December 31, 2005

WHOO HOOO

For many of you it is just a speck of a weeks traffic, but I hit my 10,000th visitor last night. If you are from the Ozark, Alabama vicinity, and were here at around 11:45 last night, COME ON DOWN, you get the 10K visitor grand prize.

Happy New Year to you all. Thank you for your indulgence for the last nine months or so. I have enjoyed your comments, and I finally have an outlet for my bad jokes, rants, opinions, and pictures. I will have my 500th post in a few weeks as well.

Have a good time tonight, drink up. I am sure those out of the loop will believe you are celebrating something as mundane as the turning of the calendar...I will know better. You are all going out to celebrate the 10,000th hit to Fat in Indiana. After all, it is all about ME!

Happy New Year

Keyboard Chia



This is how you know you have been off work too long.

December 30, 2005

A Most Disturbing Sight

Last night the little one went to the high school basketball game, the oldest boy went to an under 21 club and the daughter (home from college) went to Indy with some friends to see a movie.

The wife and I found ourselves alone at home. I had a few suggestions on how to spend the evening. She did too. None of hers involved nudity, corn oil or a twister game. She won out, and that is how I found myself at the store getting a few items for supper.

I grabbed a couple of T-Bones, some asparagus and some large potatoes for baking. But I saw the most disturbing thing...the store already had the Valentines Day decorations and candy out. It is not even New Years! We have now developed a marketing culture of one steady 8-month long Holiday.

You know what I mean. The famous labordayholloweenthanksgivingchristmasnewyearsvalentinessaintpatrick day holiday. It lasts from August until March. We get a month or two break as the marketers try to press July 4th (the single greatest holiday)white sales on us. Then it all starts again. I think I will boycott. Maybe I will just drink until I forget. No one is going to mass market me. I will just get my Superbowl commemorative glasses and enjoy the Bud Bowl.

December 26, 2005

I can't believe I ate the whole thing...

Well, I had a wonderful Christmas. The kids were pleased, I do not think they got anything they do not like. I got some new books, CDs and movies. A Colts shirt and new tie as well.

I fixed a nice turkey dinner last night, then we played Scene it and Trivial Pursuit last night.

We got a nice dusting of snow yesterday to round things off nicely.

Then I got up about 4 am. I have been puking until about an hour ago. I hope it is not my cooking, but no one else is sick. I was sure I was in serious trouble as I was puking copious amounts of blood. I was ready to get up my wife to take me to the hospital (bloody barf is bad, I believe), then I remembered I had a red cream soda earlier.

I still feel lousy though.

Hope your Christmas was good as well.

December 23, 2005

Merry Christmas

I would like to take this opportunity to wish each and every one of you Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, A Rambunctious Ramadan, and to my agnostic/atheist readers...well, have a good day.

Thanks you for reading and I will post again after the big day -- at the latest.

My heart goes out

R.I.P James Dungy

I hope you find the peace and comfort you were seeking.
Please say a prayer for the Dungy family.

Sorority Barbie

December 22, 2005

Barbie Season

As it is Christmas time many young girls are asking Santa to bring Barbies, Barbie Clthes and Barbie stuff in general. I will post pictures in the coming days of several Barbies you may not know exist. (ht otter)

Here is Welfare Barbie:

December 21, 2005

Media Bias part deux

Like the title? See, even ignorant Hoosiers can drop a bit of parlez vous into the conversation -- and that brings us to the topic for today.

Just because we in the Midwest and south talk a bit slower or have an accent does not make us stupid. I am sure this is a bias many of my friends from down south face daily. For those of us in the Midwest we are targeted as well. Here is a flash for you Yankees in the Northeast (and southern people get it straight -- people from the Midwest and west are not and have never been Yankees. That is a term for people and assholes from New England), we do have TV, and plays, and museums, and art here in flyover country. We are able to grow your food, build your cars and appliances.

Is there an East Coast media bias? In politics that is clear. How about in sports? For the past several days there has been a concerted movement to place Tiki Barber and Tom Brady as the MVPs of the NFL. Both are fine players, but there are at least four players more deserving. Why are they not getting the press? They play for teams in the west and Midwest.

Carson Palmer has been the best QB in the league this year. Payton Manning has put up unbelievable numbers again. Shaun Alexander and LaDanian Thompson are better all around backs than Barber. Brady get the accolades because he has played well despite his team being riddled with injuries. If we are looking for the best quarterback on a bad or unsuccessful team we should certainly be looking at Brett Favre and Kurt Warner. As far as long-term success, it would be impossible not to look at Manning -- his numbers are astonishing unless you compare to last year. He has lead his team to a 13-1 start. Palmer has been simply brilliant.

Of course it may be a coincidence that bone of the guys listed play for teams in major media outlets. It may be a coincidence that both the SI and ESPN websites published articles yesterday hyping Barber and Brady. Right.

December 20, 2005

Tuesday Rant

I once received an award for a term paper I wrote in College. I will not make claims to its quality, but the research and writing the paper was a labor of love. The paper was titled "Censorship in War time : Justifications and Causes" or some other such bullshit, I really do not remember. I studied an episode in history, and compared the actual events to what was reported in the newspapers of the day. I made great efforts to make sure I used primary sources, secondary sources, and oral histories to see what really happened.

I compared the events of the Battle of the Bulge in WWII to what the reporters of the day told the public. The Battle of the Bulge or Ardennes Forrest was a pivotal moment in the history of warfare. The Allies came perilously close to collapsing. The war may have raged much longer than 6 more months with a German victory. I intended to write a little about this titanic battle fought in the freezing cold and snowy December 61 years ago, but current news events have influenced me to go on a different tangent.

When I did my comparison to actual events in the Ardennes Forest, I used articles from the NY Times as the basis for the "current" news reports. One could have made the argument (and I did) that as the TIMES went, so did the nation.

The idea of newspapers creating news rather than reporting it is not new. In fact the idea of a "neutral, unbiased" newspaper is far from the truth in our history. One only need to read the newspapers from the Revolutionary era, the Civil war or Reconstruction to see that newspapers took a clear position on the issues of the day. The reports from the beginning of the 20th Century are famous for their biases. The term 'yellow journalism" was coined to describe the editorial slant of the articles and the editorials pages in the time of the Spanish American War. It is only in modern times that journalism schools have preached the "objective reporter" school.

Not to get off the subject, but most of you know that reporters during WWII often did not report the facts of troop movements or impending battle plans. The reporters and newspapers knew our country was in a struggle for its very existence. During the Battle of the Bulge, the TIMES reported there was a minor skirmish in the Ardennes, when in fact the Germans had driven a salient nearly fifty miles into our lines. Days later they reported light casualties when it looked as if we were going to break, giving the Axis a clear path to our supply depots on the sea.

The morale and spirit of the homefront was essential to the war effort. The truth was printed weeks later, but only in small doses. The reporters often censored the news themselves. Was this right? I will leave it up to you, but my opinion is that in times of war sometimes extraordinary efforts are required.

That brings me to today. In recent decades it has become the philosophy of the TIMES andthe liberal media to become "gotcha" journalists. The sensationalism of the story is secondary to the scoop, and especially if it can be harmful to Conservative leaders. I find the publication of the Pentagon Papers to be one of the ultimate treasonous acts in the last 50 years, ranking with the selling of our nuclear secrets by the Rosenbergs (yes Ethel I think you betrayed our country with your Jello boxes).

The Times has continued its policy of hurting America's war efforts into this century. The over reporting and sensationalism associated with the Abu Gharib "tortures" (I was "tortured worse in Fraternity hazings) and now the "spy scandal" reports have done much to hurt our Nation's credibility and war efforts. The irresponsible Newsweek reports got people killed over lies of Koran desecration. The TIMES jumped on that bandwagon too.

I do not have a big problem with newspapers taking a political stand. As we discussed above, that has been the norm for centuries. My complaint is the Times and liberal media pretends they do not have a bias. Dan Rather preferred humiliation and "retirement" as opposed to admitting shoddy journalism and extreme bias.

When reporting begins to hurt National Security and make it easier for those who wish harm on our country we are bordering on treason. We are at war. Our Nation's survival has not been graver danger since that cold December 61 years ago in Belgium. Not only does the article headlines cover a half-truth that Senators and Congressmen were briefed on the domestic spying activities, but the courts did approve of the activity. A half truth is more lie than truth, and a lie is a lie. Shame on you New York Times, to put your circulation, your political bias, your hatred for GW Bush, and yes -- America-- before the the rights of those who want to destroy our country. The real irony is that if our enemies get their way, the news outlets will be the first to loose their freedoms.

