Are you still reading? Why?

The clue is

Badajoz


No fair using Google

Another movie review

What can I say? Well, nothing.

I am bored by politics. I am already looking for that magic spot on the ballot that reads "None of the Above." There is one bright spot, if the Hildebeast is elected, Congress will turn Republican and Conservative in two years. We have seen often in the past that the President cannot do much with a recalcitrant Congress. Even better, Congress cannot do much either. Gridlock is not necessarily a bad thing kiddoes.

Great game in freezing Green Bay last night. Gutsy call for the Jersey Giants to put the kicker in to win the game. He had already shanked a couple of shorter ones.

Man, I would laugh my ass off if the Patriots lost. It can happen. Remember what the underdog Patriots did to the supposedly unstoppable Rams a few years ago? I would like at some point to see the fawning media actually care that the Patriots are admitted cheaters. Greatest team of all time? Maybe, but they need at least a small asterisk.

We went to the movies last night. The jackass girl behind us talked and laughed and moaned ohhhh at every little happy/sad/cute/sentimental/funny moment. By the end of the movie I was ready turn around and choke the life from the skinny bitch. If her boyfriend did not dump her by the time he took her home he is a moron, an idiot and a complete dunce. I do not care if she could pleasure him nine different ways, spending one more minute with a stupid, rude cunt like that is not worth it. If he does not break up with her, he deserves to spend a lifetime dealing with tasselled heart-shaped pillows on his couch and the constant yipping of a little ankle-biting dog. The kids will sport monikers like "Buffy" and "Bobby" and he will be forced to have the family portrait taken 12 times a year in matching outfits because "Ohhh, it will be so cute." Their family room will have a flowered couch and there will be a glass cabinet filled with figurines with big heads and bigger eyes. Pictures of kittens will hang in the hallway. She will probably make him eat tofu burgers. She will make her kids eat granola bars and drink sugarless KoolAid. He will live in miserable hell of cuteness and sickening sweetness and soccer until one final "ohhh" drives him to beat her senseless with a baseball bat one cold January night after a dreadful theme party. He will kick her a final time in the mouth and tell her "That is for ruining every movie we have ever seen by talking and 'ohhhh-ing' and being an all around dumb blond bimbo." I, for one will stand up and cheer, praying I can be on the jury.*

I cannot give a review to the movie because some loud-mouth girl right behind me distracted me the whole damn movie.

I watched the second half of Packers game and then a DVD of "Big Jake" when I got home. I give it four stars. The Duke kills that SOB who cuts up his dog with a machete. 'Nuff said.

* If the above description resembles one of my readers in any way, well too bad.

Winter

Damn it is cold. I caught the Tidy Bowl Man ice fishing just now in my toilet.

I flushed that sumbitch. I always thought he was just creepy.

Not Again?

I was thinking of offing myself today, but it looks like the Suicide Help Desk is still closed. I hoped it was a temporary thing.

That sucks. Where are you now Big Dick?

View from my windshield

I took this picture of the Wednesday sunset with my phone at 70+ mph (65 mph exactly if you are an Illinois State Trooper). I was in central Illinois. Nonetheless, it is still pretty spectacular I think.

Enough Already

It is the 18th of January. Turn off your Christmas lights. No one loves the Christmas Season more than I, but enough is enough. I do not mind much when the lights are turned on mid-November, The tree displays and merchandising that begins almost before the Halloween bats and witches are taken down is an irritant. The assholes that burn the colored lights and inflate their Snowmen and Santas in the middle of January are just pathetic. Driving home from piratically Wisconsin last night I saw several houses twinkling with the Holiday glow. In my own town I counted four houses in the mile or so between my abode and Wal-Mart. I admittedly live in a white-trash heavy community. That is no excuse.

Look, I understand the weather or extenuating circumstances may prevent you from taking down the lights. Sometimes you just cannot get to it. My own Mother-in-Law sported the same lights year round for years. When the old strand burned out, she just nailed new ones over the old. But she did not turn them on beyond a suitable period after Christmas.

Let it go people. Keep Christmas glowing in your heart, not on your roof. Get rid of that tree, ride the sleigh, do not display it. We are long past the Twelfth Night. Santa is on vacation, the reindeer are mating in their stables. Turn off those lights.

I don't have the skillz

my first Haiku try
five seven five is quite tough
a poet I'm not


I do not know how Jean does it.

Here is another lame try:

Honey from a bear
peanut butter on white bread
just another lunch

Steroids in baseball

I have often decried the growth of the Nanny State and the interference of Government into our lives. A reading of the writings of the founders is clear evidence they intended a limited government. The latest and best example is the current hearings into steroid use in baseball.

I love America's pastime. I firmly believe the game has been tainted by performance enhancing drugs. It makes me sick. Is is none of the Government's business. It is mere grandstanding in an election year. If Chris Shays and his buddies were so concerned, they would take time to learn the names of the cast of characters. "Mr. Sellick", whom I guess is Bud Selig and "Mr. Palmeri" (Palmero?) are key figures in the investigation. Don't these assholes in Congress have any shame?

