Bees make honey, who needs money? No, not poor me

 Shares of Stanley Black and Decker tumbled nearly 14% yesterday after the tool-making giant posted less-than-expected earnings. It seems as prices of everyday stuff rises people are not going out to buy new drills, saws, and nailers. 

Yet the Biden cabal is telling us we are not in a recession. Inflation was just reported as the highest since the early 1980s. Now the Democrats want to double down with another massive spending program. 

Look, I’ll readily admit economics wasn’t my strongest subject in college. I do know very smart people with degrees in economics. They have consented over the years to explain economics to me in layman’s terms. Quite simply, the more money in an economy the greater risk of inflation. The big payments and giveaways early in the Biden Administration (and Trump — he shares in this) put too much money into the economy and coupled with decreasing the flow of oil, has resulted in massive inflation. 

This is what you get when you elect people whose entire economic theory is expressed in a hippie song. 

At least we do not have any more mean tweets.

I never planned anything in my life

Over the weekend I watched the documentary The Last Movie Stars about Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. The format was rather strange but the show was fascinating. Newman viewed his career as lucky rather than talent. He lacked confidence in his abilities. Paul always believed his wife as a far better actor. For Paul to think he wasn’t great, to that I say Cool Hand Luke, Hud, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Butch Cassidy, Slapstick, and Fast Eddie. Were there some stinkers? Sure. The body of work speaks for itself. 

It is a fair question to ask how many of those early roles and accolades would have gone to James Dean had he not done a mind meld with a Porche? 

I don’t know, I cannot see Dean as Luke. 

If you have HBO it is worth your time.

When the rain came

Thunder and heavy rain moved in over night. I watched it from my office recliner. No, I wasn’t in the doghouse. Severe acid reflux had me awake coughing and sputtering as acid burned up and into my mouth. I feared for a moment I was about to drown on my own puke like a rock star. 

Good morning! That’s a pleasant thing to read, eh wot? I wasn’t  in Harry Nillson’s Mayfair London apartment so I knew I was OK. 

You don’t get that reference? Don’t worry, I just learned a strange fact not too long ago. Both Mama Cass and Keith Moon died in the same bed in the same apartment owned by Nillson. The deaths were four years apart, but both were 32 at the time. If Harry asks you to sleep over, I’d just say no. 

I’m not sure what brought on the bellyache. It started after my PBJ lunch and worsened after I made biscuits and sausage gravy for supper. Both are pretty benign meals. A simple “Dude, you are old” probably is the best explanation. 

Every Tuesday we do this

 John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared a breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,

‘Are these plates clean?’

His grandfather replied:  ‘They’re as clean as cold water can get ‘em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!’

For lunch, the old man made hamburgers.

Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked: ‘Are you sure these plates are clean?’

Without looking up the old man said: ‘I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!’

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.

John yelled: ‘Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car’.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted:

“Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me?!’

 

twisting the night away

 I decided some fresh corn on the cob would be good for supper with the pulled pork. I was going to grill it but rumbling thunder and steady rain convinced me to throw it in a pot of boiling water instead. 

Just as supper was about to come together that weird buzzing and piercing tone those of us who live in flyover country know so well erupted from my phone and the TV. Tornado warning! I switched over to the local station to get the weather radar. A big red and purple blob was moving right at the old homestead from the west. 

I pulled the potatoes from the oven, grabbed the wife and headed for the basement. 

No I didn’t. I don’t even have a basement. Instead I went to the front windows and looked to the west see what I could see. I saw the gutters overflowing and the newly laid mulch splattering on the porch. I saw the maple limbs whipping in the wind. I did not see twisters in the sky. 

The corn was done so we sat down to eat as the warning expired. It was some mild excitement to an otherwise dull Sunday. 

Sunday Dinner

I was cutting the fat cap off a pork shoulder this morning and got a small cut on he edge of my left index finger. My knives are very sharp so it was a quick bite then no pain. I had to go bandaid up and then wash my knife before I could continue. Things from then on were inconvenient as I didn’t want to get meat and dry rub all over my bandage. I finished preparing the pork for smoking pretty much one-handed. It was not a big deal, I like to complain. 

I’m going to get the meat smoking a little early. Rain is expected to move in this evening around four or five so it would be good to have the meat done and the smoker cooled off before the rains come. Cleaning the smoker in a thunderstorm doesn’t sound like a good Sunday to me. I doubt it does to you either. 

