Dear Tucker

I have not seen you for a few days. I hope you are not still "made" at me for making a spelling mistake. I was wondering how you chose the name "Tucker". Is it because you like to take your tiny little penis and tuck 'er between your thighs so it looks like you have a pussy?

Just wondering.

I won

PLEASE CONTACT AGENT WOUTERS RICHARD
DAYZERS NEDERLAND: LUCKY WINNER
INTERNATIONAL PRIZE AWARD DEPT.
THE HAGUE, THE NETHERLANDS.
Official Website: www.dayzers.nl

Attn. Beneficiary,

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b. Lucky Nr. 034, 057, 067, 042, 036, 023, 083
c. Reference Nr. DZNL/DZLOT/75300PTT
d. Batch Nr. SCAX 9123 6634PS6

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For your identity verification. Do not forget to quote your (i)
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Once more, accept our congratulations.

Yours faithfully,

Mevrouw,
Anita Van Eindhoven
(Lottery Co-ordination)

This is the fifth international lottery I have won this week. I have some time to claim this one, until the 30th of Febuary [sic]!

I have sent my bank and credit card info to them. I also included a power of attorney, just in case something came up. See you in the Riviera!

Just Before the Battle, Mother

I downed the last of my coffee and spat out a few stray dregs into the grass. I picked up my rifle and checked the load. I checked my belt, plenty of spare ammo, canteen, knife. I was ready. I put on my hat and buckled the belt tighter, I did not want things moving when I went into action.

I set my mind on the task at hand, no mercy, just fight to the end. I told myself I have done this before, I will do it again. There are always assholes to slay.

I entered into Haloscan ready to battle assholes and nitwits only to find the ground strewn with bodies. "You are late again, Hoosierboy", a voice said. I spun on my heels ready for attack. Big Dick looked at me with a manic grin. He lifted the bottle of Tequila in a silent toast and flicked away the stub of his cigarette. A bloody, double-edged machete lie on the ground next to him. He laughed and said "You attract some strange enemies, boy. Too bad they are all pussies that run at the first sign of a fight."

I relaxed and held out my hand. A quick shake was followed by a hit from the bottle. I pulled out a cigar and lit it up. I proffered another to Dick. Rich smoke drifted away and mingled with the copper-sweet smell of blood. We laughed and wondered what tomorrow would bring. We both knew assholes and dickwads grow like weeds, there are always more...

Manic Monday

I hate that song.

Rain. The creek is about to leap its banks. The meadow beyond sports standing water in several places.

A customer left his cell phone in my car Friday. I will return it today. It is a nice Blackberry, think he will notice if I swap phones with him?

Travelling with the boss this week. I will have to up my game a little I guess. Note to self -- do not flick boogies toward the passenger seat when said passenger does your evaluation.

It would be nice to get laid this week.

Man, I expected argument in the comments of the post about guitarists, but some of you are jerks. I have apparently gained some new readers in recent weeks, and some of you guys are real dickheads. i will say this, you better bring a stronger game if you want to claim Lincoln was our greatest President.

It is MLK Day. Great man, but not worthy of a National Holiday. Washington, Lincoln, TR, Reagan, even FDR did more to make America what it is today. How the so-called leaders of the black community can stand tall today when they have corrupted MLK's dream is beyond me. How do quotas, and reparations, and welfare generations, and the united Negro College Fund speak to a color blind society? Fuck you Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, and Louie Farakhan, race baiters and haters and corrupt bottom feeders getting rich from the suffering of the very people they hold down.

Mr. Wizard

Bring this turtle home, the world is topsy-turvey.

Sixty degrees in January. No snow all winter. Dems in charge. Peyton has become Eli. The Colts defense has become the Bears. The Colts play a hard physical game on both sides of the ball. I am not sure what drugs I am taking but they are good.

As we were watching the old Colts/new Colts game last night my wife makes a great comment about "money" kicker Adam Vinetari. "Why would New England get rid of him?", she asked. Now I will draw no conclusions about the fact this question was asked not after one of his five field goals, but rather after the network ran an AT&T commercial showing Adam and his house. I make this projection -- the Patriots are going to rue the day they let him go, during these playoffs.

A pundit in the Baltimore Sun actually wrote this morning that Baltimore can never let go of the Colts until they knock Indy from the payoffs. As I have stated here before, just let it go, dude. 2015, the big year when the Colts will have been in Indy longer than they were in Baltimore, will that be long enough? The ragheads have not forgotten the cornholing they took from the Knight Templars about a century ago (maybe they remember 'cause they liked it?), so I guess if I lived in a corrupt Dimocrat-controlled hellhole like Baltimore I would fixate on an event that happened a generation ago also. So that I can understand the Baltimore angst I am going to dedicate my life to reliving the Cubs collapse in the playoffs to the Padres more than two decades ago. Damn you evil Padres in your ice cream vendor shirts!

Are you big enough for this ride?

As always, click to embiggen


Submitted by Otter

Return of the Friday Five

I expect some arguments in the comments. Do not disappoint me.

Name the five greatest guitarists.

This will be influenced by your musical tastes and generation.

Here is a starter in no particular order:

Clapton
Steve Howe
Stevie Ray Vaughn
Jimmie Page
Jeff Beck
Chet Atkins
Eddie Van Halen
Joe Satriani
Muddy Waters
Hendrix

I reserve the right to add to the list with an "Oh yeah, I forgot about..."

Dear Baltimore II

For God's sake if everyone of you tired motherfuckers that are irreparably harmed by the Colts moving form your corrupt city TWENTY THREE YEARS AGO would have bought tickets to the games, the Colts would still be there. Like Woodstock, the legend just grows. There were only 20,000 people at the last game, if you loved your fucking Colts so much why didn't you support them?

Get over it, assholes. Oh, and will you be apologizing to Cleveland this week?

Here is something to fuel your nightmares:

The secret of who dies in the next Harry Potter

Here is who dies in the next installment of Harry Potter due out soon:


Hell if I know.


She does not know either.


33906 at 11:43am

A little remorse would be nice

Can you believe this?

What the Hell is wrong with these kids?

The one hit was one of the little one's best friends.

At least the cops are throwing the book at the jerk. I hope the Prosecutor adds charges of attempted manslaughter. The little asshole should get his drivers licence suspended for at least ten years in my opinion.

Too Bad there is no crime to charge the riders also.

A 15-year-old female student who was in the car had a negative tone when she told police, "Every day, the middle school students are walking in the middle of the road!" the report said.

"She said that (the 16-year-old) drove up and tapped the horn, and then the pedestrian turned and raised up his hands," the report said. "Then (he) drove on and hit one student as all four occupants in the car laughed."

In case the link goes away (From the Shelbyville [IN] News):

A 16-year-old Shelbyville High School student has been charged with a felony after he allegedly mowed down a 13-year-old middle school student Monday afternoon with his car - which broke the boy's leg in two places - and then fled the scene.

Because both boys are juveniles, their names are not being released.

The incident happened in the Clearview subdivision at 2:56 p.m. after school had let out. According to the police report, the high school student was driving a passenger car on Premier Street, with three other youths in the vehicle, when he came upon a group of students walking in the road. The street has no sidewalks.

One witness told police that the car rushed toward the group. "(The witness) said everyone moved out of the way by moving to the right, with most of the students walking in the grass or on the curb, with (the 13-year-old) walking about three feet from the curb," the report said.

The car got right up on the 13-year-old, but he didn't move any farther to the right because there were no other cars in sight anywhere, and there was plenty of room for the car to go around, the witness said.

A 15-year-old female student who was in the car had a negative tone when she told police, "Every day, the middle school students are walking in the middle of the road!" the report said.

"She seemed to imply that if the middle school students get hit by a car, it is their fault," said Shelbyville police officer Michael McCracken's report.

"She said that (the 16-year-old) drove up and tapped the horn, and then the pedestrian turned and raised up his hands," the report said. "Then (he) drove on and hit one student as all four occupants in the car laughed."