I am not the first, and many will say it more clearly, but if you have such a hatred of this country feel free to relocate. Name one place on Earth with more freedom, more prosperity, more to offer its citizens. Our Government has many shortfalls, our President has made mistakes. Doing your best to destroy him personally at the expense of our ongoing freedoms is reprehensible. The saddest aspect is that much of the venom and hatred found on the left is spite. It is an effort to repay the Conservative base for the charges against Clinton. Let us not forget that he was not impeached for having tryst. Clinton was impeached for committing perjury, to lying under oath in a court of law. The chant of the liberal left is "Bush lied, people died". He made the same charges against Iraq as his predecessor, and Germany, and France, and the UN. Yet somehow the PROVEN liar, Wm Clinton, is made out to be a martyr, yet a Bush is called the liar. Alice, where is the rabbit hole?

I do NOT heart NY

If you live in New York City I am sure you have better access to museums, plays, and a wide variety of shopping and dining choices. You also have more crime, cramped housing, homeless, parking troubles, and higher costs of living. You also have mimes, that alone is enough to make me declare the following.

I am sure I speak for many when I say I do not care if your transit workers are on strike. I do not care about your internal problems at all. What happens in your liberal tax hole are as important to me a the municipal elections in Altoona , PA. Just because you live there, writers and readers of the news does not make your city a story. Let it go, it should not dominate the entire news cast.

Every person I have met from or in NYC is a liberal, self-centered asshat. The sun neither rises nor sets on you dirty cramped streets. Get over yourselves.

edit: OK, everyone except Moonbattie, and maybe this one guy who lives down on Hester Street...

December 19, 2005

Democrat Buttheads

I received this in an Email from Otter:

For Our Republican Friends:

Here's wishing all of You a

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year





For Our Democrat Friends:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

December 17, 2005

weekend cartoon

I have a bunch of these sent by Otter


December 16, 2005

Tough enough for lunch?

I wrote about my high school friend Jeff the other day. One time I was at his house and he asked me if I wanted to go with him to buy a gun. I had nothing else to do so we hopped on his motorcycle and headed off. We went to the rendering plant to see a guy his cousin knew (welcome to the rural Midwest) who had a gun for sale.

For those of you who do not know what a rendering plant is I will try to explain. The FDA has strict rules on the condition a farm animal must be in to be sold as meat. The first criteria is that the animal must be alive prior to slaughter. The animal can be only of a certain age and cannot have sores, broken legs etc. Of course there are horses, mules, goats and other animals that are usually not popular cuts of meat in this country. A rendering plant takes those animals and basically boils them down for other uses. They collect the hides for leather goods and grind the bones for meal. You get the picture. I can remember as a boy seeing the trucks go through town with the legs and heads of animals sticking out the tarp covered top of the dump truck.

We arrived at the rendering plant around 11:00 as Jeff had agreed. The smell was rancid as the dead and decaying animals were cooked into glue and fat. We soon found Gary, the guy with the gun. He was outside the open doors to the plant eating his lunch. He was sitting on a dead horse. His brown lunch bag was open next him. It too was laying on the horse. He ate a soggy bologna sandwich with one hand as he reached into the bag for chips with the other. A thermos was open at his feet. Gary greeted Jeff an me like old buddies and offered us a drink from his Thermos. I politely declined.

After some chit chat, we went to his car to look at the gun. By now the smell had begun to eat away at my sinuses, I could taste the decaying flesh on my tongue. I was beyond nauseous, I was dizzy and ill. Jeff completed the purchase and we climbed back on his bike. I held the gun by the action and supported the but on my thigh, just like the Duke riding shotgun. As we traveled back to town the fresh air finally cleared my head. I imagine we were a sight cruising through the countryside; gun at the ready. We were modern day cowboys on posse hunt. Well, maybe that should read pussy hunt -- I was 16!

Open letter to the ladies

This is an open letter to all women, especially those between 50 and 70 years of age. It is directed specifically to the 60ish lady with the purple dyed hair who parked two spaces down from me at lunch.

If I can smell you perfume from 15 feet away it is too strong. This is especially true if we are outdoors. Purple-hair lady, you may think you are hot with your knee high rubber boots and split skirt. Who am I to judge, but your perfume nearly gagged me. I do not know who you are trying to catch, but that scent will only attract fruit bats. My goodness, do you stink so bad you need to cover your rancid stench? Try bathing.

Look, I guess some people may be attracted by perfumes and colognes. They make me woozy and sneezy and teary-eyed. Nothing can ruin a meal or a movie than some whored up and perfumed old woman infecting the air with a roses and rancid roadkill eau de cologne (that means smelly water in French).

For my opinion (valuable to all of discerning taste), the decaying fish, flowers, and fruit smell of perfume is far more clingy and annoying than cigarette smoke. Lets try creating a no-perfume section at Applebee's. Are you listening nanny-state lawmakers?

Dear Santa, do not read this post


How evil are you?



stolen form GOC

December 15, 2005

Be careful of your wishes

As I opened the door to my office building this morning a fly brushed past my face heading outside. It was snowing / sleeting / raining. He should have stayed inside.

Here is a little poll for you. I have a great deal of interest in my fellow man and I really care what you are doing for Christmas (those that know me are now falling off the chair laughing and choking). Ok I really do not care, but it will be a fun exercise, and a good filler post -- I expect you to participate.

1. What are you giving this year for Christmas?
2. Do you listen to Christmas music?
3. Do you prefer the traditional carols or the newer stuff.
4. Do you like the old singers (Martin, Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Julie Andrews, etc.) or new pop versions of Christmas songs?
5. What are you wishing for this Christmas?
6. What would you desire if money was not an object?
7. What will you eat on Christmas?
8. Be honest, how many of you are secretly hoping to get laid for Christmas?
9. Is your shopping done?
10.Were you naughty or nice this year?

Inquiring minds want to know...

December 14, 2005

How drinking beer taught me to drive a manual transmission


When I was younger I did a lot of stupid, stupid, stupid things. I want that on the record. I was an underage drinker. I drove when drinking. I rode with people who were drinking. I was an idiot. If you are underage do not drink. If you drink do not drive. I cannot be more clear on my current stance on this issue. I also have to say, while we are being honest, I had a good time in my youth.

My friend Jeff had a Camaro, early 70's version, fast as hell. It was a five speed. We would go out cruising and having a good time, and often we would get some beer. I sincerely do not remember where we got the stuff. There was a myriad of sources, somehow we just ended up with it. More often than not our drink of choice was Little Kings Cream Ale. The second choice was usually Stroh's. At the time I really liked Little Kings. I was going to say that after I left for College until this day I did not ever have another one of these small-but-mighty brews, but I just remembered I was given a case of this Cream Ale as a going away gift when I left my first real job.

I digress. It is impossible to steer, shift and drink beer at the same time. I learned to shift with my left hand while Jeff drank and did the clutch work. I got to the point that I knew when he needed to shift by the revs on the engine and we could go up and down through the gears without even thinking about it. We drove and drank all night with nary a word about shifting. When I got my first vehicle with a manual transmission it was easy to put that shifting skill to work.

I do wonder, more than 25 years later, why I didn't just hold his beer while he shifted? Like I said, I was stupid and young. Wait, I know the answer, we would have been passing the beer back and forth all the time. It was easier to just get drunk and let the navigator/beertender handle the shift work. Heh, I was smarter than I thought.

New Yorkers

December 13, 2005

Gimme, Gimme, you owe me

As Americans we have named those born in a certain era with nicknames. Those of the Greatest Generation were those who lived through the Great Depression and won WWII. The Lost Generation were those that survived the horrors of WWI. Less respectful we have called the baby boomers the Me Generation and those who came later Generation X. I think we have developed a whole new class of citizens in this country -- The Entitlement Generation. Bear with me, this is a long post, and I am afraid I lack the skills to make my case as clear as I hope.

This term applies just not to the Senior Citizens who insist the Government owes them cheap drugs or medical care. The Entitlement Generation goes beyond welfare queens and whole generations who have lived on the public dole. It is an attitude that we are "owed something". We often hear "it is not fair", "there should be a law", or some such.

As I get older I am sure I will change my attitude, but the AARP aged folks who insist they should get reduced and discounted food at restaurants fit into this category. If you are living on a "fixed income" (those who have read me for long know how I feel about that term) and demand discounted coffee at McDonald's you should be at home fixing your own coffee for pennies a cup if the 89 cents is too steep for you.

