A new environemntal movement

Yesterday was a beautiful day. As I was enjoying the sunshine it occurred to me I might not be as accepting of the "green" movement as I should. So, beginning today, I am creating a new initiative. I will not actively solicit contributions. You will not see me hosting infomercials or "walks" or star studded fundraisers. There will be no ribbons, car magnets or rubber bracelets. This will be a quiet protest to save a species. Join in as you see fit.

Sometimes man can be cruel. We have hunted the passenger pigeon and the sea cow to extinction. Massive herds of sperm whales no longer frolic in the ocean waves. Pandas, gorillas and giant squid are nearly extinct. The mighty grizzly once roamed the continent. The Sasquatch has not been seen in years. Most of us have never seen a Broom's pygmy possum or a giant California condor in the wild. No more are the jackalope or unicorn. Siberian Tigers and snow leopards are but few. Why even the northern Hairy-nosed Wombat and the Hawaiian Crow are on the endangered list.

Through conservancy, the American bison, bald eagle and even that terrifying killer and eater of young babes going to visit gramma, the wolf, all have a new lease on life. We are trying to save the last vestiges of the Amazon rain forest, even though it harbors deadly snakes.

Right here in Indiana there are more than 25 species of plants and animals that are considered endangered source. The list includes the Indiana Bat, the white catspaw,the copperbelly watersnake (good riddance) and the piping plover. Endangered plants include Mead's milkweed and the running buffalo clover.

Yet there is killing of certain plants going on right now in our country on a scale you cannot imagine. We are killing this plant by the millions. It is happening in your State, your city, your town, and perhaps in your neighborhood. I am talking about the Dandelion, natures little yellow ray of sunshine. This harmless little beauty springs up in your yard every spring, covering those nasty bare spots in your grass. Dandelions are a yellow carpet of softness. We marvel at the butterfly as it changes from a slimy caterpillar, yet we do not notice the dandelions change from yellow happiness to white cotton ball!

I know, dandelions are not as cute as a panda or as sexy as a koala (neither are even bears!). We worry about saving the tigers, but no one gives a fig about the plant worlds lion -- the Dandelion! That is why starting today I am creating the Hoosierboy Dandelion Preserve. Located right here on my own property the HDP will allow dandelions to live in their natural habitat among the crabgrass and wild violets.

Why should we save the dandelion? I will tell you. There is a lot of talk that certain man-made chemicals are destroying the environment. According to renowned scientists like Al Gore, if we do not move quickly the inhabitants of certain secret places and all polar bears (they are bears) will drown because the oceans will rise and we will all live in a new global-sized Sahara desert. I am told that plants, through a mysterious process, convert evil CO2 into oxygen! And get this --people and baby seals and tigers and whales all need oxygen to live. Save the dandelion and save your grandma. Save a baby kitten. Save a puppy. Do it for the children. Do it for the Iberian Lynx.

Help me in this fight to save the dandelion. Do you know the murder of this plant is so widespread there are even commercials on how to do it? There are even certain special chemicals marketed to help the murderers with their task? There are even people that brag there are no dandelions in their neighborhood. And some people try to claim bigotry is dead with the election of the all-knowing all wonderful messiah junior, one B Obama. I cry nay. As long as there are killings of dandelions I say hate exists.

I am still trying to gather evidence, but it is my firm belief the Final Plan to destroy the dandelion is a Right Wing Conspiracy. Follow me here. Conservatives live for the most part in rural areas and red states, while democrats and liberals inhabit the big cities and towns. Who is more likely to have a large yard? Who is more likely to frequent golf courses? Who is more likely to buy expensive killing chemicals to wipe out the fuzzy dandelion, natures happy pill? That is right -- the evil rich white guy conservative. I bet Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck have nice, dandelion free lawns.

Do not be part of the conspiracy. Throw off those sheep's clothes and join with me. Save the dandelion. Do it for the yellow and the white.

Mixed up and jumbled

Man, am I sore. We moved my daughter from her crappy college house yesterday. Being a nice guy, and since I already had the U-Haul, I agreed to also move her roommate's larger pieces to the place to which she was moving since it was on the way. Of course, her bedroom was upstairs. I have jello legs this morning.

My daughter did not move home. She moved in with her boyfriend of four years. I am not sure how I feel about that. While we were moving, I started to make a joke, and let it go. We were hauling her mattress up the stairs (the stairs again) and she directed we just lean the bed against the wall until she could get the spare (guest) bedroom into shape. I was sorely tempted to ask her "but isn't this where you are sleeping?" I decided embarrassing her was not worth it.

Her boyfriend has a very nice job and a very nice house. It is way nicer than mine. In a much nicer neighborhood. I have to tell you I really like this guy, in spite of all my early efforts not to. I bet Dads with daughters can relate. But it is my little girl. I am pretty sure they will get engaged and married soon, and it is not like she just met the guy. I would be the worst hypocrite if I really complained, I had premarital sex too (but only once or twice). That is my version anyway. I think I will adopt the same attitude regarding my daughter as I did my parents. Denial. Or if all else fails I am sure if she does have sex, it is infrequent and she does not enjoy it. I have to cling to something here.

So now my little girl has officially moved from home. My oldest boy is staying at college to work this summer and will move into an apartment with friends in a few weeks. With him I can still have the illusion he lives here. Still, this house which seemed too small is getting bigger by the minute.

I started this piece O'crap blog shortly before she graduated high school. I wrote this Ode in one of my earliest posts. I am so happy she is starting a new life, yet I am worried my tears will short the keyboard. I am not one to talk about my feelings, heck I never even think about them. I do know I am mixed up today.

And sore. I am really, really sore.

Hey You

It is nice outside. It is Saturday. What are you doing surfing the net? Get off the copmputer now.

Weird Shit

I have gray hair. It does not bother me, I am old enough to have it. Most of my grey is on the sides of my head, above my ears and in the back. That part is almost all gray. The top is still dark with gray mixed in. The weird part is there is a clear line where the dark and gray meet. It is exactly where my Cubs hat ends and the visible hair is. It looks like I have a really bad wig, or maybe someone put a bowl on my head and dyed the lower exposed part gray. Weird. You can really see it when my hair is short. For the record, my hair is the same length all over.

Is that freaky or what?

Nevermore

It is Friday. The weather is supposed to be wonderful today -- highs in the 80s and sunny. It was already 71 at 6:00 am.

Things are so boring around here right now, it is a wonder any of you bother to stop by. I am down to reporting on the weather and what I ate for lunch.

This week I used lyrics from whatever song was either playing on my iPod or in my head when I wrote most of the posts. Can you identify the songs and artists? No fair using google or any other search engine.

So when youre near me, darling can't you hear me S.O.S.?

I stayed in the house most of yesterday. I made a quick trip to take a game my son rented to the video store and to get the stuff to make tacos.

The reason I stayed in was because it was Earth Day. I had an almost crack-addiction type urge all day to litter. I had a physical need to throw a bunch of trash along the road.

Is that wrong?

I guess I should mention I did not do it, but boy I wanted too.

My hands felt like two balloons

It is hump day and that means trash day at the old homestead. I put out the garbage, but I forgot about the big pile of yard waste beside the house. I guess I will get to it next week.

For lunch I had a bowl of broccoli cheese soup and a bit of last night's leftover roast beef. For dessert I had a slice of fresh pineapple with a very little chocolate sauce and a second syrup I made from apricot preserves boiled down with a little water. The combination of the three flavors was delicious. Some days I surprise myself.

I finally rid myself of the evil earworm Maniac yesterday afternoon. I woke this morning with the opening line floating around my brain yet again. What is going on?

I am I the only who finds it amusing that the President and his sycophant followers are dead set against pulling fraternity-type hazing on detainees and are almost universally appalled by the death penalty, but have no problem killing a baby when the mother is inconvenienced by a pregnancy that is caused in 99.999% of the time by her willing copulation?

The man in the suit has just bought a new car

I am a little late getting to posting today. The wife is riding me about my lack of activity during my mini-vacation. I have loaded and started the dishwasher and put in a load of laundry so far today. I might even run a dust cloth around and run the sweeper this afternoon. Then again, I might not.

The sun is trying to shine today, but it is still a chilly 52 degrees outside. We are still looking at temps in the 80s this weekend. I am ready to feel the power of old sol. We are moving our daughter from her college house this weekend, so the nice weather will be welcome.

Dear President Obama

I am sorry, but I do not share your moral outrage. If it stops one single American from being killed I am in complete favor of waterboarding. I am also OK with administering swirlies, snuggies, beefstews and putting Nair in the jockstraps of terrorists. If it stops a beheading I think we should put them in dog collars and take their picture in their underwear. Make them eat bacon and bologna. Show them the bottom of our feet. We should beat theirs with an iron pipe. To stop another 9/11 we should strike them with rubber hoses and pry out their fingernails. Spray them with a fire hose. I have no issue at all if we attach car batteries to their gonads. Take an eye, break a finger or toe. To save American lives, eviscerate, draw and quarter and hang them by the neck. You see, there is no life more valuable on this planet than that of an American.

