What a maroon

Apparently Lindsey Graham was spouting off on one of the Sunday news programs yesterday. He recounted a tale of a kid he met in Kabul, who moved to the United States and became a citizen. Graham said he hoped that wonderful kid could be president some day. To paraphrase a classic SNL skit; "Lindsey, you ignorant slut..." you have been in the Senate for how many terms? You have run for President two or three times. You swear to uphold the Constitution, yet you are too  stupid to know a naturalized citizen CANNOT become president? You are a fucking tool. If you are one of the leaders of the GOP, then the nickname of "stupid party" is especially apt. Since all of those old blond jokes are now probably verboten by the PC police, I'm going to recycle them as Lindsey Graham jokes.

For some reason yesterday's post reminded me of an old effort from back in 2012. Hunting back through the archives I found stuff I don't even remember writing, including a short story about a kid in junior high being abused by the class bitch. I had no idea I wrote that. I remember writing a half-assed tale about a mean old drunk, but not that one. Alas, like most of my literary efforts it died for lack of imagination and talent. Anyhow, the frame of mind that inspired yesterday's ramblings reminded me of This post

In the meantime, me and Elvis are off to Blue Hawaii.

North Star blues

I miss the stars. We moved to the suburbs almost two years ago. I love our house, the neighborhood and the nearness of shopping and dining options. Previously if I wanted to buy a pair of pants, for instance, I could go to WalMart, the farm supply store, or...no other choice unless I drove thirty or forty minutes to Indianapolis. Now, I can be at three different malls in fifteen minutes. There are many advantages to living here, the best of which is I am closer proximity to all of my kids.

Living amongst the more than eighty-thousand in my town, surrounded by the million-plus in the metropolitan area means congestion, people, crime, and light pollution. I miss seeing the stars.

Thunder rumbles in the background as rain taps a steady rhythm on the roof and gurgles in the downspouts. It is a good day for reflection. Last night I saw a snapshot from a long-ago family gathering. I don't remember the event. I was maybe eight or nine. Dead relatives smile back at me in the picture. I look at the photograph and I instantly remember the people as they were and as they are today. I miss my youth, but would not repeat it for anything.

I miss seeing the stars, yet would not move back to the small town under any circumstances.

I Nearly Forgot

It is Friday. This is music. Thus, this is your Friday Music Selection. You must listen and enjoy. The Obamassariat decrees it so.

Kerouac

I rolled out of Dubuque on old US Highway 52. The pavement rode the bluffs along the river; curving and climbing the Iowa coast. After about 30 miles the road turned east and I crossed the Mighty Missippi on a grated narrow bridge. I sloped across the northwest corner of Illinois seemingly alone on the highway. I turned on the baseball game and for a while felt transported to a time I never knew. I took a one block detour to see the birthplace of Wild Bill Hickok ( who wouldn't) before turning onto the interstate. I picked up U.S. 24 before rejoining US 52 near the heavily guarded Indiana border (just checking to see if you are paying attention). I eventually got home.  It was another day driving the heartland. It was yet another thousand mile week. I like my job. I don't mind the travel; the being away from home. It is the hours of windshield time each week that are sucking my life away. Thirty-four thousand plus miles since the beginning of the year is too much driving time. I get three more states at the first of the year.

The same, only different

My posts this week have been a lot like the weather, remarkably banal.  At least the weather is pleasant. I don't suppose my efforts are disagreeable, rather more akin to dry white toast.  Perhaps my automotive excursion today will provide the necessary chipped beef gravy, or blog fodder, if you prefer, to make the postings palatable.

Dang, now I'm thinking of gravy, and I'm suddenly jonesing for some biscuits and sausage gravy. Mmmm, gravy....

riveting

The sunrise is fantastic on this chilly fall morning. The day looks to be warm this afternoon. After yesterday's lackluster blogging performance you might think I would put up a strong offering today by way of atonement. You would be wrong.

Yesterday was my daughter's birthday. I plan on mowing the yard after work. Two multiplied by itself equals four. It is trash day. The granddaughter is here, she all stuffed up with a little baby cold. That does not stop her from smiling at me though. Mundane stuff.

I'll keep it short so you don't waste any more time. Have a great Tuesday.

Been there, seen that

Stuff that cracks me up:

A Chihuahua in Mexico -- Costa Maya 2015

Yo quiero Taco Bell?

I'm just a ball on Fate's billiard table

I feel awful. I forgot about you this morning. I could blame work or life. That would be a lie. The plain fact is I have nothing of interest for you or me. You will have to carry on without me. Maybe later.

Dear Girl at the Donut Shop

it serves no purpose to wear those plastic gloves to keep your germs off my donuts if you are going to wear them all of the time, like working the register when I pay for said donuts.

I will overlook the hygienic transgression because your donuts are so very, very, good.

Quit yer cryin' NOLA

Reunion Island once got 72 inches of rain in a 24-hour period. For my fellow history majors out there, that is six feet of rain in one day.

 Katrina dropped 8-10 inches of rain on New Orleans.

Today

I almost always have a post on December 7 about Pearl Harbor. Most years I recognize Memorial Day and Veteran's Day. Each year I am increasingly reluctant to write a tribute about 9/11. I'm sure an analyst could get to the root of the matter. Perhaps it is just the media saturation in the days leading up to the anniversary of that fateful day. There will not be a 9/11 memorial post this year either.

I have a post swirling in my brain about our blindness to the threat of Islamic Terrorism on 9/10/2001 and the Democrats who just armed our Iranian enemies -- ironically on 9/10. Once again my senator, Joe Donnelly, proves he thinks he is in Washington to represent the Democrat Party, not the people of Indiana.

Postcard from the road

Well I made it down to Springfield. The weather is great. I have to see a couple of customers this morning so I don't think I will have time to visit with Homer and Marge. I may or may not go out by the battlefield before hitting the road back home.

The drive down was uneventful. It rained on and off until I reached St Louis.  I listened to the end of an audiobook and started another before switching over to the baseball game. The Cubs bullpen blew the game in the eighth and let me tell you, the Cardinals broadcasters were going wild. I listened to radio music for the last hour of the trip.

I have to jump in the shower and see what the hotel has for breakfast. Then back on the road.

Hope to see you soon,

Joe

Lying liars and the lies they tell

Hillary's latest excuse is that illegally keeping Government email on her private server was OK because the State Department said it was OK. She claimed this in an AP interview on Monday. Too bad the reporter did not follow up with the unstated and obvious point -- Clinton was the Secretary of State at the time. That means Hillary Clinton was IN CHARGE of the State Department. It was only "Okay" because she said it was.

If Clinton did nothing wrong why is that server wiped clean? Why did she refuse to turn it over for months? I keep thinking of Nixon's blank tapes....too bad Democrats cannot muster the same outrage they managed in 1972.

Let my people go

The locusts are in the trees, telling the world they are as randy as a teenager. Their chirping song is the insect version of Frankie crooning at Annette out on the beach. I hear them every year at this point in the season and think nothing of it -- until the events of last night.