Let us bring back the Whig party. What we have now is parties of Big Government and Really Big Government. I am so sick of politics...

Packers QB Change

New Quarterback for the Packers...

In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday. Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. During this period of time she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, and is now completely comfortable with other terminology of the Packers offense. A survey of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move.

Does this sounds idiotic and unbelievable to you? Well, Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats polled agreed. She has never run a City, County, or State. When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has 8 years in the White House, Dick Morris stated "so has the pastry chef".

Otter again

Why you should never buy a cheap cake

Wal-Mart Employee: ''dis Wal-Mart's, how can I help you?"

Customer: "I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."

Wal-Mart Employee: "Whachu want on da cake?"

Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that "We will miss you."














stole it from Otter

Monday

My buddy had his knee replaced just before Christmas. We went to see him this weekend. He told me that the doctor said during his visit last week that he could start having sex again. Three weeks after major surgery and he could once again have sex!

It is drastic, but I am scheduling a knee replacement for as soon as possible. Whatever it takes...

Bob Sanders

As the Colts begin their playoff run this weekend, I thought I’d make you all aware of a few facts about Bob Sanders:

Bob Sanders can win a game of Connect Four in only 3 Moves. . .

Bob Sanders' dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Bob doesn't take shit from anyone.

Bob Sanders lost his virginity before his father did.

Bob Sanders is the only man ever to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Tom Brady has Bill Belichick check under his bed every night for Bob Sanders

The federal government banned human cloning because they weren't sure they could stop more than one Bob Sanders.

Bob Sanders doesn't mow his lawn...he walks out to his yard and DARES the grass to grow!

Bob Sanders doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint

Bob Sanders saved the cheerleader and the world.

Bob Sanders can unscramble eggs!!!!

Bob Sanders doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
h/t Otter

Another Movie Review

I was up until about 3:00 am this morning watching this DVD -- Remember Tonight David Gilmour Live at Royal Albert Hall. If you like music videos, you will love this. The sound is great and the video is terrific. The concert includes some Pink Floyd favorites, a couple of tunes from Syd Barrett's solo work and the complete On an Island playlist. With backup singers like David Bowie, Graham Nash and David Crosby, you cannot go wrong. Long-time Floyd keyboardist Richard Wright mans the ivories. The second disc has some out takes and a behind the scenes concert tour movie that is highly entertaining. This movie captures an awkward incidental meeting between Gilmour and Roger Waters.

The Pink Floyd song Echoes has long been one of my favorite tunes. The version here is the best I have heard. Bowie sings his cover of the classic Syd Barrett tune Arnold Layne and Gilmour blows the house down with his soaring solo at the end of Comfortably Numb.

Buy it, rent it, if you are a Floyd or Gilmour fan you cannot go wrong with this DVD.

Hey Grandpa, What's for dinner?

This, in about 15 minutes.

What he said

JT always is right on target. CLICK THIS LINK. The comments are priceless.

Those weren’t tears. That was the evil leaking out because she was too full…

Patriots Suck

Four football fans - a Steelers fan, a Bears fan, a COLTS fan and a Patriots fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Steeler's fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Steelers!' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Bears fan shouts, 'This is for the Bears!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The COLTS fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Patriot fan off the mountain.
GO COLTS!




h/t Otter

Answer me this

What the heck...?
How...?
Why did you...?
Are you kidding me?
Where?

Voter ID

Today the Supreme Court will hear a challenge to Indiana's Voter ID Law. The original lawsuit was filed by the Democrat Party and a Democrat lawmaker. Some individuals have an issue with a person proving his identity prior to voting. The law is designed to prevent voter fraud. As the Democrat Party has led the cry against voter fraud, claiming Democrat voters have been disenfranchised in the past several elections, one would think they should be behind this measure. I guess Democrats only see voter fraud when their candidate loses. Just as they only wanted to review ballots in heavily Democrat precincts in Florida, we can only draw the conclusion Democrats do not want elections examined too closely in certain areas. They apparently do not have any interest in verifying Democrat and Republican voters are checked to ensure they are not dead, double voting, and are who they claim to be.

The arguments against the law are it places an undue burden on the poor, minorities and the elderly. Critics of the law also claim that it hurts people who live in rural areas. Indiana, "The Crossroads of America" ranks near the top in highway miles per capita. This is not the turn of the 20th Century. Few need to hook up the old horse and wagon to make the trip to town to vote. Most residents in Indiana live within a few miles of their licence branch. The State will supply an ID free of charge if you cannot afford it. In addition, one does not need to present a photo ID to cast an absentee ballot.

I find it amazing the citizens of this state can get to town to buy groceries and cigarettes. They can go to Church and vote. But getting a photo ID is a burden.

Give me a break.

The view to the west

This is the view to the west from my deck, taken minutes ago. Do you think it might storm?