I do not think we should apologize for treating people like the animals they are who blow up little kids, punish rape victims with death, fly planes into buildings and take complete delight in killing the innocent. Cowardly goat fuckers who put bombs in discotheques and pizza parlors, those who take schoolkids hostage have no rights. They gave up their rights as human beings the moment they chose to strap on the bombs, or plan the murders of those who fail to follow the teachings of an 8th Century paederast. There is a place in Hell for those who plan and carry out such attacks. The next room over is reserved for those who let it happen.

I'm just a steeltown girl on a Saturday night

The furnace is running. It is sleeting outside. It is April, for AlGore's sake. We went to the baseball game and froze our butts off last night. The temp was in the 40s with a light rain and strong west wind. My sweatshirt was not enough. Some people had on winter coats -- they were the smart ones.

I have that song Maniac from Flashdance bouncing around in my skull this morning. That is not a good thing.

I am hungry this morning. There is a can of Dinty Moore stew crying my name. Will I be able to hold out for lunch, or will that combo of rich gravy, veggies, and meat-like stuff be slopped down my gullet for breakfast?

If it quits raining I might get a haircut today. Decisions, decisions...

In other words

I fried up some breaded tenderloins last night. I baked a batch of mac and cheese and some biscuits to go along. I did not make a veggie since I am the only one that would eat them, and I was not in the mood. Hey, I am 47, its OK to skip an occasional vegetable. An indifferent store-bought cherry pie rounded out the feast.

I ate a leftover tenderloin for lunch with a large glass of Big Red. Frank Sinatra crooned in the background. I slathered a leftover biscuit with apricot preserves and enjoyed a lunch fit for a king.

What are you eating today?

Mountains come out of the sky and stand there

Happy Monday. It is a cold rainy day here in the heart of Hoosierland. The weather dude said we have had more than four inches of rain already this month. It is forecast to rain through Wednesday. There is promise of a big warm-up later in the week.

This is my week off from work, sans pay. I filed for unemployment on-line this morning. I will not get anything, but now I am set to get my $390 per week if the company does this nonsense again this year. The wife has a big list of stuff she thinks I am going to do this week. I think I might have thrown it away. It was an accident, I thought it was trash.

Did you see the pictures of Your President giving that Commie Bastard Chavez a "soul handshake". Does that guy have no sense of class? Just think, GW was castigated for being a stupid, redneck buffoon with no gravitas or moral authority. He was portrayed as an embarrassment to the world, with no respect from other Government's leaders. At least he did not gift the PM a bunch of CDs and and bow to a Saudi King and act all "brother" with a fucking lunatic. Had this been Bush, some of you hypocrites from the left would have dropped four hundred words about the shame of it all in your blogs, and the MSM would have a feeding frenzy for weeks on end. I can respect people whop take a stand, no matter how ill-conceived or poorly thought out.

I hate hypocrites.

Smooth Jazz Sunday

I hope your Sunday is all that you want it to be. Did you go to Church, sleep in, have a big breakfast?

The boy had another ballgame Friday. I guess I should quit calling him the "the boy". He is nearly 16 and a fine young man. He is nearly as tall as I. Which is not saying much since we run short in the Hoosierboy family. My oldest son is over 6 foot tall though. Anyway, they won 18-6. Not bad for a freshman yeam playing against another school's Junior Varsity squad. The boy was 1-2 plus two walks, another RBI and I think he had five stolen bases. He scored one or two times.

My oldest son will be playing in a battle of the bands at college in a week or two. He is playing in two different bands, so does that mean his chances of winning are better? In his band he plays lead guitar and sings. His buddy TJ is in his band. He also plays in TJs band, where he plays bass. I said why don't you just combine the bands, but he said they play different kinds of music.

The daughter will graduate in a few weeks Cum Laude from Butler. She has a 3.9/4.0 in her major and 3.85/4.0 over all. She cannot be Magna Cum Laude because she did not sign up for the honors program when she was a freshman. Now she is on the job hunt. If you have an opening for an Elementary Ed teacher in Central Indiana let me know.

I cleaned out the flower beds yesterday morning. Then I sprayed the dandelions. I mowed. Then I made the boy help me cut down the big grasses from last year. I should have done this in early March. He agreed on the basis he could use the saw. I am a softy, so I let him. All young (and old) boys like power tools. Yesterday evening the wife and I went to her niece's up in Lafayette (about 90 minutes away) for a cookout/family get-together/birthday party. We had a great time. It was a long day.

The Cubs won.

There you have it; a summary of my weekend so far. I hope you are doing great.

Concord Hymn

By the rude bridge that arched the flood,
Their flag to April's breeze unfurled,
Here once the embattled farmers stood,
And fired the shot heard round the world.
---Emerson

Today marks the anniversary of the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the first glorious steps to our Independence and freedom from tyranny. We would not formally declare our independence for more than a year, but the heroic stand of these militiamen, these farmers and shopkeepers against the mightiest army in the world remains a symbol of the true American spirit. At the time if the Revolution every civilized nation on earth was ruled by a monarch, dictator or oligarchy of some sort. Some 234 years later, free republics and democracy are more the norm. Yes, the shots fired at Lexington and Concord were heard around the world. At these small Massachusetts villages were felt the birthing pangs of freedom. The beginning of a new nation were all would have equal opportunity. Where freedom and liberty would be the foundation of the new Republic.



It was the action of these outnumbered and outclassed Americans that inspired the Founders to write the Second Amendment as insurance the common citizenry would have the means to again throw off the yoke of oppression and overweening Government should the need ever again arise.

Beginnings

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.
He said to his friend, "If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
Of the North Church tower as a signal light,--
One if by land, and two if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country folk to be up and to arm."

You know the rest. In the books you have read
How the British Regulars fired and fled,---
How the farmers gave them ball for ball,
From behind each fence and farmyard wall,
Chasing the redcoats down the lane,
Then crossing the fields to emerge again
Under the trees at the turn of the road,
And only pausing to fire and load.



So through the night rode Paul Revere;
And so through the night went his cry of alarm
To every Middlesex village and farm,---
A cry of defiance, and not of fear,
A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door,
And a word that shall echo for evermore!
For, borne on the night-wind of the Past,
Through all our history, to the last,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
The people will waken and listen to hear
The hurrying hoof-beats of that steed,
And the midnight message of Paul Revere.

--Longfellow

On Secession

144 years ago some 600,000 Americans died to prove the US of A is an exclusive club you can never leave. Do not fool yourself, the Civil War was not about slavery -- no matter what your teachers told you.

With the exception of a few States in New England the majority of volunteers for the North were fighting to preserve the Union. There are thousands of diaries, memoirs and newspaper accounts from the era that back up this assertion. If the States outside of New England thought for a minute Lincoln would abolish slavery, there would have been few who rallied to the call to arms after the bombing of Fort Sumter.

In 1865 most citizens were farmers or craftsmen. The biggest factor in the Union victory was the industrial might of the nation lay in the North. The South was crippled by a blockade. The fall of Vicksburg was the beginning of the end. You should have learned this in 8th grade US History, but do a little research.

Today the economy is splintered in a similar way. No single region has a monopoly on resources and industrial capabilities. We are in a national and global economy. Let us look a simple commodity and see how a Republic of Texas at war with the Union would fare. Since the new Republic could no longer use the dollar as currency it will have to back its securities with other commodities. Luckily Texas has some oil. To pump that oil you need pumps, drilling machinery gears and bearings. Let us see there are ZERO bearing factories in Texas. A simple blockade of Galveston stops imports from China and Europe. Besides, what nation is willing to risk a trade embargo with the Union? No bearings, no oil, no trade. Can Texas produce enough food to feed itself?Is the State in a position to maintain the infrastructure? Texas has a GDP similar to Canada, but can it maintain that level of activity without the other 49 states contribution in food, electricity, water, raw materials, components?

I, for one, am not so sure the armed forces of the US will be so quick to ignore their oath to support the Constitution and the commanders appointed over them. They may not respect Obama, but you are gambling a lot on the idea they will not support the Commander in Chief. The idea of a military Coup d'Etat is a repugnant idea to most veterans I know. After all they followed the idiotic rules of warfare in Vietnam when they knew it would cost more US lives.

Talk of secession at this point is premature. If Americans feel strong enough the 9th and 10th Amendments should be enforced it will be done at the ballot box in 2010.