What really bothers me is much deeper than this. Just who the hell does Cindy Sheehan think she is to demand the President give her a private meeting? Should Bush meet with the family of every serviceman who has lost their life for their country? Is the death of Sheehan's son any more tragic than the young airman killed in a training crash, or the sailor killed in an accident at sea? I think not. But somehow she has become convinced her case is more significant than the rest.

I will use as further examples of attitudes run amok in today's society from the world of sports. The Case of TO is well documented. He hated his quarterback, coaches and management at San Francisco. He was eventually traded (first to Baltimore which did not suit him) to Philadelphia. He signed a seven year contract that may or not have paid him adequately for his skills. He signed the contract, there was no duress, no gun to the head of his wife and children. If he did not know what he was signing, he should have sought expert advise. If the experts advised him to agree to the contract the beef is with the agents and lawyers, not the football team. After the expiration of 1/7th of the contract he wanted more. The club said no. Owens proceeded to disrupt his team, disparage his teammates, his coaches and the owners of the Eagles. He got what he deserved -- booted for the year. What made him think he was entitled to anything? What made him believe the rules were for everyone else on the team but him?

Eric Moulds a receiver for Buffalo was suspended last week because he refused to play, to meet with coaches and practice. His grievance -- the quarterback threw too many balls to another receiver. Boo fricken hoo. I guess you are entitled to have passes thrown to you.

Perhaps the most egregious case is that of Ron Artest of the Indiana Pacers. He has thrown tantrums and been penalized repeatedly over the last several years. This jerk had the audacity last year early in the season to complain that the Pacers, who are paying him a significant amount of money to PLAY BASKETBALL would not let him have some time off to promote his company's rap album. Shortly thereafter he led the riot in Detroit that ruined his teams season and led to his year long suspension. Now, after he cost his teammates a run at the title last year and significant playing time and salary, Artest wants out of his contract. He does not like the coach. Again, Boo frickin hoo.

I hear young people say that Bill Gates does not deserve his wealth. Regardless of your opinions on his product, he risked his own money and built the largest software and operating system in the world. He did it by hard work, and through savvy business deals. He deserves every penny.

Somehow our country has developed an attitude that we are owed something. We do not have the right to success, the right to not be offended, the right to public acceptance of our lifestyle and ideals. We are guaranteed the same opportunity to HAVE success. We are guaranteed the right to offend someone. We are guaranteed the right to believe as we choose.

You can dress in baggy pants that would look great on a circus clown. You can spike your hair into a purple Mohawk. You can pierce your body until you look like a human pin cushion. I still have the right to laugh at you because I think you look ridiculous. You can have all the tattoos you like, I can still think you look like a comic book. You can wear your hat sideways and circle your neck with chains and gold. You can tell me "yo yo what up" and I can pretend you are not speaking English. See that is rights. You are not entitled to my respect, nor I yours.

You are not entitled to a job. You are not entitled to wealth. You do have the right to work hard and create success for you and your family. You do not have to right to be admitted to Harvard or Michigan or UCLA or Stanford based on your DNA or the amount of pigment in your skin. You do have the right based on your intelligence, test scores, athletic ability or community and school activities. You have the right to pursue success.

If you do not like eating in a restaurant that caters to smokers, stay away from that establishment. Hit the owner where it hurts, his wallet. If enough people want smoke free dining the market will create those places. Want to smoke after dinner, patronize smoke-friendly eataries. Why does the Government have to get involved? I challenge anyone to show me how regulating smoking is in the government's best interest. Business owners want to force local governments to make their establishments smoke free because they lack the guts to declare a position on their own -- they might offend someone.

Finally, you have no rights based on your sexual preferences. What you do in the privacy of your home is your business. Should I get a promotion because I get laid every week? Should I be rewarded because I never get sex? Should an employer fire me because I am fat, skinny or bald? If I weigh 800 pounds do I represent my employer in a positive manner when I call on customers? How about if I weigh 200 pounds, have a five o'clock shadow, a hairy chest and choose to wear women's clothes?
You do not have the right to not be offended. Do not like Christmas? Fuck off, 85% of the country is Christian or agnostic. I am not offended that Jews do not eat pork, why should I care if the Christmas tree in the downtown is called, well a Christmas tree? Isn't that what it is? Is there anyone fooled when we call it a Holiday Tree? Do you want to celebrate Kwanza? Go ahead, it is none of my business if you want to celebrate a holiday made up by a leftist, white hating American. The holiday is no more authentic than the annual kool-aid party at Jonestown, but it is NONE of my business.

You see, you are not entitled to diddly. Get over it, be a teammate. You signed the contract and took the money. Support your country or move. Work hard, create success. Get over yourself, I do not owe you anything.

Our forefathers risked everything to overthrow the yoke of tyranny. They risked their lives so we could escape overwhelming government. Yet in little more than 200 years we have developed a government with powers that would make the creators of the Constitution cry. We are raising a whole new generation that only cries for more, gimme, gimme. Too many of us think we are owed. I, for one, intend to look at my life and act on it. I am going to try hard and make sure I do not develop the entitlement disease. When I show those symptoms; hit me with a ball bat.

Americans With No Abilities Act

Go read this post to get your chuckle for today. Like all good humor there is an element of truth involved.

Sadly, I do not doubt such an act could be written, supported and passed by the Dimocrats.

December 12, 2005

I am about to pee my pants

This is that funny. It is not often I get to combined two of my favorite subjects, politics and sports. Like many of you I am sick of the MSM reporting of anything but the facts in Iraq. Ever wonder what it would be like if the political reporters had to cover sports? Read this and see.

HT to the delftsman.

December 11, 2005

Esiason -- you are wrong again

For what I think is the ninth of the 13 weeks so far, I think the legendary (in his mind) Boomer Esiason has predicted the Colts will lose. They won their 13th in a row. The score was not as close as it seemed. The Colts can score at will and hold the opponent when they need to. They can play a tough, physical game, a finnesse game. Whatever the opponent brings, the Colts gobble it up.

Go ahead, Boomer, choose San Deiego next week. Do you think Manning will have any success against that vaunted number 24 pass defense? LT will get his yards, but Can SD keep up with the Colts offense? Want a scoring contest? I know who I will take.

Until you pick against the Colts next week I offer you this Boomer: eat me.

He Lives !

Sorry for my lack of posting this weekend. The boys have been on the computer literally from early in the morning until well into the next. I forgot to load some pix or cartoons so I did not even get 5 minutes to put up a post.

I took the little one sledding Friday afternoon. He snowboarded, while I used my trusty Flexible Flyer from my youth. I heard one little kid tell his dad to look at my funny sled. The dad replied that my sled is the "old fashioned kind". I knew they were all laughing behind their plastic sleds and disks until I launched myself down the hill and flew faster and further than anyone. Punks.

I was shoveling out my driveway Friday morning. We got about 8 inches of snow. A guy came around with a shovel trying to earn a few bucks. He wanted to know if there were any old people around that might need him to shovel. I suggested the house next door. He came back a few minutes later. He said they gave him $20 to clean off the porch and shovel a path to the mailbox. Asshole, I should have gone over there myself -- or sent the boys. The story of my life: missed financial opportunities.

We will have a big battle today, I think. The wife and Christmas shopping vs. Hoosierboy wants to watch the Colts. Anyone want to take a bet on who wins?

December 9, 2005

Breaking news

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not beenable to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

December 8, 2005

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

We are expecting 4-8 inches of snow today. As I returned to the office from my appointment this morning it was not snowing yet. It began after 2:00, and there is already more than 1/2 inch on the ground(2:30). I can barely see the gas station or KFC across the street. I may have to send myself home early (heh heh). In any case, it is serious French toast weather* here in central Indiana.

edit: as of 2:45 there is one full inch of snow according to my trusty wooden ruler



* note : for some reason anytime we get bad weather everyone here thinks they need to go to the store and buy large amounts of eggs, bread, and milk.

December 7, 2005

A day that shall live in infamy






On December 7, 1941 the United States was attacked by an unprovoked antagonist against military and civilian targets in the territory of Hawaii. The death and destruction was even greater than that at the WTC and Pentagon attacks of 9/11.

Killed and Missing

Navy 2,008
Marine Corps 109
Army 218
Civilian 68
total 2,403

Wounded
Navy 710
Marine 69
Army 364
Civi;ian 68
Total 1,178

Grand total of casualties = 3,581


This attack brought the United States into WW II, where the greatest generation saved the world for Democracy. Our thanks: hatred by the French and Germans, desecration of American graves in Normandy and displays in our own country that blame the US for Japan's attack. I have not forgotten the lives and sacrifices made by my forbears. Thank you. I will not forget Pearl Harbor.