I had thawed some chicken breasts for supper yesterday. We spent the afternoon at Lowes, Menards, and Home Depot sizing up and pricing  various options and colors for full view storm doors. We did not buy anything because the one of us not named Joe cannot make a decision. After which, we came home. I plopped on the couch to watch the Cubs give a smack-down to the evil Cardinals. The wife decided to mosey down to the mall to look for some jeans or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Sometimes when she talks it is as if I am Charlie Brown and she is the teacher. She stayed late at the mall and called to tell me she did not want grilled chicken for dinner and let us meet down at Scotty's Brewhouse on 96th Street. We did. She ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. I said nothing about that.*

The wife wanted me to follow her to Target to look at a crib. As I got in my car to come home I could see some critter perched on my wiper blade barely visible in the last remaining twilight. I thought at first it was a locust, but closer examination showed it to be a wee frog. How it got there, I don't know. I was not parked anywhere near a tree nor water. As I turned onto the street he moved around and perched on my window, just behind the mirror to avoid the slipstream. When we got to Target I parked next to the wife and showed her the frog/toad on my window. She too thought it weird. I pried him off and put him by the cart rack.

We came home watched TV blah, blah this has gone on too long already. Fast forward to eleven-something. I am heading up to bed. I step into the kitchen to get a drink and notice something clinging to the screen on the patio door. Stupid locust I imagine. I walk over and no, it is no locust, no giant moth, but rather a frog! * *  I know. Two frogs are trying to kill me in one day cannot be a coincidence. It must be a plague. Frogs. Locusts. If the water in my little fountain out back turns to blood I'm gonna crap my pants. Did anyone hear tell of the authorities finding a baby floating down the White River in a basket? Are they building pyramids over at Conner Prairie? You decide: paranoia or pattern.




* none of this is relevant but "Dude, I found a frog on my windshield and then later a different one was on my patio door" seems far less interesting and a much shorter post to me. Skip to here next time if you are a Spark Notes kind of guy or gal.

** yes I know both were probably toads, but you have to go with frog for the second plague reference. Sheesh, lighten up, Francis.

i am sure

We have a digital scale in the bathroom. It does not speak, but it does exaggerate and lie every time I step on it.

Next verse same as the first

Remember yesterday's post? You did read yesterday's post, right? Just ignore all of the swimming pool party stuff. Pretend it did not happen because....it did not happen. Our friends live about an hour north and it was cloudy with a strong chance of rain yesterday while today is to be hot and sunny and dry. It is a much better day for swimming and such. Mentally cut and paste the pertinent parts of yesterday's post right here:



You can do the video too if you like.

We ended up going down to the local farmer's market and walking around. We picked up a cobbler and some apple butter and scored some sweet corn. It did cloud up here in the late afternoon, but it did not rain.

Have a good Sunday.

A little of this, a little of that

My granddaughter loves blueberries. She will gobble them down as fast as you can give them to her. Her fondness for blueberries extends to blueberry pancakes and blueberry yogurt. So it is no surprise the wife keeps a stash of blueberries in the 'fridge. I was tempted to snatch a few to put on my Cheerios this morning. Tempted is the key word. I did not do it. Stealing from your kid's piggy bank is one thing, copping the granddaughter's blueberries is a crime of a different level. *

It is nice to have good friends. It is even better when said friends have cool stuff. It is best when those friends let you share in their cool stuff. Our best friends just put in a new in-ground swimming pool. We are off today to take a dip in their new cement pond. We will laugh, drink a few brews, smoke a couple of stogies this afternoon and round the evening with a cookout and some euchre.

Our pool party will be NOTHING like this, but it does give me a reason to put up some gratuitous nudity on a holiday weekend. Click or don't click.

I'm off to the store to get the stuff to make a pasta salad and some lemon bars. I would not go to a cookout or pool party empty-handed. Of course, now the weatherman has changed a forecast that has been predicting no rain today for a week to a chance of rain this afternoon. Must I bring clouds into every life?

It is a holiday weekend, the traditional end of summer. What are you doing on the interwebz? Get out and do something. Shut of that computer, laptop, tablet, or phone. Have some fun.


* it is a joke, relax you micro-offended out there. 

Choices

A few years ago a group of Muslims objected to handling dog food and pork while working as check-out associates at Target. I said do the job, quit, or be terminated. I feel likewise about the Clerk in Kentucky. Gay marriage is the law of the land. You don't have to agree. If handing out marriage licenses to gay couples is morally objectionable, you can quit. There is no other legal choice and refusing to do your job should be grounds for termination. No one is forcing her to break her moral code. She does have an option, not a good option, but an option. It is no different than the Target Store workers.

When the man signs your check, you do what he says or quit. Life works that way.

It is going to be alright

Do not be too disappointed over the quality of today's offering. I went back and read the entries for every September 4th for each year in the archives. Not one of them was remarkable.

Inevitable Return of Friday Music

How about a trip back to the seventies today? I was not a huge Boston fan in my youth, but over time have acquired a better appreciation for their music.

It looks like a good weekend is on tap for the holiday weekend, though hot and humid. I have yard work to do, but plan to relax a bit as well.  How about you? Anything fun planned?

it might be, it could be, Home Run!

Now that we are into September, July weather has arrived. Temps are forecast in the nineties for the next several days. GlobalWarmingClimateChangeWeAreAllGoingToDie zealots will nod their heads sagely. They will wring their hands and exclaim that something, anything, even if it will not change the thermometer one fraction of a degree, must be done. The level-headed among us will just nod and muse that it has certainly been hot in early September in the past. Fret not, Climateers, like the Starks remind us, winter is indeed coming. I hope just not soon.

I went to the doctor this morning. My blood sugar is still too high, but much better. We will increase the dosage of medicine. Thank goodness we are bumping the cheap pill dose, not the expensive Lantus --for now.  This high deductible policy sucks. Thanks Obama and every fucking Congressional Democrat. You have managed to get insurance for a fraction of the uninsured on the back of my policy, premiums, deductibles, and wallet.

It rained buckets yesterday afternoon; so hard the gutters could not handle it. After the rain the temperature was a very comfortable upper seventies, but the humidity was downright Mississippi summer-like.

It is hump day and the long weekend is getting closer. I can't hardly wait. I need a vacation.

Why I hate Peter Frampton

It must have been my freshman year in high school. Frampton's live album was all the rage that bicentennial year. Perhaps it was the winter of '77. I was a scrawny short nothing: the quiet kid in the back row of the advanced English class. The weird kid who turned red whenever a girl spoke to him.

Miss Parker was teaching about poetry. She told how a poem came in many forms from traditional to the plays of Shakespeare to a song. Our assignment was to find a poem that we liked, that spoke to us as a person. We would read our poems to the class.

I had been reading a significant number of books about the Revolutionary War, it was,as I mentioned, the bicentennial. Somewhere I had acquired a thin tome of writings related to the Revolution: Patrick Henry's Liberty or Death speech, essays by Paine, and Emerson's Concord Hymn. Perfect. That was a poem!

The day came. The first girl stood up to read her poem. She read lyrics from a Peter Frampton song. I sat smugly, I had a real poem. Everyone would see how smart I was, finding a poem that marked our country's revolutionary struggles.

The next girl also read lyrics from Frampton Comes Alive. So did the next. A guy read lyrics from another song. My head began to pound. Another girl read song lyrics. Another student read more Frampton. Panic starts slow and builds. At fourteen embarrassment is the worst possible outcome to any situation.  More lyrics. I hated that fucking Frampton guy.

Just a few students left. Look down, Joe. Maybe Miss Parker will forget about you. No. My turn. My brain screams "Turn it to your advantage". I take a superior tone and tell the class I have a "real" poem of historical significance. I read my Emerson. Blank faces stare at me, even Miss Parker has that WTF? look on her face. Oh god, I'm the weird kid. Loser, geek, nerd, spaz, "didja hear about Joe Hoosierboy?", dork.

 The final two or three students read their poems to the class. All read song lyrics, my memory says they read Frampton, but I was in catatonic embarrassment shock. Woe. I was very short. Very skinny. Couldn't play basketball. Read some kind of weird-ass poem in freshman English class. It was going to be a long four years of high school, but I was sure of two things -- I would never ever knowingly take a poetry class in the future and  Peter Frampton was an asshole..