Some things never change

On Reconstruction following The Civil War:

[R]eturning political and economic control...to the Democrats...who had just rebelled would render the North's victory in the war fruitless. "Every state that seceded from the United States was a Democratic State.... Every man that shot Union soldiers was a Democrat. Every man that loved slavery better than liberty was a Democrat. The man that assassinated Abraham Lincoln was a Democrat," Republican political leader Robert Ingersoll pointed out. "Every man that raised bloodhounds to pursue human beings was a Democrat. Every man that clutched from shrieking, shuddering, crouching mothers, babes from their breasts, and sold them into slavery, was a Democrat."

source

And a corollary for today:

I would add that every idiot who cannot see that "Hope and Change" is code for Socialism/Communism is a Democrat.

emphasis mine

Friday Grab Bag

It is Friday at last, what a long, long week. The weatherman claims we will hit 70 today, are shorts in order?

The boy finally had his first baseball game last night. He went 1-2, plus a walk and a stolen base. Not too bad an effort. He started and played the entire game in center field. The team jumped out to a quick 6-2 lead but ended up losing 17-7 in five innings (10 run rule). Pitching was an issue in the later innings. It will be an issue the entire season. They play again tonight.

If my goal is to have the worst looking, raggedy, dandelion-filled yard in the neighborhood, well then call me a success!

I had a leftover subway BMT with extra pepper jack cheese for breakfast.

The Cubs have already achieved mid-season form.

Secrets are hard to keep. I am good at it though.

Maybe I will find the time to enjoy a cigar this afternoon. That means the yard work will have to wait. Decisions, decisions...

I cannot seem to get any of my customers to return a phone call or answer an email. Is it me? Is it my breath, do I have BO? Dandruff? Did I pick my nose and flick boogers at you?

The Dragon is back -- click the link over on the right and tell her I said hola.

Did you catch that, Fat in Indiana has gone bi-lingual!

Is this the most boring post you have ever read?

Dear Liberal Blogger

You know who you are, the one who made fun of the "teabaggers" heh heh, I guess you are still in Jr. High with Keith Olberman. Funny how you parrot the same things, isn't it? Here is a fine example of the no-bias media:



Of course we heard no words of condemnation and claims it is not a "family friendly atmosphere" when Cindy Sheehan cursed the President Bush or when we all got see Code Pink and their wrinkly snatches decry the War in Iraq.

When the Government takes over the means of production it is Fascism. The Government is now an owner of banks and insurance companies. Fascism is firing Auto Execs and saying who can make what in wages and benefits -- I guess the recent actions of the Obama Government fits the bill.

The demonstrations were not about taxation without representation, they were about a Government that has stepped beyond the Constitution, they are about freedom, they are about the Ninth and Tenth Amendments. It is a matter of smaller, better Government. It is about the future.

Dear Miss Reporter, you do understand that the 50 gazzilion dollars or whatever that Illinois is getting from the Government comes from Taxpayers? Someone has to pay that debt? Or are you one of those really ignorant fucks that thinks your Tax Refund is a free check from the Government too?

Quick thoughts

I went to get the brakes fixed/replaced on my daughter's car yesterday. There was an old February 2009 issue of TIME lying on a chair. I was reading the articles and ran across the rantings of an African-American Studies Professor at some institute of higher learning I do not recall. Here, in a nutshell, is his problem with Black History Month (paraphrased). "Black History Month is a racist idea. The white man chose the shortest, darkest, coldest month and gave it to the Black man." GMAFB.

Obama says he wants to simplify the tax code and make it more fair. This is easy. Everyone over the age of 18 who works pays 17% of their earned income. No exceptions, no deductions. Tax forms are sent in on a postcard. Even those (Rep. Rangle) who write the tax laws will be able to now understand them. Is there anything more fair than that?

How can a person who pays no taxes get a tax cut?

Obama and the Democrats have decreed less money will be withheld from my check for taxes. This looks to many like a tax cut. Are you aware you will have to make up those taxes when you file next year? Of course when many of us have to write a check next April the scam regarding 95% of us getting a reduction in taxes will be exposed. Just in time for the run up to the 2010 Congressional/Senate races.

Democrats are going ape-shit over Alaska Governor Palin coming to an event in Indiana. They lament she is abandoning her State to run for President. Isn't funny these Democrats had no issues with Senators Obama and Clinton spending two four years running for President missing nearly every important Senate vote. I maintain if you are a politician seeking a different office you should resign your current position. After all, most of us would find it unethical if we spent 100% of our time looking for another job while being paid by your current employer. Why is it OK to take taxpayer money without doing the work? Oh, wait, I forgot, that is the mantra of the Democrat party -- take from the producers and give to the users.

I am not sure I understand, according to the Department of Homeland Security (aside, am I the only one who finds the title of that agency ominous?), if I disagree with the current Government plans and am a right wing conservative I am a threat to the nation's security? DHS is alerting local law enforcement to be on the lookout even though the report cited nary a single piece of evidence that the militia movement is growing, that right wing terrorism is on the rise, that treasonous acts are taking place. Veterans have especially been singled out as people to watch. This is all because crazy Timothy McVee bombed a building under the last Dimocrit President and he was a Vet, and conservative. By that logic we should put all leftist Professors and college students on a watch list. After all it was students that made up the Weather Underground. Some of those domestic terrorists are now Professors. And there was an unpopular war being waged and a Dimocrit was in office! Do doo do doo...

Oh, and since the erstwhile Governor of Alaska has now drunk the global warming Kool-aid, she can forget my support, should she try to run for National office in the future.

The State of Indiana wants to change the age one can get a drivers licence from 16 years plus 30 days to 16 years plus 180 days. The argument is it will make them better and more mature drivers. Does anyone really believe an extra five months will make a difference? A new driver is a hazard, no matter how old you are (sorry Freddie!). How about this, change the age one is allowed to drive to 18, and at the same time cap it at 75. I predict the accident rates would reduce dramatically as the old farts who poke along are removed from the road. And, if you are caught texting while driving, you lose your right to drive for 6 months, no matter how old you are. As someone who drives a lot, I have seen amazing stupidity behind the wheel. People applying make-up, reading books and newspapers, reclining with both feet out the window (yes, while driving) and once I saw a guy playing the trumpet while driving down I-75 in downtown Atlanta. 16 year-olds are not the only idiots on the road.

Jeepers, I am out of time and I have only solved a fraction of the world's problems.

I will not be mocked

The cursor flashes...flashes...flashes, mocking me like an insolent middle schooler. I can hear its unsaid singsong message "You've got nuthin', you've got nuthin'". I give it a hard stare, the one calculated to freeze recalcitrant children in their tracks. The one that makes Jehovah Witnesses shrink from the porch in fear. The stare that makes white trash move their fat arse from the aisle at WalMart. The cursed cursor does not flinch. It just flashes on and on, secure in the knowledge I am responsible for its movement. The uncaring cursor knows it is up to me to hit the keys in a meaningful way that ends up with combinations of lines and curves that form words and sentences that entertain you.

Oh, cursor you sit there flashing away, no cares in the world. You have no bills, no work, no responsibilities. You are but a slave to my whims, my fingers, my nerves, my brain. You are nothing but electronic zeros and ones. Yet, there you sit flashing on and off and acting all superior. Just who do you think you are cursor? You are not better than me. I will not bow down to you like an Obama before a Saudi Potentate. I will not kiss your extended ring. I will not kowtow to your smug complacency. You are nothing without me! I made you. Screw you cursor.

Quit laughing at my pathetic attempts to blog, you flashing stick of evil. I have the power. I have the control. I can make you go away. I will win. Watch this mother fuc...

Tuesday. I boast and whine. A typical day around here.

I made some biscuits this morning. No reason other than I wanted some. There is nothing better than a warm biscuit dripping melted butter. Being the self-centered codpiece I am, I waited until the boy left for school and the wife went to work. It sucks to be them, I guess.

The boy has his first baseball game of the season, providing the fields are dry and the rain holds off. There is a slim chance of either I would wager.

I will be off work next week -- an involuntary, unpaid vacation. I am not too happy about it, but I guess it beats the alternative. The company also has stopped matching 401K deposits and we all took a pay cut in February. Business is so bad I am not making any bonuses this year either. So to sum it up, I am working harder and travelling more for less pay and benefits. Thanks Democrats in Congress.

It appears GM will have to file for bankruptcy after all. That means we have dumped billions into the company with the same result if they had done it 5 months ago. Seriously, do we want these same nitwits in Government deciding the fate of our medical care?

I had another post up for about five minutes, but I am paranoid and took it down. I will post it again in a few days. Maybe...If you beg. And bark like a dog.

Playing Cards

I tried to play UNO with some Mexicans today but the jackasses kept stealing the green cards so I quit......



from Otter

Happy Monday

For some reason I am tired this morning. I watched the Cubs win, or maybe I should say I saw the Brewers give away the game. They walked in four Cubs runs. I hear on the radio a dead goat was hanging on the Harry Caray statue at Wrigley Field early this morning. Does this remove the curse, or extend it?