December 6, 2005

Die, you traitor bastard

Am I the only one who thinks we should immediately bring home Ramsey Clark and put his sorry ass on trial for treason? The guy is the poster child for scum lawyers.

From the time he left service as Attorney General, he has done his best to discredit the United States. His traitorous activities began when he flew to Hanoi during the Vietnam War and have continued through the decades. He defended the Islamofascist who tried to blow up the World Trade Center the first time. I have no doubt he would have been first in line to defend Mohammed Abbas and his ilk if they had not the misfortune of blowing their sorry asses to hell first.

He has represented Nazis and war criminals all over the world. Now he is protesting that Saddam is the legitimate ruler of Iraq, and the courts there have no jurisdiction. What a rat bastard, slut, whore , motherfucking dickwad asshole. Slow torture is too good for him. I hope on a very small level, Saddam wins. Then he can take Ramsey Clark and feed him through a log shredder feet first, after gassing him with mustard gas.

When are we going to step up and start treating the people who actively try to destroy our country like the traitors they are?

I cannot think of a witty title

True Friendship

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always
sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a
series of promises that actually speak of true friendship:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and
plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever
is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.


4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it
every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about
how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until
you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".


Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but
only you can feel the true warmth.

December 5, 2005

Prologue

The silence of the pre-dawn morning was broken only by the occasional car or truck passing on the snow-slick two-lane highway. A car slowed to a crawl as if closing in upon its prey. The rear end slid a little as the sedan skidded to a stop. The darkness was broken by the white flash of backup lights as the vehicle slowly backed up four dozen yards and turned into a narrow driveway. The sounds of a straining engine could be heard through the barely falling snow as the car lumbered through the mud and slush. The headlights bounced up and down and side to side in duplication of the rutted road. Snowflakes danced in the twin beams like chorus girls in the spotlight. Round and round they spun, climbing and falling to the ground in the wake of the slowly moving automobile.

The car coasted to a stop in front of a run-down farmhouse. The roof was partially caved in and the awning over the porch had long since been consumed as firewood. The glow of a cigarette could be vaguely seen through the frosted windows of the idling car. The engine cut out as the door opened. A short figure in a bulky overcoat climbed out of the dark vehicle. The cigarette arced a path through the darkness as it was flipped into the distance. The man looked to the east as the first rays of dawn began to spread their pink and orange fingers through the clouds of the night sky. It had stopped snowing. The man's breath made clouds around his head in the early morning cold.

The man huddled next to the car until the sun began to peak over the horizon. He opened his trousers and relieved himself on the left rear tire before clearing his throat and spitting in the direction of the vanished cigarette. He slowly made his way toward the house.

The man mounted the sagging steps, hesitated and ducked through the doorless entryway. The sun’s weak rays provided just enough light for the figure to navigate the littered hallway. He made his way to what was the front living room. The television set and VCR were strangely incongruous in the surroundings.

He started the gas-powered generator. Its sound filled the early morning air. The man involuntarily winced at the noise. He lit another Camel and turned on the TV. Static changed to a blue screen as the VCR powered on. The tape was over after three minutes. He poured steaming coffee from a large green Thermos and went to the corner to relieve himself yet again. He sat down and watched the tape twice more.

His assignment was clear. The Vice President of the United States was to attend the “Greatest Spectacle in Sports” – the Indianapolis 500 in just four and one half months hence. In May the Indianapolis 500 gets top attention in the papers: not this year. This year the Vice President would be assassinated while attending the race. The man in the bulky overcoat watched the film yet again. The man would go to Indianapolis tomorrow and begin laying the plan to kill the heir apparent to the Presidency.

He picked up all of his cigarette butts and placed them in his pocket. From his briefcase, he took a wad of plastic-like gel. He first stuck the plastique to the side of the generator and then added a detonator. He was seven miles away on the interstate when the farmhouse disintegrated into a ball of flame.

Say it ain't so...

Did you ever have one of those memories that are a little fuzzy, you cannot remember if they are true? Did you read of the event, or see it in a movie? Did it happen to someone else and you were told of it? Is it a real memory you have tried to suppress?

This morning in the shower, I was jolted awake by one of those memories. Man I hope it was one of the scenarios above that were not me and not real. This memory involved the discovery of a stash of condoms kept by a particularly obnoxious, asshole, jerk fraternity brother. The memory is of taking a pin and poking minute holes in every rubber in the box. God, I hope I did not do that, someone tell me that is an "obtained memory".

Sadly, I think it happened.

December 2, 2005

A sad commentary or I hate the ACLU, the ICLU any CLU


Prayers addressed to the Indiana Assembly no longer may contain the words "Jesus" or "Christ". "Allah" and "Mahomet", of course, are stilled allowed. Freedom of speech is only an issue apparently if it is in favor of non-Christians.

Yes. Hooray, Alright

In an update to this post, the doorbell rang late yesterday evening I was excited to answer the door. I was sadly disappointed. It was just a couple of Mormans trying to save my soul.

When I was first married I worked the afternoon and evenings most days. I often spent most nights drinking. I had a big headache one morning when the doorbell rang. I answered the door to a nice man and woman who wanted to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I made the huge mistake of telling them I was a Devil worshiper. They went nuts. They became even more concerned for my soul when I tried to explain that I was just joking. I finally had to shut the door in their face.

They came back three straight mornings. Man, I was an asshole in those days.

new car

I just got my new Lexus RX400h, and returned to the dealer the next day,
with the complaint that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The
salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" He said, "Nelson! The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!" He continued....and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd
say,"Beethoven!" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
"Beatles!" I'd get one of their awesome songs.

One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I
swerved just in time to avoid them.

"ASSHOLES!" I yelled.....

The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda,Barbra
Streisand,and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on lead guitar, Ted
Kennedy on rhythm guitar,Al Sharpton on bass guitar,Jesse Jackson on
organ,Al Gore on drums,Bill Clinton on sax, and Hillary Clinton,Charles
Schumer,Barbara Boxer,and John Edwards singing backup vocals...

DAMN...I LOVE this car!

December 1, 2005

Christmas trees


This is the view in the Hoosierboy living room, with the little, or "Charlie Brown" tree. You can see part of the wife's redware collection to the right. This tree is decorated with handmade ornaments.

The big tree (8.5 foot) is in the living room. A few years ago I was being a smartass and decorated the tree with those icicle lights. I laid each icicle strand along a branch. The wife was complaining that there were not enough lights on the tree. Now I have to do it every year. It takes about three hours just to put the big tree up. Since it takes so long I now refuse to put on ornaments, a tedious job at best. The outside is done up with white lights all around.

Merry Christmas

Sometimes you run across stuff in the blog world that is so pure, so heartfelt, it makes you wish you could write like that. Here is a fine example from JamesOldGuy:

What would I really want for Christmas? My mind went through the usually list of things that cost a ton of money but that is not really what I wanted. It finally hit me as I drifted off to sleep. I want to be innocent again, I want to wake up Christmas morning as an 6 year old kid. I want to hear my mom fixing breakfast, and my dad sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and nursing a small hangover from putting toys together all night with his friend Mr. Daniels. I want to run in the living room in my jimmies with my brothers and look at the tree with all the presents under it. I want to see that new sled under the tree and look out the window to a fresh coving of snow. I want to sit there and open toys as mom and dad sit on the couch and smile and laugh at their three crazy boys. I want the smell of Christmas dinner being prepared and a house filled with warmth and love and a family. That is what I really want, but I will have to settle for the memories

Damn that is perfect.

Panic, Panic, it is the only answer

OH MY GOD IT IS SNOWING We must all panic. We should go to the store and buy bread,eggs and milk (I guess so we can make French toast?).

Good thing the weatherman has begun his updates every five minutes. We have the news crews out in force, location shots from the whole area. Mobiltrack is out giving live shots.

The City and State had crews out at 1:00 am to make sure the roads were clear, even though the snow was not expected before 6:00 am.

It is awful, panic, panic. We now have 1/4 inch of snow, less than one inch is expected. The roads are actually WET!

For God's sake you would think we lived in Raleigh or Atlanta.

Give me a break.

November 30, 2005

Mammoth Jugs -- hide your kiddie's eyes

since today is double entendre day I will post this picture of mammoth jugs just for Misty69.








yeah, yeah I got the pix from Otter.