No mas

Is it just me or does anyone else find Flo from Progressive past her usefulness? She has gone from mildly amusing spokesperson to "so annoying I would not buy her insurance if it was free".

Your opinion may vary, but you will be wrong.

English 201Essay-What I did this weekend

Happy Monday, fellow Americans. I have little to report this late summer morning. I had a good and uneventful weekend. I swam in our friends' new pool, drank beer*, smoked stogies**, mowed the lawn, trimmed bushes and shrubs, cleaned up limbs, watered the front lawn, went grocery shopping, ate Mexican food, and watch a gem of a no-hitter.

That about covers it.


* Franziskaner a Munich-based Heffeweizen, Budweiser, Yeungling Lager

** Hoya de Monteray 7x48, El Rey de Mundo Maduro 5x50

Someone gave me the bird

I was watering the flowers last evening. As I opened the gate in the privacy fence to go into the backyard I discovered a dead bird on the stepping stones. It was a robin and I swear it looked like he fell out of the tree. Maybe he got drunk on fermenting fruit from a neighbors apple tree. He was not torn up like a cat had played with him, in fact, he looked like a stuffed bird from an antique store or taxidermy shop. He was stiff, but the flies had not gotten to him yet. Very weird. If someone sends me a dead mackerel, I know what that means. I am unsure about a stiff bird.

Wherein the Author Rambles On in Order to Avoid Doing the Tasks at Hand

Here we are at the close of another week. It is also the end of the month and that means I have the odious task of compiling my expenses. I started to drag out the receipts and put them in order yesterday when I got a call from the office. Top management-types wanted me to come in and offer sales advice. I jumped in the shower and pulled on clothing suitable for the real office, not my home office. To start, real offices require shoes. I suspect they frown on the wrinkled T-shirt from yesterday and shorts, both perfectly acceptable for the home office dress code. In any case, it was nice to be consulted on sales strategy, especially since I am the new guy. Perhaps I was consulted less for my acumen than my proximity to the plant? In other words, I was handy? No, no; I prefer my delusions.

If I get my work done I will need to mow the yard. We have plans for Saturday and it is slated to rain Sunday.What? My you are a Nosey Nellie. We are going to a pool party if you must know. Sorry, you ain't on the guest list.

My daughter and SIL went to see some guys fight Foos last evening so the granddaughter spent the night. It was no big deal, she goes to bed around 7:30 and sleeps through the night, so it amounts to just a few waking hours she was here extra since the wife babysits her during the day anyway. I cannot believe I wrote that convoluted, twisted sentence. How would you like to put a tree on that one back in grammar class? Do they even do sentence trees any more?

We were all set to grill some burgers last night but the gas expired just as I was set to drop the patties. The spuds were already in the oven and I did not have time to get a propane refill. I pan fried them instead. The fresh 'maters from the garden made the meal passable.

Look there, a whole Friday post without a YouTube video. That may be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your particular approbation of these meandering musings. If the combination of letters, words, sentences, and paragraphs was amusing, you won't mind the missing Friday music selection. If your response is more akin to "Geez, I don't care" , then you might have wished for a musical distraction. But what if I had posted something especially heinous like Boy George or Billy Don't be a Hero or Afternoon Delight? In that case, my random bullshit just might not be so bad. It is all relative, dear reader.

Enough

Can we just move on? Hurricane Katrina was a decade ago.

Dear Blog

i have not forgotten about you. My plate is full right now, although my coffee cup is empty. The coffee I can handle. New content here will have to wait.

Your Pal,

Joe

Nothing to it

This is my 5,000th post.

Friken Fraken Bleep

Sometimes you hit a rhythm when you are driving. The miles pass by as you cruise down the highway like [insert race car driver of your choice] is at the wheel. I was in just such a zone on my long trip westward today. That may be why I missed the sign lowering the speed limit to 55. That's why I picked up a ticket for driving 76 in said 55 zone from the polite State Trooper.

Sucks to be me.

Something new

I like to read. I always have. I've read thousands and thousands of books. I read an average of one book a week these days. As a teen, it was probably three or four books a week.  I read every single book in the 900 section at old Samuel P. Kyger elementary. That would be history, geography, and biographies for non-librarian types. I read a whole set of encyclopedias. I have read the Bible and the Koran. I have read all of Louis L'Amour's books and the works of Patrick O'Brian. I've devoured histories of the Zulu Wars, the American Civil War, Napoleon, and both World Wars. But until recently I have read nary a word from William Faulkner.

I picked up for cheap a Kindle collection of his short stories and I am hooked. The man could write a short story. I think I may tackle one of his novels in the near future. It is said some of his novels are similar in style to the unreadable James Joyce. If so, I will be sadly disappointed. Joyce sucks.

Dodging the Drivel

Happy Saturday to you. It looks like a beautiful day here at the old homestead. I'm stifling a few yawns after a somewhat restless night. I have been having strange and vivid dreams every night for  a while now. I usually don't dream, so this is a new thing. I can't usually remember the dream and the fragments that remain in my consciousness make no sense at all, like my fraternity house having my grandma's furniture.  The real point is what is up with all of the dreaming? Where are all of those psych majors with the answers?

The weather has settled into an almost fall-like pattern (the ghost of Hemingway just had a stroke). Overnight lows in the upper 50s and daytime highs in the 70s makes for perfect weather, but remarkably chilly for August. It has been another cool summer here in God's country; climate changers can rant about the hottest summer evah ( or at least in the last 150 years or so) all they want.  When future weathermen talk about future weather, not a single day, week, or month from 2015 will be listed as the hottest on record here. The wettest, certainly, but not the hottest. I bet we have topped 90 but a handful of times. Your weather and climate may vary.

I have rambled and wasted enough of your time. Go enjoy your Saturday.

Ketchup on a hot dog is just wrong

I probably posted this as a Friday music bit previously. I dig this tune. It was either The Animals or an old Mellencamp song you probably never heard unless you owned the LP. Sorry, no Porter Wagner, Teach. I do remember watching Wagner with his magnificent sparkling coats sing along with Dolly Parton and her magnificent...back when I was a kid and the world was broadcast in black and white.

Has this happened to you?

I was sitting on the couch watching the Tigers pound the Cubs pitching when a post wrote itself in my head. It was not about baseball, of that I am certain. What was the content? I haven't a clue this morning. I went to sleep and the dream elves must have wiped the blogging portion of my brain as clean as Hillary Clinton's email server. I don't think the post was about politics. Honestly, I don't know what it was slated to be about (not grammar, based on this sentence).

If you know what I planned on blogging could you remind me?

Getting old sucks.

It is not that hard

i have been posting this for almost a decade. The illegal immigrant problem can be fixed. We don't need mass deportations. We might not need a wall.

1. Fine any employer of illegal workers $100,000 for the first worker, then double it for each worker after. I'm not talking each incident where 4 workers count as one, but each worker doubles the fine. I'm no code writer, but people who are tell me that creating a database of SSNs would not be hard. If a duplicate is found,  the worker has to prove his identity. When I got my new job last November I had to show my ID and Social Security Card.

2. Institute a 20% tax on all money sent to Mexico.

3. The mother must have been a legal resident of the US before an anchor baby gets benefits or can be a citizen. This may take a Constitutional Amendment.

4. No tax refunds, no welfare, no benefits for illegals. Period. No exceptions.

If there are no jobs, into welfare, and it costs a lot of money to send cash home, there is no incentive to stay. Many will head back home or get in line to be here legally.