Happy Birthday

Today is the King's birthday. TCM is showing a marathon of his movies. The TV is on in the background -- a rare event during the day. Right now the King is at the World's Fair and putting the moves on the hot chick. Oh that Elvis. Oh, Oh the chick found out he is a rascal and told him to jump off the Space Needle.

In other news, I see the Hildebeast has resorted to the oldest trick in the book. Now she is shedding crocodile tears, because 'she just cares so muuuch". Makes me want to puke. Like her husband she must be able to turn the tears on and off. Or maybe she was just realizing she was going to lose and that made her cry. What is so sad and pathetic is people will vote for her because she cried.

I would climb from a hospital bed, braving a 104 temperature, splitting sutures and the possible loss of at least one limb to vote against her. Indiana's primary is not until May, and it will be decided by then, but I have considered registering Democrat for the first time ever, just to vote against her. She is bad for the country, bad for me and bad for you.

A movie review

The wife and I went to see this chick flick on Friday night. Some guy dies and sends a series of letters to his widow. He had written them before he died. The theater was filled with crying chicks all wishing their boyfriends/husbands would die and be that romantic. Halfway through the movie the lights came on, the movie stopped and reality set in. The chicks were not with the hot Irish guy, they were with the likes of me. There I sat just like every other man in the place wishing I could punch the author in the nose for setting such unreal expectations.

Anyway, it appeared the film broke, or the machine that plays the disc quit, whatever. The theater guy announced it would be about 5-10 minutes to get the flick (and the tears) running again. The wife determined she needed another gallon or two of butter on her bag of popcorn. She stood up, stumbled and sat down. Being the perceptive guy I am, I mentioned that I thought she was going to get butter. I suggested she could get me a refill on my Coke while she was out in the lobby. She looked at me. Her face was white and she said she had done something to her knee. A few tears leaked from her eyes, and I knew I was going to have to get my own refill. No, seriously I could tell she was in pain. She sat there flexing for a bit and decided she was OK.

I went and got the refill and her butter and the movie was back underway when I returned. After the movie I had to help her down the stairs. I drove up to the door to pick her up. When we got home I made her an ice pack. She could barely walk.

On Sunday she got up completely pain free and could walk fine. Strange Huh?

No, there is no point to this story. We watched a chick flick, my wife twisted her knee and is now OK.

Oh yeah, I was going to write a review. Men, if you want to see a chick flick and watch your wife/girlfriend/date cry then go see PS I Love You. Then come home and try to take advantage of the situation. You just might get lucky (unless your wife trips over a popcorn kernel and hurts her knee). The next day you must watch several hours of Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, and football to restore your manliness levels. Ladies you will love this movie -- go with your girlfriends.

Quit, please

Get out of my head you son of a bitch. Fucking Righteous Brothers.

Rednecks in Action

I am bored with this, I cannot remember which pictures I have already posted. This is the end of this no-humor segment. Caption as you please.

Bars are the same everywhere

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and screw the cat."

Stressed by the New Year?

Go here. Do you want, with apologies to The Eagles,a Peaceful, Easy Feeling? You will find it here.

Honest, there is no screaming banshee to make you jump, just a site that offers a peaceful feeling of Serenity. I now vist the site several times a day. I feel better. You will too.

From One to Fifteen Hundred

My first post was on March 22, 2005. This is number 1,500. That is an average of close to 1.5 posts/day -- every day, seven days a week. Your average newspaper columnist writes about twice a week. Of course I do not represent I write with the skill or quality of your typical newsman. I will say there are many days I think my work compares favorably with the scribes in my local birdcage liner. That is more a reflection on the quality of my local newspaper than my body of work, however. I have no idea how many words I have flung into the Ethernet, but I have spent way too many hours on this crazy hobby. So many great bloggers have hung up their keyboards. I miss them all. But I keep finding new friends and blogs to give me the entertainment I crave. There are a lot of bloggers who are more prolific, a great many have more readers daily, and more links. Like my life, this old blog is just average, 80-100 readers with some high-quality links. A few of the cool kids link me, and a lot of good people have me on the old blog roll. Thank you all.

Here is to you good reader. Thanks for stopping by.

On a completely different note, Thank AlGore for global warming. Otherwise it would be downright cold. It is a blistering four (4) Fahrenheit at the old homestead right now.

Who in the hell decided f-ing Iowa and New Hampshire could set the election stage. The whole Iowa Caucus thing is a joke (read up on how it works). How did two of our smallest states get so powerful? I guess it is better than letting the granola bars from Californication decide. How about this idea -- we have a national primary day in all fifty states on the same day? It seems to work for the national elections. That way every state would have a say in which bad choice is available for the national elections.

Monday on Wednesday

The coffee is on. I will pour a cup after I type this sentence. Did you miss me?

Well I am back to work today. I have been on vacation since the seventeenth of December, although the first several days I worked anyway, especially the 17th and 18th. I guess I am glad it is a short week, ease into it a bit. The next week or so will be slow as the industrial might of the nation kicks into gear. Most of my customers will not have time to see me until mid-month, even if I do offer a free lunch or dinner. In any case going back to work offers little excitement. I could live the retired life. I did like getting the paychecks though! I guess I will keep working.