A 14-year-old male witness said that the driver got right behind the 13-year-old, revved up his engine and blasted the horn. The witness said that the driver hit the boy with the right front of his car, knocking him to the ground. Then, the car drove two driveways farther south, dropped off the female passenger, backed out and drove past the group quickly.

The victim was rolling back and forth, screaming at times with pain, a 13-year-old female witness told police.

Minutes later, Shelbyville police pulled over the driver on South Harrison Street as he was turning onto Van Street. The boy told police that he had just dropped off a friend in Clearview. He admitted to hitting the 13-year-old.

"I asked (the driver) why he did not stop when he hit the kid," patrolman Shawn Bennett wrote in his report. "He said he saw the kid rolling around in the road but thought he was playing."

McCracken said he arrived at Premier Street just after the paramedics who said the victim had "considerable pain and swelling already."

Both the tibia and fibia bones of the victim's lower right leg were broken, McCracken said. The boy was treated at Major Hospital's emergency room and was scheduled to meet with an orthopedic surgeon. He may have to have surgery, said Shelbyville Police Chief Bill Elliott.

"The most disturbing facts are witnesses testified this was intentional and not an accident, and immediately afterward (the driver) and his passengers laughed," McCracken said. "(The driver) stated to officer Bennett that he said to one of his passengers, 'He should have got out of my way.'"

The driver was charged with criminal recklessness, a Class D felony, and leaving the scene of a serious personal injury accident, which was not classified on the report. He was also charged with a probationary license violation for having three passengers in the car. Blood and urine specimens were taken.

The 16-year-old was transported to the Johnson County Juvenile Detention Center in Franklin on Monday. Elliott said a judge released him on Tuesday, but no further information could be gathered from officials at the center since the boy is a juvenile.

There was no answer at the home of the victim's parents Tuesday night.

Gravitas

Hey, do you remember when GW Bush was running for President? He owned a baseball team, ran an oil company and been Governor of one of the largest states. Still the Democrats claimed he was a light weight, he lacked gravitas (remember the Rush montage of a dozen talking Democrat heads all using this same word?). They claimed his lack of foreign policy and Federal experience made him unsuited for the job of President.

Seriously, can someone tell me what experience qualifies Barack Obama to be President? How does a partial term in the Senate make him an expert on anything? Please help me with this one.

O hope to get the second part of my WWII post up soon. maybe Saturday at the latest (if you care).

One more reason to NEVER shop at Target

Go read this story at Big Dick's Place. I will wait. tapatap.


There you see, not only is Target trying to make a thief out of a wonderful woman, they are trying their best to girlyfy a good man. Thongs are for pussies, period. Now, I am sure there are some "men" in San Francisco or in the Democrat Party that are all for wearing baby blue man thongs. We do not need Target's help in pussyfying the American Male. Did the Duke wear a thong? Hell no, and I ain't gonna wear one either. If you wear a man-thong get the hell off this page and do not come back. Narrow-minded ? Sure I am, I just roll that way when it comes to man thongs.

It is time we take back our country, no more WWJD, we need to ask ourselves WWTDD (What Would the Duke Do). That, my friends is the standard to live by.

Male thongs, indeed.

Dear Baltimore

I know many of you grew up watching the Colts. I know you relish the days when Johnny U and the boys ruled the NFL. I get it, the Great Mayflower Move tore your guts out. It was nearly TWENTY-three F'ING YEARS AGO.

You stole a team from Cleveland. You won a Super Bowl with that team. Now is the time to let go of the past and embrace what you have, namely a very good football team. This game is about the now, not the past.

The Baltimore Colts played their first season in 1953. They left in 1984, if my history major math is correct that is 31 years. The Colts have been in Indy for 23 years. Do you think that in the next couple of years we could quit hearing your whine and cry about Indy having "your team"? Is there nothing else in your pathetic corrupt city to complain about? For god's sake I saw on the news there is a museum in Baltimore dedicated to the Colts move to Indianapolis.

Football is a business. Businesses move all the time for lots of reasons, mostly economic. Do you think if you would have bought more tickets, invested in the team, they might have stayed? You cry they are gone, is that just guilt because you did little to keep the Colts in Baltimore? Old man Irsay might have been the world's biggest asshole, but forcing the son to hire bodyguards to come to Baltimore because of a BUSINESS decision made 23 YEARS ago, is crazy.

Get over it already. Gosh, I hold a grudge, but this is nuts.

You old Geezers, you know it all...

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves.

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me."

That is an asswhipping

Ohio State got whipped. I have mixed feelings my joy at seeing those pompous assholes defeated is marred by the idea it was Florida that did it. I am so sick of hearing about the mighty SEC in football or the ACC in basketball. I wonder what would happen if the game had been played in early November, immediately at the season's end. Both teams had a long layoff, but Ohio State looked more than a bit rusty. Mostly, to be honest, I did not care and only watched snippets of the game. Instead I reread about 1/2 of a Aubry/ Maturin novel (#4 if you are curious). I really do not give a fig about college football.

Last night I fixed breaded pork tenderloin and homemade mac and cheese for supper. Tonight we had spaghetti.

It is 1:24 am, I cannot sleep. I have about 5 hours of driving and some serious negotiating to do tomorrow. I am not concerned, I just have a hard time sleeping anymore. I am dumbfounded there are people in my company pissed off because a customer has exceeded his forecast by some 100%. These are mostly manufacturing people. I know the problems this causes, I used to be a master scheduler, but at some level shouldn't someone be grateful this guy's business is booming? I love business!

I am off, I will drink a glass of OJ and try to go to sleep. Learn something.

Monday Musings

I discovered blogs about six months before I started my own. I began by reading Vox after reading his column in WND. From his links I moved to others. The Grouchy Old Cripple caught my attention, and I moved on from him to the DuToits. I have enjoyed the musings of both for more than two years now. Mrs. DuToit is more of an essayist. She is on and off blogging based on her work load and the intrusions of life. On Friday she had an interesting post where she tried to describe herself. Since I am always quick to steal a good idea I thought I would take a stab at a similar project.

I will be 45 in March. I have blue eyes. I wear glasses and they are bifocals, the no-line type. I have had them for two years and I hate every second of every minute having to wear them. Too much computer, too much reading have left my eyesight poor. I am over weight. I am short (5'9). I have dark thick hair turning gray on the sides. My hair is short and parted on the left. My left foot is a whole size larger than my right.

I have a wife. I love her more than life itself, except those days where I spend hours trying figure out ways to kill her and get away with it. Just kidding. We have been married for more than 22 years. She is my best friend. I am sure I piss her off on a regular basis. I am stubborn and argumentative. I am firm in my righteousness.

I have three kids. A daughter 20, is a sophomore in college. I have a son 18 who is a senior in high school. I also have a son who is 13 and in the seventh grade. They are each my pride and joy. They are good kids. I try hard to be a good parent and sometimes I succeed, more often than not I am lousy at it. I find it amazing you have to have a licence to drive a car, but you can mold a child in anyway you see fit- without any training at all. I am too hard on my kids, my expectations too high.

I am a closet perfectionist. I inherited my mother's attitude that nothing is done right unless I do it myself. I expect perfection from my kids, they cannot live up to it, and they resent me I think for that. I wish I could change.

I am a salesman. I never wanted to be a salesman. I guess I am good at it, I have been pretty successful for a long time. I went in to that field for the money. I am not sure I have the desire to do something different at this stage of my life. I want to work hard and I give my best for the company. I no longer have the burning desire to run the company to be the boss. I want to do a good job and collect my pay. I have been a boss, a supervisor and I think I was pretty good. My employees all seemed to give me high marks. In my first job as a manager I was Customer Service Supervisor. My employees were in the forties and fifties. I was 29. Try that sometime. I was once told by a manger I was not a great strategic thinker, but I was the best tactical thinker he had ever met. I am still not sure if I was insulted or complimented. I will say he was one of the worst managers I ever worked for so I discount his analysis on mere principle.


I have had the good fortune to travel all over the world in my job. I have been to Europe a dozen times and most of these United States. I loved travelling, I missed my family. I travel much less these days, I average about one night a week away from home. I like that, but miss some of the more interesting ports of call.