Someone's knockin' at the door.

I think there has been a terrible mistake. I am sorely afraid I have screwed up, the victim of bad juju, karma at its blackest.

They say opportunity knocks but once. I think the wife dragged me to the mall that day. Maybe I was out drinking, smoking fine cigars. I hope I was not a work. That would be the ultimate slap in the face.

In any case I missed him. The SOB did not leave sticky note telling when he would return. Opportunity left no word with the neighbors. Rude SOB, he is. He did not come back.

It is now a foregone conclusion I missed my shot at old opportunity and success. I will just have to make the best of it. The only consolation is that I think the fickle bastard schedules his knock and run sessions when many of us are not at home!

November 29, 2005

A Shooting Spree on Memory Lane

Did you sing songs and rhymes when you were a kid? I bet you all chanted the Teacher , Teacher I declare, I see someone's underwear. How about the Batman jingle bells? There were lots of jump rope rhymes as well.

I woke this morning with one of those in my head this morning. Sung to Frere Jacques it goes like this:

marijuana, Marijuana
LSD, LSD
Scientists make it
Teachers take it
Why can't we?
Why can't we?

Then there was the one we sang to the local Lincoln Elementary that no one liked. Every other school in town chanted it also at school basketball and football games:
Lincoln stinkin'
What you been drinkin'
Smells like beer
Tastes like wine
Oh my gosh
Its turpentine.

Can you imagine getting away with either of those in today's politically correct atmosphere? Did you do this one:
First grade babies
Second grade tots
Third grade angels
Fourth grade snots
Fifth grade peaches
Sixth grade plums
And all the rest
Are dirty bums

Man, we were funny as hell when we were kids.

Convinced yet Boomer?

Dear Boomer Esiason,

Are you prepared yet to give the Colts credit? Every week you "just do not see them getting it done against the tough (fill in the blank with this weeks opponent)". You downplay the defense, credit luck when it comes to the offense. And you Phil Simms, what does Manning have to do to get you to credit him? You are the last guy left who probably thinks Ryan Leaf was a better pick. Simms, Esiason, you are the last ones left who think Indy is just lucky, they have not played anyone, their defense is suspect, that the offense can be beat by a control run defense. Come on, there is plenty of room on this bandwagon.

November 28, 2005

The Devil is in the Details

This is a very nice story about how Indiana is righting the fiscal ship. Curtailing Government waste can often be accomplished by looking at the little things. Maybe our Federal Government can give it a try.

Welcome Back

Boy, I hated Welcome Back Kotter. There was not really a character on the show I could stand. I have to say I did have the teenage hots for the wife though. I think I had the teen hots for every girl on TV.

It is back to work after the long weekend. I wish I could say I am thrilled and ready to go. The weekend was busy, so it is not like I got rested up. TWO thanksgiving dinners on Thursday, Started putting up the Christmas tree on Friday, along with several honeydo projects. Saturday we went to some friend's house. Yesterday was more decorating and projects. Little or no relaxing time at all. I need a vacation to recover from my holiday.

I have been faced with an interesting parenting challenge this week. How do you discipline your kids for doing the very thing you did when you were young, stupid and invincible? In fact, I did much worse. My oldest son got a ticket for reckless driving, he was going 26 mph over the speed limit. I am not as concerned about the ticket (he will pay the fine/ court costs/ driving school/ insurance hike), as the fact he was going 96 f-ing mph! I tried to explain the dangers of driving that speed, how easily he could have killed himself or his friends. I felt like a hypocrite the whole time. I not only drove fast, played bumper tag on the country roads, but sometimes did it all while drinking! I WAS AN IDIOT.

Now we wait for the court date in February to see what his punishment will be. He may even get his license suspended. I will not feel sorry for him.

November 25, 2005

weekend cartoon




Did you eat too much yeterday? I know I did.

November 24, 2005

Weekend cartoon



I know it is not the weekend, but it is a long Holiday.

Thank you to all of my readers for stopping by. I do not know why you come here, but I am grateful for an audience for my rantings. I wish the safest Holiday for all of you. Pray for our troops.

Hoosierboy

November 23, 2005

We should take a page from the guys down under

Go read this . I wish I could have said it as well. This is clearly the attitude many of us wish our leadership would adopt!

lying liars who tell lies



click to enlarge




HT : C&S

Thanksgiving on Sesame Street

November 22, 2005

commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

The debate rages on

Jimmy Carter are you high?

I once believed that although Jimmy Carter was a total failure as a President, he was always well intentioned. He still remains one of the worst Presidents in history, but I believe he is consumed by the knowledge he was a failure in both domestic and foreign policy, and that knowledge has made him a bitter nasty old man.

I saw Carter on the Leno show, and I had to turn him off before I puked all over the sofa. Carter has become so bitter about his failures he is becoming the worst kind of revisionist. Has he forgotten it was on his watch that the Islamofascist got their start? He was so weak they attacked Americans on American soil with impunity. Now this asshat has the gall to sit on TV and make statements so patently untrue, that anyone but an ex-President would be laughed from the public arena.

Let us start with the nonsense that Carter claims we "have always had a policy in this country that we never attack another country unless America is directly threatened. We do not make wars just to remove foreign leaders we do not like". Is this guy on drugs? If we examine the wars where America was attacked first, and our Country was directly threatened we have :

WW II, Civil War, War of 1812 (and that one is a stretch).

Now those wars we engaged when our Nation was not directly threatened:

Panama, the bombing of Lybia, The Gulf Wars, Grenada, Vietnam, Korea, WW I, The Philippine Insurrection, the Boxer Rebellion, the wars in Central America, the Spanish American War, The Mexican War, the War in Tripoli (pirate wars), and numerous skirmishes, wars, and actions all aimed at regime or policy change. These all affected American security or economic prosperity in one way or another.

For Carter to claim "it has always been our policy" is disingenuous at best, if not an outright lie. Maybe if he had reacted in a strong forceful manner instead of a hand wringing, "oh, my what am I going to do" pussified response to the Iranians we might have avoided the last 25 years of growing Islamic terror. Carter, you are a lying MOFO. Why don't you take your wrinkly old prune skin, your fake teeth, and your lying mouth away from my TV. Go home and choke on a peanut you old failure. Until that blessed day just shut the fuck up, you either do not know what you are talking about or you are a liar. You must have been into Billy's stash to utter such nonsense. Go away Jimmy f-ing traitor Carter.

November 21, 2005

New Look

I tried some new clothes on the old blog today. I think a dark color is in order to match my mood and the season. Let me know what you think.
commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

I had to go to the Doctor Friday

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A
little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 90?

He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?" "Oh no," I replied.

"I'm not doing either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,

hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a damn if you live to be 90?

Sent to me by Otter.

Sorry for lack of posts over the weekend. My home computer has been infected with a Vundo Trojan virus. I cannot get rid of it. I ran five DIFFERENT anti-virus and anti-spyware software programs, used the symantec virus removal tool at least 6 times. I spent nearly 20 hours from Friday to last night to no avail. All that is left is manually going into the registry and wiping out the virus line by line and I do not feel comfortable with that at all. I guess I will have to pay someone to get rid of it unless any of you have a suggestion.

Colts win, Wabash wins round one of the Division III NCAA playoffs (Why can't the NCAA adopt this nearly perfect playoff system to Division I)

November 18, 2005

Just another tequila night

The apartment building was of two wings, 8 apartments on each wing. There were four upstairs, four below. We lived in the west wing, upstairs. Our neighbors were similar, all in the middle twenties, recently married, no kids. We had a good time, often partying together or separate on weekends. One summer day we got the bright idea we would have a floor party. One couple was moving out, so we had the perfect excuse. All of the apartments would be open, there would be food, fun and alcohol.

The big Saturday rolled around and I began to get ready for the party in my typical fashion -- drinking beer hours before the party was set to begin. I helped my wife fix some food, I helped myself to a beer. She ran to the grocery to get last minute snack items, I had a beer. You get the picture. After a while my buddy came over from across the hall. I am sure we had a couple of beers.

The party started rolling early, as we were setting up card tables in the hall with food and snacks, the coolers were filled. The music was turned up on the stereo. We were drinking as we set up the party, so it had sort of a rolling start. Cigars were lit and smoked. Beer was consumed. The ladies had mixed drinks, wine coolers, whatever. Soon the tequila was brought out. We started doing tequila shots and upsidedown margaritas. The party was in full swing. As the hours went by more people showed up. A good time was being had by all until we realized we were out of tequila. One of the party goers went for more.