The Daughter has to go back to school Thursday or Friday, the oldest son returns to College on Sunday. The wife and son go back to work and Middle School on Monday. Christmas break is ending for us all. I will miss the kids. It has been great having them home. In the face of Christmas bills, rising fuel costs and shrinking savings with two in College, I know one fact. I am a seriously rich man. Not in cash. But I did win life's lottery. For that I offer humble thanks to God.

A new year is upon us, I have made no resolutions. I intend to try and be happy every day. I want to try to learn something new every day. Those goal are nothing new for me. I think that is enough. They sound like simple goals but doing each makes for a tough day on occasion.

As we head into the New Year I want to reiterate what I said at Christmas, Thank You to each of you that takes time out of your busy day to read my brain droppings. Your visits and comments contribute far more than you know to helping me meet my daily goals of happiness and education. I am indeed blessed.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year

You will get no year-end retrospective here. Always look forward I say, you cannot change the past. You might think that a strange attitude from a history major and life long amateur historian. Instead you are getting a rant about sports --professional football in particular.

It looks like Belicheater will get coach of the year. Pretty sad that a proven cheater gets this award in the same year he is caught. Did the cheating give him any advantage in the subsequent games? Probably not, but he should have been forced to forfeit the first game, and clearly the message is there, as long as you win we will overlook cheating. Is there really any difference in this than the Shawn Merriman cheating last year?

How about Reggie Wayne of the Colts setting the NFL mark this year for yards and receptions? The best receiver in Football that gets no publicity.

I absolutely hate the Colts decision to play the scrubs most of the game. Fans paid to see the starters, and tickets are not cheap. Last week against Huston the starters played until a victory was in sight. The Colts said it was a game against a division rival and they wanted to make sure they did not give division foes the confidence they could beat the Colts. There was no difference this week, in fact the Titans already believe they can beat the Colts. They have played them closer over the past few years than any other AFC South rival. Why let off the gas? I would think nothing sends you into the playoffs better than a victory.

The Colts better pray nothing happens to Manning. This team will go nowhere with Sorgi at the helm. He can barely throw twenty yards and his release is so slow he is always in danger of a sack. The perennial back-up may be fine for maintaining fourth quarter leads, but he is incapable of driving down the field. The Colts had plenty of opportunity to pull out that game and one or two good passes would have done it. Plenty of NFL teams have played the backups with success this season, and the Colts need someone who can carry the team in the event Payton Manning gets hurt.

Happy New Year, be safe and do not drink and drive.

He haunts my kitchen

I guess I will take down the outside Christmas decorations. No more wreaths with their festive red bows. Gone will be the lights that brightened the dark nights in celebration of Jesus' birth. The next few days will see the tree boxed up and the trappings of the Holidays will be replaced by the monotone of cold winter days and frosty nights. The hap-happiest time of the year will be replaced by work and bills and cold short days. Most depressing of all is the snack table will be taken down. This is a temporary table we put up for Christmas dinner to hold the pies, cookies, pecan tassies and other sweets. Now just a forlorn container with a few cookies remains. We all look at the table knowing it has to be put away like just like the ribbon, bows and the star on top of the tree. It is so sad. No more munching, no more snacking, no more sugar highs. The dreaded Winter Diet looms with the New Year. It stands mute. A bony finger pointing at my gut like the Ghost of Future Christmas in Scrooge's dream. No more cookies, no more gummi bears, no more midnight hamburgers. The accusatory arm points a silent uh uh at the cheese ball and Chex Mix. A pox on Dr. Pepper, hot cocoa, and cold refreshing beer. The winter diet demands an end to gingerbread men, to little bite sized Snicker bars and red and green wrapped Hershey Kisses. The last wrapper of cream cheese lies crumbled at the bottom of the trash can. The Winter Diet is a mean bastard. We wonder why we are depressed in January?

Cooking with Hoosierboy Volume XL

One of the dishes I whipped up for Christmas dinner was what I call Orange Stuff ( I really call it something other than 'stuff', but this is a family blog). I made it at my daughter's request. I had not prepared this dish for about ten years and I forgot how good (and simple) it is. Give it a try.

Orange Stuff

6 oz frozen Orange Juice Concentrate thawed
1 can eagle Brand Milk
1 small tub Cool Whip
1 can Mandarin Oranges drained and cut into small pieces

2 rolls Ritz Crackers (About 60)
1 stick margarine
1/4 cup of sugar

Crush the crackers into crumbs
add the sugar
pour melted margarine over the crumbs
stir and press into the bottom of a 8x8 or 9x11 pan

Stir the thawed OJ and Eagle Brand milk together. Fold in the Cool Whip. Add the drained oranges. Pour over the crust. Refrigerate one hour. Eat.