I put some hickory and apple chunks in water to soak last night so in an hour or two the neighbors will be sniffing my Q. I think I’ll make som cheesy hash brown casserole as a side. And a veggie of some kind. Sure, there is a little extra. Come on over. Bring beer. And dessert. I live in Hamilton County. I shouldn’t be hard to find. Bwa ha ha. 

How about some music? Since we are talking BBQ, how about some country?

Hybrid ball bearings do not run on batteries

 It is strange how I cannot wake up during the week but get up early on the weekend. So here I sit on the couch, a hot cup of coffee steaming on the end table pecking away one-fingered on the iPad. Life is good. 

I had a political rant forming in my mind. I let it go. I’m not gonna change any minds. Sure, I will drop a screed in the coming days, it is what I do. Not today. 

We are heading off to our friends’ for a pool day. Since we never go empty-handed I have a couple of snacks to make later this morning. We are taking some kind of peanut butter brownie cupcake things from a mix the wife bought. I am also going to throw some Velveeta and Rotelle in the crockpot for some easy nacho dip. 

Whose dip is it? Nacho dip. 

Yes, I went there. More? Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships? So when they come to port they can Scandinavian. 

Try it out loud.

I’ve said it many times, you get what you pay for around here. 

Have a great Saturday. I plan on it. 

Edit so much for plans. The rains that were scheduled for early morning have set it and made swimming an unattractive option. Instead we will join our friends this evening for cheap eats and some cards. Almost as good. I’ll take it.

If I was as bad at forecasting as the weather people I would be out of a job. And worse, they are totally unapologetic about their failure  so very often to be right and accurate.

I don’t know

 I am completely baffled. I wrote a post yesterday afternoon and canned it for posting early this morning. I knew I would be tied up in meetings most of the morning and wanted to give you the benefit of my wit and wisdom. 

I know it published. I just didn’t publish it for this morning, obviously. So somewhere in the past I retroactively published a post urging you to become an organ donor. 

It would be a good thing if you do.

Stupid is as stupid does

Mayor Pete proves yet again he is ignorant of real life. He testified this week that he is confounded that Americans aren’t flocking to buy EVs. He said if Congress would provide subsidies the cars would cost less. Clearly Pete doesn’t understand the difference between cost and price. If an EV is listed at $50,000 and there is a subsidy for $10,000, the car still costs $50,000. The other $10,000 is just paid by the taxpayers — your friends and neighbors. 

More to the point, here is an example of why people don’t want EVs. I have to go to Chicago for business in a couple of weeks. I may be able to make it there and back on one tank of gas. It will be close. Assume I need to fill up. It will take about ten minutes, counting a pee break and wait in line to buy a Milky Way or something for the round trip.

With an EV, I will have to stop at least once, maybe twice, to charge, depending what n how much I run the AC, listen to the radio, or traffic. Providing I can find a fast charger in the hinterlands of NW Indiana, it will take 30 minutes to charge. If not, eight hours? My four plus hour trip just took an extra 12% to 200% longer. Each way. 

Consider that my car should last 150,000 miles easily if I take car of it. The battery on an EV will last 70-100,000 miles. The battery replacement cost is $16,000 to $20,000. You might as well buy a used car.

I won’t even cover the problems with the electric grid. Or the fact that even with subsidies an EV costs more than an gas car.

So, Mayor Pete, that is why I don’t want one of your EVs you jackass.

Don’t read if you are easily offended

 A young woman, during tough times, was working as a prostitute. For obvious reasons, she kept this a secret from her family. One day, the police raided her brothel and arrested a group of working girls, including the young woman.

The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but the woman’s little old Grandma! The young girl became frantic.

Sure enough, the Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for dear?”

Not willing to let grandma in on her secret, the young lady said that some people were giving out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

“Mmmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma, “I think I’ll have some myself,” and she made her way to the back of the queue. An officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to the old dear at the end, he was bewildered.

“But, you’re so old, how do you do it?”

Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny. I just remove my dentures and open wide.”

Satisfaction

 

It is pleasant and warm on the patio. The house leaves me in the shade. A good cigar sends plumes of fragrant smoke into the cloudless evening sky. 

A squirrel comes down from the big willow and runs along the top of the privacy fence. 

Classic rock plays on the little Bose speaker. My book sits unopened next to me. The traffic sounds of 141st street are muted.

Supper is done, the kitchen cleaned. The wife went shopping. 

I sit content. I had plenty of complaints this morning. Not so much this evening as I ponder all I have to be thankful for. 

