November 20, 2018

I can see for miles

I knocked off work a little early today. I had to see the eye doctor. All is good. My vision was a little worse. My astigmatism is still horrible. New glasses ordered. Blah blah blah. more importantly, the pressure in my eyes is good and my corneas look great. The new specs are gonna be very different. I'm going from the same old boring metal frames I have head since 1937 and going to a more modern p,attic frame. The eye glasses lady picked them out and said they look great. WTH, I don't have to look at them, just see through 'em, so I suppose I do not really care.

Other than that, I got nothin'. Still in a steep learning curve at work. I'm looking forward to a big ole' Thanksgiving feast and a long weekend.

November 19, 2018

Hunting Season


Two hunters were dragging their recently slain deer through the snow back to their truck. Each one had a grip on a rear leg.

As they passed by an old Indian, he commented that the deer would pull a lot easier if they pulled it by the front legs because of the direction that the deer’s hair lays.
So the hunters each began pulling by the front legs.

About 20 minutes later, one of them says, “Boy! This is a lot easier.”
The other one replies, “Yes, but we sure are getting a lot farther from the truck!”

November 18, 2018

Workin' the weekend

Ah, Sunday. I'm relaxing here in the office blogging room sipping coffee and listening to music.  Don't tell anybody, but I am listening to Christmas music. I know, I am jumping the gun. It is not yet Thanksgiving, but the stores have been in full holiday mode since Halloween. Besides, I really dig Christmas music.

I raked leaves yesterday morning. This is the second go at the front yard. I got about five garbage bags full. The maple still has a lot of leaves, so I will be at it again later in the week.  As my wife frequently reminds me, I wanted all of these trees. I have made no effort to rake the back yard. The three Bradford Pears have not started dumping leaves at all.  The backyard got cleaned up from last fall's leaves when I mowed in the spring. I suspect that will be the case again.

The original plan was to start dragging the Christmas decorations from the attic yesterday. In case you do not remember, the wife goes all-out on Christmas decorations. She decided to wait until Friday to start decorating. The granddaughter will not be here this week after Monday, so maybe the wife will start decorating early? If she helps I will drag the trees and stuff out Monday evening after work.mi can do he outside on Friday then. Whatever. My role in it all is to be a pack mule and follow directions. 

Have a great Sunday.

November 17, 2018

Upside down you're turning me

My head is spinning. Starting a new job is always hard. My boss spent every minute of the week cramming stuff to overflowing into my brain. In addition, we made a trip to visit a customer. In the coming month I have two trips to Mexico and a week of introductory customer visits planned, all between Thanksgiving and Christmas! Sometime in Q1 I will be off to Europe. My life is the very definition of "hitting the ground running".

New products, new customers, new systems, new office, new procedures. I had forgotten the bureauacracy that comes with giant multi-national companies. Everything has to be documented, formatted, written, and stored just as described in the procedures. And then there are the meetings -- lots of meetings; internal and external.  This is a by-product of working in the light vehicle automotive industry. The commercial vehicle sector (big trucks and trailers) was not so heavily bureaucratized. All said, I am going to like it.

The bad news is the old blog is gonna suffer, at least until I can get a handle on things. Leaving home at 7:30 and getting back at 5:30 doesn't leave a lot of time for my hobbies. In the old days when I worked from home I could spend a ten minute break throwing up a post or adding a comment. Now I am subject to very restricted Internet access at work. Besides, I never have blogged the company computer, even when working from a spare bedroom.

I still have a bunch of canned posts to throw up. I think I will reserve the jokes so I do not give a double entry on the weekends.

Have patience. I will find a new routine over time. Hopefully you will still be here.

weekend funny

There was a bit of confusion at the Bass Pro Sporting Goods store this morning. 

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets,
the cashier said: “strip down, facing me.”

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control whackos
running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that
she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card-reader. 

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.


November 14, 2018

Head scratchin'

I'm not sure why they bother with elections in Broward and Palm Beach Counties, Florida. It would just be easier if election officials just announce who they think should have, could have, would have won and go ahead and declare that particular Democrat the winner.

You know, run the election the way Democrats progressives  and rat bastard Commies always run elections.

Try chewing gum

Greetings conversationalists, bloggers, readers, and critics from across the interwebz.  I'm alive and well. This real-job going to work stuff has put a serious crimp into my blogging time. Frankly, I don't know how you do it. Apparently I screwed off more than I thought.

No, I just had access to the Internet to do personal stuff on my breaks. Plus I usually blogged before work. Now that time is spent getting ready to go to work, commuting, etc.

I'm sorry you are missing out on me. Such is life. But once I get into the routine things might get better. Hold on to that faith. It will get you through the days as you suffer Hoosierboy withdrawal symptoms.

November 12, 2018

My life


I cannot remember from where I stole this.

November 11, 2018

The War to End All Wars

One hundred years ago today at 11:11 AM French local time WWI ended. The slaughter was so horrific it almost wiped out a generation of young Europeans. There remains to this day areas of France that are blocked off to public access because of the vast number of unexploded ordinance.




In Flanders Fields by John McCrae
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row, 
That mark our place, and in the sky, 
The larks, still bravely singing, fly, 
Scarce heard amid the guns below. 

We are the dead; short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, 
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields. 

Take up our quarrel with the foe! 
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high! 
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Take That Dannies

The mighty Wabash Little Giants captured the Monon Bell once again yesterday. That marks 9 out of the past ten years.

These two tiny schools have met on the football field for 125 years. That is a rivalry.
credit

November 10, 2018

weekend funny

A joke so stupid it is funny

Glenn took his dog to the veterinary clinic, and laid its limp body on the table. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the dog’s chest for a moment, then shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry, but your dog has passed away.”

“What?” Glenn screamed. “You haven’t even done any tests! I want another opinion.”
The vet left the room and returned in a few moments with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever sniffed the dog on the table carefully from head to toe. Finally, the Retriever shook it’s head and barked once (meaning “dead and gone”).

The vet took the Labrador away and returned a few minutes later with a cat, which also sniffed carefully over the dog on the table before shaking its head and saying, “Meow” (meaning “he’s gone”).