While he was gone several people started doing slammers. Half a shot of whiskey, half of coke. You place your hand over the top and slam it down then drink the fizzy shot. That drink was not for me, I hate whiskey (a tale for another time). I had a few more beers. The guy came back with a new bottle of hooch. We all cheered until he fell coming up the stairs and broke the bottle. We decided to head back to the liquor store. I agreed to go along to navigate. By the time we got to the liquor store I became convinced the bottle had been defective. I presented my case to the clerk that the bottle "just exploded", we needed a replacement. I am pretty sure I was really belligerent. Finally she gave us a bottle (I am sure just to get us to leave). On the way back home we got lost. I had lived in this same little Hoosier town my whole life, I knew every street, every alley. It seemed we were in a new part of town. Finally we made it back to the apartment from the liquor store 1/2 mile away. "Dude, I got lost", I told everyone. It was decided we needed a few more tequila shooters.

After a while I headed outside for some air. Man, what a party. I had been drinking half the night. My wife came out to sit with me. I remember laying my head in her lap. A little while later I apparently puked on her. She and my friends put me to bed. I had not been sick since my 21st birthday, but hey, I had been drinking since about noon. What do you expect when you drink into the wee hours of the morning.

Sunday dawned early, I was hungover and had the shakes. I vaguely remembered getting sick the previous night. I appologized to my lovely bride. "Whoa, what a party", I asked. "What time did we go to bed?" She said she had gone to bed around 1:00 am. I stated that I thought it was later than that. She said, no SHE went to bed around one, I was in bed by 8:30.

I hate fucking tequila.

November 17, 2005

WOT, Poll Numbers, and Where Do We Go From Here?

Go read the delftsman for a little perspective regarding President Bush and the WOT. The Emigre has not been posting much lately (and we are all saddened by it) but what he has to say is well worth the wait!




edit: Now if we could only get mamamontezz to start blogging again!

Think how close we came to really screwing the pooch

I heard yesterday that Al Gore has stated that "Global Warming and the Environmental Crisis" is a greater danger than terrorism. Think, not only did some of you dumbasses actually vote for this wackjob, but he ALMOST won.

If you voted for Gore, you should cut off you voting arm, scoop out your eyes with a melon baller, and pledge to never vote or breed again(upon pain of torture and death), for the sake of humanity. That is all.

Culture Quiz -- The Hoosierboy responds

Thank you to all those who participated, I will be checking out your suggestions for movies, books, and recordings over the next few months. Here is how I would answer:

1. What music are you listening to right now?
I am starting to listen to Christmas music, but Neil Young's greatest hits is in my home CD player
bonus: how -- stereo, car, Ipod, etc.? stereo, mp3 player
2. What is your current favorite movie (or what is the last movie you saw/bought, rented etc.)? Christmas with the Kranks was the last movie I saw, favorites lately include Master and Commander and Jeremiah Johnson
3. What are you reading right now? Torpedo Juice by Tim Dorsey (2nd time), To the Last Man by Jeff Shaara (just finished) Sharpe's Trafalgar by Bernard Cornwell (just finished)
4. Who is your favorite author? Patrick O'Brian, WEB griffin, Stephen Coonts, Louis L'Amour
5. Name an album (cd) you would recommend? Yessongs by Yes
6. Name a book you would recommend? Time to Hunt by Stephen Hunter will leave you breathless. Flight of the Intruder by Stephen Coonts
7. Name three movies everyone should see. Zulu, The Blues Brothers, The Godfather
8. What is your favorite sport? baseball, football
9. Toilet paper -- roll off the top or off the bottom?top
10. What make / model/ color of car do you drive? Dodge Durango

and Mary Ann. I am also pretty sure the professor was shagging them both And Mrs. Howell.

November 16, 2005

Does the Democrat Party have any shame at all?

Go and read this. Tell me that Democrats are not just lying pieces of shit that will do anything to gain power, including selling out our country and military.

Here is an excerpt:

In 1998, Sen. Carl Levin And Twenty-Six Other Senators Urged President Clinton "To Take Necessary Actions" In Response To Iraq's Weapons Of Mass Destruction Programs. LEVIN: "Mr. President, today, along with Senators McCain, Lieberman, Hutchison and twenty-three other Senators, I am sending a letter to the President to express our concern over Iraq's actions and urging the President 'after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S. Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs.'" (Sen. Carl Levin, Congressional Record, 10/9/98)

Fourteen Democrats, Including Then-Senate Democrat Leader Tom Daschle And 2004 Presidential Nominee John Kerry, Signed The Letter To President Clinton: ("Letter To President Clinton," as Entered Into The Congressional Record By Sen. Carl Levin, 10/9/98)

Carl Levin (D-Mich.) Joe Lieberman (D-Conn.)
Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.) Chris Dodd (D-Conn.)
Bob Kerrey (D-Neb.) Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.)
Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.) Thomas Daschle (D-S.D.)
John Breaux (D-La.) Tim Johnson (D-S.D.)
Daniel Inouye (D-Hawaii) Mary Landrieu (D-La.)
Wendell Ford (D-Ky.) John Kerry (D-Mass.)

Yet many of the same mofos are now calling for the President's head and calling him a liar. Do these people have no shame? If you continue to vote for people like these asshats, I think you are a dumbass. If you think the President lied about the reasons for going to war, you are an ignorant dumbass.

November 15, 2005

Culture Quiz

I am stuck in the 1970s, musically. I often wonder what am I missing out there. Enlighten me, readers. here is you chance to enlighten a poor Hoosierboy cracker on the culture I might be missing. Here is today's Hoosierboy culture quiz:


1. What music are you listening to right now?
bonus: how -- stereo, car, Ipod, etc.?
2. What is your current favorite movie (or what is the last movie you saw/bought, rented etc.)?
3. What are you reading right now?
4. Who is your favorite author?
5. Name an album (cd) you would recommend?
6. Name a book you would recommend?
7. Name three movies everyone should see.
8. What is your favorite sport?
9. Toilet paper -- roll off the top or off the bottom?
10. What make / model/ color of car do you drive?

You may have multiple answers for each question.

Come on, I want to know, answer in the comments, encourage your friends. Only YOU can expose me to culture. I will give my answers tommorrow.

Why do we need gay marriage?

I have lived my whole life in Indiana. Some of you will find that incredible. I have not lived in the big city. I have been to New York, to Philadelphia, Chicago, Houston, LA. I do not like those places. Am I a hick? By most standards, probably. Do I lack the urbane sophistication of the metropolitan citizen? Again, the answer is likely yes.

I can discuss wine, literature, history or sports. I can carry on a dialogue on politics or religion. I am capable of intellectual discourse on many a subject.

I would like to have a dialogue here on the old blog about a subject where I admittedly ignorant. It is my firm position that the government has no business sanctioning marriage. I think it is a holy bond between two people. I will also admit I am a lot less tolerant to the gay/homosexual lifestyle than I was in the past. Formerly, it was my policy that what two people did between the sheets was their own business. I guess I was a believer in the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I feel the same way about people who are into feet, or stuffed animals , or football mascots. Whatever floats your boat, baby. Today I feel I am bombarded on every front by the gay agenda. It is presented in every TV show, every movie. We are assaulted by it everywhere we look. I am tired of it.

Several years ago we were at a Hard Rock Cafe. As we are coming down the red carpeted steps the couple in front of us stopped to engage in a deep, tongue thrashing kiss and grope session. I do not condone this behavior from anyone. I did not like being put into the position of trying to explain to my 7 year old why "those two women was kissing like that?" Both turned upon hearing the little voice and blocked the stairs waiting to hear my explanation, expectant anger already on their faces. I told him that sometimes there were girls who liked girls better than boys. He wanted to know "Why would they do that?" I said we would talk about it later, and thankfully his little boy mind was filled with more interesting ideas. Somehow I feel I failed him. The women were poised for a confrontation. I left feeling like a coward and a failure because I could not explain what I did not understand to a little boy.

There is a great deal of discussion lately about gay marriage. I am not sure why it has become so important to the gay crowd. I have a firm definition in my mind of what makes a marriage, but I am willing to listen to reason. I hear that homosexuals need the legal protections. I am seriously asking for someone to 'splain it to me. What legal and civil protections will be available to gays that they cannot get now through wills, and other legal documents? I can name whomever I choose to be a beneficiary to my insurance. I can name a guardian, in case I am incapacitated, I can spell out my wishes in a living will. A gay couple cannot be covered under a family life insurance in some cases, but neither can a live in couple. Is that it?