You will not be disappointed with this salad/dessert/snack

Dear GOP

Would a TRUE Conservative please step up to the plate and run for President? You will win. Here is your simple platform:

-Control the Border
-Enforce Immigration laws already on the books
-Protect the Country from Terrorists
-Control spending -- all current Government programs will be held to the rate of inflation.
-Make one of your key points if elected to push Congress to pass an Amendment that all laws must show where they are authorized in the Constitution
-Encourage domestic oil companies to open more refineries and open the ANWR to drilling.

Start with these and you are your way to victory. Throw in the Fair Tax and SS reform and you would be golden.

If we cannot find a candidate we will be faced with socialist medicine and it will not just be our light bulbs that are banned. I hope you want to drive a Yugo, because Big Brother and his green storm troopers will be watching your every move.

Holiday Hangover

Whoo, what a Christmas. I got a bunch of new DVDs to watch, including a five movie set of Esther Williams flicks. I told the wife not to be jealous. My family came down yesterday for dinner. I cooked enough food for twenty people. There were eight of us. I am already anticipating the gripes and moans when I pull out the same food for lunch and dinner again today. I will just tell them boo f-ing hoo, eat it.

After dinner we played a game belonging to my daughter -- Cranium. It was moderately fun. I am not really much into games. Otter and my oldest son were on a team. They could be clones, they are so alike sometimes. My wife and daughter were on a team. The wife had to sculpt a cupcake from clay and the daughter had to guess what it was. As time was running down my daughter shouts "is it pork?". I thought I was going to die from laughter. I guess you had to be there.

In all, we had a great Christmas. I hope you did too. Now I am off to watch hot chicks in bathing suits.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and tidings of the Season.

Thank you to each and every one of you who take time from their life and busy day to spend time reading the ramblings on these pages. I am humbled.

Read this instead

Ignore my boring shit and go read this instead at phlegmy's place. I cannot seem to find the link to the post on her template, so read the post for December 22, 2007. The one about the school kids.

Best Christmas post ever.

What is a man to do

Gift wrapping and some baking is on tap for today. I think I am going to have a go at some gingerbread cookies, and some pecan tassies. Some routine house cleaning may also be in order before the family arrives for Christmas dinner. And yes, I will be doing the cooking.

Maybe I will sit around and have a few drinks this afternoon instead.

Decisions, decisions....

1972 Rocks

As we wind down for the Holidays, I know many of you will not be be visiting Fat in Indiana under a mistaken idea that you need to spend time with your family, going to church, celebrating the birth of our Savior, parties, whatever. I can assure you all other activities pale in importance to reading this blog several times a day. Unfortunately, many of you will not heed my advice,so here is a question that may get you thinking. Was there ever a year filled with more great music releases than 1972? Granted, I was a mere lad at the time, but my album and CD collection is filled with music from this era. Here is just a sampling of the music from 1972:


A Good Feelin' to Know - Poco
A Song For You - The Carpenters
A Thing Called Love - Johnny Cash
Aerie - John Denver
Album III - Loudon Wainwright III
All Directions - The Temptations
All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople
All Together Now - Argent
Amazing Grace - Aretha Franklin
America - America
American Pie - Don McLean
An Anthology - Duane Allman
Elvis:As Recorded At Madison Square Garden - Elvis Presley
Back To Front - Gilbert O'Sullivan
Black Sabbath, Vol. 4 - Black Sabbath
Bolan Boogie - T. Rex (band)
Burgers - Hot Tuna
Burning Love - Elvis Presley
Bustin' Out - Pure Prairie League
Can't Buy a Thrill - Steely Dan
Cherish - David Cassidy
Chicago V - Chicago
Close to the Edge - Yes
The Concert For Bangla Desh - George Harrison
Crossings - Herbie Hancock
The Divine Miss M. - Bette Midler
The Eagles (album) - The Eagles
Eat a Peach - The Allman Brothers Band
Exile on Main Street - The Rolling Stones
Foxtrot - Genesis
Fragile - Yes
Graham Nash David Crosby - Crosby & Nash
The Grand Wazoo - Frank Zappa
Harvest - Neil Young
Heavy Cream - Cream (band)
He Touched Me - Elvis Presley
Hendrix in the West - Jimi Hendrix
Homecoming - America
Home Free - Dan Fogelberg
Honky Chateau - Elton John
Hot August Night - Neil Diamond
Jackson Browne - Jackson Browne
Jeff Beck Group - Jeff Beck
Journey Through the Past - Neil Young
Lady Sings the Blues - Diana Ross
Led Zeppelin IV - Led Zeppelin
Living in the Past - Jethro Tull
Loggins and Messina - Loggins and Messina
The London Chuck Berry Sessions - Chuck Berry
Lou Reed - Lou Reed
Madman Across The Water - Elton John
The Magician's Birthday - Uriah Heep
Mardis Gras - Creedence Clearwater Revival
Mark,Don and Mel,1969-1971 - Grand Funk Railroad
Manassas (rock album)Manassas - Stephen Stills and Manassas
Moods - Neil Diamond
More Hot Rocks - The Rolling Stones
Music of My Mind - Stevie Wonder
Never a Dull Moment - Rod Stewart
No Answer - Electric Light Orchestra
Obscured by Clouds - Pink Floyd
One Man Dog - James Taylor
Paul Simon - Paul Simon
Pictures at an Exhibition - Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Pure Prairie League - Pure Prairie League
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars - David Bowie
Roadwork - Edgar Winter's White Trash
Rock Me Baby - David Cassidy
Rockin' - The Guess Who
Rockpile - Dave Edmunds
Rocky Mountain High - John Denver
Sailin' Shoes - Little Feat
Saint Dominic's Preview - Van Morrison
School's Out - Alice Cooper
Seven Separate Fools - Three Dog Night
Seventh Sojourn - The Moody Blues
Simon & Garfunkel's Greatest Hits - Simon & Garfunkel
Sittin' In - Loggins and Messina
Smokin' O.P.'s - Bob Seger
Some Time In New York City - John Lennon
Summer Breeze - Seals and Crofts
[[The Soundtrack to Superfly - Curtis Mayfield
Talking Book - Stevie Wonder
There It Is - James Brown
They Only Come Out At Night - The Edgar Winter Group
Thick as a Brick - Jethro Tull
Toulouse Street - The Doobie Brothers
Transformer - Lou Reed
Trilogy - Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Trouble Man - Marvin Gaye
Vol. 4 - Black Sabbath
Waka/Jawaka - Frank Zappa
War Heroes - Jimi Hendrix
Weird Scenes Inside the Gold Mine - The Doors
Wild One - The Guess Who