After the cat jumped off the table, the vet handed Glenn a bill for $600. The man shook the bill at the vet. “$600!!!! Just to tell me my dog is dead?!!! That’s outrageous!”
The vet explained. “If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan….”

November 9, 2018

Easy blackberry pie

Friday! Don't worry, no music videos today.  It is not like the day is any specific harbinger of the weekend for me. I've been off work for a couple of weeks. When I gave notice at the old employer he told me not to bother working for him any more. I have to be honest, I could get used to not working. Except the not making any money part. I have a strange need for food and shelter.

A house down the street has their Christmas lights up and burning. They lit the house November 1. I dig Christmas and the attendant decorations, but that is too much. Christmas ads started on the TV and Christmas trees are in the stores, so I guess I'm just being a little curmudgeonly. Get off my lawn.

Take an armful of leaves when you go. 

Enjoy your day. I intend to.

November 8, 2018

I used to think Idiocracy was just a funny movie...

Wow, it is cold this morning. Not January cold, but mid-fall cold. There is a slight  chance for snow flurries on the morrow. Yes, I could have typed "tomorrow", but I am in a wordy mood today.

That does not bode well for you, dear reader.

I'm kidding. I really don't have much to discuss this morning. The rabid Democrats are determined to turn back the clock somehow to a Time Before Trump. The incoming House Judiciary Chairman is talking impeachment for Kavenaugh, for Trump, for anyone who dares to not toe the progressive party line. I am not sure how he will find a magic number of Senators to actually vote to remove the hated Trumpster and his minions. Details, details. Do the Democrats think if they remove Kavenaugh the replacement will be less conservative? The new Republican majority can no longer be held hostage by Susan Collins. Should they somehow get rid of Trump before Kavenaugh do they think Pence will appoint a liberal justice? If so, the Dem leadership is getting a jump on that recreational pot smoking in Michigan.

It is with incredulous head scratching that I read of the various liberal morons decrying the "loss of the Senate popular vote". HUH? Yes, they are confused why the total number of votes tallied by Democrat winners of Senate seats are higher than those of winners for Republican seats, yet the Republicans gained seats overall.

I wish I was kidding about that.

First, this confusion demonstrates an astounding lack of Constitutional understanding. First only 1/3 of the Senate is elected every two years, so the overall makeup can only be changed by a limited extent. More importantly, that is not how the Senate works.  Every state gets two senators. Period. So states with large populations will by design cast more votes for their TWO senators. California is more populous than Montana, so any senator running in California must get more votes than one running in Montana. And no, there has been no secret, vote-suppressing gerrymandering going on in smoke-filled Republican back rooms* that causes California to get only two senators. (yes that has been argued). If you believe that you are so stupid you must need written instructions to take a crap.

I am bordering on TLDR, so I will not even get into the ridiculous argument that white women voted against their interest when they failed to elect the Democrats. One leader of the Only Liberal Woman's March actually said these women might need re-education. Calling Chairman Mao, your inheritors are calling. And am I the only one who thinks calling out white women is racist?

What if a conservative singled out a person of color?  That is what I thought.

In other news, I'm gonna be a grandpa again**. My daughter is with child. So far they have had a battery of tests and all is well. A little prayer on her behalf wouldn't hurt if you are so inclined. In case you don't know why go back and read last November's entries.



*funny how there was no complaints about gerrymandering when the Democrats controlled most state houses until the early 1990s.  Why do Democrats always assume there is cheating or nefarious forces at work when the American people reject their message?

**it is a girl

November 7, 2018

Wave bye bye

When we were in Hawaii a few years ago we visited the North Shore to see the big waves at the famed Bonzai Pipeline. The ocean was as placid as the retention pond out by the Interstate. I have seen ski boat wakes make bigger waves. It seems the big waves only smash into the shore in the winter.

Pundits promised a big blue Democrat Bonzai Pipeline-like wave in yesterday's election. Instead we got the North Shore in May. The party out of power always picks up seats in the midterm election. Rarely is it so few. What  we saw yesterday was no mandate. Rather it was a meh, whatever. In fact, one might argue it was a continuation of anti-incumbent voting we saw in 2016.

I don't see waves of "me too" outrage or "impeach Trump now" hysteria. I see a little ripple on the political water. If anything, the anti-Kavenaugh votes might have lost the Femocrats a couple of seats.

What do you think?

At last

That is done. Maybe we can avoid any political ads until at least January? It will mean more car commercials, but it beats political advertising.

Did your candidate win? it looks like a split, Donks in the House, Repubs in the Senate. That means not much will happen legislatively. That is not necessarily a bad thing. The House will likely go into to a Get Trump frenzy with no path for anything to happen since the Rs gained more power in the Senate.

Go ahead Democrats, spend the days in a Marcia, Marcia, Marcia obsession with Trump and let's see how that works out in 2 years. Or you Dems could just ask Newt and the boys how it worked out in the 1990s.

November 6, 2018

I pulled the lever by pushing a red button

I couldn't believe the turnout when I moseyed over to the elementary school to cast my vote. Parking was at a premium, even street side parking was full. We waited about 15-20 minutes to vote. Considering we usually walk right up to the voting machine at mid-morning, that was crazy. It was not as busy as last year's general election though. 

I did my civic duty. I declined the stupid "I voted" sticker because I did not want one.

Per the normal way of things in this part of the state, lots of "R"s on the ballot; few Dems. Many local races were uncontested. Not as bad as a few years ago when I lived down in Shelby County and there was not a single Democrat running for office at the city or county level. Just a few miles south of my 'burb you would be hard pressed to find Republicans running for many of the offices. That is how stuff works when there are urban, suburban, and rural voters. 

Whether my guy or gal wins, life will go on. You won't find me crying or rioting in a fit of pique. And in truth, I doubt your life changes by much either. 

November 4, 2018

Does anybody know what time it is?

I don't care what it reads on the clock, my bladder knows what time it is.

If the politicians really want to make things better they could stop this non-sensical biannual changing of the clocks. It wouldn't cost any tax money either.