I will take Hump Day for $200, Alex

The company is closed today for a company outing, so I have the day off work.  That does not mean I won't be working. I have some emails to deal with and some travel arrangements to make for next week's excursions into capitalism. Plus, I am sure the wife has a list as long as her arm of stuff I should be doing instead of whatever I am doing.  It is supposed to rain so many outside chores can be dodged under the threat of being washed out. I think I will milk changing the furnace filter and adding salt to the water softener as real work.

I threw a couple of burgers on the grill for supper last night. Grilled sweet corn, baked beans and tomatoes fresh from my tomato patch rounded out the feast. It was better than a fancy meal from a Michelin-starred eatery in my opinion. We should have eaten out on the patio instead of inside, but that is a minor detail.

My coffee mug needs refilled and I can hear my granddaughter downstairs. If you are looking for a political rant you won't find it in this post.

You pick up the check

When the leftists are not making up a fake war on women they are spend their time fretting about income disparity. What that means is they want to take money from you and give it to those they deem less fortunate, or as Obama termed it, "spreading the wealth". But just like in all communist regimes and socialist Utopias, that means the rulers live in mansions and have special privileges while everyone else waits in line for toilet paper and potted meat product.

The next time Hillary starts ranting about income inequality and one per enters I'd like to see an intrepid reporter ask why doesn't she reduce her income to 110% of the average American income and give the rest to the poor. I'm sure there are shelters and food banks that would love the millions in income.

Instead of yet another vacation on the taxpayers maybe the Obamas could sell the Magnum PI house in Hawaii and give the proceeds to the poor.

Democrats are always good at spending my money and your money. They just like to keep their own. On second thought, I need to change that sentiment. The Washington Republicans are no different. Politicians like to spend your money. Politicians are always claiming they just want to serve the people. Let's make Congress pay $63,000 per year. That is 20% more than the average American family makes ($52k). No lifetime pension. That way we would get representatives who really want to help the people, who will stay a term or two and move back to their real jobs. No more lifers running Washington who don't even live in their State or District anymore.

Where I'd Rather be today

Cozumel, Mexico 2015

Heigh Ho

It is Monday and I have much work piled on my desk. It looks to be nice out, hot and humid already. The air conditioning is steaming the windows as it fights the hot air outside. We had a good weekend and I hope you did too. Perhaps more later.

Do not eat the brown acid

Three days of peace, love, and music. Woodstock was 46 years ago.

I wasn't there, I was only 7 for cripe's sake. Neither were half the people who claimed they were. I bet it was a lot of fun, though.

I would watch my Woodstock DVD this morning but the boy took it to school. I guess it is good he appreciates classic rock. When I was in high school WLS played "oldies". Since my car only had an AM radio, this was one of about four stations worth listening to. This old songs were only 20 or 25 years old in the 1970s. Most of what today is called classic rock is twice as old.

PS: Yes, I know this song was not played at the festival. Yes, CSN's version is better than Joni Mitchell's.

Mindless musings

We are babysitting for the granddaughter this weekend. It is amazing how quickly life's problems -- bills, health, money, work -- disappear when she smiles at me. I was sitting on the patio last night sipping a beer and smoking a cigar as the setting sun painted a few high clouds in pinks and reds and orange. Smoke hung above me in a faint cloud while the little fountain gurgled nearby. The big willow shadowed the back yard with regal flair. I am indeed blessed.

I am sitting in my office recliner this morning typing away at this entry. In the opposite corner, Charlie, my two-foot tall wooden cigar store Indian, stares at me with a stern expression, dreaming and straining with every wooden fibre to chop me to pieces with his little wooden tomahawk. Or perhaps he is naught but a piece of old tree cut and carved and painted for my artistic amusement.

A fake potted plant sits atop my desk, flanked on either side by my humidor and a model of the HMS Victory in full sail. The walls are hung with pictures of Johnny Cash, Wrigley Field, my true lamb skin college diploma, and Lucas Oil Stadium. Three stoneware beer mugs from Germany sit atop the computer cabinet next to the twin of the fake plant from my desk and one of those electronic picture frames loaded with pictures from our trip to Hawaii but turned off.

It is Saturday morning. The coffee is nearly gone. The day is just starting.

To the Batcave!

Yeah, yeah Friday music, no one cares. It is bumped down. I have better, more exciting news. A new donut emporium just opened in the strip mall over on the other side of the highway. The donuts are light and airy and soft and sweet and I want to eat several every day for every meal and get your hands outta that box they are mine, precious...

New people have moved in next door. So far they seem nice. I am somewhat concerned they are planning nefarious activities though. Other than needing a quick escape in the event of a SWAT raid, or sudden early morning attack from rogue Apaches, why would it be necessary to back your mini vans into the driveway? Maybe they are superheroes, poised to save suburbia from rogue student athletes selling discount shopping cards good at local businesses in order to help pay for new football equipment or volleyball knee pads. I don't know. Perhaps they need to get to the donut shop post haste and do not wish to be slowed by all of that tedious backing all the way down their one-car length driveway.

For that matter, what is up with the recent trend of backing into parking places? Back in, back out, you still have to drive in reverse. Assholes driving the wrong way down the aisles in parking lots so they can back in the open space are just a step above left lane lallygaggers in the hierarchy of jerk drivers. What is the point?

Groovy

The music is good, but the lyrics? Stitch, witch, ditch -- not exactly brilliant rhymes.

I confess, beyond three or four songs aI am not much of a Donovan fan. I did write about his music previously, in a roundabout fashion.l. I suppose it is the "head back to college" season that made me think of that old post from back in 2010.

In any case this lessor-known Donovan tune is your Friday music.

Dear GOP

...your strategy of positioning as Democrat-lite and turning your back on conservatism has won the popular vote in exactly one Presidential election in the past 24 years. Reagan's conservative platform won two landslide elections.

Facts are indeed stubborn things.

4985

Is it just me or has this place become stale? I think I need to change the template or something. Perhaps a new name? What? A new writer you say. Har har. This is my 4,985th post. I have been at this strange compulsion for ten years and 4 months. If my history-major math holds true that is right at 40 posts a month. Oh,I know some of you have been at it longer, a few post more often, most write better content. 5,000 seems like a nice round number. Maybe that is the change I need.

Humpity Hump

It looks to be a bright and sunny summer morning outside. I can only base my assessment on visuals since I have yet to venture outside. I am about to jump into the shower and head down to the hotel lobby for my powdered eggs or oatmeal or whatever offering looks the most appetizing.

I have a couple of customers to see this morning and afternoon then a long boring drive home. That is not a complaint, merely a statement of facts.

On Fox News they are talking about a convicted murderer in California who is about to get a sex change operation at taxpayer expense. Doctors say the prisoner will kill him/herself without the surgery. Part of me thinks society might be better off without this individual adding to carbon dioxide levels and causing global warming. Certainly the taxpayers will. I suspect the family of the person he murdered would agree.

I'm offended you find everything so offensive

A woman ran the London Marathon in April while on her period. I bet many did. But Kiran Gandhi did it sans tampon or pad. Why? Because tampons are misogynistic or something. She is tired of period shaming. Whatever that is. She is mad you won't sit around at work and share feelings with her about her period. I'm not making this up. I wish I was.

Gandhi told Cosmopolitan she thinks the social constructs around periods are based on misogyny. 