I can cook. I am not a chef. I can make comfort food, I can make semi-gourmet meals. I am a firm believer if you can read, you can cook. With practice you can make more complicated meals. The hardest part about cooking is making everything get done at the same time. I take great pride in my ability to do that. I do 99.9% of the cooking at my house. I enjoy it, and I am better at it. That is not a reflection on my wife, rather an indication of my ability. I learned to cook a little from my Mom and little from the Boy Scouts. I was fortunate to be a Scout back in the day when they actually camped, and hiked and canoed. I am an Eagle Scout.

I have a degree from Wabash College. I was by no means the smartest guy there. I studied hard, and partied harder. I learned a little, had a lot of fun. I have probably taught myself as much or more than I learned in any formal education. I enjoy the study of history. I have probably forgotten more historical information than most people learn in a lifetime. That is more a comment on my aging memory than an indictment of your education. That my memory is now failing me saddens me. I once could recite whole passages from books after one reading. I firmly believe education is a life long process and the only stupid question is the one you do not ask. "Why" is the most powerful word in the English language. We should all use it a little more often.

I am Conservative in my political leanings. I have very definite Divine beliefs, I am a Christian. I also believe what you believe is your own business. I agree not to ram my beliefs down your throat and I expect the same from you. I have come to the conclusion that anything the ACLU is against must be a good thing. I do not understand how those on the left cannot look around the world and see that Liberalism and Socialism have failed everywhere they have been tried. It all sounds so good on paper and fails miserably in the real world. Show me I am wrong.

I cannot carry a tune, and I cannot remember lyrics. I can usually tell you the name of a song and the artist with just a few notes. I love old music. I am stuck in the seventies for the most part, musically. I like Sinatra, too. I used to play the trombone, but after 25 years I doubt I can even read music any more. I cannot dance. I used to speak French, but now I can just utter phrases in a half dozen languages. I can tell a joke. Many people can't. If you tell me a joke I will remember two.

I possess no unique skills. I am not a mechanic, carpenter or plumber. I can make very basic home repairs. I can drink a lot of beer, I cannot hold hard liquor. I occasionally enjoy a nice cigar. I was smoking them long before it became cool back in the 1990's. I am a very poor speller and I cannot type without looking at the keyboard. I am right handed.

I was never much of an athlete. I have been a coach with some success.

I have made some money and I have made lots of bad financial decisions. I am basically honest, I will return to the cashier any extra change she might give me as quickly as I would complain if I am overcharged. I always tip at least 15%, and I never stiff the delivery guy.

Now you know me. I am as plain and boring as anyone. I am incredibly average. It took me a long time to come to grips with that.

That is a tiny glimpse at the man behind the curtain here at Fat in Indiana. A boring post, I am sure.

Who are you?

An oldie but a goodie

Two buddies, Bob and Larry, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Larry throws up all over himself.

"Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!"

Bob says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and
Tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for The dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually
Larry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. "You reek
Of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself!

My God.....you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Larry says,
"Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot what chew think. I only
Had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too
Many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said hes was verrry sorry an'
Gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks.."

"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."

A Hoosier in Hell

I think I need to post this one today:

A guy from Indiana dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life.

The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.

After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Hoosier is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.

The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"

The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Indiana. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the man's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind.

Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.

Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The man replies, "This is great! Just like April in Indiana. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"

The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make him suffer. He makes the temperature plummet.

Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make him unhappy, the devil checks in on him.

He is again aghast at what he sees. The man is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.

"How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil.

Jumping up and down, he throws a snowball at the devil and yells,

"Hell's frozen over! This means the Colts won the Super Bowl!"

Patience, Donkey, Patience

I will get part two of my Operation Torch post up soon, probably Monday. I have misplaced my research notes, and I have to look a few things up. Most of the preceding post I did off the top of my head, but some names dates and the casualty figures are deep in the cranium somewhere and need to either be coaxed out or re-learned. This takes time. Since I refuse to use Wikipedia I have to look for other on-line sources and judge their reliability, or go to the library. What? You did not know Wikipedia is notoriously inaccurate and filled with utter bullshit? It is, and if you want to have a serious discussion here, do not quote it to me. I will laugh in your face. I want to also add, the previous post was just an overview to get to the real story, the behavior of the French leading up to and during Operation Torch. A lot of details are missing and a lot of history is glossed over. It was purposely lacking in detail. If you want more details, email me, or let me know in the comments and I will expound. I could write about this stuff every day for the next 20 years and not run out of stories.

History does not happen in a vacuum. No historical event is isolated. We cannot understand the history of WWII without understanding WWI and the Franco-Prussian war before that. To understand the enmity of the French to the English one has to go back a thousand years. Those nationalistic hatreds had a tremendous effect on how WWI was fought and how the French behaved in the beginning of WWII. Those ancient hostilities had a profound effect on the birth of this nation. For instance, if the British had not been forced to wage a war against France on the North American Continent, the Stamp Act and Townsend Laws would not have been passed (The King felt the Colonists should pay for their protection against the Indians and French). Without those acts there was no Tea Party, no Boston Massacre, no Lexington and Concord. Maybe there is no US? What happens if the French do not come to our aid in the Revolutionary War? History is circles within circles and that is why the subject fascinates me. Enough of that, either you love the subject or hate it. Blame your teachers in any case.

Today begins the real NFL season. Most experts are writing off the Colts. They have a shot at any game with that offense. I have to admit, my Grandma could run against that defense. LT deserves the most valuable player award his year. I have to ask, is the high level of play by Peyton Manning become an expectation? Would any other quarterback received so few votes for MVP after putting up the stats he did this year? Maybe only Brady is so overlooked. These are two of the greatest ever to play this position, and I think their outstanding ability is often just taken for granted. Only nine interceptions, ho hum. 4,000 yards passing, so what?

I am watching a cat stalk something near my storage barn. Maybe a mouse? It has finally stopped raining. The ground is saturated. At least it is not snow. Can you believe we are in the middle of January and the temperature is in the 50's? Save us algore!

My coffee is empty so I am off to get more and to read a little of your thoughts. Have a good weekend.

French Perfidy Part One.

Why are there trees planted along the Champs-Elysee? Because Germans like to march in the shade.

-- My German buddy Klemens.


In July of 1870 the French declared war on Prussia and the combined German States. The Germans responded by attacking France. In less than 2 months 2/3 of the country was conquered. The mighty French military had been destroyed in less than 8 weeks. Within 6 months Paris had fallen. France was completely defeated and more importantly, humiliated. By May of 1871, a treaty was signed. The French had lost wars before. Never before (not even at Agincourt)had they been shown to be so completely incompetent. A nation can take a lot. Shame is hard to forget. The French people reacted by forming a new Government. After delivering the military version of the schoolyard bully hat trick (wedgie/swirly/roast beef) the Germans went home taking the coal-rich French territories of Alsace and Lorraine with them. The French fumed and vowed to never forget.

It has been often cited that the primary cause of World War Two was World War One. History has clouded much of WWI. It was brutal and deadly. The Germans came perilously close to victory over the British and French troops. Only the influx of American troops turned the tide. The Americans did not fight long in the Great War, and the losses pale in comparison with the other combatants, but the role of America in the final outcome cannot be diminished. When it came time to fight the peace, France wanted to extract vengeance upon the German people. The humiliation of the Franco-Prussian war was still fresh in their collective memory. Veterans from that conflict were still alive. The treaty terms for the Germans were harsh. The resulting economic collapse of Germany gave the ground to support the rise of Hitler and the National Socialists. That is a subject for another post. But for a short time, the French got their revenge, and the return of Alsace and Lorraine.

On September 1, 1939 the German Army invaded Poland. Great Britain and France declared war against Germany two days later. The French placed the bulk of their armed forces into the line of forts and redoubts constructed along the Franco-German border. Called the Maginot Line, these emplacements were thought to be impregnable. The forts were built to guard France from another German invasion like they had suffered in the Franco-Prussian War and WWI.