I think I lost count of the spoons of coffee when making my morning brew. It is a tad strong. I am going to drink it though. I will chew as necessary. I guess the coffee could be described in the manner the great Western writer Louis L'Amour always claimed his characters made coffee -- "strong enough to float a horseshoe".

We went to my Mom's for Easter dinner yesterday. The food was great. It was nice to see my parents, I have not seen them for a while.

It is raining again. I am thinking about building an ark. If I do, there will not be any f-ing snakes put on board this time. I need to do so much yard work, if it would ever get dry and warm. The long cold winter has morphed into a long cold spring.

Another of my favorite reads has abandoned the blog life. Say goodbye to the Dragon's Den over there on the sidebar. I will leave up the link for a while in case she comes to her senses and begins to entertain us again.

I am glad to see The Obama finally took my counsel and invoked some action against the Pirates. Now there are three less assholes to menace the world. We are all better off. I hope they are rotting in Hell already. It is my fervent hope the Navy either tossed the bodies to the sharks, or even better, left them floating in the lifeboat as a warning to the other assholes with similar thoughts of screwing with Uncle Sam.

Back Home Again, In Indiana

Finally a few politicians with some balls, that have read The Constitution.

Read this.

Matthew 28:1-10

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

Weekend Roundup

Good morning blog friends. I am up early this morning as we are supposed to do volunteer work at the concession stand for the varsity baseball team. It has rained like a mini-Noah's flood for the past day or two and I am sure the fields are just brick-dust mud at this point. I expect the games to be cancelled.

The boy is scheduled to have his first game on Tuesday (Freshman Team). I am a little concerned, he said they have yet to practice hitting against live pitching. In the coach's defense, the few days they have been able to practice outside have been very cold and wet. The cold winter has morphed into a cold spring. Hitting in a cage is still no substitute for the real thing.

I see we still have no response from our Glorious Leader to North Korea or the Somali pirates. I hope he does not adopt the same leadership qualities when it comes to training his puppy. We will have to replace the White House carpeting after four years of it getting pissed and shat upon. Do you think Kim Jong Il knows The Obama is giving him the silent treatment in a fit of anger?

I love the Marines

Per my comment below regarding Perdicaris and Raisuli, here is a highly fictionalized version of Teddy Roosevelt's response to that situation from the movie The Wind and the Lion:



African Muslims kidnap an American woman and hold her and her family ransom. TR calls bullshit and sends the Marines. By the way, it is popular gossip that actual Marines were used in the filming of this scene. True or not this is one of the finest scenes in film. "hostiles to the left..."

I cannot help but think Nathan is right in his comments, a little kick ass response from the military might of the USA on the Somali leaders just might put a stop to this pirate nonsense.

Lunchtime

I just cooked up a batch of cheese fries: Ore-Ida Pixie Crinkles fried in the deep fryer, then covered with shredded CoJack and topped with bacon pieces and a dollop of sour cream.

I know what you are saying, you wish you were me.

How about you, what's for lunch today?

F-f-f-f-f friday

I see some third world hoodlums still have the Obama Administration flummoxed. I guess we are taking the Jimmah Carter approach when Americans are taken hostage by members of the Religion of Peace. Watch and wait, monitor the situation, HOPE the pirates CHANGE their minds and let the Captain go. I am not surprised, your President says he is OK with just forgetting about 12 million criminals who broke into the country too. Just wait, when the leaders of the real criminal states like Iran and Syria see that Obama backs down from four or five criminals with automatic rifles, what will he do when confronted with real aggression?

In more happy news, I have the day off work as a holiday today. I am sitting here drinking coffee and chatting with you. Do you feel special? Expect a multitude of posts today as I feel the need to communicate my brilliant thoughts to the outside world.

You stupid, stupid people

"All nations must come together to build a stronger, global regime"

This from your President last week. While he was at it, he agreed to let an international board, dominated by European Bankers, to regulate banks and private companies in the US.

He now wants to open our borders. He bows before foreign potentates.

At first, I gave him the benefit of doubt. I thought he was just in over his head. Now, I really believe Obama's goal is to destroy our nation as it currently exists. He is willing to turn over our sovereignty, he is doing everything in his power to nationalize industry. Read the works of Alinsky and the 1960's radicals -- he is following the program at an accelerated rate. Orwell was just off by about a quarter of a century. Obama apparently did hear his Pastor's cry of God Damn America, he is trying his best to speed up the process.

This goes beyond a political disagreement, I am terrified for our nation. Where are all of the liberal hand wringers and haters that were convinced W was taking away our rights? In just a few months this guy has made a mockery of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.

Those of you who stayed home or voted for The Obama in a pique of anger, Are you proud of yourself now?

Help us Obi Wan, the Republic needs you. The nation yearns for a Conservative leader. It is time to stand up Republican Party. We can no longer afford to be Democrats-lite.

I see dead people

But only when steering an imaginary pirate ship.

I have the con, Mr. Quartermaster...

Take that health Nazis...and a heartfelt plea

I just poured a tall glass of whole milk. I stirred in a bunch of Hershey's syrup. I drank it down in two big gulps.

Hell ya. You should try it.

In other news it is reported Tom Cruise wants to remake Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Leave it alone Hollywood. The perfect version has already been filmed. There is nothing anyone can do to make that film better than the original. Just leave it alone, please...

Today's WTF moment

An Indiana Sheriff Deputy was fired because he refused to be zapped by a stun gun in a training exercises. Read it here.

The County Sheriff responsible for this idiotic policy should be fired instead. Does he also train his deputies by beating them with a nightstick? Does each deputy have to be shot by his gun in order to "know how it feels?" Are the officers in Hamilton County cuffed and tossed in the back of a squad car for training purposes?

Compare and contrast

African Pirates have seized an American Flagged ship with an American crew.

What will be our President's response? I know what the first President from the Democratic Party did. I bet the response is much different from the latest.

Here is a not too subtle hint..."to the shores of Tripoli..."

Mr. Obama, with all respect, you are no Thomas Jefferson.

Edit: The latest reports indicate the American crew took back control from the pirates. Don't tread on me, eh asshole Somalies? Not all Americans are candy-assed peacenik hippy Democrats.

I guess the crew felt they needed to act on their own since the White House was "monmitoring the situation trying to decide a course of action". Way to take a decision, Mofos.

Shhhh

Don't tell on me, but here I am posting to the old blog when I am in the middle of a web-based sales meeting. I am bored to tears, but at least I am not in New Frikin' York! The overseas guys are now speaking. Fighting the heavy French accent is a struggle, especially when I have no interest in the topic.

It is snowing. That is beyond depressing.

The Obama is still spreading his Socialist bull. That too is depressing.

There is some kind of basketball game tonight. I have no interest at all.

Can we be honest with each other? Readership is down. I know that is a direct reflection of the content. You are bored, I am bored. Do not be surprised if posting becomes sparse. The batteries need some charging.

Of course, every time I have said that in the past, I get a creative streak. The best course of action is to check back several times a day.

Today's Earworm

4/5 of the family

If you snooze, you lose

Secrets of the world revealed

I made a nice lasagna last night. I hate to be the one that opens the doors of mystery, but lasagna is just not that hard to make. I might add, I make my own sauce -- no jar stuff for me.

Life continues here at the old homestead, it is cold and blustery today after heavy rain last night. I have a lot of yard work to do and the rains have greened up the grass. I refuse to mow the lawn when the temperature is in the 40's.

The boy continues baseball practice, it looks as if he will be the starting center fielder for the freshman team.

I am so dismayed, so much in shock over the rapid decent of our nation into socialism, I am without words. Discussions of a one world government, of a global currency leave me chilled. The Obamas constant refrain that he has to fix America leaves me stunned. We live in the most successful nation in the history of the world, and he believes it needs to be changed? Seriously, you who voted for this guy, is this what you wanted? Is this what you expected? Do you really think the bankruptcy of our nation is a good thing? Do you really truly believe the people owe their existence to the Government, not the reverse? Am I the only one who looks at the news every day, and find myself speechless?

Pelosi and the Pope

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. The speaker and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before. To make it a little more interesting, the speaker says to the Pope, "Did You know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive, the Pope says, "But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."
The speaker seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.

Which President is a hick?

I see The Obama continues to put a lot of thought in his gifts to foreign dignitaries. He gave the Queen a frickin iPod. That is what I got for my birthday. What does he do, send an intern down to WalMart to grab something on the way out of town? I can see it now: "Shit, Michelle I forgot to get something for the Queen. I need some smokes too, before the price goes up. Send an intern down to the store, will you? Oh, and you better get some kind of sweater. People are starting to compare your fashion sense with Larry the Cable Guy. It is supposed to be cold on that damn island. Do we still have to separate our shampoo and shave cream in a little plastic bag for the airport?"