Since there is no money involved there is no one to pay for the vote so you and I are stuck with stupid time changes that serve no purpose.

November 3, 2018

Morning Memories

I made a pot of coffee this morning instead of a single cup from the Keurig. It just felt like it was going to be that kind of day. I trudged up the stairs and plopped down in the recliner in my office. I was engulfed in a chaff cloud of dog hair. The boy's dog stayed with us for the past couple of days. I know where he has been sleeping.

One more week and I start my new gig. I look around my home office fondly. A little nostalgia is already forming. Actually going to an office to work is going to be strange. This room is my little place. I spend more than forty hours a week in this converted bedroom. It is where I read the news and blogs each morning. It is where I type the mediocre content you consume. I work here and relax here on the long weekend mornings. It is the one room in the house decorated the way I want it.

Aside, I do not advocate framed copies of the Chicago Tribune from November 3, 2016 on the walls or humidors on the family room mantle or little wooden cigar store Indians on the end table. All are fine in my office. Not for the rest of the house.

I think this upstairs corner room has the best view in the house. I can look out over my triangular-shaped backyard. The big willow is just outside, the rest of the small lawn stretches away to the right. The early morning sunlight breaks first through my window. If I am on a long conference call I can prop my feet on the desk and look out the window by turning slightly right. I don't expect such views from a cubicle in an office park building.

Not working from home is the only downside I can find to the new job, at least before starting. I think I'm going to like it in every other way. But I'm going to really miss working from home. The wife is gonna miss me being here too.

It crosses my mind that a desk and filing cabinets are no longer going to be needed in here. Maybe I should get a TV and a small couch ? I could make it into a little man cave. Decisions, decisions.

weekend funny


A woman meets with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours.

Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone suddenly rings. Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver.

The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called…”
“Really? That’s wonderful…”
“Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time…”
“Oh, that sounds terrific… Love you too.”
“OK. Bye-bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks: “Who was THAT?”

“Oh,” she replies, “That was just my husband telling me about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”

November 2, 2018

I hate the end of DST because that means an extra hour of political ads

It is Friday and in a long-standing tradition I could throw up a music selection. I am tempted to post The Moody Blues Tuesday Afternoon or maybe the Stones'  Ruby Tuesday in a tangential homage to the upcoming Election Day. I won't, because I just want Tuesday to come and go away.

We in the Hoosier State are plagued by political ads just like you are. Since our Senate battle is pivotal to political control, we see ad after ad after ad. One candidate had three ads in a row last night followed by two for the other guy! If you don't think politicians are corrupt explain why anyone would spend millions to get a job that pays $160K?

Strangely, both the Democrat and the Republican are bragging about how they back Trump's policies.

If one believes the advertisements, both are liars, human garbage intent on ruining America as you know it, handing out hundred dollar bills from your taxes to murdering, raping immigrants, conspiring to take away your access to doctors while sending jackbooted thugs to confiscate your guns so you have no protection from the Bolsheviks. Both want to send your job to Mexico or China, while protecting the jobs here in Indiana.  And both hate the Washington elite.

That is why they are spending millions to become part of it, I guess.

November 1, 2018

All of that candy

Two.

That is how many Trick or Treaters showed up at the door last night. That is just below the average of...three...we have enjoyed since moving here. We have lived in this house since 2013. It is clear kids do not come to our cul-de-sac to collect Halloween candy, yet the wife insists on buying a couple of bags of candy bars every year. I suggested grabbing a six pack of big candy bars and that is it. I was clearly speaking in Charlie Brown teacher voice. We now have a big Halloween bowl of candy on the table.

This is a far cry from the hordes we had at our previous house. The streets were filled with kids running from house to house collecting goodies. The neighborhood really looked like the Halloween depicted on TV shows. We would go through three or four of those giant bags of goodies like you get at WalMart and Target. One year I had to confiscate stuff from my kids' stash to redistribute!

It is done for another year.  We will finally get rid of the candy by Easter.  Next year I will lose the argument yet another time as the wife convinces herself that this year the kids will ring the doorbell on Halloween.

October 31, 2018

Anchors Away

Executive Orders are a loathsome way to legislate. Originally designed to lay the foundation for executive philosophy -- ie.; a call for a general day of Thanksgiving -- they now serve as a means for the President to legislate outside of Congress.  Why the Legislative Branch hasn't gone running to the Judicial Branch to get these kind of EOs stopped remains a mystery.  

Well not really, the Judiciary is doing their best to usurp the Legislative Branch's authority too. 

Trump has floated the idea he may try to stop birthright citizenship for illegals via Executive Order. It does not work that way:

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. source

The language of the 14th Amendment is plain as can be. The President does NOT have the power to alter the Constitution. Anyone born in the US is a citizen. EOS.  

There is a means to get rid of anchor babies. Executive Order is not one of them.

October 28, 2018

No, it does not take a village

There is evil in this world. We are each responsible for our actions. The Pittsburgh Synagogue murderer is one of the evil ones.

Anti-Semitic Democrats and haters like Louis Farakhan are not responsible for the murders any more than President Trump is responsible for the pipe bomb mailer, or Bernie Sanders for the guy who shot Republicans practicing baseball.

As a conservative, I believe in personal responsibility. Put the blame where it belongs. If the news organization you read or watch finds a way in one of the three cases cited above to blame a third party for an act of evil,  I would seek an alternate source for my news.

But then you are responsible for the misinformation you choose to ingest.

October 27, 2018

Rambles for posterity; a long post written for me

It is strange to go back to the old hometown. People who grew up on my street with me showed up to Mom's funeral. These are folks I  have not seen in decades. It is a tribute to the respect many held my for my mother.

 It demonstrates yet one more time my lack of empathy. Had I heard of the passing of some of their parents I would have thought "That's too bad" and went on with whatever I was doing. It is certainly a character defect on my part.

I rationalize things by imagining that had I stayed in the small town where I grew up I might keep in better touch or be more aware of the community in general. In my shrunken heart I know better. There are many reasons I have never attended a class reunion. It is further evidence that while I am trying to be better, I remain an asshole in a world of good people. I clearly have a lot of work to do. Many commenters over the years have tried to tell me so.