Nobody's fool, the German High Command swept into France from the North through The Netherlands and Belgium, bypassing the Maginot line. They smashed French resistance and nearly captured a large portion of the British Army at Dunkirk. By June 22, 1940 France had signed an armistice with Germany. The French people reacted by forming a new government. Two-thirds of the country was "neutral" controlled by pro-German officials. This was the Vichy Government. The French had again been conquered by Germany in mere months. Who said history does not repeat itself.

Field Marshall Henri Phillipe Petain was chosen as the puppet leader of the Vichy Government. He was a hero from the Great War. Now he was old and glad to have whatever power he could grasp even if it came from the Germans.

Meanwhile, Germany and her allies, the Austrians, the Italians, the Japanese, and the French were on a roll. The British were fighting for their very survival. England was blasted around the clock by German bombers launched from France. The British were being pushed toward the Red Sea by Rommel's Afrika Korps. Things looked bleak as the war began its third year in mid-1941.

In 1941 two major mistakes were made by the Axis powers.

In June, Hitler turned on his ally in attacking Poland, the Baltic States and Norway -- The Soviet Union. The Nazis launched Operation Barbarossa and entered Russia in force. By December they had captured most of Eastern Russia and were moving on Moscow. The Soviets gained a mighty ally in old man winter. The Axis advance was stymied and manpower was rushed toward the Eastern Front.

Also in December of 1941 the Axis power of Japan decided to attack the one remaining wild card in the now nearly global conflict -- the (sort of) neutral United States of America. Hitler was said to be furious.

The Americans looked around the world and came to the correct conclusion the biggest threat to winning the war was in Europe where only Britain held on by their fingernails. The decision was taken to fight a holding action in the Pacific and shift most of the materiel and manpower to the European front.

The American commanders were convinced only by defeating the Germans in Germany would the war be won. They looked at the map and came to this conclusion -- I see England, I see France that is the line to kick Hitler in the seat of the pants. The British thought the best approach was through the underbelly of the Axis Powers -- North Africa, Italy. The Soviet Commies agreed, wanting the combined Americans / British to attack anywhere to help relieve some of the pressure on the Eastern Front. The British convinced the Americans that North Africa / Italy was the best strategy, and the US insisted they be given overall command of the operation. The Brits agreed, since we had the planes, the tanks, the manpower. Ike Eisenhower was placed in charge and Operation Torch was born.

Operation Torch detailed the landing of the Americans in North Africa in a three prong attack spreading from Morocco and Casablanca (did they drink at Rick's Cafe?) to Algiers. Who manned the shore defenses in these areas? You guessed it -- The French! Would they fight against us?

Oh God, I think I just creamed my shorts.

I just saw a trailer for a movie made from one of my all-time favorite books by one of my all-time favorite authors. The Bob Lee and Earl Swagger books are some of the best action/adventure you can read. The author is Stephen Hunter and if you have not read his stuff, you should.

I cannot wait, the trailer looks faithful to the book. I must get my old copies from storage and read them again!

Housekeeping

I have added a few new entries over there on the blogroll. Go visit, tell them I sent you.

The heater/AC fan in the Boy's car ('98 ford escort SE) seems to work intermittently. Some days it functions, most days it does not. In the warmer days he could roll down the window, but now that it is winter we have to get it fixed. A friend suggested it is likely a bad blower switch. For those of you mechanically inclined (Attention Og), does this seem reasonable, and how hard is it to replace said switch? My friend who can do work on cars said he will come and help me fix it tomorrow. I plan on going to buy the switch at lunch or after work. Before I waste the money on a switch does his diagnosis seem accurate?

Dear Darian, Part Deux

Well I guess my latest critic does not have any more to say. Too bad, I was just getting warmed up. Based on the comments, I think many of my regular readers were enjoying the fun also.

This site needs more excitement like that. I welcome those who want to attack me, debate me, insult me. It makes the day so enjoyable to put people in their proper place.

I notice a similar theme in the forum of public debate. When I am driving and listening to talk radio, there is a certain political persuasion that takes delight in jumping in, making insulting and accusatory remarks, then fleeing before they have to actually back up their words with facts. Funny, these are the same people who cut and ran from Vietnam, deserting our allies, and now propose a similar strategy in Iraq. I bet these were the kids on the playground who hit you from behind with a snowball, or sneered at you behind the local bully, a sycophantic coward to the end.

Yesterday is past and time to move on. Target will not play, Darian will not play, we have exhausted the Presidential loser debate. I believe nearly all agreed that Carter was/is/remains the worst President in recent memory. I am surprised Millard Fillmore and James Buchanan did not get more votes, but I am not one to judge (well, sure I am).

I did a load of laundry before work, and the dishwasher is now running. I made a pot of chili last night (you Texicans would have been disgusted I am sure). I will put a roast in the crockpot at lunch. Now I am off to do some important sales-type work. I need that bi-weekly paycheck.

Dear Darian

I was going to work some more on my WWII post, but in the end the entry will be critical of both the British and the French. I know you were most disturbed I was critical of Tar-jey, so let me know if it is OK to publish a post on that topic.

I went to your website to see what kind of materials you approved of, but it looks like you focus mainly on aspects of corporate life.

I guess I could talk about my days in the corporate cubicle farm. I could tell how the guy in the cubicle next me and I used to share jokes. We both knew just about every joke ever written, so we would sometimes just shout a punchline over the wall. Sometimes we would put a Post-it note with a punchline on the other guy's monitor screen if one of us was in the plant. I could tell you about the time I returned from vacation and they had moved my cubicle. It was just gone. Oh, my gosh, I better stop, my side hurts.

Anyway, this dumb country hick is searching in vain for a topic that meets with your approbation. I guess I will go to the back forty and shovel pig turds while I wait your response. I could drive the tractor down to the old general store to get some Red Man or Beech Nut (I like the wintergreen flavor). Shucks my picket fence needs painted too, I guess I better wait until the pump gets unfroze.

Darian, let me know what I should post next about. Gotta go, there is a bunch of city slickers canoeing down the river, one of them sure has a pretty mouth....

Target Responds!

Here is the response from Target:

Dear ***,

I'm sorry for any disappointment you may have experience at the Southport Target
store, but you need to have a receipt to receive a store credit for the items
received as gift.

No, if I had a receipt I would have asked for my money back. I expect a store credit when I do not have my receipt.

Target return and exchange policy has been established by our executive
officers. That's why we're unable to make exceptions to the established
guidelines. Our return guidelines require a receipt for any return, but we also
want you to have the chance to find another item that you're sure to love.
That's why our store team member offered you an exchange for a similar item of
equal or greater value from the same product category. We also need your photo
ID to do any exchange because we track and limit these exceptions.

I had no problem with asking for a photo ID, but that is nonsense as well, except you checking to see if I am a serial returner (shoplifter), which I am not. Why it has to come from the same "product catagory" still makes no sense. I could have found several items "I was sure to love"(or needed) but they did not happen to come from the Electronics department.

Of course, your feedback about our policies and your experience is always
important to us, so I'll be sure to make your comments available to our
executives.

I will be waiting on their response. I hope you let them know they are dickwads, and they will not be getting business from me in the future. I have also told about 200 people about my unpleasant experience at your store, and I am not alone.

Thanks for shopping with us. We'll see you again soon at Target.

No, you will not be seeing me at your crummy stores.

Sincerely,

Kevin
Target Guest Relations
www.target.com

Here is my email response:

Dear Kevin,

Thanks for taking time to answer me. You provided me with no imformation other than "That is our policy". I get it, you do not value my business. That is why we did the dishonest thing and took the exchange to Wal-Mart where they gladly exchanged the James Bond videos for the video game my son wanted. They gave him a gift card for the balance, which he will gladly use at a future time. I can see why Wal-Mart is kicking your company's ass in the marketplace. Of course, you got a sale, that is your only concern. I hope the $50, was worth it because you missed out on almost $100 we spent at Wal-Mart instead of Target just this evening.

Get out while you can, your company is biting the hand that feeds it -- the consumer.

A new year, a new beginning

What a bunch of horse hooey. The calender is a state of mind.

I will be glad when the wife and kids go back to school. I love them, but they screw up my routine, being here in the daytime. I eat lunch on their schedule, they are in the way...