"I have this vision that if men had their period, because we are in a male-privileging society, that rules would be written into the workplace, rules would be written into the social fabric that enable men to take a moment when they need to or enable people to talk about their periods openly," she said  Link

Seriously, wearing a tampon is a sign of female oppression? I'm trying hard these days to reduce the amount I swear, but what the fuck? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and a body function is just biology. I don't sit around and talk about my latest dump, or the scab I picked off my knee when I meet a customer. I do not want to hear about his chunky vomit or her monthly flow. I know it is modern culture, but we don't have to share everything. "Say, Jim, I shat a turd so big last night I thought it would rip apart my butthole."  Even Joan Rivers would have refused a talk about your period.

In other news, Target will no longer label departments as "boys" or "women" and will no longer separate stock based on gender because...well for reasons I don't understand. If little Jenny asks why the Legos are stocked over by the toy cars I would just say that is where the store keeps them and that answer would serve 999,999 kids out of 1,000,000. Once again we see a segment of society actively searching for reasons to be offended.

Guess what, men and women are different. Why don't we all just dress in a Mao uniform and be done with it? I find pinto beans, rap music, the Toyota Prius, and wearing pajamas bottoms to WalMart offensive. I don't insist these things be banned from society.

Under Pressure

Here we are on a bright and inviting Monday morning. The start of a new week. Our prospects are inviting. Optimism is high.

And I have nothing to offer you. I paid the gas bill this morning. Ooh ahhh. I'm going into the office for a while later today. Wow. The sheer excitement that makes up my life is overwhelming.

I'm alive and relatively  healthy. The coffee is hot and strong. The chocolate chip cookies the wife baked last night are sweet and chewy. Bumble bees are buzzing about the rose of Sharon outside the front door while a hummingbird hovers nearby. Lack of blog content isn't high on my list of worries. After all, I have managed to string letters in to words and words into semi-coherent sentences, and like a magician yanking a kicking bunny from a beaver hat, I have indeed conjured a meager post. This effort may not be witty, full of meaningful political content, or riveting prose, but it is a fair example of what a conversation with me would be Like this morning.

I hope you have a great day.

Liar, Liar

Yesterday I cut down a cedar tree and trimmed the branches and cut the trunk into manageable hunks.  Then I cut, chopped, hoed, and hand tilled about half the ground cover. No one asked, cajoled, or guilted me into working. It just needed done. No cigar, no book, no cold brew on the patio, just a lot of darn hard toil in the summer sun. But today...

Lazy

For the first time in months we have nothing scheduled for this weekend, as far as I know. Better yet, the yard is mowed and the house is reasonably clean. I'm sure the wife will conjure some project. The idea of sitting around with nothing to do is foreign to her. But I intend to resist her efforts to budge me out of the recliner or off the patio. I may take a walk or water the flowers, but I am not going to get into cutting down more trees or digging out the pernicious ground cover the previous owners planted under the big willow. I don't want to clean out the garage, or power wash the shutters and siding. I intend on smoking a cigar and reading a good book in the afternoon sun. I might take a nap.  Perhaps I will watch an old movie or two. Call me a no good lazy bum, for that is my goal today.

My take on the GOP debates

Bugs remains my favorite cartoon character and this episode in particular is a classic. There are so many funny things flashing by I still see new gags every time I watch it. I offer up some Looney Tunes in lieu of Friday Music. If you are really jonesing for some Foghat you can skip over to YouTube.

I did not watch the debates. Absurd and pointless theater has no attraction for me.

Thursday Liner Notes

I was set to pen a long post about Planned Parenthood last evening as I stared at the walls of this week's Hampton Inn. I even started research and writing. I ended up deleting it. You either understand the selling of baby parts is wrong or you don't. Nothing I write that no one reads is going to change the situation.  Can anyone explain why Democrats are against making birth control an over-the-counter medication?

I have had the weirdest dreams for the past several nights, unbelievably detailed and vivid. When I wake the substance of the dream fades as quickly as the hole a pebble makes when you toss it into a pond, but the idea that the dream was there is as tangible as the ripples on the water. Strange, I rarely dream and doing so multiple nights in a row is unusual.

Windshield time is not conducive to a positive outlook on life. I-70 in particular seems to wear me down and over the decades I have found this true of the roadway no matter what part of the country it traverses, perhaps because it is mostly a straight slash across the center of the nation. The highway seems to be a weird dividing line for weather; above gets snow, below does not or below sees rain, above the road none. It also seems to be an almost modern Mason-Dixon Line dividing cultures and dialects. I know this to be somewhat true in Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois. I am not sure if the pattern holds sway in other parts of the country. It is also quite likely the whole idea is a figment of my imagination. Anyway, from Harrisburg to Kansas City and beyond the road is boring unattractive and dull. How US 40, which covers pretty much the same exact ground can be so much more interesting is beyond me. Of course the old National Road will take you twice as long to get you where you are going.

I think that is enough mundane, incoherent, soporific scribbling for today. Who in the heck writes whole paragraphs and posts about highways? It's a road.

I'm Full of It

Recently the wife scored some big T-bone steaks on sale. These babies would have tempted a vegetarian. They were an inch thick and weighed in at about a pound each. I soaked some fresh sweet corn in water then threw it on the grill in the husk beside the steaks. I baked a couple of spuds and sliced a red and a yellow tomato straight out of my tiny garden.  I managed to cook the beef perfectly. It was a gut busting feast fit for a king. Were I a poet, I would pen an ode to that summer supper. I ate until I thought I would explode like Mr. Creosote.

After dinner the wife and I sat on the patio enjoying the mild evening. I came in and cleaned the mess while she pruned some flowers. Then I watered the tomatoes and flowers behind her. Since I had over-eaten at supper there was only one remedy: dessert. I cut up some strawberries and served them over slices of pound cake. The wife had whipped cream. I opted to soak the mess in milk. Shut up I like it that way. 

I fell asleep on the couch in a gluttonous haze.  Yes, this is reason 1,411 you wish you were me.

What's for breakfast?

Enough about the stupid dead lion already.

Learn something, damn it

I get it. Long summer breaks lead to retention issues in the schools. Teachers have to spend weeks teaching what the kids learned the previous spring. School grades and administrator and teacher evaluations depend on the students getting up to speed. I don't care. August 1 is too early to head back to school.

When I reflect on my youth almost every happy memory is from the summer: vacations, bike rides, cruising, swimming, summer camp, baseball, drive-in movies. Many years we did not go to summer camp until August. The Little League World Series and the State Fair haven't even happened yet.This year we have had such a wet and cool summer I bet the kids feel like they never even had a break.

It is important our kids get an education. They also need time to be kids.

Dear Politicians

If that rule, regulation, or law you propose really was "just common sense" then we really would not need legislation to force us to comply.

It will be just like floating the Amazon, only different

It looks to be a fine day here in the Hoosier Heartland. This afternoon we will sally forth to attend the company picnic. The festivities will begin with a canoe trip followed by a catered affair. It looks like it will be in the mid 80s and low humidity for the event. I can live with that.

I'm no stranger to a canoe. We owned one when I was a kid. As a young Boy Scout I earned the canoeing merit badge. One year the troop took a week-long canoe trip down the Wabash a River in lieu of going to a sanctioned summer camp. We had great fun. I used to be able to pilot an 18 foot canoe solo with ease. I imagine the old skills remain, I have not been in a canoe for a couple of decades at this point. We shall see. Unless one of my fellow employees rams us or my wife leans us over, I am confident I can make the trip without soaking more than my shoes. That is my intent anyway.

Rain is forecast this week so I will probably try to get the yard mowed after the picnic. That is unless I am too tired or just do not want to. I hope you have a good Sunday.