In addition Pink Floyd performed Dark Side of the Moon for the first time, although it would not be released until 1973.

* bold indicates albums/cds or 8 tracks I own or once owned.

Ok, I included David Cassidy for my wife, who admits she got wet britches as a prepubescent whenever he appeared on Tiger Beat or whatever. And Melanie, lets just say I have a brand new pair of roller skates...Yeah, one of the most annoying songs ever. And while I am not a Carpenters fan you have to admit they changed Pop music and brought attention to eating disorders.

Anyway look at that list -- Cream, Zep, Yes, Jethro Tull, ELP, The Stones, Zappa, The Moody Blues. Was there a better year for music?

Real Life

You have one hour to get your mean nasty comments in...



Too late, too slow. This is proof positive evidence of why you should be clicking on Fat in Indiana every fifteen minutes -- minimum...

Just for you Freddie and you SuperGurl.

Do I look old?

Erica -- this is what I see when I look in a mirror. Of course I do not have my glasses on, and we all live in the past just a little...

maybe this is more realistic. Do I look 21 in this picture?

Ain't that a kick in the head

I do not consider myself a vain man. I am short, overweight and my hair is not as thick or as dark as it used to be. I have to wear glasses now, the no-line bifocal kind. In short I view myself a typical 40-ish kind of guy. Sure, I have my aches and pains, but I get out and throw the ball with the boy, shovel the drive and mow the yard. The men have always looked young in my family. My Dad will hit 70 next month and looks nowhere his age. I was still getting carded when buying beer into the 1990's when I was pushing thirty.

You can imagine my disappointment last night when the clerk asked me if I was over 50 last night when buying a Christmas present for my wife. She told me she wanted to make sure I got every discount I could. I think well on my feet, and always have a quick repartee or response. I do not panic. It is my an integral part of my job, and I am good at that aspect.

I was completely mute. I could think of nothing to say. I bet I stood there tongue-tied for a few seconds before some really mean and hateful phrases came to mind. The clerk was smiling like she had just offered me the key to the city. I think she was really trying to be helpful. I just offered a lame, "Well I am not quite there yet." and tendered my debit card. I thumped out the store like a deflated tire. I think I would have felt better had she kicked me in the groin.

I moved on to the next store, my Holiday Spirit extinguished. I finally headed for home ready to try again today. My wife found the story hilarious. I tried to parlay the episode into a means to get some sympathy sex -- you know, remind me I am still a young man at heart, etc., but she shot me down. Anyone else want to get in a kick?

Maybe I will stop off at the drugstore this morning to get some Grecian Formula...

1484

We hang out a lot with this other couple. Our kids are similar ages. More importantly, we have known them forever. The guy has been one of my best friends since seventh grade. We played on the same little league team before that. The wife grew up just a few blocks from my wife. We were in each other's weddings. We get together at least once a month (we live about 90 miles apart)to play cards, drink a few beers and have a good time. We have vacationed together the past few years. Outside of my family, there is no one I am closer to.

My buddy had his knee replaced today. I just got off the phone with his wife and all went well. Imagine replacing a knee at 46 years old. High school and subsequent football and basketball injuries have made his life hell for more than 20 years. He has had at least 4-5 surgeries to repair the mess inside. Finally the pain was too much. He opted for the titanium joint. The doctors say the hardest part of his recovery will be retraining tendons and muscles. He has not been able to straighten his leg for decades. What a way to spend Christmas. I suspect the doctor and hospital will frown if I bring beer and cigars to his hospital room.