Changes to the blogroll coming this week (I hope). I owe many of you some links, they are coming. Some people are coming off the old sidebar. I am well aware that life goes on. Delinking is not personal, but if you do not post in a month or two, I cannot waste my time looking at you. If you are on the blogroll, I visit your site. If you want to be added drop me a comment or email.

I am working on a post about WWII. The French were sure assholes. I knew they were imperfect allies at best, but they you might be amazed at some of the things they did.

Probably more later, or maybe not. Have a good day.

On Saddam being dead

Good riddance. For those of you who are protesting, who have a problem with the death of this piece of shit, I offer this idea. Hussein may not have been a starter on the all-time mass murderer's basketball team, but he was easily the sixth man.

If you do not get that, no arguments I can provide will change your mind. There is evil in the world, and all the talking, all of the diplomacy, the negotiations, all the good will only makes it stronger. The dead in Iraq demand retribution, and we all know the Hague and International Criminal Court would NEVER allow capital punishment.

Target really sucks

Thanks to Jim at PRS, I see I am not the only one with a new found loathing for the big red bullseye.

Oh yeah,


Happy New Year

Target Stores Suck

After searching for nearly one hour to find an email address or a phone number that goes to a real person who can actually take complaints, I give up and will send my complaint via snail mail. Here is what I will write:

Dear Target,

I have always liked your stores better that your rivals. I often drive the thirty miles plus it takes to get to one of your stores rather than shopping at my local Wal-Mart. No more.

We tried to exchange some Christmas presents yesterday evening at the Target Store on Southport Road in Indianapolis, Indiana. These gifts were purchased by elderly relatives in a different city. Rather than call them and tell them "you messed up and bought the wrong item", we chose to exchange the gifts.

For the record, I have no complaint that you will only offer exchange value for the current, much lower price. I think it is wrong you reduce everything in the store by 30%, but I understand the policy. I also have no complaint that you will not give cash for items returned without a receipt. I could understand you reluctance to accept a return, but these items had "target exclusive" printed on the packaging -- they were clearly purchased at Target.

I do have a problem that the exchange must be for items(s) that cost equal OR MORE than the original item. This only forces us to make additional in-store purchases. I would be more than willing to accept a gift card, allowing you free use of my money until the card is spent. I DO object that all the exchange items come from the same department. This is ridiculous in the extreme. I was willing to buy additional items, but I will be damned if I force my son to purchase something he does not want to satisfy your ridiculous unposted return policy.

It is the consumer who determines the success of your company. Often businesses forget that. When you make doing business too complicated or difficult, we will choose to buy elsewhere. Sometimes we make mistakes and purchase the wrong item. This narrow minded approach to customer service is so irritating I will no longer purchase items from your store. You make returns so impossible, so inconvenient, so stupid I will encourage my relatives to just give cash in the future, and we will spend it at Wal-Mart or another retailer.

We are not trying to cheat you, the items were purchased at Target. We were willing to get the replacement items at Target. We were even willing to buy additional items to comply with your stupid policy that exchanges must be the same or greater value (I still do not understand why you cannot offer the difference in a gift card that will be used at your store), but making us buy items we do not want to make sure it comes from the same department is a silly policy.

I am sure the more than one thousand dollars we spend at your stores annually will not be missed. I am but one of millions of customers you screwed this Holiday Season with your inane and stupid policies. I hope we all skip Target next time.

Best wishes for failure,

Hoosierboy

Who was the worst President?

There seems to be some discussion in the comments about who was a worse President, Carter or LBJ. That is your task for the Friday Five:

List the five worst Presidents (#1 being the worst ever)

Arguments and discussion in the comments ins encouraged and welcome. I do not even demand you be civil.

A day in the life

It is Thursday. It is payday, so I have that good thing going. I really have nothing more to say on this chilly morning.

The coffee is good, the orange juice even better. Everyone is asleep. I have no new emails in my work inbox. There are four cardinals on the deck picking over the scraps of stale bread I tossed under the patio table last night. The overcast sky looks like snow, but the temperature is 36 on the way to the fifties today. Hard to complain about a December like we have had. Less than one inch of snow so far for the whole month, temps in the forties and fifties for the most part. There were even a few days in the mid sixties!

The wife went shopping last night, bought herself all of the stuff she wanted for Christmas, I guess. Of course if she would have mentioned some things she desired, she might have gotten them. Last night, the boys were off doing stuff with their friends. As I mentioned, the wife was shopping and the daughter was gone to Chicago to visit her boyfriend. I was home alone. I set all kinds of booby traps all through the house to catch Marv and the other bad guy in case they tried to break in. I sat and watched a DVD of a Yes concert from 1973 -- Yessongs. Great stuff. BTW, the wife was pissed when she slipped on the ice made from the bucket of water I threw on the porch and the icing on the cake was when the blowtorch singed off her hair as she tried to open the door. At least she was able to dodge the swinging paint cans.

I got my Christmas present on Tuesday...just what I wanted. It is hard to be in a bad mood after you have been laid. Too bad I will likely have to wait another year or so to find out if that is true.

If it holds off rain, I just might smoke me a nice cigar later this morning. Which should I try, the nice Flor de Oliva or the new CAO Cx2?

My son bought me the DaVinci Code DVD for Christmas, maybe I'll watch it this afternoon.

I could get used to a life like this. Heh, I thought I had nothing to say this morning.

Plane crashes and Presidents

I saw the movie "We are Marshall" last night. I am glad I did. This movie gets four stars on the HB scale. Go see it.

I see Gerald Ford has died. I was at Boy Scout Camp when Nixon resigned and Ford was sworn in. They brought a TV into the mess hall so we could see it. At the time, I had no idea I was seeing history. I was 12 years old.

Looking back with an amateur historian's eye, Ford was a victim of lots of anger. Anger over Vietnam, anger of Nixon, anger over a runaway economy. He was denied election to the Presidency for pardoning Nixon. It was the right thing to do. He served his term with dignity, and spent his post-Presidential years in the same manner. Too bad he lost to Carter, who was elected only because he was not a Republican. We know how well that turned out.

Rest in Peace President Ford.

Christmas post partum

The living room is strewn with boxes and debris from the gift-giving frenzy. It was a pretty good Christmas. It was especially special (is that redundantly repetitive?)is that the kids all got along great all day.

The youngest got a Wii. I am not much for video games, but I have to say this thing is awesome. We bowled. boxed and played golf. What a riot. You The game is operated through motion sensors, not buttons, so you actually go through the bowling motion in the bowling game. The machine can sense if you turn your wrist, so you get the spins and everything. Everyone in the family thought it was cool.

I was gifted the new Sharp book, so do not expect me to be reading blogs when I could read excellent adventure.

I have eaten so much food and junk over the last few days I may have to get my fat boy pants back out of the closet.

I hope you and yours had as good a Christmas weekend as I did!

Best wishes to each of you for a Merry Christmas

Another drive by shooting on Memory Lane

Click to embiggen. Looks like someone is not real thrilled to have to share the spotlight.

Dang you Jimbo

Jimbo at Parkway Rest Stop asked me to participate in a meme, and since I owe him one, (and I have nothing else to post), here goes:


1.Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper, usually. I try to get my daughter to wrap for me.

2.Real tree or artificial? A huge artificial tree 8' tall. The box weighs about 5,000 lbs.

3.When do you put up the tree? Thanksgiving weekend. We have two trees, plus sometimes the kids have smaller ones in their rooms.

4.When do you take the tree down? Sometime around New Years, never before, sometimes later.

5.Do you like eggnog? I would rather drink liquid dog turds. Waste of good rum.

6.Favorite gift you received as a child? a wooden "Daniel Boone" gun? I think alcohol has destroyed most of my memory cells.

7.Do you have a nativity scene? Nope

8.Hardest person to buy for? My parents, but I do not really buy for anyone except the wife. She is impossible because she never gives any hints or suggestions. I buy whatever suits my fancy and she returns it and buys what she wants. It would be much simpler to tell me what she wants, but you know...women.

9.Easiest person to buy for? See above, I delegate the shopping to the one with taste.