Stale donuts suck

Good morning blog world. I ventured forth this morning to procure some donuts for breakfast. I was somewhat disappointed and just a little miffed to find my first cinnamon twist more than a bit stale. One would think that the donuts at 6:30 in the morning should be fresh and soft. I went to the higher priced local joint instead of the big chain. My Dunkin' Donuts are always fresh. i tossed that donut, but the second choice (old fashioned cake) was only marginally better. I guess the donut chef came in late today, so I got yesterday's creations. That's what I get for going early.

Stale donuts are but an inconvenience on this otherwise beautiful day.

Ps confidential to Fuzzy: it is impossible to comment at your site. You are in my prayers during these tough times.

WTF?

I find it sad that more people are angry over a doctor killing a lion than a doctor harvesting and selling baby body parts.

What the fuck is wrong with you America?

Friday at last

Is it just me or has this been the longest week ever? Seriously, did the managers of the Matrix sneak in an extra day?

Sing along if you know the words

One of the few songs to which I know all of the lyrics

Not today, Donnie

Do not screw with me today. I am completely out of coffee. Not a stray K-cup to be found.

Dear Tom Brady

You should have paid more attention in history class. Watergate was a trivial crime that exploded because of a bumbling cover-up too.

BTW if you take it to court, the NFL and its lawyers WILL then have supoena power, do you think those former Patriots employees have any incentive to keep quiet now that they have been fired?

Not like the GoGos

I'm on vacation today. Just today. Not at the beach, or Vegas, or the Grand Canyon (still never been there, Otter).  I'm off to move the boy to a different apartment down at the university. Four years, four different abodes. He always claims he has packed, then we find half the stuff is lying lose. Thus more trips when stuff does not go into the car efficiently. Blah, blah. Such is life. Anyway that is how I'm going to spend my summer vacation.

In and around the lake

Really Chicago Cubs? Did that just happen? How can you get swept by the Phillies, clearly the worst team in baseball (unless they are playing at Wrigley). You are now responsible in the course of a weekend for more than 20% of Philadelpphia's road wins.  This was the stretch you were going to solidify your wild card run. Must you break my heart every year?

After last evening's heavy rains this July has now become the wettest month ever in Indy. The average July sees a little over 4 inches of rain and we have topped 13 with more rain on tap this week. I suspect some are going to blame it on global warming/climate change/aardvark farts but he previous wettest month was in the 1870s. How do the AlGorites explain that? Do you know how I account  for the rainy summer? Weather.

I have my monthly expense report to do today, one of my least favorite job tasks. It always has been. But when you travel on someone else's dime they want an accounting and rightly so.

Have a great Monday.

It is like one of those 500 pound fatties on TLC lecturing us on overeating

Multimillionaire Hillary Clinton says capitalism needs a reset. She is complaining that  we need controls on those who are quick turnaround investors on Wall Street. I can only guess she is talking about the kind of investor who tales $1000 and magically turns it into $100,000 in cattle futures?

Say, isn't Hillary's son-in-law a Wall Street type? I bet those Wall Street makes too much money and anti-capitalism rants make for great entertainment when she and Bill have the "kids" over for dinner.

What next, is Bill Clinton going to lecture us on fidelity in marriage?

I dunno

"Quick Timmy, go get help. Lassie has fallen into a well".

I think we know how that would have worked out. Timmy was an idiot.

Back in the 80s

Most Friday music selections are whatever pops up on my iPhone. This is no exception.

If you were at a bar in the Midwest in the late 1970s or 1980s you probably saw Henry Lee Summer. After he signed with Epic Records Summer had a few modest hits, but the label tried turn him into a ballad singer a la Michael Bolton. Anyone who ever experienced the frantic energy of Ol' Henry Lee knows that is not who he is as a performer. I will argue that Henry Lee Summer is quite possibly one of the best entertainers I have seen live. He is right up there with Springateen for sheer entertainment. I think this video shows what I mean.  The first time I saw him Henry started the show by leaping from a tower speaker. I think that was in Lafayette, IN in a bar near Purdue University, maybe; it was more than 30 years ago for Pete's sake.

This tune was his biggest hit, but he did do some film vocals as well.

Yesterday and Today

For those of you playing along with the Home Version, here are the numbers in order:

38,47,231,74,80,380,20,29...29,229,29,680,80

It is not much of a mystery. I suspect just about any atlas could put you on he road to victory.

What I see

The sky is pale blue and splattered with dirty white clouds. The twin ribbons of the highway stretch westward into the distance, the long straight sections broken by occasional gentle curves. Dotless dashes mark the center line in an endless Morse O O O O. Beside the road, files and columns of straight tall green corn stocks tipped in gold stand sentinel beside fields of low,lush, humble soy beans.  The speakers blare music and talk and sports and music and baseball and music again.  A half finished bottle of water sits warm in the door. Occasional clumps of cattle stare at the horizon, chewing earnestly. Overpasses and underpasses recede in my rear view mirror as the odometer and dash clock mark the miles and minutes.  The tires hum. The soft leather of the seat becomes hard torture on my rump. I realize, had I headed south, I could be at the beach, instead of gazing at windswept uncompromising prairie. Exit and entrance ramps offer sincere untaken opportunities to explore, to change the destination, to extend an already interminable trip. I drive on, into the evening.

Being Willie Loman

According to the television the overnight rains have made this July the 4th wettest month ever. Add in a rainy June and it has not been a great summer weather wise. On the other hand, the lawn is green and he flowers have flourished.

The perpetually aggrieved continue to try and destroy Stone Mountain in Georgia. The quest to create a perfect world continues. Soon we will have to all wear matching smocks and paint our identical houses beige so that no one is ever offended by anything again. Hey, a guy named Richie McDonald once bullied me in elementary school, I want all McDonald's closed.

I'm about to plant my butt into my VW and head west to charm a gaggle of customers. I will get to share the road with bad drivers, distracted drivers, and idiots who can't understand the left lane is for passing.  Eleven plus hours of I states (Indiana, Illinois, Iowa) does not make for scenic excitement. While I find a certain beauty in the flat farmland, the green corn topped with golden tassels, the tall elevators dotting the distant horizon and the quaint towns with once vibrant shopping, a few hours is enough. But I have a good job and once again I will be privileged to see the America many don't even know exists.

Have a great Tuesday.

Stuff

Summer finally made a brief appearance Saturday along with his companions heat and humidity. We climbed into the car to head to a picnic/ family reunion.  Now this is not a reunion in the sense you picture. The family is so small we can meet in my mom's living room. Thee were 11 people there and an additional ten or so would encompass every living member of my mother's family counting first and second cousins. all three of my kids made it, along with my granddaughter. My SIL had a company function to attend. The youngest spent the weekend at home. On Sunday I watched the granddaughter for a few hours.

A good weekend for me, a boring post for you

The Donald

So long and good riddance to the Trump campaign. No matter your feelings on John McCain's politics, he was a hero. Few of us could have survived physically or mentally what he experienced in the Hanoi Hilton.

Trump had no chance anyway, but his inability to filter his words has become a liability the campaign can not overcome.

Reality hurts

After reading most of the blogs over there on the right, along with countless others that are dead and closed, it occurs to me I am not very good at this hobby. Syntax, spelling and editing prove my case almost daily.

Quality trumps quantity every time.

Quick hits

Once again we see efficacy of gun free zones

I am willing to bet the Koran had as much, if not more, to do with he the Chattanooga murders as the Confederate battle flag was responsible for the killings in Charleston

I say we bring back dot-to-dot books. Current news readers seem unable to connect dots any more.

The sooner they fry that SOB from Denver the better.