I would like to encourage a real dialogue in the comments about this subject -- free of religion and moral condemnation. Please, someone convince me why we need to offer special rights someone based solely on sexual preference.

Get on Board, show your support

Why I Wear the Brown Ribbon



Because diarrhea affects over 30 million Americans every day, and because I am one of them.

Because just like AIDS and breast cancer, diarrhea can only be conquered by self-righteous fashion accessories.

Because I thought “outside the bun” for lunch yesterday and had to make two separate stops on my way back to the office.

Because diarrhea doesn’t care whether you’re black, white, young, old, male, female, gay or totally gay.

Because when I walk into the men’s room at work and hear what sounds like an M-16 going off, I know that one of my co-workers is making a trip to brown town, and because I will not let him walk alone.

Because from now until December 15, every $5 donation to Mud Blowers Anonymous will be matched dollar for dollar by both Hershey’s and the makers of Imodium A-D.

Because I once had the runs during a soccer game in high school and faked an injury so I could go make hot potty in the locker room.

Because they haven’t made a ribbon for blue balls yet.

Because some people think it’s funny, but it’s really brown and runny.

Because this kid at summer camp once got hit with the ’rhea during free swim, and although I laughed at him and called him “Doody Bombs” for the rest of the summer like everyone else, I felt kind of bad about it when I heard that he killed himself several years later.

Because raising diarrhea awareness isn’t “someone else’s job” – it’s everyone’s job.

Because when the rest of the audience howled with delight at that scene in “Dumb and Dumber,” I cried a single tear of shame.

Because Bam Margera and Steve-O from “Jackass” are wearing them.

Because if enough people start wearing them, it’s possible that there might actually be some kind of “Labor Day Diarrheathon” or a 5K “Run for the Runs” in Central Park – either of which would be even funnier than the Special Olympics.

Because it is incomprehensible to me that anyone anywhere could ever have a need for laxatives.

Because millions of diarrhea victims are hiding in the shadows, afraid to seek treatment for fear of being snickered at by the cashier during checkout.

And because none of us will be truly free until every last one of us can spend a night slamming down bran muffins and prunes without fear.

That’s why I'm proud to wear the Official Diarrhea Awareness Ribbon, along with the “Live Solid and Well-Formed” bracelet.

And that's why I'd like you to join me in the fight against this sphincter-scorching menace. Together, we can make a difference.

November 14, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLI

Today is the wonderful and talented Alli's TWENTY-FIRST Birthday. Go an give her comments and congats. I have never asked anything from you, my favorite reader, but now I ask that you overwhelm her with comments. Please.

Happy day Alli, and I offer this advise from my own 21st many years ago -- do not drink banana daiquiris after vodka gimlets after beer. Believe me when I tell you a brandy alexander is not a good idea -- ever.

November 13, 2005

November 12, 2005

Going out partying tonight?


This is what happens when you drink too much on a Saturday night. This is a public service warning from your Hoosier Correspondent.

November 11, 2005

Beer drinking issues -- problem solving

Here are the symptoms and corrective actions to take when drinking beer:

Feet cold and wet.
Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet.


Improper bladder control.
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Glass empty.
Get someone to buy you another beer

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
You have fallen over backward.
Have yourself latched to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts
You have fallen forward.
See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor blurred.
You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving.
You are being carried out.
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Room seems unusually dark.
Bar has closed.
Confirm home address with bartender.

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Cover mouth.



Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
You are dancing on the table.
Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Beer is crystal-clear.
It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Punch him.



Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
You have been in a fight.
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
You've wandered into the wrong party.
See if they have free beer.

Your singing sounds distorted.
The beer is too weak.
Have more beer until your voice improves.



Don't remember the words to the song.
Beer is just right.
Play air guitar.

An open letter to all veterans

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.


11:11 am, November 11, 1918.
Rauol Lufbury, Eddie Rickenbacker, Alvin York, Blackjack Pershing, Bellau Wood, St. Mihail Salient, George Patton, George Marshall, The Marines.

I had a post written. Those who care already know. For those who do not care the effort would be wasted.

I think a simple thank you will have to do.


Thank You for your service Veterans of America.

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Learning about sex from our senior citizens

Senior sex

A couple are having dinner at a restaurant and the husband leans over and
asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over
fifty years a go? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against
the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."
"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,
and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two
old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so
there's no trouble." So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by
walking
sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she
leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman
has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes. Finally, they both
collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that
he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple
struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing.
I've got to ask them what their secret is.
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something
else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of
secret to this?"
The old man says, "Fifty ye! ars ago that wasn't an electric fence.

November 10, 2005

Those are great on...or even plain.

My daughter loves Christmas and everything about the holiday. She begins listening to Christmas music as soon as the trick or treaters shed their sweaty costumes and begin the candy count. She gets that from me, I love Christmas music too. I am ready for the Holidays. The big triumvirate of festivity: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. The memories flood back of cardboard pillboxes, matchbox cars, the random pine needle that pierces your foot. The snow, the cold.

It is hard to imagine we are just a mere two weeks from Turkey Day. Yesterday, as I left for work the temperature was 68 degrees. This morning it was a chilly 36.

I am ready for the holiday season: the work load drops and I get time off between Christmas and New Years. The family will gather to celebrate the birth of Jesus. A few beers might be consumed, and there will be lots of food. I have been getting ready, I have been able to tighten my belt two notches in the last year. Time to fit those pants completely!

I would go home and watch my DVD of one of my favorite movies HOLIDAY INN, but my daughter took it last time she was home. All we need now is just a little snow.

November 9, 2005

AT&T is a piece of shit.

I have had an ongoing dispute with the people at AT&T. About a year ago we started getting bills from them, about $5 per month. We called them and said we never signed up for your service, we will not use it, make it go away. We use our cell phones for long distance calling. More bills. Call again. More bills. Now they start to call from their collection department, they want their $17.00. The wife explains it again. After about 5 or six months, of this she finally gets it clear WE DO NOT WANT THEIR SERVICE. Customer Service wipes out the charges. We are done right? Nope, about three months ago we get a bill. The wife calls goes through it again. They say we have to call customer service, get a toll free number. You can only get a recording with that number to pay your bill.

Fast forward to last week, collections call, the wife explains it again. Today they call at lunch. Whoops, I am home this time. I not very nicely tell the lady from AT&T collections where she can put her $23 invoice. I told her I am sick of this, etc. etc. She tells me I have to call a different number. Now I am more than a little pissed off. I call the number, my only choice is the automated pay system. I try again, same result. At this point I want a human to yell at. The blood pressure is up, I have resorted to screaming curse words at the automated system. I am banging the phone in a vain effort to talk to a human. Repeated "fuck you AT&T"s rumble off my tongue as my hands start to shake. Foam dribbles from the corner of my mouth. The contortions of my face make my vision blur as I dial again and again in the vain hope that the system will recognize my number and give me an actual live human to speak to.

I try the caller ID and get the number of collections. I call that number, enter my information. Yes, again I get the automated pay system, only this one actually says they will be glad to help me after I make a payment. ARRRRGGGGH. I want to rip the phone from the wall, The letters A and T are about to be banned from my home. I would rather not have phone service than deal with this company for one more minute.

I call the 800 customer service line again. This time I enter my company phone number: bam -- customer service person in mere moments. He is a little perplexed when I explain that the number I am calling about is different. I tell him my home number. He tells me three different times that the number I want to discuss is different than the number I gave the automated system. I explained in an exasperated manner that I needed to talk to a live person. He told me I could pay the bill with the automated system. I explain it all again in a very loud and angry voice, complete with editorial asides on the automated hell, and the stupidity of his company. I ask why we keep going through this billing issue. He allows that the account was credited about six months ago, and the notes say we do not want the service, but we made a one minute phone call in July (11 cents) so that reactivated the service. He will not credit the $23. I wish him luck, and spend the next minute again explaining to him what I think of his company. I also let him know that because AT&T are such dicks, I cancelled my business service last month and switched to the competitor. AT&T just lost about $400 per month (I am sure they could care less) over ELEVEN DAMN CENTS.

I called my local service to make sure AT&T was erased forever from my phone (they were more than happy). After they said they would set me up for long distance at $2.00 per month I said NO. We use our cell phones for long distance, and our total long distance for the last 4 months is a combined $2.64. Then came the kicker. I hung up the phone, defeated, deflated, despaired. I gave up, I waved the white flag. I am now a Frenchman for the day.