10.Mail or email Christmas cards? I always have the best intentions to send cards. I do mail Christmas cards to my customers, if that counts.

11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? It is an honor to get any gift.

12.Favorite Christmas movie? Holiday Inn.

13.When do you start shopping? Mid December

14.Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Nope.

15.Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Everything! I make a huge Christmas feast -- Turkey, noodles, mashed potatoes, the works. I eat until I am sick and love every bit of it!

16.Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear.

17.Favorite Christmas song? Silver Bells. I love Christmas music and I start listening to it by early November. Oh Holy Night, Winter Wonderland, Silver Bells, Baby, its cold outside...

18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? Hit the relatives on Christmas eve, stay home on Christmas for about the last ten years

19.Can you name all of Santa’s Reindeers? Oh yes

20.Angel on the tree top or a star? The small tree has an angel, the big one a star

21.Open the presents on Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas Morning — always.

22.Most annoying thing about this time of year? The unending campaign to take Christmas out of Christmas. I have not yet seen an attempt to make Hanukkah or Ramadan more "secular"

23.Do you have Jebus in your heart this Christmas? Christmas is the birthday of Jesus.

24.What would you like for Christmas? A winning lottery ticket for a minimum of $100,000 would be nice. A good cigar and some sex would suffice. I probably will get neither.

The Hoosierboy Quiz

According to my site counter most of my hits are from long-time readers. For the heck of it I wonder how much you pay attention. Here is a little quiz to see how well you know your favorite blogger. The answers have appeared in previous posts, or at least a pretty good hint.

Since I am not a liberal feel good kind of educator, there will be no multiple choice, either you know the answer or you do not. Answer in the comments. Good luck.

1. What is my real first name?
2. In what city was I born and raised?
3. Where did I go to college?
4. How many kids do I have?
5. What do I do for a living?
6. Have I been out of the country for any reason?
7. Would you say I am a liberal, or conservative in my political bent?
8. What did I probably have for lunch today?
9. What is my youngest son's favorite sport?
10.What month is my birthday?

Come on. play along for wonderful cash and prizes. Every answer can be found in a past post, peruse the archives, you know you want to know.

I am lazy so you get more old pictures

I know this is bad blogging, but otherwise I have nothing. I am trying to get final things done for Christmas and work, so take it or leave it when it comes to these pictures.

This is a very young Hoosierboy and his daughter. She is now twenty and a sophomore in College. We had a park in our backyard at this house. This was the first house we ever bought. We moved from here in 1989.

Time flies

This is one of my favorite pictures of my oldest son. He must have been two or three when it was taken. He will graduate high school in a few months.

He has always been a cement head, willful, stubborn. I remember this picture only that he just got a new hat and mittens that he picked out. He insisted on wearing them even though the tempurature was mild -- as you can see he is not even wearing a coat.

The Widows

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know YOU went
out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I
give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7
P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such
beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a
luxury car...a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out
for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and
after-dinner drinks.
Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I
could have just died from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.
Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with
me two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out
with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying....wear an old dress."

Mount Hood, a different view

This is a picture of Mount Hood in the summer. I took this shot a few years ago. It does not look like the same mountain you see on the news today. This picture was taken right at the timberline, well above 8,000 feet. The summit is under snow year round.

Read the linked blog You will be glad

If you read no other blog to today Read this one, it is brilliant.

Too bad he is preaching to the choir.

I will be glad to take on arguments in the comments.

Holy Shiite, Batman

I went to pick up a pizza last night for supper (yeah, we eat supper around here) and I was amazed. It was 7:30 pm on December 17 and I was in a short sleeved T-shirt, no coat. I even opened the car window a little. 60+ degrees in the middle of December, maybe algore is right!

I had a huge discussion with my boys the other night. They, of course, are being fed the global warming junk science in huge bucketfuls at school. The oldest boy especially is getting a huge dose in his environmental science class. I did my best to debunk the notion. Of course the boy gave me the "but he is a teacher, he knows more than you" line. I laughed my ass off. His teacher went to the same college as I did. We have the same worthless Liberal Arts degree. I presented some facts about historical temperature trends, the warmth of the middle ages, the cold snap in the 18th and 19th centuries. I pointed out that in the 70's the same alarmists were predicting an ice age. I mentioned that we have only been keeping scientific measurements the last few years. I told him that the ability to measure in minute degrees did not even exist 50 years ago. He was only a little convinced.

I asked him to explain why the Norsemen (Vikings) called Greenland "Greenland". I told him that even if the temperatures were increasing (which I am not convinced) the Earth has seen it all before, and we would survive.

Until very recently the existence of cyclical weather patterns was accepted science. There was no argument the Earth went through sustained periods of cooling and warming. Of course that idea completely dispels the whole "global warming myth". I used to have a book where a historian took weather patterns over time and studied significant historical events in comparison. His theory was one could then take those trends and predict future events. The book was unreadable, and totally crazy. It did prove that scientists, academics, and Al Gore are all full of shit, and will come up with anything to keep the grant money coming in.

I encouraged the boy to think for himself and do a little research on the other side of the argument before he forms an opinion. Of course he is like me, he will argue just for the fun of it. It was an entertaining evening.

Oh Momma

Congrats to 'Batty from Moonbattyand Little Liberals who had her baby. Best wishes to all from one of your wingnuts.

I got nothin' today

Random thoughts on a Friday

Coffee and beef jerky for breakfast -- probably not what the AMA recommends.

2006 just cannot end fast enough.

It will be a light Christmas, present-wise this year. That may not be a bad thing. The wife thinks it is a disaster.

2007 will probably be almost a shitty as 2006.

I have several CDs in my collection I am embarrassed to own, yet I occasionally listen to them. What? You want me to share? Ok, Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack, Bagpipe music, Civil War music, do those qualify? What do you have in your collection? I mention this in that I almost bought an ABBA CD last night. Almost being the key word. I have a special fondness for ABBA ever since I was a young teenager watching them perform on TV in that skin-tight blue spandex...hubba hubba.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."


It looks unlikely we will have a white Christmas this year.

The Colts defense is getting worse, they may not win any of their remaining games. They will lose early in the playoffs, and somehow Peyton Manning will get the blame. How can a starting linebacker only have 32 tackles 13 games into the season?

Lately, the only soft drinks I care to drink are Dr Pepper or Root beer.

The Pacers are just not an easy bunch to cheer for the last few seasons.

There is no negotiating with someone unless there is a common ground. This is true in business and politics. Think of that the next time you hear the Democrats tell us we need to "open a dialogue" or try "diplomacy" with the Islamic terrorists whose only goal is our destruction.

Why I hate Engineers and I don't mean trains

Engineers take the fun out of Christmas. I got this in an email from my Dad:

Engineers take the fun out of Christmas. There are approximately two and
one-half billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since
Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except
maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to
15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference
bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that
comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in
each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems
logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that,
for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of
a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the
stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever
snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh
and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around
the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the
purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.7 miles per
household; a total trip of 75.6 million miles, not counting bathroom stops
or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving faster than 675 miles per second --
3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest
man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per
second, and a conventional reindeer can (at best) run at the rate of 15
miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that
each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (about three
pounds), the sleigh is carrying approximately 570 thousand tons, not
counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more
than 300 pounds. Even granting that a "flying" reindeer could pull 10 times
the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --
Santa would need 378,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting
the weight of the sleigh, another 38,000 tons, or roughly seven times the
weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

Six hundred thousand tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous
air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in th eir wake. The entire
reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from
a dead stop to 650 mps. in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration
forces of 17,000 g's. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would
be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly
crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink
goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas.

IT Chicks

A challenge for me, a challenge for you

I can talk. A lot.

One time I was faced with the task of explaining baseball to a German and two Dutchmen. That was tough. I think I succeeded, they seemed to understand what was going on when we later went to see the Phillies and the Cardinals. That was the year Mark McQuire broke the home run record. I think he struck out three times, no home runs.

Last week I was asked by a colleaugue from China what "Mother Nature" meant. After ten minutes I am not sure I succeeded.