How I spent my Monday Morning

a report by Hoosierboy

I got up early to make a dish for my wife to take to the potluck for work. This is it:Fruit pizza. Ain't I amazing?

I have spent the majority of the morning on the phone on work related business. I have sent emails and have several more hours of work to do, including my December expenses. So much for vacation.

So, how was your weekend?

Oh, the weather outside is frightful

Begin with two thick slices of homemade bread. Smear healthy layer of smooth peanut butter on one of the slices ( choosy Moms choose Jif). Thinly slice a Granny Smith apple and layer over the peanut butter. Now add a heaping pile of roasted, shredded crow. Top with the other slice of bread. Now eat that weatherman.

Our estimated 12-17 inches of snow layered with ice and freezing rain turned into a tawdry few inches instead. It is blowing. Given the flatness of the terrain, drifting snow will render east/west roads impassable. The point is, your estimates were wrong by a factor of several hundred percent Weatherman. Your track record is miserable. Why not just say it looks like we will get snow and leave the rest to chance. How about a freakin' apology for the scare tactics you employ to get us to keep your station tuned in for weather updates instead of reading blogs and watching porn?

Look, I get it. The weatherman's prognostications are based on computer models. The capricious winds blow where they want, not as a computer programs. The movement of a front or low pressure cell by a dozen miles can change the local weather enormously. The weather quack errors on the side of caution. Hurricanes Katrina and Andrew and thousands of tornadoes have proven it is better to warn people of the worst, to protect us from our own ignorance and stupidity. I think we can all agree forecasting the weather is a guess and in no way an exact science.

Given that understanding, how in the world can anyone accept the forecast and computer estimates of our weather two, ten and even fifty years from now? Is the weather from last December 17 an indication of what will happen tomorrow? Can we say with scientific certainty that just because it often rains on my wife's birthday it will rain on June 8, 2013? Do any of these theories sound remotely scientific or even plausible? Then why are you buying the global warming crap? Maybe it is getting warmer, maybe not. Perhaps weather patterns have changed. Is this a harbinger of global catastrophe? Will the polar bears drown? Will the Mexicans be moving to Greenland to pick tomatoes? Only time will tell. I do know it is economic suicide to bet our economy and way of life on computer models that cannot predict the weather 12 hours in advance.

Oh, Hoosierboy, a consensus of scientist agree we are facing apocalyptic climate change that will destroy our planet. Well a consensus of weather experts also said I would be looking at a foot of blowing drifting frozen and crystalized water clogging my driveway this morning. A consensus of scientists believed our planet was flat at one time. A consensus of scientists believed the Sun revolved around the Earth. Heck, a consensus of some of the greatest thinkers in history believed the sun was pulled through the sky by Apollo in his golden chariot. The same scientists who are now ringing the alarm bells of global warming were in agreement a few decades ago we were faced with a coming ice age that would doom our planet, our civilization, our way of life. The computer models said so.

Take your global warming hysteria and shove it straight up your greasy hemorrhoidal asshole, Al Gore. If my local weather expert cannot predict the climate tomorrow, why would I listen to a politician that has never worked a real job?

Rednecks in Action

Nothing like wearing your best T-Shirt for that engagement photo.

Live blogging the storm.

The weather quacks have been warning us for days about the big storm heading my way. As of the late news last night we were to expect heavy snow by dawn -- one inch per hour. Well their version of an inch must be even smaller than the one I use to measure my dong. I will keep you updated as long as I have access to the computer. When the boy gets up he will hog the keyboard.

5:45 am: Nothing

6:33 am: rein, zip, nada

7:30 am: Went out to get the paper. Windy, I might have felt a snowflake. That would be singular. It also might have been my imagination.

8:07 am: There is a thin coating on my patio table -- like someone has dusted it with flour to make pie crust.

8:39 am: OK, I might have been premature (like this is the first time...) it is coming down hard, the ground is already nearly covered. The patio table now looks like it has a thick layer of white frosting. I hear Rosemary Clooney singing "Snow" in my cranium.

9:30 am. It has tapered off and is not snowing hard at all now. There is still way less than an inch on the ground. I could broom it off the sidewalk. F-ing weatherman. Dang SoHos, I could use some of that 80 degree weather. OTOH. it is Christmas, and just like Bing, I am dreaming...

10:13 am: Technically it is snowing, but if it were rain we would call it drizzle. The snowteam says it is coming, really it is going to be horrible, we must all panic, stay off the roads. Yawn. I switch to the show on the Travel Channel about Bigfoot. There is a a comparison in my mind between the believers in Bigfoot and the snowteam/panic team, but I just can't get it into words...scepticism?

Frozen Friday

It is not really that cold. I just like alliteration. We are expecting some snow this weekend. I am positive storm team/scare team will be out in force at every station making sure every citizen is panicked into buying eggs, milk and bread in anticipation of the whopping inch or two of snow we will ultimately get. Why do stores always sell out of those staples when snow is predicted? I do not know, I guess Hoosiers like French Toast. Does this happen in your area? What kills me is in my lifetime there has only been one snow so bad one could not get to the store for a day or two, and that was in 1978. Can we let up a bit on the panic, media people?