Yeah, I'm probably not going to change. And no, I don't want to be hugged by old ladies, or people I don't know, or by people I haven't seen or spoken to in forty years. In fact, outside of my wife and family, I don't really want to be hugged (or touched) by anyone. I told you I am an asshole. But I was a very good boy yesterday. Mom would have been proud. Oh, and I got that "don't touch me" thing from her, so...

Lots of people showed up for Mom's memorial. A score of old ladies said "You must be one of the sons, you look just like your Mom". No, I'm standing up front in a suit and I'm the right age. Good guess. Besides I look nothing like my mother. I am the spitting image of the milkman though.  Honestly. My dad was a milkman when I was born. I know, no one knows what to say, so that " you look like your mom" is a good opening.

Upon re-reading I can say the whole preceding paragraph is even more evidence I need to change.

The minister clearly knew my Mom. His eulogy was spot on. No canned "funeral sermon" from him. My mom was hard, exacting, unbelievably kind and loving. There was but one way to do stuff and she had no problem telling anyone, and I mean anyone, they were doing it wrong. Her standards were high, and she helped anyone she could to meet those standards. She helped charities and people in the small ways she could. Her organization skills were enormous and she could bring order from chaos wherever it was needed. I'm am certain co-workers, friends, and people she knew called her a bitch and the most wonderful person they had ever met all in the same breath. Sometimes I did too.

I'm gonna miss you mom.




*you are going to read that part at the end and think I am unbelievably mean and cold. I typed it with an enormous amount of love and respect. And I wager that anyone who knew my mom would agree with the sentiment wholeheartedly.

Disco Stu

I took my wife to a disco last weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor giving it large; break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
“Looks like he’s still celebrating!!” I replied.

October 26, 2018

Ch-ch-changes

It is raining today. I'm sitting here in my office. I've been up since around three. Now I need a nap. So it goes.

It has been a week of highs and lows. The lows you know. The good news is I have accepted a new job. My last one was not my dream job. I won't disparage my employer. Suffice to say I have moved on. I'm excited about this opportunity. A little more travel, but not excessive. A little international travel too. Back to what I have done for much of my career -- calling on big companies managing large sales and big contracts ( multi-millions). It will be new widgets and products for me, but close to the products I have sold for almost 25 years. I also hope I have found my last job: a place to work until I retire or die.

Things will change. A lot. I last worked in the same building as my boss in 1993. I last worked in an office-type environment in 1997 (when I worked out of the manufacturing plant). Since then I have worked alone in a rented office or from home. I will now go to a real office and work along with real people, including my boss. That means shoes. That means no more shorts and T-shirts. That means a shower before noon. That means real office hours, not lunch when I want it. It means a commute of more than down the hallway. That sadly also means I won't  be interrupted by my granddaughter coming in my office to visit her "Paw". That means the morning blogging break will be hard to manage.

We will see how things shake out going forward. I don't start for a week or so. But don't be surprised if posting becomes a little less than every day.

So today I will sign my job offer and then go to a funeral. How is that for a dichotomy? Life is strange.

October 25, 2018

What is all about, Alfie?

For the more than thirteen years I have been writing here I have tried to come to terms on what this blog is about. It isn't a political blog, although we discuss politics.  It isn't a humor blog, though I think I am occasionally amusing. It isn't a hobby blog. I guess it is just a slice of life blog, or at least the sliver of my life I choose to share nearly every morning.

I write about politics or the events that affect me at a given moment in time. I guess it is a near-anonymous journal where I leave out most of the personal details that are interesting, salacious, embarrassing, and trite.

A few weeks after I started this blog my grandmother passed away. I chronicled my kids as they graduated high school and college. My mother-in-law died after a long bout with cancer. I had grandchildren born. My mother died. My grandson died. We played sports, watched movies. I argued with idiots in the comments. I had some great discussions too. We have learned a little bit in our regular  communications. I have started and lost jobs. We have moved houses and even cities of residence. I have chronicled vacations and business trips. In short, I have offered a peep show through a tiny fish eye lens set into the steel door of my real life.

I guess that is what this place is about: Life. It took me almost a decade and a half to figure it out.

I guess I am a bit dense at times. On the other hand, I don't suppose it matters to you a whit.

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. We are all doing fine. The funeral is tomorrow. It will be tough, but I have had a while to prepare.

I have a canned joke ready for Saturday. Normal nonsense may resume Sunday, unless I need to blow off steam in the interim.

October 24, 2018

Tears on my pillow

Posting has been light. It will continue to be that way for a few days.

My momma passed away early yesterday morning. She had surgery a few months ago and never completely recovered. She was back in the hospital the past couple of weeks. On Wednesday they sent her home with hospice care. She lost her fight in the early morning hours yesterday.

She hated being in the hospital with a passion. I'm glad she spent her last days at home even though it was hard on the family, especially my dad.

It has been a most crappy year. Next month will mark the one year anniversary of the death of my grandson.

I'm not special. We all lose our parents. I'm lucky to have both of mine so long. Mom was 78. If you are a praying person ask for comfort for my Dad, please. He is lost after losing his wife and companion of more than 61 years.

If you won the big lottery or if you just have some extra cash, send it to your local hospice organization. They really do the Lord's work in the most trying of times. It takes a special group of people to attend the last days of patients and their families.

October 22, 2018

Scatter

If we ever get into another war with Mexico I am sure the US would win. The strategy that leads  to victory is clear. When confronted with the Mexican Army, our troops should just scatter, run through the enemy lines, and reform. The Mexicans will just give up, say "We tried" and head home for some delicious enchiladas and a cold Tecate. I bet the Demons of Camaron wish they had tried that instead of fighting to virtually the last man.

There is no reason to study Clausewitz. Sun Tsu is for chumps. Clearly the only training one needs to make it through Mexico is an afternoon viewing of the cult classic The Warriors.

Who knew I was a military genius back in my youth. In those days a bunch of neighborhood boys would ban together to do Halloween mischief. When a porch light would click on we would shout "run" and scatter through the neighborhood. Old Man Vice couldn't catch us. I just never knew he was heading up border enforcement for Mexico as his day job.