That is your challenge; in the comments imagine I am from Shanghai and you have to tell mewhat mother nature means. Good Luck.

Wednesday

Sorry, an internet outage coupled with a quick overnight business trip to Northern Indidana meant no posts yesterday. A couple of corections to the Indiana birthday post were mentioned in the comments, Yep the website I copied got James Dean's B=day wrong, and more importantly, it was the State's 190th birthday, shame on me.

Maybe more later.

Just a thought on Iraq

I am sure I am not the first to make this observation, but the new Iraq report seems to be nothing more than a rehash of the plan we used to great disaster in Vietnam.

I am not sure why this surprises me since most of the authors are from that era.

The report urges we turn over much of the effort to Iraqis we have "trained", followed by a semi-rapid pull out. The plan will leave temporary bases and training advisers in place. Can anyone explain to me how this is different than the "Vietnamization" and "peace with honor" plans from the early 1970's?

Look, I do not have the plan for saving Iraq. I am not sure the people want to be saved from themselves. We have made a lot of mistakes so far. I do bet we will get results if we adapt the old Roman plan. We hunt down any troublemakers and kill them. If members of the ruling government are helping forement the trouble (alSidr) then we kill him too. Funny how dying hinders a lot of recruitment efforts. We will be chastised by world opinion, the peaceniks and hippies will go batshit, but I bet the terrorists will decide it is better to blow up Euroweenies than Americans.

Happy Birthday Indiana

150 years ago today the fine citizens of this area became denizens of the Hoosier State. I bet you did not know:

The first long-distance auto race in the U. S. was held May 30, 1911, at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The winner averaged 75 miles an hour and won a 1st place prize of $14,000. Today the average speed is over 167 miles an hour and the prize is more than $1.2 million. Indianapolis Motor Speedway is the site of the greatest spectacle in sports, the Indianapolis 500. The Indianapolis 500 is held every Memorial Day weekend in the Hoosier capital city. The race is 200 laps or 500 miles long.

Abraham Lincoln moved to Indiana when he was 7 years old. He lived most of his boyhood life in Spencer County with his parents Thomas and Nancy.

Explorers Lewis and Clark set out from Fort Vincennes on their exploration of the Northwest Territory.

The movie "Hard Rain" was filmed in Huntingburg.

During WWII the P-47 fighter-plane was manufactured in Evansville at Republic Aviation.

Marcella Gruelle of Indianapolis created the Raggedy Ann doll in 1914.

The first professional baseball game was played in Fort Wayne on May 4, 1871.

James Dean, a popular movie star of the 1950s in such movies as "East of Eden" and "Rebel without a Cause", was born February 8, 1941, in Marion. He died in an auto crash at age 24.

David Letterman, host of television's "Late Show with David Letterman," was born April 12, 1947, in Indianapolis.

Santa Claus, Indiana receives over one half million letters and requests at Christmas time.

Crawfordsville is the home of the only known working rotary jail in the United States. The jail with its rotating cellblock was built in 1882 and served as the Montgomery County jail until 1972. It is now a museum.

Historic Parke County has 32 covered bridges and is the Covered Bridge Capital of the world.

True to its motto, "Cross Roads of America" Indiana has more miles of Interstate Highway per square mile than any other state. The Indiana state Motto, can be traced back to the early 1800s. In the early years river traffic, especially along the Ohio, was a major means of transportation. The National Road, a major westward route, and the north-south Michigan Road crossed in Indianapolis. Today more major highways intersect in Indiana than in any other state.

Most of the state's rivers flow south and west, eventually emptying into the Mississippi. However, the Maumee flows north and east into Lake Erie. Lake Wawasee is the states largest natural lake.

Indiana's shoreline with Lake Michigan is only 40 miles long, but Indiana is still considered a Great Lakes State.

More than 100 species of trees are native to Indiana. Before the pioneer's arrive more than 80% of Indiana was covered with forest. Now only 17% of the state is considered forested.

Deep below the earth in Southern Indiana is a sea of limestone that is one of the richest deposits of top-quality limestone found anywhere on earth. New York City's Empire State Building and Rockefeller Center as well as the Pentagon, the U.S. Treasury, a dozen other government buildings in Washington D.C. as well as 14 state capitols around the nation are built from this sturdy, beautiful Indiana limestone.

Although Indiana means, "Land of the Indians" there are fewer than 8,000 Native Americans living in the state today.

The first European known to have visited Indiana was French Explorer Rene'-Robert Cavalier sierur de La Salle, in 1679. After LaSalle and others explored the Great Lakes region, the land was claimed for New France, a nation based in Canada.

In the 1700s the first 3 Non-native American settlements in Indiana were the 3 French forts of Ouiatenon, Ft. Miami, and Ft. Vincennes. Although they had few settlers in the region, French presence in Indiana lasted almost 100 years. After the British won the French and Indian War, and upon the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1763, the French surrendered their claims to the lower Great Lakes region.

Indiana was part of the huge Northwest Territory, which included present day Ohio, Indiana, Illinois and Wisconsin, which were ceded to the United States by the British at the end of the Revolutionary war.

Ft. Wayne, Indiana's 2nd Largest city, had its beginnings in 1794, after the Battle of Fallen Timbers, when General "Mad Anthony" Wayne built Ft. Wayne on the site of a Miami Indian village.

Many Mennonite and Amish live on the farmland of Northeastern Indiana. One of the United States largest Mennonite congregations is in Bern. According to Amish ordnung (rules) they are forbidden to drive cars, use electricity, or go to public places of entertainment.

At one time Studebaker Company of South Bend was the nation's largest producer of horse-drawn wagons. It later developed into a multimillion-dollar automobile
manufacturer.

In Fort Wayne, Syvanus F. Bower designed the world's first practical gasoline pump.

Indianapolis grocer Gilbert Van Camp discovered his customers enjoyed an old family recipe for pork and beans in tomato sauce. He opened up a canning company and Van Camp's Pork and Beans became an American staple.

Muncie's Ball State University was built mostly from funds contributed by the founders of the Ball Corporation, a company than made glass canning jars.

Thomas Hendricks, a Democrat from Shelbyville, served Indiana as a United States Senator, a United States representative, governor, and as Vice President under Grover Cleveland. Indiana has been the home of 5 vice presidents and one president.

Peru Indiana was once known as the "Circus Capital of America".

Indiana University's greatest swimmer was Mark Spitz, who won 7 gold medals in the 1972 Olympic games. No other athlete has won so many gold medals in a single year.

In 1934 Chicago Gangster John Dillinger escaped the Lake Country Jail in Crown Point by using a "pistol" he had carved from a wooden block.

Before Indianapolis, Corydon served as the state's capitol from 1816-1825. Vincennes was the capital when Indiana was a territory.

East Race Waterway, in south Bend, is the only man-made white-water raceway in North America.

In 1862, Richard Gatling, of Indianapolis, invented the rapid-fire machine gun.

The American Federation of Labor (AFL) was organized in Terre Haute in 1881.

Sarah Walker, who called herself Madame J.C. Walker, became one of the nation's first woman millionaires. In 1905 Sarah Breedlove McWilliams Walker developed a conditioning treatment for straightening hair. Starting with door-to-door sales of her cosmetics, Madame C.J. Walker amassed a fortune.

From 1900 to 1920 more than 200 different makes of cars were produced in the Hoosier State. Duesenbergs, Auburns, Stutzes, and Maxwells - are prize antiques today.

The Indiana Gazette Indiana's first newspaper was published in Vincennes in 1804.

The state constitution of 1816 directed the legislature to establish public schools, but it was not until the 1850s that state government was able to establish a public school system.

Before public schools families pitched in to build log schoolhouse and each student's family paid a few dollars toward the teachers salaries.

At one time 12 different stagecoach lines ran through Indiana on the National Road. (Now U.S. Interstate 40)

In the 1830s canals were dug linking the Great Lakes to Indiana's river systems. The canals proved to be a financial disaster. Railroads made the canal system obsolete even before its completions.

Indiana's first major railroad line linked Madison and Indianapolis and was completed in 1847.