I always said Barack was the next Jimmah Carter. The Iranians just proved it. This is two Presidential suckers they have humiliated.

If, as liberals screamed in the wake of Arizona passing strict immigration laws, the Federal law is superior to local or state law, how can so-called Sanctuary Cities thwart Federal Immigration Law?

Sorry, so much for a no politics Friday

About perfect for this Friday

Paging Dr Mengele

No matter where you stand on the abortion issue, harvesting of baby organs for sale is sick and disgusting - not to mention illegal. This practice has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with a woman's reproductive rights. It is tantamount to grave robbing for human experiments.

Those of you who support Planned Parenthood should do a little research into Margaret Sanger and her goals for the organization she helped found. Funny, many of the same liberals chanting "black lives matter" also support Planned Parenthood.

In this case I am one to judge. If you support the harvest and sale of fetal body parts you are sick, twisted, and evil. Your very existence is repugnant and I resent you wasting good oxygen.

More coal, less ethanol

Scientist have warned that sun activity and cycles will cause a mini ice age to hit the Northern hemisphere in the next 15-20 years. I think there are forces of nature we puny humans can not even fathom. What if the buildup of greenhouse gases that leaves the "we are all gonna die" climate change believers in a tizzy is just Earth's way of protecting itself from another ice age? In any case, the massive heating that should have started years ago (waiting, waiting, tapping my foot impatiently) just could offset the cold spell planned by old Sol. 

Look, warm is better than cold. Plants grow better. Food is more abundant. Plus being cold sucks, just ask anyone who has not yet moved south for the winter. I say we fire up those coal plants, drive the heck out of your SUVs, bring back Freon.  Each of us should strive to have a carbon footprint the size of Bigfoot. We all know what happens if it gets too cold. Santa will have to cancel Christmas and Ted Koppel, the elf who wants to be a dentist, just might not save Rudolf and thus Christmas this time.

Negotiations

Geez, at first blush it appears as if a brand new purchasing agent straight out of college could have negotiated a better deal for the US with Iran.  I have negotiated millions of dollars in contracts in my day and I am clearly confused. It looks like Kerry and company gave the farm to the Iranians. I'm still not sure what we got in return, the ability to ask for inspections?

What the heck, if this was a purchasing contract the Iranians would have received 10 years to supply product with the ability to raise prices at will and to change specifications whenever they wanted.

Why is it Obama's speech this morning had a distinct Neville Chamberlin flavor?

A Lesson Learned

Today is Bastille Day in France, their Independence Day. Why should you care if you live elsewhere?  You shouldn't beyond the lesson the French Revolution provides as  example of what happens when Leftist get in charge. Do not take my word for it, do a little research.

In the drive to make everyone equal, all were brought to the lowest common denominator. One was forced to dress as the modern equivalent of a street dweller, nice clothes being a sign you were aristocracy.  Eventually, you either publicly agreed with the most extreme groupthink or you lost your head. The Revolutionaries went after churches, businessmen, landlords, and the rich nobles. Neighbor denounced neighbor for the slightest of squabbles.  Lack of sufficient Revolutionary fervor, or evidence you failed to be a revolutionary before the revolution was enough to cost you your life. Words uttered months or years before cost a trip to Madame Guillotine.

Eventually, like all leftist Utopias since, the French Republic consumed itself. Only a strong dictator was able to hold it all together. The French replaced a King with an Emperor. For the US, this worked out great. The cost of the Napoleonic Wars forced France to sell off great chunks of their Empire and we gained most of the land west of the Mississippi through the Louisiana Purchase.

It is interesting to note how much the great leftist revolutions have in common. The French Revolution, The Bolshevik Revolution, Mao's Great Leap Forward, Castro's Cuban Revolution all included a purge of societies' educated, clergy, business leaders, and wealthy. Anyone who failed to toe the leftist line wound up decidedly dead. All of these great Revolutions started as a means to freedom for the common man and ended in a bloody reign of terror. In every case life after the revolution was less free than under the regime that came before.

Thank goodness that could never happen here, that Obama's mentor would never advocate concentration camps for conservatives, that climate change believers would want to jail "deniers", that so-called hate speech could become a crime...

It is a new week

I missed the memo, what event, video, symbol, or action is supposed to leave me in speechless outrage this week?

Choose your adventure

Here we are on Monday morning. I wish I had something pertinent, amusing, or interesting to share with you today. You don't care about my supper last night, nor my nap after my late morning walk. I have zero, zip, nada for content at this point in time. Some would argue that has been the case for more than a decade.

I keep seeing pairs of animals lurking in the neighborhood

A wave of serious thunder boomers moved through in the middle of the night. Nothing severe, but loads of rain, lightning, and thunder. Yesterday was sunny and humid. It looks like we will back to rain rain rain again this week, starting with the early morning storms. I thought my neighbor was building a new deck. Now I'm not so sure; it is starting to look like a giant boat. Does he know something I don't?

In a couple of weeks I will have more 'maters than I can eat

I don't know about you, but I slept better knowing the Confederate battle flag no longer exists beyond  dusty museums. Racism and hate are finally erased from American soil!

What? Oh well, I am certain another inanimate object is to blame.

But it is Saturday and it is not raining, so it is indeed a great day, previous sarcasm aside. More rain is set to arrive tonight and continue all week yet again. I don't care what the calendar says, May is now in its third rainy month here in the Midwest. Look at the Wabash, Ohio, Mississippi, and Missouri rivers; all swollen and in flood. We have plenty of water here in Red State dominated flyover country. That is clear proof God hates the heathen liberals in California and loves conservative states. As usual Illinois gets a free ride.

The granddaughter spent the night and her morning smiles makes my day complete. My coffee mug is empty and I don't see any of you bringIng around refills, so I am off to get replenished and some breakfast. Have a great day blog readers.

I don't know what it means

Friday music. Try it, you will like it.

As told to me by an aging participant on his deathbed

It was in the early 1970s and Nixon had announced a general withdrawal from Vietnam. The Military Industrial Complex was in a general panic. After a decade of record profits, the slowing of the war machine was going to hurt business. Something had to be done.

The delegates met at Camp David, no public site could contain such a secret gathering. The President, leading politicians from both parties, mob bosses, CEOs from Rand and General Dynamics among others,, leaders from the Teamsters and the AFL-CIO, bankers, and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs were all invited. The Hippies and Peaceniks were not on the guest list. For three days men bullied, browbeat, argued, and compromised. The end plan was brilliant. All fifty Governors of the States were brought in small groups to gain their support and agreement under the threat of strikes, funding cuts, base closures, and political ruin. Some claim it was Howard Hughes who developed the scheme, his last act of genius before paranoia and insanity crept in. In any case all in attendance agreed with the plan. No lawyers drew up contracts, no documents were signed. Everyone could see the benefits. Every one would profit, no one would suffer.

Four sites were chosen, discreet but near major transportation arteries. The best engineers at Cincinnati Milicron went to work designing the giant injection molding machines. Scientist at the oil companies collaborated on the plastic compound.  The trucking companies, the unions and the Mafia worked on logistics. The military handled security. Just 21 months later production began.

The big injection molding presses hummed and hissed. Molds spat out hundreds a shift. Robots applied reflective decals and vetted workers oversaw it all. Every week a shipment went to a given State in a rotating list based on the geographic size and miles of roadways of that State. The orange construction barrel was born.