I just hope when the band of criminals arrives at our border brandishing their flag, we treat them like the invading army they are. I hate to think the US Army or Border Patrol can be defeated by the Cockroach Theory of Attack.

October 21, 2018

#MeNeither

Amy Schumer has announced with great fanfare she will not be in any Superbowl ads this year.  Guess what? I will not appear in any of those ads either. She claims her absence is in support of Colin Kaepernick. I suspect the real reason you will not see her in ads is the same as the reason you won't see me shilling goods -- no one hired her. The last time she was in a Superbowl ad was 2016. I guess she must have been protesting something else that past couple of years?


Maybe she is just an attention whore. She isn't funny, her acting is wooden. Her recent movies have bombed at the box office. Her political stance has alienated half the country. Who wants to hire that shrew to promote your products? 

So in the spirit of the times, I join with the talentless d-list celebrity Amy Schumer. I will not be in any Superbowl ads. I also will not accept any Oscars, Tony Awards, or Grammys. I will not make vast audiences laugh. I will not because I am a no-talent schlub. That's pretty much why she will not do those things either. 

I just admit the real reason and it ain't some noble cause.

Join with me and Amy. Refuse to be in a Superbowl ad.  Just say #MeNeither.

Unless someone actually hires you. then go ahead.

Weekend Funny Encore edition

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description.

She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

The next-door neighbor immediately saw a problem with this, and began to protest:
“Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”

The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”

October 20, 2018

We don't need no stinkin' badges


A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… On any land… No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?” The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big bull. With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs: “Your badge! Show him your badge!!”

October 19, 2018

Live blogging the overnight

Present and accounted for. I'm up. Not willingly. Every time I lay down I hack and cough. What joy! I am ensconced in the recliner in my office. I am fine up to the point where I doze off,  then it is hacking up a lung. Music is quietly playing on my Alexa and I am pecking this out. I have no doubt typos will abound (even more than usual) since I am working sans glasses. 

I can see reasonably well without them. I probably  could have passed my vision test when I renewed my license last March, but for my severe astigmatism. After so long I am used to them, I suppose. I thank the good Lord every day for my restored vision. 

It seems like I get this cold that settles into my chest every fall. I have fought off pneumonia a couple of times over the years. I think I get more susceptible. The severe allergies that left me a perpetual snot-nosed kid have mostly faded except in the fall when the leaves turn, mold forms, and the farmers are in the fields. I have travelled in farm country a lot this week. Allergies coupled with the cold passed on from my wife and granddaughter I am not surprised to find me a little sick. 

I am sporting an awesome deep voice, so there is that. Well, up to the point it goes away completely from hacking and coughing.

I going to try and grab some sleep. Goodnight.

October 18, 2018

The post has been done for ten minutes, it is inspiration for a title that I need now

Wow, Thursday already.

It remains seasonably cool here at the old homestead. Sub-freezing temps greeted me when I checked my phone while the Keurig peed coffee into my mug.

If you haven't figured it out over the past two decades, I lead with a weather report when I am struggling for content. Weather and sports are old and trite and yet still effective conversation starters. Why you would care about my weather conditions remains an unanswered question.

No, it doesn't, upon reflection. You decidedly do not care. I don't really care about your weather, unless you are in a place I am going. I may break down and buy a couple of lottery tix this week. Then I will care about the weather --in tropical island locations.

I would quit work should I win a lottery. I won't quit blogging, at least right away. I am just childish enough to rub your faces in it. Then I will quit blogging. I will be too busy sipping rum drinks in some place with palm trees to bother with it. I wonder what it costs to develop my own personal cigar blend...?

For now I will complain about the weather and get to work. That is a far more realistic reality. The Masters of the Matrix have no incentive to reward me with untold fortune. I would probably lose my money investing in Nigerian Bonds or something anyway.

October 17, 2018

The cure for the blues

The granddaughter came in this morning, her normal ebullient self. She is the happiest little girl. She said " We had a great day yesterday. Can we have the same day?".

I could only mutter a near-silent "I hope not". Ah, that girl makes me smile anyway. She is the remedy for all that ailes you.

October 16, 2018

A most disappointing turn of events

The day started off with promise. Since then it has slowly turned to shit.

Consider your attention grabbed

I'm a mouth breather from way back. I was the very definition of "snot nosed kid". Allergies left me perpetually with stuffed sinus cavities. The only way to breath as a kid was through my mouth. Fortunately, the allergies have abated over the years. I learned to breath through my nose. Except at night. Then I must fall into old habits. Pokes in the ribs occasionally inform me I am  snoring.  In recent days I have woken to a sore throat. The big question is it an on-coming cold or just a result of very dry air and open-mouth breathing? Hypochondriac me says I am on the brink of.a cold so bad normal humans would beg for a hospital admission. After all, the wife spent the end of last week with a cold. My head says I'm fine, it is just the lack of humidity. Time will tell.

It is a chilly 33 outside this morning. Brr. OK,  I wouldn't know. I'm inside where it is a semi-comfortable 68. But I bet if was outside sans shoes and coat I would be cold.

Look, do you want a blog post or not?

I could bore you with the minutiae that is my life. Aside, yes there are things even more boring than the opening paragraphs. I don't think I will do that to you. Instead I hope you have a great day. Rest assured I will be back if real inspiration strikes. It would be best if you check back often. 


October 15, 2018

Ironing out the irony

After reading the comments from Hillary, Holder, and leading Democrats, it appears the new Democrat Party strategy is that unless we stop calling them a mob they are going to riot in the streets and attack those with whom they disagree whenever and wherever they find us.

October 14, 2018

Weekend Not So Funny

Yesterday's post reminds me of a true story. Back in the Jurassic Era I worked in a plastics factory. We molded stuff (duh). One of the workers was a hard working mold tech. He was tapped for promotion to a line leader position. This necessitated a move to an off shift. His wife worked at the plant too, so they didn't get to see each other much.

One night Ken was not feeling well so he went home early.

You know where this headed, right?