Life is a far cry from a year ago.

Thanks for sticking with me faithful readers.

back of my neck feeling dirty and gritty

Another summer heat wave is in the forecast this week. This happens almost every year. I have a question. If it is hotter than ever, as the climateers shout in panic, why are most of the records for heat and cold decades old? In fact, around here most of the heat records date to The Great Depression. Anyway, it is expected to be in the mid and upper 90s this week with high humidity. I suspect it will be hot at your house too.

We got a day of rain Sunday so the lawn isn’t quite so brown and dry. 

Since it wasn’t as hot yesterday I went for a walk after supper. It was still pretty humid so my shirt was sticking by the time I got home. I probably overdid it. My foot is more than a little sore today. So it goes. I’m still 50/50 on living with the pain and slight limp or going for another surgery. The actual procedure doesn’t bother me, it is the recovery. Another six to eight weeks of Long John Silvering it has zero appeal. The youngest granddaughter sat and bumped up the stairs one at at time on her butt a few weeks ago. “Look, I’m just like Paw” she laughed. I did too, but I have no interest in going back up and down like that again. 

I hear you. “Then quit complaining “ you say. But that’s what I do best! I think it was a year ago this week I had my first foot surgery and I’m dismayed that things really are no better. 

On the good news front, I returned to the retina specialist yesterday. He said things look good from my laser procedures earlier in the year. There does not appear to be any more bleeders and the one that was inoperable appears to be shrinking somewhat. My vision was slightly better. 

Ha! Not only do I look old in the mirror, now I sound old. I spend a whole post on my health and aches and pains. I am pretty sure that is not why you stopped by. 

Sorry ‘bout that. I know I usually give you a joke on Tuesday. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe later. Who knows?

I have no answers part 37

After significant internal debate I took down yesterday’s post. It was a sarcastic and mildly clever poke at gun control. I took it down not because I now disagree with the sentiment, but in light of events in Indy yesterday, the mocking tone was marginal. Maybe.

A gunman toting a long gun opened fire in the food court of the Greenwood Park Mall in a suburb of Indianapolis, killing three and wounding two. What the police have termed “a Good Samaritan” pulled his handgun and killed the murderer before his rampage could get worse.

That last paragraph says everything that needs be said about gun control. 

There has been a great deal of handwringing panic over Indiana’s new right to carry law that took effect a few weeks ago. This is why it exists. 

I took down the post for its facetious tone out of respect for the dead, not its message.   

Update. Reposted. 

almost deadly

My buddy has been experimenting. He owns an evil black rifle. You know, the one killing everyone, an AR-15. 

He has it out in plain sight in his home office. He put several thousand rounds of ammo nearby. Can you believe a gun that deadly has yet to shoot him? There has not even been an assault, a bludgeoning, or even harsh words from the weapon of mass destruction. My friend even tried to antagonize the rifle, calling it names and cursing at it. There was no response at all. Not even when his wife comes in the room. My friend went so far as to slap the gun on the butt. That has to be some kind of workplace harassment, yet the AR-15 did not respond. It just sits there like an inanimate object with no will of its own. 

I told my friend to try calling the rifle by the wrong pronoun. I am not sure he is willing to go that far in provoking something so prone to violence. 

knock it off

Can we just stop with the total complete bullshit about senior citizens living on a fixed income? Unless you work for commission, we all have a fixed income. You are paid an hourly rate or a salary. It doesn’t fluctuate, and certainly not upward.

Only those on social security get a guaranteed raise when costs go up. I won’t, you won’t. We just suck it up through Bidenflation.

Senior citizens don’t suffer more with prices rising than the rest of us. As boomers die off, we will start to see a lot less pandering to them.

I say this knowing I’m approaching that age and by classification just barely a boomer myself. 

Stuff you have been thinking about

I’m sure you have been worrying about my Free Cell status. I last updated you on my winning streak last month. Well here we are, almost a month later, and I’m still on a hot streak. Right now I have won 302 games in a row. My previous win streak was around 25 games. Then I won 49 in a row. I lost a game then I embarked on my current streak. That puts me at 351 out of the last 352 games.*

Yes, I know, mentioning a streak is akin to discussing a no hitter. I am messing with fate. 

So it goes. 

I just couldn’t keep silent when I know you are still eagerly awaiting updates from me. 

* my wife says I need to get a life.

Makes me sick

 I watched the Uvalde School video. I’m speechless, or nearly so.