The states tried storing them, selling them, grinding them up for playgrounds and asphalt base, but the shipments still came, year after year; thousands and tens of thousands until only one thing was left to do. No one knows which state DOT thought of the solution first, but soon all fifty states followed suit. Mile after mile of lanes would be closed on the interstates, orange barrels placed every ten feet, providing storage for the never ceasing supply. The solution was brilliant, it looked like progress on the highways, even though nothing is ever done, and each night a select few orange barrels would be destroyed by passing vehicles, demanding a replacement.

And that, my friends is how a secret cabal came together to ensure your trip is plagued by mind-numbing traffic delays and your lingering impression of America's highways is not the roadside attraction, the Teepee Hotels, the Giant Peach, the world's largest rubber band ball, but rather an unending succession of orange barrels. And the secret plants continue to produce the barrels. Sometimes, on a silent summer night you can hear the thump of hydraulics as the mold halves spit yet another orange barrel.

OMG

The "vast right wing conspiracy" is back. Politics aside do we really want to deal with the Clinton's and the scandals?

Because

...I never left Jr High humor-wise some things just crack me up.  Today, while traversing the wilds of Missouri,  I followed a car with this on its license plate:

TNI COX

perhaps the driver was proud his maleness was tiny. Otherwise, I would have told the BMV hell no.

I could complain, but why bother?

I hope you have a glorious day. Me, I made other plans.

Emperor of Terra Firma

When I become King of the World, Arbiter of Good Taste, and Prince of Land and Sea I shall decree that the Monday following a long holiday or vacation shall be a shortened work day, six hours instead of eight, so that one can ease back into the turmoil.

I am certain! based on this modest proposal alone, the public is already readying petitions to hasten my coronation as Supreme Potentate.

Yep

I hope you had a great 4th of July celebration. I did. The day was filled with food and laughs and beer and cigars and sangria and fireworks.

God bless America. I love this country.

In Congress...

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,

--That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

I miss you playing with fire

The Rolling Stones will be Indy tomorrow. My youngest is attending with some of his buddies. Alas, I will not be going. Since I am friendless and my wife hates the Stones, I have no one to go with me, even if I had the money for the ducats. Instead, I will live vicariously through the Boy.

Hey Teacher was able to see the band in KC last week. He had a request for this week's Friday Music, but I think Mick and the boys said it best when they explained that you can't always get what you want. I'm an ass like that and it probably explains why no one will go to the concert with me. Instead, I will present a double feature of two of my favorite Stones tunes. I hope these are a suitable compromise:

This is an old one, and not as well known as some other hits

This is my favorite song by the Rolling Stones. I can no longer sing along with an out-of-tune falsetto to the chorus, but when my kids were little I used to sing this song to put them to sleep as I shuffled around the house. No traditional lullabies for my kids.  That is probably why they all dig classic rock.

Be safe and don't blow off any fingers exploding your fireworks.

The wires in the Matrix are crossed

The world is a better place today.  "The Dukes of Hazard" has been banished from the airwaves.  This bothers me less than you might imagine.  I never cared for the program. If it was cancelled due to acting, content, writing! or plot I could be on board, but no, the evil Stars and Bars painted on the roof of a car might damage someone's sensibilities.

Seriously, is there no end to this silliness?

I'm starting to feel as if I am completely out of step with modern society. It is not like I'm some old codger pining for the good old days, rather I think I'm in some alternate universe.  Sobe tea puts humerous sayings on he inside of their bottle caps.  One said " help I'm  trapped in a tea factory". Several people read the quip and actually called the police. 

Actual Civil War  historical sites are removing Confederate flags. Russia is going to try and recover the Balkan States, America is trying to help Iran get nukes, one of the presidential candidates broke the law by using a private server, our debt level is approaching that of Greece, and all we care about is whether peas should be part of guacamole.

I think I'm a modern Robinson Crusoe, stranded alone on an island and surrounded by a sea of insanity.

Yippee

I feel like I went a couple of rounds with Apollo Creed this morning.  Lack of sleep will have that effect. I hit the mattress at the usual time; around 11;30 or so. My eyes popped open at a little after three when my old pal insomnia started bouncing on the bed. He poked and prodded and pestered until I gave in. We watched an old Andy Hardy movie together and I finally tried to go back to sleep at 5:30.  My bladder and an aching head got me up again for he day at 6:50. Here we sit sipping coffee and watching the beginning of a glorious day. Thank goodness I don't have to drive anywhere.

Summer rerun

The shoes hurt my feet. I was a bit aggravated. I had to tell one of my buddies he should not be drinking beer in church. He did not see the problem. I told him the Catholics may not mind, but the Methodists had issues with alcohol in the church. I was half irritated because I wanted one of those beers myself.

I had been in an argument with some other people who wanted to mess with my car. Permanent marker does not come off of windows.

The whole thing was becoming a real pain. I cut myself shaving. The photographer annoyed the shit out of me with the stupid poses. Everyone wanted to talk to me tell me this or that, tell me a story or anecdote from their own experience.

I was pissed because I was standing there waiting. I have little patience now. I had less then. Otter was there. So were some other buddies. Finally the ladies came through the doors, things were finally moving.

I could not help smiling when she came through the door at last. She was beautiful: freckles and all. Her hair, her dress, all looked great. My irritation vanished as the organ switched tunes and the audience stood. Even though this all happened twenty-three years ago*, I remember many of the details. The minister seemed to drone about the Galatians or some such. We dated six years before we got married, I guess I do have patience when it comes to certain details. At last the deed was done. We were off to the reception and then the best part -- the honeymoon!

Here I sit, twenty-three years later and I remain married. I am short tempered, I find myself incredibly amusing. My hair is graying and maybe even thinning a bit on top, but I really do not care to investigate. Bifocals are on my nose, my gut has grown. I fart a lot. She sports some gray when she does not keep her hair dyed. Her vision is getting bad too. She cannot decide if she needs longer or shorter arms to read a menu. She thinks she is fat. She complains about getting old. I still think she is beautiful and sexy. Some days I look at her and I am filled with desire. I thank God for her every day -- even those when she pisses me off. I suspect I anger her far more than she does me.

I wanted to post a picture from that day, but my scanner is again on the fritz. Trust me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world standing there in the Methodist Church -- June 30, 1984. I am a lucky man.

* I first posted this back in 2007. Today makes 31 years.

Dear Mr President

So, if you had your way companies would be forced to pay overtime to salaried workers making $50K or less. I will cover this again; businesses do not exist to provide jobs. They exist to make money and would do away with all employees if possible. Would I like to be paid for every hour I worked? Sure. What will happen is that starting salaries will drop, or fewer employees will be hired.

Your onerous healthcare system and the hundreds of regulations, and increases in energy costs due to EPA mandates have added to the cost of business, stagnating wages. If you had ever run a business larger than a lemonade stand you would understand that.

Do not kayak in flood waters you idiots

We find ourselves at the start of yet another work week. I'm breathing and that is a good thing. The rain finally stopped Saturday afternoon and the yard was mostly dry enough to mow on Sunday. I cut the lawn while the wife pulled weeds from the flower beds. We then spent a few hours cutting up branches from the tree we cut down a few weeks ago. By evening I was pooped.

There is a chipmunk scurrying around in the driveway and front yard. It rained over night and looks like it will resume at any time. The wife discovered the rabbits have been chewing her flowers. She was pissed. They ate one big purple one in front. No,I don't know, it had purple flowers. We got stuff that will supposedly smells like dirty diapers, beer farts, and rotten eggs to a bunny and will discourage him from wanting to eat.  We shall see.

Chris Squire, co-founder and bassist from my favorite band Yes died Saturday evening. I am bummed. That dude could make his yellow Rickenbacker sing.

RIP Mr. Squire