Sure enough, he caught his wife in bed with his old boss; the one who promoted him to second shift.

Funny enough, Ken was blonde. Not so funny was he punched his old boss in the nose and ended up divorced. Ken found a new job at the factory across the highway.

Sometimes I miss the soap opera that is the factory floor.

Not really.

October 13, 2018

In the shuffling madness

That post just below? It is canned: steam-packed to appear fresh for weeks, months, and even years. On the other hand, in a few days when blonde jokes become the next hashtag evidence of patriarchy, hate, cruelty and oppression, it will be further evidence of my unfitness to exist since I am an old white guy. No doubt legions of SJWs will be hounding me while wearing blond wigs and shouting "me too also".

This post? Fresh as that steaming pile of dog poop the neighbor's mutt left in your front yard.

Fall arrived with a vengeance in these parts yesterday. Wednesday it was a balmy eighty-something. We had sleet yesterday. The temperature in the house had dropped to 63 by bedtime last night. Since the weather lady told us it will not break 60 for a week or more the wife insisted I turn on the heat. Sigh. No break on utility bills this fall. It is straight from A/C to heat. A week ago it was 90!

I decided to take a break from POBs Master and Commander series. Volume 17 is on the coffee table ready to be re-read. Instead I picked up my Kindle for the first time in months and started a Bernard Cornwell novel about Shakespeare. It started a bit slow but is getting better. Like most of his books, it is eminently readable and will be a quick read. I will then head back to The Commodore, or I may crack Jeff Shaara's tome on the Korean War -- The Frozen Hours.

In the meantime, I have stuff to do outside later today. I need to empty out the little fountain, put away the chair cushions, and finish a little fall yard work.

Do not fret, I have a bunch of old jokes sealed up in electronic Ball Jars ready to be cracked open every Saturday for weeks to come. I am sure I can find something to offend just about everyone of you who desperately seek to be angry and offended at every turn. The rest of you I hope have a great Saturday.

weekend funny


Three girls worked in the same office for the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. The girls decided that the next day, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout before going on a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. “No way,” the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday!”

October 12, 2018

'Cause you asked for it



Friday Music, the feature that will not die.

I like it. One of my thirteen readers likes the feature.  Since we strictly follow Roberts Rules of Order here, abstentions go with the majority. I guess that means you all vote for more -- absent evidence to the contrary.

October 11, 2018

The Nutmeg of Clarissa Oakes

Up early today. So it goes. Sinatra is crooning softly in the background. My trusty and ever-listening Alexa just told me it is fifty-something outside. It was in the seventies when I went to bed some five hours ago.

I had a dream my wife was pregnant. She informed me of the news while we were on a camping trip, so I know it was all a dream, not a premonition. That and it is impossible for her to be preggers. Her important parts are gone, and I'm pretty sure we have to actually, you know, slap our boy and girl parts together. Besides, she loathes camping. She went camping with me once in about 1986 and declared never no more ever and ever and don't even ask. Therefore any idea that she went camping and delivered the "Guess what, Honey?" news is purely the stuff of imagination.

It was not that I did not make camping comfortable (as comfortable as tent camping can be --  a camper is not camping). I am an Eagle Scout of the old school type where camping and hiking was part of the scouting curriculum -- year round. I know how to make camping easy and fun. She hated all of it, starting with the tent itself. No matter how many times I explained that no crazed killer was going to drive out to the middle of nowhere to find our campsite when so many victims were readily available in cities and towns, she couldn't get past it. The blood-stained hook we found on the door handle of my truck the next morning probably did not help.

I made that last part up.

Anyway, here I am chatting electronically with you. I could be reading. I'm a little bogged down in the Aubry/Maturin Series right now. I have been through the entire series three or four times in the past 20 years. These same installments drag for me every time; the part where the lads are on the long voyage through Java, Indonesia, Australia, a made-up Pacific Island and Peru. The never-ending year of 1812. The events fill three or four books and frankly I think O'Brian ran out of material and was just writing books because they sold rather well. A lot of nothing happens. I mean one can only read page after page about reefing the topsails so many times.

Kind of like this blog.

October 10, 2018

My wife endorses this joke


A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?” “No, I had to stop drinking years ago”, the homeless woman replied. “Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked. “No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.” “Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!”
“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.” The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.” The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what happens to a woman who had to give up shopping, hair appointments and wine.”

I'm jonesing for some pecan pie

Humpity Humpity Hump Day is upon us. It is a transition day in more than one sense. We have enjoyed August-like weather for a while now. The upper 80s will give way to more seasonable, in fact cooler than seasonal temperatures starting tomorrow. We will go from pushing 90 to near-freezing almost over night. Shorts to jeans and a jacket. But we won't have to deal with real weather like hurricanes, so I ain't complaining. Much.

A spate of cold weather will make the wife's pumpkins and gourds on the porch look a little more seasonal. It will maybe kick-start the leaves into turning. The Bradford Pears didn't drop their leaves until December last year. It is not that I want to rake leaves at all, but let's get it done with. 

Oh, and regarding the title, it is PEE cawn not pee CAN

October 9, 2018

Et Tu, Cleveland?

Fall Break is a thing. Just like spring break only...duh...it is in the fall. That means no granddaughter today.

Just to clarify, I am not on fall break. I gotta work. And when I'm not doing the paying boss' stuff, I need to do THE BOSS' stuff, like mow the yard, get things from the attic, and be an all-around sexual satyr. OK, I made that last one up.

The wife bought me a new grill over the weekend. My old one has been unusable all summer. The bottom rusted away completely last winter and the burners were rusted away as well. This time we went to a better model that did not seem like it was constructed from Chinese aluminum foil deemed too crappy to sell at the Dollar Store.

You get what you pay for. The unwritten corollary is that sometimes in life you pay for what you can get. We bought that crappy grill because it was what we could afford at the time. Now I have a box of parts sitting in the garage waiting on me to turn them into a metal box for cooking steak, chicken, and burgers.

Say, Grandpa, what's for dinner?