I understand why some of the parents are angry and upset over it’s release.

I know why law enforcement, if you want to label those cowards as such, did not want it released.

Each and every one of those police officers cowering in the hall should resign immediately. No one wants to die. When you sign up for the job as cop, as fireman, you are by definition putting your life on the line. If all you want to do is write tickets, become a meter maid. If you want the uniform and the feeling of power, become a mall cop. 

Paul Blart showed more gumption and intestinal fortitude. Kids were dying while those hired to protect them are getting hand sanitizer. The police where there, body armor in place, armed with true assault weapons three minutes after the shooter entered the school. 

They ran when they heard shots. 

Let me repeat.

They ran when they heard shots. 

I’m not sure how any of those cops can show their face in that community. 

Variation on a theme

 A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.

Finally, the doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

“Breast-fed,” she replied.

“Well! We’ll have to check you out. Alright then, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered.

She undressed and the doctor began his exam.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. He frowned, then continued squeezing and pressing for a few more minutes.

Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,

“No wonder this baby is underweight – you don’t have any milk!”

“I know,” she said. “I’m his Grandma, but I’m certainly glad I came.”

Breastfeeding is best for babies

 During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

He’s unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

Doesn’t need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

Has great packaging.

The back flower beds are still weed choked

It started innocently enough. I told the wife I was going to mow the back yard. She said she would come out and pull some weeds. As I laced up my mowing shoes she said “we should get some bags of mulch for the front flower beds”. Translated that means why don’t I go get some mulch. After some sharp words I got my keys and drove down to Lowes to get some mulch. 

I spread the mulch through the front flower beds. Then I helped her plant a big flower she got for her birthday. Then “we” needed to trim up those trees in the back. So I grabbed the saw and pruners. She said “cut here and here and here and there and there and there”.  As sawdust stuck to my sweaty arms and legs she said she was going to get cleaned up. She headed inside. There I was with a big pile of limbs to be trimmed and cut and loaded into the trash cans. By the time I was done mulching and trimming and cleaning and watering I was too dang tired to mow. 

The yard does look better. “We” did a good job. 

Help me Rhonda

I wasn’t going to post today. Nothing to say, etc. 

Instead I’m going to request a prayer for very long time reader Freddie and her family, if you are so inclined. Her Tallman is fighting blood clots. 

lightening up, just for you Francis

If you have Hulu you should watch The Bear. Riveting. My son says that is the most accurate depiction of the industry he has seen on film. 

Now some music. 

You never expected that, did you?

There was a time...

I read an article this morning from some dufus claiming the problem is not with SCOTUS, but with the Constitution. I’m not going to link to it. The article is wrong on so many points I don’t want to spread the author’s nonsense to even one unsuspecting reader. 

There was a time I would have spent an hour taking apart the erroneous positions and offering rebuttal based on history and actual words of the document itself. These days I don’t have the energy. 

Here are a few salient points you should know.

1. There was much concern about the Bill of Rights at adoption. Many feared future Americans would think the only guaranteed Rights were those listed. Thus, the 9th and 10th Amendments. Those of you who think the Court “took away your rights” in the recent Dobbs decision should read those Amendments. 

2. There is a means to amend the Constitution. Is it hard? Yes. It is designed that way too limit “the passions of the day”.

3. This country was and is a collection of States. Senators are by definition representatives of the States, that is why there is not equal representation. They were never supposed to be elected that way. That keeps the big states from dictating to the smaller states. Wyoming gets equal vote to California on purpose. Only a big state Democrat fails to understand why this is important. This is the same reason we elect the President through the electoral college. He is elected by the States, not the people.

This is not hard to understand, if you only try.

4. To argue the second amendment only applies to muzzle loaders is as stupid as saying the first amendment only applies to printed words or those scraped on parchment with a quill. 

Clearly one of the worst things to happen to the generations born after the late 1970s was cancelling Schoolhouse Rock.

Lessons Learned

 An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,

“I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”.

The four men didn’t wait for a second threat.

They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why.

It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

The moral of the story?

If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.

We all scream

As is often the case in summer, July in particular, it has been hot. Temps cracked 100F yesterday. The heat index was around 110. At nine o’ clock last night the heat index was still over 100F. I suspect it was hot at your house too. 

I have one of these ice cream makers. It does a pretty good job and is way easier than dragging out my old-fashioned one with the salt and ice and mess. It makes enough for the two of us plus some to stash in the freezer for tomorrow. It would be a great treat n this heat.