Hey poor people, how does that tax increase on cigarettes feel? Good thing The Obama was only going to tax the rich! Hahahaha you fucking moronic sheep. Just wait until they go after your beer and whiskey and increase gas taxes again. What?, you say you cannot afford one of those new hybrids? Your old car is all you have and $4.00/gal is more than you can afford for gas? Hey that cap and trade scheme is going to raise my electric bill 50-100%, you cry? Too bad, you must be rich, because Uncle Obama will only go after those big evil rich people and corporations. Oh, you lost your job because the small business you worked for got higher taxes. Too bad for you.

Does it make you feel better that the Dems, in a true reflection of their anger over badly run businesses giving out bonuses and raises with taxpayer money gave themselves a pay raise? Even though their approval ratings were lower than Bush's, by all public opinion their job performance was less than acceptable. They voted themselves a raise. Don't fret, it is only tax money -- we will just raise the rate on the rich...

this site is offensive

The ertwhile Hotel chain Embassy Suites says so. As a result I could not use their computer to post interesting and timely words of wisdom. Instead you get entries by phone, which means no spell check and spotty punctuation. The tiny Treo keyboard was not made for fat fingers.

How cool was it that my visitors ID badge at my customer yesterday sported the number 007? I know.

It appears I am facing a muli-hour flight tgis morning in the middle seat. It sucks to be me. I see a huge guy walking up to the gate. Will I again win the seatmate lottery? Check back often to find out. Oh, and get your mind right, tomorrow we will play "where was Hoosierboy?"

Dear Blog

I wish I had more time for you, blog. You see, I have a week's worth of work to catch up on. And there is that issue of the flat tire on the car I need to get fixed so I can get to the airport for my early afternoon flight. I have to shower. I need to pack. I love you, but I have other priorities right now. I've got to make the donuts, baby. Don't cry. I cannot stand it when you cry. I will try really hard to pay attention to you when I get back, M'kay?

Lerves you,

HB

d'ja miss me?

On March 22 this old piece o' crap had its fourth anniversary. I was not here for it. As you might have guessed,given the weak content of late, I just returned from a nice vacation in sunny Florida. Do not hate me.

I got tanned next to the pool, burnt at the beach and thrilled at the Theme Parks (not Mickey's). I drank a few beers, and smoked a couple of cigars and reveled in doing absolutely nothing; no work, no blog, no bills, no responsibility at all. I walked a little and ate a bunch. I read and listened to music. I napped in the afternoon. The drive down was a breeze, coming back a burden. Construction and one bad accident around Atlanta left traffic snarled for hours. At one point it took more than two hours to go 15 miles. It was a marathon drive home, but we made it.

Maybe, if you are nice, I will post few pics in the weeks to come.

Now starts a new week. The bills and mail lay piled on the table. A week's worth of newspapers has been scanned. Emails read and a post is up. I leave on a business trip tomorrow. I have memories -- and another year of work before another vacation comes around.

one final rerun

I am in a summer mood. This old post describes a typical summer evening in the late 1970's in small town Indiana. BTW, the guy going in for knee surgery? That is my friend who suffered the heart attack last week.

Originally posted July 20, 2007

One Night in Frankfort

The air is punctuated by the deep rumble of engines and glass pack mufflers. The shouts and whistles of the kids mix with an occasional car horn and racing engine. Some of the cars are parked, most are cruising at idle speed around Mac's Hamburger Stand. The cars are of many varieties, many are muscle cars jacked up in the back to accommodate the wide tires. Some are family vehicles or the old junkers the kids could afford. Being a rural town, there are a lot of pickup trucks. The music plays a cacophonous soundtrack, radios and eight tracks turned at various volumes -- loud and really loud. Nearly all are playing rock and roll. One of the stoners has a unique turntable mounted in an old marine compass in his van.

We cruise down the highway and turn into Mac's parking lot. Jeff's Camaro growls under the hood with power. We are not looking for a race, but we are trying to score some booze. As we slowing drive around the restaurant I scan the cars and crowd for someone who can score. Maybe they are old enough, maybe they have a contact. We briefly consider driving to Illinois, it is early enough to make the two hour drive each way, but we know we do not have the money to buy gas and beer. Besides, when we get back it will be too late to party it up before we have to go home. Jeff is not crazy enough to leave cases of beer in his trunk. I do not see anyone as we turn back onto the strip.

We join the line of cars traveling slowly down the highway. We make the turns through town and around the square. We head back east towards Mac's. Our vehicle is part of the summer conga line of automobiles cruising the strip through town. A girl in a halter top leans against the bridge. I whistle and call to her. She flips me off. The sequence is repeated by various cars and teen aged boys in our wake. She is there to be seen. We try and think of a source for beer. I wonder if my brother has any? We have not seen him cruising yet this evening. It is still early. I suggest we buy some cigars. As we pull into the grocery I spot Bill's Torino. As usual he has washed and waxed it to a brilliant shine. Jeff goes into the store to get some smokes, I head over to Bill's car. It is actually vibrating with the power of the speakers blasting the Rolling Stones. He turns it down as I ask if has any beer. After some teasing and giving me a hard time he says he will get us a case of Little Kings or Strohs. I give him a ten spot. He just made a couple bucks profit since those are the cheapest beers around. He says it will cost us six of the beers. I whine, but he knows I will give in. He is going to drink all night for free when he buys beer for the rest of us. It is only fair, he has the five o'clock shadow and fake ID. We agree to meet in an hour or so. He is on the way to pick up my brother.

We rejoin the line of cars and after some time park up on the square next to a cobalt blue Cougar. The driver asks if we want to get high. We consider it, but neither of us has much money left after paying for the beer. It is still a week until payday for us both. I was not much for grass anyway. We drive to the park looking for girls. We find a couple of other buddies, they ask if we have some beer and we tell them we have some on the way. They are going to pick up some as well. We park Jeff's car and get in with them. We get our beer and Brian drives to a seedy part of town. He goes into a house. We discuss the rumor that a guy walked through an upstairs window of the place while high on angel dust. Troy tells us he is going to the hospital for surgery in the morning. Ah, we are celebrating! Bill bought us Little Kings Ale, Brian drops a case of the same in the backseat of his big Buick.

Flying down country roads we throw the empties at mailboxes. Cigar smoke rolls out the windows and music washes over us. The smell of corn and farm mingles with our laughter. We head out to Michigantown hoping for a fight or at least a disagreement. The tiny burg is dead. We head back toward town and Mac's. We sit on the car and drink our beer from paper cups. We trade some of our beer for a pint of rum. We head inside to buy some cokes for mix.

Stars whirl through the night sky and the cars rumble through the parking lot. The music blares as the evening heats up. We discuss going to Lafayette, but we know we will sit and cruise and drink right here at home. Some girls stop and flirt, they are not interested in us as much as the rumor we have some booze. We continue to ply Troy with liquor, joking about our goal to see that he will not need anesthesia for his operation -- he will be feeling no pain!

After a bit we pile back in the car and cruise some more. As usual, Brian is low on gas. We all throw in a couple of bucks. We drink, we laugh and the the night rumbles on. The cars honk and music blares through the shouts and waves as cars pass heading the opposite direction on the strip. Four young boys, just on the edge of manhood, get gloriously drunk on beer, on rum, on summer, on the joy of being alive.

Yet another rerun

Sorry, the creative well is a little dry right now. I guess I used it up in this old post from 2006:

June 25, 2006

Die, you sick mofos

What is the difference between a crazed crack whore who breaks your windows, crawls into your house and spray paints her crazy, crackwhore shit on your walls and a fat, acne ridden, comic book reading, blowup doll fucking, dog turd eating, 40-year old loser, living in his Mom's basement with two cats that he forces to lick his milk soaked balls, asshole spammer that gets his jollies infecting your computer with viruses, dickwad?

That is the longest sentence you will ever read from this poor blog writer from the Hemingway school. Let me try again. If it is illegal to break into my house and trash it, why is it legal to send viruses that infect my computer? My kids have again infected one of my computers with a virus (actually several, only one remains) a nefarious infectious Trojan that is sunk deep in my operating system. I will get it, but I have already spent hours working on this bastid. Like the mondo worm I had before, we will have to run tool after tool to get rid of it.

Why can't we prosecute the perpetrators of these attacks? They are invading my personal property intent on destruction. What is the difference? If I broke into your car and spray painted Hillary for President on your dashboard I would be prosecuted (and probably shot). Is forcing my computer to your website any different? I find both offensive. Is breaking your window and throwing into your living room hundreds of handbills for sex houses and child porn illegal? Why is it Ok to do that to my virtual mailbox?