The boy's car keeled over on the highway at rush hour yesterday evening. He was sitting at a stoplight and the car died and won't start. It will not even turn over. We called a tow truck: $55 to have it towed less than 1/2 mile to the Kia dealer. The car is under warranty for big stuff. I hope it is nothing expensive if it isn't covered. Neither of us has the cash for auto repairs.

It is always something.

October 8, 2018

Ocean blue and all of that stuff

It is Columbus Day, celebrating the man who lead the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria ships into the Caribbean Islands more than 500 years ago. Bankrolled by Spanish Royalty, Columbus was searching for the Far East. Instead, his little vessels became the first of many cruise ships to dock at Nassau.

Sure, Columbus wasn't the first to run his ship into the Americas. After all, there were people already living here. The Norse and maybe the Welsh likely were visitors long before Columbus, but he had a better press agent. You know how it is; you discover a beautiful little place to vacation and the next time you go back there is a paved parking lot, admission fees, and that asshole Jimmie has carved his name into one of the trees.

Some people refuse to celebrate Columbus Day, instead calling the demi-holiday Indigenous People's Day, a mouthful of syllables that indicates we should honor the natives instead of the Dead White Guy who brought disease, death, and other white people to North and South America. OK. I'm good with that. Let's not take things too far. Indigenous People, Ohio just doesn't roll off the tongue.

I think the mailman has the day off. I do too, because I want to. Does that mean you get a bevy of postulations, opinion, humor, and pithy commentary today? As Big Jake said, "Not Hardly".

October 7, 2018

If time was in a bottle, yesterday's would just be filled with air.

Holy Crap, it is Sunday already. How did that happen? Where did my Saturday go?

Let's see, the granddaughter spent the night Friday, but she went home pretty early. I surfed the interwebz, watched some TV, read a bit. I trailed along with the wife to a small festival up in Noblesville. We were only there about an hour or so; long enough to score some kettle corn. She brought me home while she went shopping. Then I ...or maybe I...perhaps I took a nap? Insert shoulder shrugging motion. I dunno. She came back to get me and we went to dinner. I had a cheeseburger, I do know that. I opted for fresh fruit instead of fries.

And here we are, deep into a post as boring as the weekend so far. but you have been updated.

Regarding the politics of the day, I was surprised to hear my wife opine strongly on the Kavenaugh thing several times in the past week. She said the whole thing left her angry enough to vote in the midterms, and she usually doesn't bother. She made it clear her vote was directly because of the Kavenaugh fiasco.

Yes, she is heading to the polls to vote against Joe Donnelly, our Democrat Senator who cast his vote along party lines. As she put it, "I don't want some unsubstantiated attack from 35 years ago to ruin my boys lives." those are her words, not mine. This from one of he most apolitical (unpolitical?) persons in the world.

Anecdote is not data, but I find it interesting.

October 6, 2018

Saturday Humor

A renowned psychologist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their little children.
After a few hours of talking and analyzing their words and behavior, he said: “I believe that you all suffer from some obsession.”
He turned to the first mother and said, “You obviously have an obsession with food. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second Mom. “Your obsession is money. And it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny,”
He turned to the third Mom. “Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go”.

October 4, 2018

Dear Joe

What were you thinking? You are smarter than that.

I know you love the Cubs. Your closet full of T-shirts and Jerseys, your collection of hats, shows it to the world. Sure, Tuesday's game was important. It went into extra innings and you had to watch it all. As the clock ticked past midnight you should have gone to bed and checked the score in the morning. Staying up until 1:00 was a bad decision on many levels.

You had to get up at 5:00 AM to drive to Chicago. Add up the hours of sleep -- that would be one, two, three, four. That is just the same amount of time it takes to drive to the NW 'burbs. You had a day of important meetings. You had to drive home. So, 8+ hours of driving and 6 hours of meetings makes for a 14 hour day on four hours of sleep.

Joe, you are a moron.


October 3, 2018

No animals were harmed in telling this joke

A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his, drinking by himself.
Approaching his friend, he commented, “You look awful. What’s wrong?”
“My mother died in May and left me $15,000,” the friend answered.
“Boy, that’s tough,” the man replied.
Continuing, the friend said, “Then in June, my dad died leaving me $50,000.
“Gosh, both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you’re depressed,” said the man.
“Last month my aunt died and left me $10,000,” the friend added.
“That’s a lot to deal with. Losing three close family members in three months, is terrible!” replied the man.
“Then this month,” continued the friend, “nothing! Not even a single dime!

October 2, 2018

And another thing

put down your phone and drive

Murder, Inc.

The Chicago Cubs are going to be the death of me.

October 1, 2018

Lines form on my face and hands

Today is my son's birthday. No, that is neither a repeat nor a mistake. My boys' birthdays are a day apart. Today marks my oldest son's thirtieth birthday. Unfortunately, he lives in Colorado so we won't get to celebrate with him.

In other news..I have nothing to report. The Cubs and Brewers play later today to determine who is the Divisional Winner and who will be the Wild Card entry in the playoffs.

Have a great Monday

More:

I have said all I intend to on the politics of the day. A few weeks ago I discussed the rancor that is prevalent in today's culture and then went and helped perpetuate it.

Nothing has happened to change my opinion. There is no need to hammer it every day.

I have always maintained that reasonable people can disagree. The sole caveat is that both parties must be reasonable.

We all get to choose which side we think is being unreasonable.

September 30, 2018

It is a quest for power and money

Do you wonder, as I do, why out of more than 300 million citizens, people like Hillary and Trump are the best we can come with to vie for the Presidency?

The events of the past weeks are exactly why good people eschew government service like the plague. Who wants that kind of anal probing and lynch mob attack?

Any of you who think Thursday was about getting Dr. Ford an opportunity to tell her story are blind, ignorant, or foolish.

Tell me more, tell me more

Today is my youngest son's birthday. He will be 25. There are a lot of stories about him over there in the archives. He was but 11 when this ole blog started. He requested a home cooked meal today, so the family will gather later this afternoon.

I woke up around 3:30 in the morning yesterday. I tossed and turned and finally just gave up. I watched two James Bond flicks and half of a third* before switching over to The Blues Brothers. I watched about half of it then went outside to mow the lawn.