Are ready for this? The fucking Federal Government will charge me a one time universal fee of $5.50 for canceling my long distance. Right, the Government is going to charge me for not buying a service. Tell me again we have a free country. ASSHOLES, ASSHOLES, ASSHOLES. Sam Adams, Paul Revere, and the Sons of Liberty where are you, we need you again!

I hate people smarter than me

We could lose also because our mainstream media seems to find terrorists less unattractive than having a conservative Texan in the White House.


The vodkapundit has up an excellent piece detailing the war on terror and the mistakes we have made. It gives a very interesting historical perspective I had not considered. Read it, it is worth your time.

Thanks to alli.

Pay Attention.

Go read this guy. He is funny as hell. Besides he is certainly an arbiter of good taste, he links with HB. Be sure to scroll down and read his adventures with pumpkin spray.

November 8, 2005

The fuse in the powder

Go read this. I will wait. I do not know about you, but I have taken secret delight in the nightly burning of French cars. Reap what you sow, says I. Next I ask when are the papers and MSM going to come right out and mention these acts are being done by Muslims? Then I want to point out that if you think these riots are random, not planned by radical leaders of the Religion of Peace, you are a fool. Then the deeper thought hits me, are we so far from this happening here in the USA? I was going to write a long post on that, but katies dad beat me to it.

Am I paranoid? Is our Government refusing to look at the dynamite being packed around our ankles, just waiting on the fuse to be lit? Will my grandkids live in a world of anarchy and civil war?

The Red Sox and White Sox win World Series. The Colts beat the Patriots. The Bengals are winning football games. Is the END really at hand?

Is this what it has come to?

Bill Belichick, owner of the Colts collective pysche, finally was defeated by a mirror of his own style. The Colts came with a swarming defense. The Colts ate up the clock with long drives, keeping the Patriot offense off the field: the same prescription used by the great Belichick for years against the high-powered Colts offense. Last night Belichick resorted to on-side kicks and go-for -broke fourth and a mile plays to try and get his exhausted an beleaguered defense off the field. Finally, in desperation, he threw in the towel -- the red towel that is -- to review an obvious touchdown, just to give his guys a rest. The Patriots, those of the phantom injuries in the past, were no match for the relentless Indy no huddle offense. Seeing the defense butts dragging, Big Bill in desperation did the only thing he could -- he stalled, violated the very idea of the review rag. I guess Willie McGinnist just was too tired to fake another injury. This is the best the great and vaunted Belichick could come up with?

Junior

Pete Rose Jr. has lived his life trying to live up to the old man's standards. Despite years of journeyman work in the Minor Leagues, Rose Jr. just does not have the talent to play in the Majors, forget be a star like his dad.

We have to give Junior credit, he keeps trying to live up to his father's image, and now he just might have succeeded. He has admitted to cheating and lying. I guess blood does tell. Both are an embarrassment to baseball now.

November 7, 2005

Thanks

Thanks for everyone's kind words and thoughts, the severe weather and tornadoes were at the extreme SW corner of the state, some 3 hours from me. I live near Indianapolis. Please pray for those affected.

You ain't gettin' no rematch

I was channel surfing last night and there was a special on ESPN Classic last night showing some of Iron Mike Tyson's early fights. I had forgotten what an awesome fighter he was before he went to prison and became a joke, a cartoon character.

The guy could hit. I think he knocked out his opponent in 10 of his first 12 professional fights. I think 8 of those 10 were KOs in the first round. In one fight Tyson knocked the guy down with the very first punch he threw, maybe 3 seconds into the fight. He knocked him out with the second punch, after maybe 3-4 jabs. Tyson hit the guy so hard he literally lifted him off his feet.

Some of the early fights were cool, it was clearly club fighting, the video a handheld camera. In one poorly photographed fight you could here the punches, it sounded like the meat Rocky pounded on. That victim lasted about 1-1/2 minutes.

You could see some of the later, crazy Mike Tyson in one fight. The opponent came out and was swinging away. He caught Tyson with a solid uppercut, followed by a right cross. You could see the anger in Mike's face. He was pissed. He reached back and socked the guy immediately with a left hook that knocked him clean out. Impressive.

Where did it go wrong Iron Mike? You could have been the best ever.

Stupid People part 37

Against stupidity the very gods
Themselves contend in vain.
The Maid of Orleans. Act iii. Sc. 6.
Friedrich von Schiller (1759-1805)


"You have to take into consideration, HB, that people are basically stupid", said one of my first supervisors. The lesson was indeed true. Of course he was not talking about YOU, reader, just people in general.

Today let us address the douchebag that is suing Home Depot because he got his ass glued to the toilet seat. Apparently some pranksters put superglue on the seat. His ass stuck. It took 20 minutes to get help, because the manager thought it was a joke. This is worth three million dollars? The jerk who sat on the glue said he almost died from stress and embarrassment. He has recovered enough to sue Home Depot and to pimp his website on the Today Show. He claims there were no more of the paper seat covers, so the store is responsible. Hey, dumbass, use toilet paper to wipe the seat. What kind of idiot just drops his pants and plops on a public toilet? Ever heard of Crabs, germs, feces? When you plop on a public seat and feel it is wet and sticky, wouldn't most of us jump up right away? Not making any accusations, but there are some people out there who would pretend to "slip" to get a few thousand bucks, why not get glued. I want to repeat, I am sure that is not the case here, probably.

T.O.: what more needs to be said. I addressed this butthead here. The man is a cancer, a plague to teams. His basic philosophy is there is no I in team, but there is an M and an E. At this point his issues outweigh his talent. Sadly, in an effort to recoup some of their wasted cash, the Eagles will let him go. Some other team will take him. If I were a super rich owner I would pay him his money and let the SOB rot, never to see the field for the remaining 6 years of his contract. Not getting attention, not getting to play, that would kill a media hungry, me first jerk like Owens. Ruin his career I say. Of course that is why I am here, not an owner of an NFL franchise -- poor business decisions.

November 4, 2005

Judicial Philosophy

Alli has a good post up about Judicial Philosophy. I too am disturbed about the push for a "Conservative" or "Liberal" judge. I want someone who will base their decision on the law, in the case of the Supreme Court, on the Constitution.

When I was in college, I spent a considerable amount of time on the study of History. I especially enjoyed those classes that focused on the study of historians. I spent a fair amount of time studying historians and their approach to history. You might tell me that a fact is a fact, history is what it is. I would disagree. Let us say in 49 BC Julius crossed a small river in northern Italy. He was on his way to market. Do we care? Is that history? What if he had a group of friends with him? Is that change your answer? The "fact" that 10 minutes later another guy named Julius (Caesar) crossed that same river, the Rubicon, is of great importance to us. The Roman Civil War, the Roman Empire, our Christian religion, our very language and culture are influenced by this single act. As a historian we have to look at episodes and actions in history to determine what "facts" are important.

Then we have to deal with our biases. If we are a supporter of Caesar the crossing of the Rubicon is a good thing. Let us look a little closer to home. For many of us, the overthrow of Saddam Hussein was a good thing. Even most of the anti-war crowd agree on this "fact". What if you were one of the elites in Iraq, a member of the ruling bureaucracy or a family member of such? Your take on the situation would be a little different. We all have biases. To the extent we can overcome those biases tells us how good historians or judges we can be. As you tell your grandchildren what it was like to be alive in the 1940s, or the 1960's you bring a set of biases to the table. American, British, French, and Russians of the era will have a different version of what happened in the 1930s and 1940s than a German or Japanese. Your position on Vietnam will color your perspective of the 1960s anti-war movement.

When we consider a Supreme Court Justice, many of us are looking for a strict Constitutionalist. We want a judge who does not see privacy rights in the commerce clause. A judge that does not consider the case law of Canada, Estonia, or Uzbekistan when deciding US Constitutional law. No matter how hard the Justice tries, he will bring his biases, his learning, his unique view of life with him. The degree that he can separate his personal beliefs from the Law, determines his place in history.

The ability to separate the law from personal beliefs, can a Catholic judge rule on cases involving Masons? Can a judge of African decent rule on the rights of the KKK to march? Did he rule in favor of the NRA, even though he finds guns loathsome? That is what Congress should look at when giving their "advise and consent". Look at the body of work: as a judge did the candidate rule fairly? Did he try to interpret the law in the strictest possible sense? Those questions are far more important than a man's religious or personal beliefs.
Consider everything here that is of original content copyrighted as of March 2005