Here's to you Mr. Spammer, Mr. Virus sender -- rot in Hell after dying a slow painful death of a mutant form of mad cow disease you contracted by giving your neighbor's collie a blowjob. I hope your dick falls off in your Cheeto-stained fingers (assuming you can find it with a pair of jewelers tweezers). I wish you get kidney stones the size of boulders. I hope you trip going up the stairs wearing your Mom's old high heels and break your puny pencil-neck. I hope you choke on your Hot Pocket. I hope the pizza burns the roof of your mouth. I hope you hang yourself while trying that crazy autoerotic asphyxiation while jacking-off thing. I hope you get the plague from the bites of fleas living in the rolls of fat on your unwashed body. I hope you die alone -- surrounded and consumed by the hatred of the innocent people you have preyed upon.

Keep it up and I will get really pissy about this.

Reruns

Originally posted December 4, 2006

Ghost of Christmas Past

About ten years ago the movie Jingle all the Way came out. It was a fun, amusing Christmas movie. After another year or so it came out on video. On day around 2001 or 2001 my youngest went on a kick like little ones do and watched that movie every day. He loved the Turboman character. That year (he was 7 or 8) all he wanted for Christmas was a Turboman action figure. Oh, shit. That stuff had been off the market for several years. We tried to explain, but he would only reply that Santa could get it for him. Double shit.

We steered him to other stuff, but when Christmas came and there was no Turboman, he was disappointed. He even said so. Thus began the great Turboman hunt. We went to toy collectors, eBay, even enlisted people to help to no avail. Finally about two months later we found a new Turboman, in the box on eBay. It was expensive. We had it sent.

The youngest has always been pretty smart, he taught himself to read before kindergarten. He read the first Harry Potter book in the first grade, much of it out loud to me. It took him nearly a year, but he got it done. I knew we had to be tricky with this.

So I typed a letter from Santa, made up some North Pole letterhead, Christmas tree border and everything. In it, Santa explained that he was sorry he did not deliver the Turboman at Christmas, but the elves no longer made that toy. The head elf had had to dig out the blueprints and order the parts. Santa apologized and hoped my son would have a Merry Christmas a little late. I slit the flap of the box and slid the letter in. When the little one came home from school we said he had received a mysterious box in the mail.

He nearly crapped. I have never seen a kid so thrilled. As an added bonus it got us another year or two of Santa. In the end, I think it worked out even better than if we had found the toy at Christmas. This remains one of my favorite "Christmas" memories.

hungry hungry

I like grilled cheese sandwiches. Some bacon on that would be good.

Who will make me one, served with a giant dill pickle?

Today's earworm

Ready, Steve?



This one's for you, Big Dick

Tired

Is anyone else as sick of politics as I? I think I am going to put a one week personal moratorium on discussing the inadequacies of the current teleprompter administration. Feel free to vent in the comments all you want, I just am taking the week off of politics.

They are out to get me

A few weeks ago I described the shitty rental car I was assigned at the Charlotte airport. I am convinced those assholes at Hertz are out to make me look bad. The car I was given this week was even worse. I am not sure how to describe it. Was it an oversize station wagon? Maybe it was am undersized minivan? All I know it was a Mazda and it was not only ugly, it was uncomfortable and terrible to drive. I would not pay $500 for that piece of shit. If you own one of these you should hang your head in shame. I bet you are embarrassed to even go to a hippy green AlGore rally in that thing. Am I paranoid, or is this the ugliest car ever?

And yes, that is the actual car I was given.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to me. Thanks for all of your gifts, you stingy mofos (sarcasm alert).

Whoo hoo

Have I mentioned I have a wonderful wife? She bought me a new iPod Touch for my birthday.

I wanted to get laid, but I will be satisfied with the iPod.

Travelling with the Hoosierboy

I visited the Kings Mountain National Battlefield Tuesday afternoon. For those of you who have forgotten their 8th grade American history, Kings Mountain was a battle fought during the Revolutionary War. A British force of Tories found themselves surrounded on a ridge near the North/South Carolina border. The American or Patriot forces consisted of militia from North Carolina and a strong contingent of "over the mountain" men from South Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia. Both forces consisted of about 1,000 men. The forces of good and freedom (the Colonials) kicked the sorry British asses. It was an overwhelming victory. The British gave up on the hope that the war could be fought with "native" troops. Jefferson said Kings Mountain turned the tide of the war.

Here is the Memorial on top of the mountain:
Here is the grave of Patrick Ferguson, the British commander:

You should know how to make the pictures bigger by now.

Go here to read actual details of the battle.

And so it goes

I just flew in from the Carolinas and boy are my arms tired! I had a couple of successful business meetings Monday, including a dinner with a customer at a top flight expensive steak house. Thank you expense account!

As I prepared to hit the sheets at the ol' Hilton garden Inn, my wife called. My best friend since seventh grade had just had a heart attack. He turned 48 last month and was in great physical shape. He was shocked to life in the emergency room and medivaced to Indy. The doctors put in a stint in the wee hours of the morning. His main artery was 100% blocked. So far, things look good. I am sure any extra prayers you send would be appreciated. His wife just lost her stepfather a few months ago. You might remember I wrote about it at the time.

Needless to say, my mind was not completely on my work today. A three-plus hour drive on little or no sleep did not help. Nonetheless, I managed to get some new opportunities to quote. A plane ride home and here I am, posting to this pig instead of snuggling with my wife. The things I do for you.

Apparently it is St Paddy's Day.

It has been a rough week or so.

Kids are quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
_____________________________________ ` _______

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten
years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right...'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but
also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

AIG can kiss my ass 165 million times

I am probably late to the table with this story, but this leaves me infuriated. It is no wonder AIG is floundering like a killer whale on the beach. In most companies bonuses are paid for good performance, or when expectations are exceeded. In my company it is unlikely I will get a bonus this quarter, not that I am doing a bad job, but because business sucks. At AIG you get a bonus even if you do a poor job, apparently:

"We cannot attract and retain the best and brightest talent to lead and staff the AIG businesses, which are now being operated principally on behalf of the American taxpayers — if employees believe their compensation is subject to continued and arbitrary adjustment by the U.S. Treasury," [AIG Chairman Edward]Liddy said.

The best and brightest? These people made decisions that have lost the insurance giant billions and indebted our children's children's with nearly a trillion in debt. If this is the best the company can get, I submit the company would be better off if the employees quit in a huff.

The large bulk of the payments at issue cover AIG Financial Products, the unit of the company that sold credit default swaps, the risky contracts that caused massive losses for the insurer.

Maybe some of those people should lose their jobs. Good people lose their jobs every day when a company makes bad decisions.

Why isn't anyone concerned I will quit since my compensation has been lowered? My company will lose some of the best and brightest if I or a few others leave. Where is the widget industry bailout?

I do not want the Government telling anyone how much they can make. No bureaucrat should take the decision how much is enough. As far as I am concerned, the executives of AIG have perpetuated a fraud upon the taxpayers. They should be prosecuted just like DOD contractors that pad their overruns and the crooked managers at ENRON. What is the difference?

For a better take, go read this post by GuyK

Weekend Funny

Very Superstitious

Hello Sportsfans, welcome to another Friday the Thirteenth. Some believe this date portends bad luck. Fridays have been considered bad luck for centuries. Did you know the British Navy would not set out on a voyage on a Friday? When coupled with the number 13, superstitious people everywhere are wary on this date.

For those of us who have been repeatedly kicked in the crotch throughout our lives by fate, bad luck is a way of life. This date is just another day on the calendar. Put it this way, if I were to find a $50 bill on the sidewalk, not only would it turn out to be counterfeit, but I would be prosecuted when I tried to spend it! So I do not believe in luck. Bad things happen to us all and if you focus on the negative, that is what you reap. Anyone who has read this pitiful excuse for a blog any length of time knows I am not a roses and lollipops kind of person. I like to think of myself as a realist who considers the up and downside of everything. If you plan on things going wrong, then you are never surprised when they do and you have prepared for the worst.

Walk under that ladder. Look up to make sure nothing or no one is falling from the top. Break a mirror and then sweep up well, so you do not risk infection from stepping on a shard of glass in the future. Step on a crack, your Mom could use some time away from you anyway. Some people believe if you say goodbye to someone on a bridge you will never see that person again. This is only true if you push them off.

Some people believe it is bad luck to light three cigarettes from the same match. First off, if you are smoking three fags at once you have more issues than bad luck. Second, everyone knows that by the time you light the third cigarette, the sniper has you scoped in and you run of bad luck is about to end.

It is said that if you drop a comb while you are combing your hair is a sign of a coming disappointment. The chick at the haircut place dropped the comb three times while cutting my hair last time. I was disappointed in my haircut. And did you know some folks of a superstitious bent believe cows lifting their tails is a sure sign that rain is coming? You call it rain, I call it a cow patty. Whatever.

I have heard people say that it's bad luck to leave a house through a different door than the one used to come into it. It is harder to find you car if you do that.

Fishermen have their own set of superstitions. Throw back the first fish you catch then you'll be lucky the whole day fishing. Or you might go hungry. I wouldn't toss back the first one until I caught the second one. If you count the number of fish you caught, you will catch no more that day. Sure, if you catch "one". It's bad luck to say the word "pig" while fishing at sea. I say it is bad luck to say the word "pig" when you are in bed with your lady or man.