I finally dozed for a bit in the middle innings of the baseball game. The Chicago Cubs will be the cause of my death. Seriously. It will right there on my death certificate. If they cannot rediscover their offense, it will not matter which playoff spot they end up. They will be out in the first round.

Today's game won't be on locally. The WGN/ABC7 feed is shown by a local station, alternating between the Cubs and White Sox. Tne Cubs are playing in a meaningful game to determine playoff seeding. The Sox are 237 games out of first. They are making vacation plans. So the White Sox and Twins will be shown.

I've rambled enough regarding subjects about which you care nothing. Enjoy your Sunday.


* I have always found Goldfinger tedious, both the movie and book.

September 29, 2018

Memories...and not the Cats kind

Dr. Ford cannot recall the date last month she took her polygraph and whether or not she paid for it, yet somehow we should believe her about an event that took place 35 years ago?

I guess we should trust her about her overwhelming fear of flying because of her near death rape experience too...except when she wanted to fly to Tahiti, Hawaii, Maryland, California, and Washington DC...

One or two little lies should not indicate lack of credibility.

Is the sarcasm font working?

But hey, Kavenaugh partied in high school. I thought only kids in John Hughes comedies did that...

There I go, acting the evil right-winger caveman again, thinking that facts matter, especially when one is part of a plot to slander a political opponent.

Poking the Bear


There was the woman who approached the local pharmacist and asked for cyanide.
“What on earth would you want to do with cyanide?” he asked.

“I want to poison my husband” she said coolly.

Of course the pharmacist was quite upset about this and made it quite clear to her that he was not going to be part of such a plot, and that he had no intention of selling any poison to her for that purpose.

The woman then took a photograph out of her bag. It showed the pharmacist’s wife in bed with the woman’s husband.

“Oh! You didn’t tell me you had a prescription!

If this offends you, substitute "he" for she. Perhaps make both characters LBQTNoneofthe above. Make it cartoon character mice. Change the whole plot to a fairy tale where everyone sits around a table at an Eco-friendly coffee shop talking about the patriarchy and privlege how Hillary was cheated out of her rightful position by the Russians in the flyover states. 

Ok I have rewritten the post to make it palatable for all. No need to offend anyone here.

A person picked a prescription at a pharmacy. Disease was cured. The end. 

September 28, 2018

Juan de Torquemada is smiling in his grave

Dalton Trumbo has long been a causes celebres  among the leftists. Named by the McCarthy House Un-American Activities Committee as a possible communist, Trumbo was blacklisted from working in Hollywood. Like others accused during the days of the Red Hysteria, they were guilty because they could not prove a negative claim -- " prove you do not harbor communist sympathies". 

Further back in history is the case of Sacco and Vanzetti. This pair of anarchists were executed for the killing of a guard and paymaster during a robbery. The evidence was slim and the judge in the case  stated in his charge to the jury that even if they were not guilty of the robbery and murder they were "morally culpable" because of their far-leftist politics and should be judged accordingly. Liberals and progressives around the world protested their conviction and subsequent execution, including future Supreme Court Justice Felix Frankfurter.

Will future historians mark the "guilt by accusation" hysteria as beginning with the shameful Judicial Committee hearings yesterday? 

Most of us hoped the McCarthyism of yesteryear was a shameful event best left to the dustbin of history. I guess for Senate Democrats revenge really is a dish best served cold.

September 27, 2018

Uncle Paul


“Hello?”

“Hi honey this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”

Brief Pause.

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” he asked.

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I he isn’t moving either.”

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?”

Sheer profundity

Sometimes my commenters are most observant and smart:

Can I just say what a comfort to discover a person that genuinely knows what they're talking about on the internet.You definitely realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people need to look at this and understand this side of your story. It's surprising you're not more popular given that you certainly possess the gift.

Sure, these words of wisdom were written as a spam comment on a stupid throw away post from 2015, but still...

September 26, 2018

Query

Here is an honest question. Has your life been changed in any material, concrete way for the worse by the election of Trump?


Dear USAToday

Hearsay:
information received from other people that one cannot adequately substantiate; rumor
Just because I told other people something does not mean they can substantiate my statements. These folks do not "collaborate" my innuendo. Jeez, even Judge Judy refuses to let witnesses testify to hearsay evidence.

Look, some have taken exception to my "war on women" in the Kavenaugh Affair. I have a deep-seated antipathy to tyranny. The bedrock of freedom and our Constitution is the concept that a person is innocent until proven guilty. Automatic assumption that any witness, claimant, accuser, or defendant is inherently more believable based on the the number of chromosomes one might possess is the direct antithesis to this foundation. It has nothing to do with politics nor misogyny on my part. It has nothing to do with sex (gender is a language construct). It is about fairness. It is about our basic rights as a human.

If we are going to determine guilt based upon "who" provides the evidence we might as well determine guilt or innocence via Trial by Ordeal. If he weighs more than a duck he is a rapist. How about we bind and gag them both and throw them in the Potomac? We can determine guilt or innocence by the survivor? The testimony of a noble, a king, a white man, nor a woman should carry more weight than your word or mine. We all must be equal before the law.

No one should be convicted in actual court or the court of public opinion by unsubstantiated innuendo. Failure to give basic evidence such as time and place and potential witnesses is no more than a basic attack; it is accusation, no more. And further, as indicated by the opening, the fact that Dr. Ford told her husband, her neighbor, her therapist, and her kids' baseball coach in the last few years is not evidence either. Their testimony is hearsay. The testimony of others reported to be at the supposed party is evidence. Unfortunately all of those witnesses deny the event or claim they were never there.

Compurgation is not evidence either. Just because a whole bunch of people can swear they believe her, that is not evidence.

It very well may be that what Dr. Ford says happened did indeed take place. It is entirely up to her to prove it. To do otherwise takes us down a road no one is going to like in the future.

If we are to give more credence to the testimony of a person because of womanhood, what happens to the claims of a transgendered person? Do we believe them more or less? This is not just a slippery slope, it is an ice covered vertical drop.


Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005