I got some good news yesterday. It appears I am steroid free. There was no mention of me in the baseball steroid/HGH investigation.

Well I am off in a bit to visit my last customer of the week, month and year. I will be on vacation until January 2, 2008 after today. I do not mind saying I will likely take off a little early this afternoon, providing my customer visit goes well (in other words short).

Happy Friday.

Dining with HB

BBQ is like sex - there is good and really good. The ribs I had tonight were just good. They were billed as Memphis style. They were coated with a dry rub and no sauce. They ribs were a bit dry, but had a good flavor. There were several bottles of sauces on the table including a hot, a "Texas Pit" ' a sweet and spicy ( my favorite), and a mustard based sauce for those who prefer Carolina-style ribs.

The cornbread muffins were a little sweet for me and I prefer a little more vinager in my slaw.

The price was reasonable. If you find yourself on Lake Street in Addison, IL, you could do worse than Famous Dave's Bar B Que.

Did you miss me?

I guess the real question is did you know I did not post? Travelling all week, Right now I am in the Second City -- between customer visits. I think I am finally getting this Treo blogging thing.

Man, is that Petrino a dooshbag or what? How could any parent allow their budding football star go to play for that guy? He bailed on Louisville and he bailed on the Falcons. According to the radio Petrino told his owner on Monday he was staying. Would you trust him?

Monday Musings

One more week and then I am on vacation for the balance of 2007. I have said it before -- it is good to be me. Too bad this shapes up to be a very busy week. Customer meetings Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. On top of all it looks like some nasty weather is moving in for those same days. I do not mind snow, but I hate ice. No one can predict where their vehicle will go on ice.

It sure looks like the NFL is turning into a four team league. The Pats sure looked good yesterday. The Cowboys are just lucky. The Packers and Colts just keep winning. For reigning Superbowl champs the Colts are sure being ignored. I am not sure the Patriots will have a walkover if these two teams meet in the playoffs. I am not sure anyone is looking forward to meeting Jax or the Vikings in the playoffs either.

Nathan, you sure provided evidence one needs to proofread. I blame it on a lack of sleep...

It looks as if the NFL is turning into a four team league. The Pats looked pretty good yesterday. The Cowboys are just lucky. The Packers and Colts just keep winning. For reigning Superbowl champs the Colts are sure being ignored. I am not confident the Patriots will have a walkover if these two teams meet in the playoffs. I bet no one is looking forward to meeting Jax or the Vikings in the playoffs either.

No matter what it costs, no matter the long-term effect on the franchise, Jamaal Tinsley needs to be gone from the Indiana Pacers. Now. He has shown a history of putting himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like Pacman Jones, all these incidents are not happenstance. Not only is he a marginal player, he is a troublemaker and I think as big a cancer as Ron Artest, in a different way.

Happy Monday

Dear Baltimore Colts Fans

I will concede the late Bob Irsay was an asshole. I will even concede that the Baltimore Colts were the heart and soul of the City in the 1950's. 60s and early 1970's. In the end, you have to let things go. The Colts dumped Johnny Unitas, remember that?

Look, if even 1/4 of you who claim that the Colts departure broke your heart, left you devastated and destroyed your beloved city had actually bought the reduced priced tickets to the Colts games in 1983, the Colts might have had a different history. Those of you from Baltimore who said you did not want to pay for a new stadium are responsible. Get over it, your rose colored glasses make you remember the times differently. Only about 10,000 of the supposed die-hard fans attended games the last two years the franchise was in Baltimore, the toilet by the bay. So your Dad was never the same -- was he a season ticket holder? If not he should blame himself.

It has been nearly a quarter of a century now. You have a good team. You won a Superbowl. Let it go already. The Ravens must feel like the lady who married the widower. She is forced to look at pictures of the old wife on the piano, always being reminded she is not the Original. No matter how she tries to look pretty, no matter how much love she gives her husband, his heart is half in the cold hard grave of his first wife. Every time you bitch and moan and claim the Colts are yours, you tell me why you should not have an NFL franchise -- you still have not learned to appreciate what you have.

Detroit stole the Pistons, I do not hear Fort Wayne crying. Hell, Boston and Milwaukee lost the Braves. And look at the A's, how many cities have they called home? The Cardinals (football)started in Chicago, spent decades in St. Louis and now are home in the desert. Now the Rams are in St. Louis. There is an almost 100 year precedent in professional sports of teams moving to different cities, taking the name and history with them. You are not the first, nor the last. You just cry about it more and louder than the rest. This stuff happens in professional sports -- it is a business. Let it go already.

A sad death

Dear Friends;
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.


--found in an email from Otter. Oh stop, you will repeat it before the sun sets on Monday.

Rednecks in action

Rudolph's ass as a doorbell -- Doesn't that put you in the Christmas spirit?

APB

Dick, where are you? Has anyone seen or heard from Big Dick?