We all have superstitions. Some, like mine, make sense. I will not wear a stripped shirt to take a test. This order must be maintained -- left sock, left shoe, right sock right shoe. Never close your eyes at night if the clock reads a pattern (1:23, 2:46) or is on a five (11:00, 10:05, 2:20). These simple rules of life make perfect sense and should be followed by everyone. The idea that the dried body of a frog worn in a silk bag around the neck averts epilepsy and other fits or that a day on the calender is unlucky -- that is just crazy.

Hola

Hello Friends,

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. I cannot begin to express how much your thoughts and prayers mean to me. Thank you.

I have not read much news, so I find I have little to talk about. You are not interested in the personal details that seem to be taking a significant amount of time. The visitation is on Friday and the Funeral on Saturday and then the healing can begin. We had a minor inter-family spat as my wife's brother insisted nothing could be done on Friday, since it was the 13th. Finally he gave in and agreed to a Friday visitation. I thought for a moment I was going to have to step in, but the sisters outvoted him. It was a major concession since they (there are three sisters, one brother) all wanted to do Thursday/Friday. The good news is there is no money, no property so there will be no fights on that.

Words fail me

I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words and prayers.

My MIL passed away this morning. Posting will be light for a few days.

On the Beach

Yes my friends that is your esteemed humble author back in the summer of 1985. That picture was taken on the gentle shores of San Padre Island, TX. I was grabbing every available chick and asking to have my picture taken. I happened to be married to the one in the picture.

The wife and I were down on vacation to Texas and we made a side trip to the Gulf shore to frolic in the waves and drink some beer. In those days that was my favorite occupation -- drinking beer, not frolicing -- as you can see by my hefty beer gut. In those years the basics of Fat In Indiana were born. The fat part anyway, the old blog did not start for about 20 more years. I was sure getting fat, in any case. Too much beer and too little exercise does that to you.

Anyway, the point of this post is not to do the Sherman and Peabody thing. Nor is it to mention I married way above my grade level. I managed to get that girl preggers some six months later, BTW. My point is that two weeks ago I had to buy a some new work pants. The size was smaller than what I wore in this picture. In fact, I purchased size 34 waist. I have not worn that since I was in college. It took 25 years to grow that monster fat ass and gut.

Two years ago my 38s were getting tight and I was trying on a pair of 40 waist jeans. I told myself "Hell no", and now I am just a little less fat. Two pants sizes less. I am still in Indiana though.

Just the facts, Ma'am.

I heard the President say that

"[W]e are going to make scientific decisions based on fact, not ideology".

He was talking about stem cell research. Too bad he is not inclined to make the same decisions when it comes to Global Warming Climate Change, solar power, wind power, green anything, drilling for oil, or nuclear power.

Hope and change.

Waiting on the phone to ring

I know you never click on links. This time I wish you would, to save me the trouble of rehashing and reviewing. Read this.

The battle is almost over. My wife's mother has put up the good fight. She lies in her bed, tenderly cared for by her granddaughter. She is tiny and shriveled. I bet she does not weigh 50 pounds. She looks like an old woman doll in her hospital bed. She will spend her last days as she has the past year, in her room at her granddaughter's house. Her ravaged body is wracked with pain, morphine her constant companion. Too weak to speak, her few whispers are mere gibberish, the cruelty of Alzheimer's to the end. The few scattered members of the family have arrived. The death watch is on. The hospice nurse says it is now days instead of weeks and months.

I watch my wife cry tears of pain. I am helpless. What do you say to ease her anguish? I think it is harder because her mother does not know her. Her brother and sisters suffer the blank looks and confusion as their mother looks at them as they talk to her, no clue as to their identity.

There is no way to say this. I feel like a slug even writing it. Please say a prayer to ease her pain. By that I mean both of them, my wife and my Mother-in-Law. I hope God does not judge me too harshly.

boo hoo wah wah

I just realized I have to reset the clocks. I do not possess the vocabulary (and could not spell the words if I did) to express my absolute loathing for Daylight Savings Time. You see, for a significant portion of my life the Great State of Indiana did not participate in that nonsense. Our clocks were always right. Of course, that meant half the year we were on Eastern Time and the balance on Central. For businesses in the State and those unfortunate souls that resided near the Ohio, Kentucky and Illinois borders, the never changing time was a nightmare. A few years ago Indiana joined most of the nation and climbed aboard the 'change your clock twice a year bandwagon'.

When first mandated, I suggested we boycott the biannual ritual and remain on standard time here at the old homestead. The wife nixed that idea right out of the chute. She is time-challenged enough without adding an additional burden of clock-math in the morning. You see, she is of the opinion that the time set for appointments, starting work and arrivals is a mere guideline. To her credit my constant harping on that subject for the 30 years we have known each other has started to improve her habits. She makes herself be on time through setting the bedroom clock eleven minutes fast. How that can work I have no idea, since she knows the clock is eleven minutes fast. Since everything is about me I now have the burden of setting the alarm eleven minutes after I want to get up, to get up on time. I swear I will never understand the female mind.

Of course, DST does not save daylight. Old Sol shines the number of hours it does regardless of the o'clock proclaimed on our various time pieces. Nor does it reduce power usage. Now we will just turn our lights on in the morning instead of the evening. As an added bonus the kids can go back to leaving for the bus stop in the dark of night.

Given the imagined energy crisis we face as a world, shouldn't we be saving energy year-round? Why is daylight only important in the summer? I should think we would want to save daylight in the winter when there is less of it. If we went on DST for a month, then off for a month, alternating year round we could save 6 hours of daylight each year! Calculating the therms, watts, lumins or whatever is used to measure light we would make AlGore's puny carbon-offsets look a joke. What did you say? Carbon offsets are a joke already? Oh.

On the bright side, I can use this as an opportunity to synchronize the various digital clocks to read the same. In addition, DST does function as a handy reminder to check the smoke detectors.

Weekend Funny

Today's Earworm

Rising Gas Prices

In my travels this week I noticed many gas stations raising prices considerably. When I fueled Wednesday I paid $1.81. Yesterday most stations were at $2.05. According to my handy-dandy calculator, that is an increase of more than 13%. A few talking heads claim it is because the demand is creeping up with spring. Except one of the largest snowstorms swept the bigger part of the nation last week so I think driving miles were down.

If we dig a bit deeper we see the price of crude is also low and dropping. So if there were demand spikes we would see it there.

No my Friends, we all know a business charges what the market can support. All it takes is one owner to say enough and raise his prices and the all the competitors in the neighborhood breath a sigh of relief and jack the price too.

Here is a thought. Many gas stations are what we would call a small businesses. Often they are family owned and operated. Like the rest of us these small business owners have seen their 401Ks turn into 201Ks since the Democrats took over Congress. More importantly, these people watch the news. They see the President is planning to punish them for their success by raising their taxes. They are looking ahead and trying to protect their meagre bank account.

I will explain this again, no business pays taxes. Ever. Raise taxes on a business and the price for the goods they produce will go up. Here is a detailed explanation on this phenomenon I wrote back in September.

You suckers Hoped for Change, you sure got it.

I just cannot make the connection

I heard a sound bite of the President at the opening of his health care summit. He said we have to get the health care costs under control -- so we can put Americans back to work and create jobs.

I guess I am just a dumb hick, because I do not see the correlation. If you cannot afford your health care why aren't you working? How will reducing health costs create jobs? What new businesses will be started? What factories are not being built because of rising health care?

Seriously, does anyone truly believe the layer of bullshit this administration is spreading?

Failure

Imagine you a re a German living in Wurtzburg Bavaria in 1932. A young politician is gaining power rapidly. You have read Adolph Hitler's Mein Kampf and the ideas he espouses bother you more than just a little. As he grows in power you think, "boy, I hope he does not succeed in his plan to eliminate the Jews". In other words you hope he FAILS.

That guy in charge of the Troops at Tianamen Square, I think we all hope he was not successful in rolling over the dissidents -- I bet we all hoped he would fail.

Liberal Democrats, if they are honest, hoped that the impeachment of Bill Clinton would Fail. and more than a few of you, against the war in Iraq hoped that President Bush would be less than successful -- FAIL. Remember 'I support the troops but not the mission'? That is nothing short of a wish for failure.

So why the outrage when Rush and others hope the socialist tax and spend policies of President Obama are an utter failure? I want him to fail if he really wants to tell us what to eat, how much to drive and where to set my thermostat. If he vowed to nationalize the car industry I would hope the attempt would fail. Suppose the President wanted to disband the dollar and move us to the Euro. What if he advocated turning Yellowstone into a shopping mall, or advocated filling in the Grand Canyon? Wouldn't we all hope he failed?

We all hope some people are less than successful at implementing programs we do not like.