The farming community of Fountain City in Wayne County was known as the "Grand Central Station of the Underground Railroad." In the years before the civil war, Levi and Katie Coffin were famous agents on the Underground Railroad. They estimated that they provided overnight lodging for more than 2,000 runaway slaves who were making their way north to Canada and freedom.

During the great Depression of the 1930's 1 in every 4 Hoosier factory hands was out of work, farmers sank deeper in debt, and in southern Indiana unemployment was as high as 50%.

In the summer of 1987 4,453 athletes from 38 nations gathered in Indianapolis for the Pan American Games.

The Saturday Evening Post is published in Indianapolis.

Comedian Red Skelton, who created such characters as Clem Kadiddlehopper, and Freddie the Freeloader, was born in Vincennes.

The Poet Laureate of Indiana, James Whitcomb Riley was born in a two-room log cabin in Greenfield. He glorified his rural Indiana childhood in such poems as "The Old Swimmin' Hole" "Little Orphant Annie", and " When the frost is on the Pumpkin".

Albert Beveridge won the Pulitzer Prize in biography in 1920, for The Life of John Marshall. In 1934 Harold Urey won the Nobel Prize in chemistry for his discovery of deuterium. Ernie Pyle won the Pulitzer Prize in foreign Correspondence in 1944. Paul Samuelson won the Nobel Prize in economics, 1970.
courtesy of 50 states.com

I also bet you did not care.

Saturday Night's Alright

The wife, Little One and I went bowling last night. We had a great time. I have not been bowling for at least ten years. Man, did I suck! My score was embarrassingly low. I did score better than the kid or the spouse, so I am able to maintain some dignity. I doubt any scout from the local bowling league will be looking to sign me anytime soon!

The boy proclaimed Saturday as the official "Hoosierboy bowling league night" and said we have to come again next week. He is already making plans to have his sister come with us when she gets home for Christmas break.

After we bowled a couple of games we came home and had hot chocolate and popcorn while we watched a DVD. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday night.

Honey, I'm Home!

I am back from my trip to New Yawk. I feel informed, and well trained.

Did you miss me? I am afraid it may take a few days to get caught back up. Thanks for sticking around.

I have a post in mind for next week on human nature. BTW, it is cold. I bet it is at your house too. On the bright side, I will be spending a few days in Tampa in February, unfortunately it will be working a trade show.


More later.

Ghost of Christmas Past

About ten years ago the movie Jingle all the Way came out. It was a fun, amusing Christmas movie. After another year or so it came out on video. On day around 2001 or 2001 my youngest went on a kick like little ones do and watched that movie every day. He loved the Turboman character. That year (he was 7 or 8) all he wanted for Christmas was a Turboman action figure. Oh, shit. That stuff had been off the market for several years. We tried to explain, but he would only reply that Santa could get it for him. Double shit.

We steered him to other stuff, but when Christmas came and there was no Turboman, he was disappointed. He even said so. Thus began the great Turboman hunt. We went to toy collectors, eBay, even enlisted people to help to no avail. Finally about two months later we found a new Turboman, in the box on eBay. It was expensive. We had it sent.

The youngest has always been pretty smart, he taught himself to read before kindergarten. He read the first Harry Potter book in the first grade, much of it out loud to me. It took him nearly a year, but he got it done. I knew we had to be tricky with this.

So I typed a letter from Santa, made up some North Pole letterhead, Christmas tree border and everything. In it, Santa explained that he was sorry he did not deliver the Turboman at Christmas, but the elves no longer made that toy. The head elf had had to dig out the blueprints and order the parts. Santa apologized and hoped my son would have a Merry Christmas a little late. I slit the flap of the box and slid the letter in. When the little one came home from school we said he had received a mysterious box in the mail.

He nearly crapped. I have never seen a kid so thrilled. As an added bonus it got us another year or two of Santa. In the end, I think it worked out even better than if we had found the toy at Christmas. This remains one of my favorite "Christmas" memories.

Dumdadummdumm

The little one and I went to see the new James Bond flick last night. I enjoyed it immensely, and so did the boy. I think this actor is the best since Sean Connery.

The real question is was this guy good, or was the script just better? This story goes back and uses the basics from one of Ian Flemming's tales. Have you tried to read any of the James Bond books? Flemming proves the old adage that a bad book usually makes a good movie. I love the old 007 movies, primarily the ones with Connery. Some of the later films beginning with the last ones made by Rodger Moore really suck (think Moonraker).

Casino Royale returns to the Ian Flemming roots, and the movie is so much better for it.

Here is some trivia, did you know that Flemming also wrote the popular children's book, Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang?

Play nice like a good boy

I usually do not participate in the meme thing, mostly because I do not want to and I just roll that way. Dragonlady asked nice, and heck it is a Sunday, so here goes. Name six things that are weird about me:

1. I ALWAYS put on my left sock, left shoe, then do the right foot. I also always put my left leg first into trousers, etc. (edit, I cannot believe I typed "trousers", what am I like eighty? Will I next discuss my "dungarees"?)

2. There, in the archives somewhere I discussed my issues with time. I cannot stand to do things on even numbers -- like exactly on any multiple of five. I also hate patterns on the clock. For instance I will not close my eyes to sleep if the clock reads 1:00. 1:02 is also bad. 12:34 is unacceptable. I will not set the alarm for 6:00, it must be 6:01, or 5:23 etc. Going to bed at 12:10 is horrible (12:10, 12:11, 12:12, 12:13 I can close my eyes at 12:14, but if I do not hurry 12:15 rolls around in like , oh 60 seconds). Sine I fall asleep very quickly lying there forcing myself to stay awake until the clock reads the right number is sometimes a challenge. Dumb and weird, I know.

3. When I was in school (this includes college) I would not wear a striped or plaid shirt to take a test.

4. I am addicted to Chap Stick

5. My one and only wish demand for my funeral is that I not have on any shoes or socks. I hate both. I am very insistent about this, and all of my family is aware of this need.

6. I cannot stand for the toothpaste to be squeezed in the middle. It MUST be squeezed from the bottom up. I honestly told my wife on our honeymoon that there was no compromise on this, it was a deal breaker. She could squeeze from the bottom or get her own tube.

There you have it. I think only the clock thing is is an indication I am batshit crazy, the rest seem reasonable to me, but I report, you decide.

Faces that won our freedom

This is another picture taken in the Philippines during the Insurrection. I can only assume it is another of my Great Grandfather's buddies.

Doesn't he just have the look of an efficient non-com?

I have never ridden a four wheeler

The wind is howling in the eaves. I have not seen old Boreas blow this hard in a long time. The brook is near flood. My first thought is that the f-ing snake just might drown in his hidden hole. See, I never forget anything.

We have had inches of rain, and snow is on the way. It looks as if we will have a glorious freezing weekend. Christmas music is playing in the background as I write.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I rarely dream, or if I do I cannot remember them. I wish I had the skills to describe the setting. There were a group of us riding four wheelers in the mountains. They were painted in garish colors, mine like a tiger. The vehicles had chains on the massive tires to get more traction. We were high, near the timberline. The trail took a turn just ahead of us. A crevasse started in the heart of the bend falling away steeply, and the right shoulder beside us overlooked the drop-off. A stand of gnarled cedars stood lonely sentinel among massive boulders. Wisps of dirty snow occupied the dark corners. A Sheriff or Ranger had us stopped from taking the bend in the trail to the little hanging valley we could see across the shoulder of the mountain. The manifolds on the four wheelers clicked and popped as they cooled. I could hear the breeze rustling in the aspen below me. I could not hear what the official was saying. His hand was raised to the universal "stop" position. The gray sky blended with the snowy peaks in the distance.

Suddenly I heard a cry of pain, a scream of anguish, a wail of anger. The sound made the hair stand up on my neck. I felt a coldness through my body as my eyes were drawn to the right to the little meadow next to the trees. There, just a little lower, across the crevice, I saw him, it. Dark and hairy -- tall. Bigfoot moved from the trees, His roar was a scream, a howl, a sharp cord from an electric guitar played through a jet engine.

I woke.