I do know this, keep it up and Rush will have ratings higher than anyone could imagine.

You Obama voters are suckers of the highest order

I am driving to the land of the Golden Domers and the whole boring trip I hear the blurb at every news break how The Obama is going to streamline the Government Contract process. He is going to eliminate waste and save money for us poor taxpayers.

Is he going to remove the onerous and discriminatory provision found in almost every Government Contract that states that minority and women-owned businesses get first priority for the opportunity, regardless if another contractor (read white-owned / male owned)has a lower price?

I thought not.

Tip for the day

Do yourself a favor and add the always erudite and thoughtful Hyperbolic Chamber to your blogroll and daily read list.

You will not be sorry.

I hate you even more than that f-ing gnome

Can we agree that the most awful, vapid, loathsome commercials littering the airwaves today are the ones featuring the Comcast turtles? Maybe if Comcast did not air that intellectually empty piece of terrapin idiocy every five minutes my cable bill would not have to be so high.

I am just sayin'.

Misery

Here is today's earworm:



You are welcome.

Now someone just kill me, please?

Tuesday

There was some heavy reading in my last post. I guess I should balance it out with something light and fluffy today. Given my intellect that shouldn't be too hard, but it is. I have nadda. There is no good news out there. The Government keeps taking my hard-earned money and giving it to companies with failed policies. People live and people die. So do businesses. Maybe it is time to let AIG and Citi go the way of the dinosaur. How many more doses of CPR do we have to administer before we realize the heart of the company is just too weak? Time to give the DNR order to AIG, I think.

You say you want a revolution?

Sometimes we all get caught up in the hyperbole, the emotions of the moment. Many of us are upset at the course of the Government under the Socialist Democrats. I suppose some of the leftists felt the same way under GW. I am not sure why, since he was a most liberal Democrat President; a true RINO. What I am about to write will likely anger more than a few of you. I may even lose a few readers. After careful thought, I think you may conclude I am right.

Some people in blogland are hinting at the need to feed the Tree of Liberty with Revolution (see Thomas Jefferson's quotes for the reference). Certain people are talking of "taking the country back" under the force of arms. We saw a similar panic-mode when Clinton came to power and the militia movement reared its head. A U-Haul packed with fertilizer parked in Oklahoma City put an end to most of that nonsense. I do not think anyone is really afraid of a bunch of middle-aged white guys holding maneuvers in the woods dressed in camouflage and carrying black plastic semi-automatic weapons. I used to dress up in a blue wool suit and shoot at make-believe Confederates with my 1863 Springfield. That did not make me a Civil War soldier either.

Two hundred and thirty some years ago a bunch of farmers and shopkeepers took on the greatest power on earth and won our independence. In no way do I short-change the monumental shift in politics that victory signaled for the world, but we should also recognize we were a small and insignificant theater in what could only be described as a World War between France and England. The British were literally fighting us with one hand tied behind their back. At that time military technology and small arms were not much different than what the average Joe kept above his mantle. The same could be said even in the time of the Civil War.

By the turn of the Twentieth Century military technology advanced to the point that citizen soldiers had little effectiveness against a standing army. The Boers made a heroic effort against the British. They were successful only in that the battlefield was vast rural country. The Boers were fighting a war of attrition. Victory could only be defined by the more powerful side quiting. They did not have to defeat the British Army, they only had to convince the British people South Africa was not worth fighting over.

The later half of the twentieth century has taught us determined group of insurgents can effectively tie up great quantities of troops in guerrilla warfare. If your object is to bleed the other side until he just gives up, you may succeed. If, as revolutionaries, your goal is to win a war-- you have no chance without modern guns, armor, and communications. To win a modern revolution or civil war, you need effective military tactics. You need armies, and the ability to take and hold objectives. You cannot hope the other side tires of the cost in funds and lives. You must defeat the other side in battle. Read your Clausewitz for goodness sake. The only way to overthrow a sitting government is to defeat its army. The Current Government cannot quit and go home. Only true war is an option. Remember no revolution can succeed without the support of the people (or at least the majority has to support or be indifferent). Russia, China, Cuba, Vietnam, the fall of the Soviet Block, Iran ousting the Shah -- all these successful changes in Government had the tacit approval of the people. The list of failed revolutions is countless.

How are you going to fight the established Government? Do you have body armor, satellites, hardened communications? Do you have an air force, a navy, artillery and tanks? Do you possess vast quantities of fuel, water, food, ammunition? How long do you think your three thousand rounds of hoarded ammunition will last in a sustained firefight?

Sorry fellas, Red Dawn was a movie. Shotguns and .30-06 rifles and model 1911 .45 handguns do not win battles or even skirmishes. Even that treasured M-1 you lovingly clean is obsolete. How long will you last against a .50 water-cooled machine gun or a BAR? How many armor-piercing rounds are in your gun cabinet? Do you have LARS rockets, bazookas? How will you defend against satellites that can track you to within a few feet or thermal imaging that can find you in your bunkers? Sure, we could hold remote sections of the mountains. We could hide like Eric Rudolph in the forests of Carolina. To win a Revolution you need to take the cities, the towns, the arsenals of Democracy. You must capture the political and military strongholds of the enemy.

All is not lost. We must continue to fight the Revolution of ideas. We must win the war at the ballot box. If Obama can can win with a platform that consisted of nothing more than vague promises of Hope and Change, so can we. Socialism and Communism are not irreversible -- ask the people of Poland, of the Czech Republic. Will it take work? Will it take patience? Will it take generations? Yes, yes and maybe. The good news is the cost of Socialism will soon burden us all. Nothing brings a person around to Conservatism faster than having you money confiscated. As my son cried when he got his first paycheck from McDonald's -- "who is this FICA and why is he taking my money?". Another Conservative was born. Fortunately the means of peaceful change are part of the fabric of our nation. If the will of the people supports the change you desire, the Revolution will occur without a single shot fired. That, my friends, is the true genius of our Founding Fathers. No President, no Congress, no Court can force us to change if the majority of the people are not in favor. Your vote carries the power of an atomic bomb.

I am not saying we should never fight, we must stand for our beliefs. If it ever comes the time when the black helicopters hover over your home while jack-booted stormtroopers kick in your door to get your guns, sure. We must defend our homes, our families, our rights. If The Obama declares himself President for life, if Pelosi refuses to relinquish the gavel, if armed troops take over your city and town, you must fight. That time is not here yet. Until then, put aside the paranoia, the panic.

Come on Spring

The wife is sick, I think she has the flu. I am not very good at the nurse thing. On the rare occasions I am sick I just want to be left alone. That way the latent hypochondriac inside me can prod the "poor me button" endlessly until I get so pissed off that no one cares about me. I get well in a fit of spite. Needless to say, I am a very bad patient and all who come into contact with me are glad I am relatively healthy...knocking on wood firmly and repeatedly here, Boss. Seriously Fate, I am not offering a challenge, just stating facts.

I think this time if year is my least favorite. The weeks just before Spring are filled with anticipation. We are waiting on the warm weather and bursts of color like a kid shaking and staring at the presents under the Christmas tree the week before Christmas. "Come on get here" we say to ourselves.

For me it is especially hard when it gets warm, then cold again. In early February I was in Florida and came back to gusty winds and blowing snow. Last week we hit the low 60s, then Friday we dropped back into a temperature more suited for your beer 'fridge or maybe even the freezer. I can stand the cold, it is the warm days that get up your hopes and then smack you with the reality of snow and ice. Mother Nature can be a real prick tease. She reminds me of that girl Marlene who let me feel her up through her swimsuit but would never give me a crack at the real thing back in the summer before ninth grade. You remember her? She probably went by a different name in your memories.

What I really wait on is some color in my life. The grass is brown, the trees mere blackened sticks. Ice rims muddy puddles in the fields and washed out trash collects along the fence rows. The withered remains of last fall's mums wait in the flower bed to be plucked up. The wind blows the dried tans of the big grasses outside the living room window. This morning, the sky is a dull blue. It sports none of the vivid blue that highlights the summer clouds. The sun shines, but has no warmth. Even the big Douglas Fir seems muted in its greens.

Like the old Carly Simon song that was hijacked by ketchup, catsup, whatever, I am anticipating the first burst of purples and yellows as the crocus and tulips poke from the ground. I cannot wait for the columbine and the crab apple to bloom. The bluster of March will give way to April rains and the soggy fields will yield the green spikes of young corn and soybeans. The cold winds will blow warm and I will glory in the heat of summer.

The boy begins baseball practice in a week or so. By the end of March games will begin. The ping of the bat and the smack of horsehide on leather will evoke warm memories. Brick dust and chalk, thunderstorms and flowers are in the weeks to come. Another birthday will mark the calender's official Spring. A few more weeks and the winds shift south.

Another season, another week of life will pass us by. Happy March Fools Day to you too.