A few weeks ago I thought I would make some ice cream. The center container, the place where the magic happens, wasn’t there in the garage freezer where it is always kept. 

I vaguely remembered removing it over the winter to make room for meat after a big shopping trip when I got my new job. OK. Where did I put it? 

It wasn’t in the box with the other components. It wasn’t on the storage shelf next to the garage refrigerator. It wasn’t anywhere in the garage. 

Didn’t we loan it to my daughter last fall for a party? Yes. She sent it home, the evidence is in the motor, paddle, and lid in the box in the garage. 

I have looked in every cabinet and storage closet in the house. I’ve been searching for nearly a month.

It is not here. 

I want some homemade ice cream. What did you do with my freezer? 

I guess I’m going to have to go buy another ice cream maker.

The old ones are still classics

 There is a mommy stork, a daddy stork, and a baby stork

One day, daddy didn’t come home for dinner.

Mommy and baby were very worried.

When dad came home late the next morning, they asked what he was doing.

“I was making a young couple very happy,” he replied.

About a week later, mommy didn’t come home for dinner.

Daddy and the baby were very worried.

When mom came home late the next morning, they asked what she was doing.

“I was making a young couple very happy,” she replied.

A few days later, the baby didn’t come home for dinner.

Mom and dad were very worried.

When he came home very late the next morning, they asked him where he was.

Baby just grinned and said,

“I’ve been scaring the sh!t out of college students!”

Independence Day II

 

I’ve said it many times, if you have not watched the first few episodes of the Adams miniseries on HBO, you should. Why it isn’t required watching in every high school I will never understand. Teaching history never needs to b confined to dry dusty politically correct tomes. 

Independence Day

 

A movie review 46 years late

 I was lazing about yesterday flipping channels when Rocky came on. It has been awhile since I watched the film and I forgot just how good it was. The gritty tale of a club boxer, just getting by and the life he lives when offered a big break is heart rendering. Each time I watch the movie I feel a sense of sadness. In the end Rocky isn’t so much a boxing movie, a sports movie, but a film about life, love, and man’s struggle to survive and find that indomitable spirit that drives us from within to compete — not just within the confines of a boxing ring, but in the arena of life. Stallone captured this perfectly in the first movie, mostly in the second, but forgot it completely in the many subsequent sequels. You can only capture lightning in a bottle so many times. 

Some of us never do. 

According to IMDB, the scene of Rocky telling Adrian his fears the night before the fight was almost not filmed because of budgetary concerns. That scene is the crux of the movie and perhaps one of the best, if not often recognized, scenes in cinema. 

No matter how much we hide behind a tough guy persona, we just want to go the distance. Is not Rocky truly the Everyman?

Suspicious Minds

We went to see the new Elvis movie last night. Wow, what an enjoyable flick. The guy who played Elvis, Austin Butler, was incredible. It is good acting when you can upstage Tom Hanks. The film showed the charisma of Presley. It glossed over the fact that Priscilla was just 14 when they met, but that wasn’t what the movie was about. 

Elvis was subjected to fame oh a level few have ever known - Sinatra in the thirties, the Beatles. In the end the fame, the hangers-on, the drugs, the performances, the Colonel all sucked hm dry. 

Anyone who has read here for a while knows I dig Elvis. I like his music. I like most of his movies, even if in the end he mostly just played Elvis. I am sure I have recounted both of my trips to Graceland over there in the archives. Unfortunately, I lack the celebrity idol gene, so I was baffled by the women crying at Elvis’ grave when I was there. 

Anyway, it is worth the bucks to see the film on the big screen. I am good at spending your money, so do what you like. 

They’ve got a name for the winners of the world

I have had Steely Dan’s Deacon Blues playing an endless loop in my head since sometime in the middle of the night. Not even the whole song, just the chorus. While I generally like Steely Dan, that isn’t one of my favorite tunes. 

I have much work for a Friday heading into the long weekend. Unfortunately, Microsoft Office started misbehaving right around quitting time last night. It told me I needed to sign back in, then proceeded to inform me my password was incorrect. Then locked me out when I insisted it was right. Th computer overlords won. Now I have to get IT to fix stuff when the workday starts. Unless I can sign in I can’t give them remote access to the screen...I’m sure they can figure it out. If not, my long week starts earlier than I thought! 

Sitting here in the recliner in my office I realize just how much I hate the paint color. When we moved in I told the wife no brown. Of course nearly every room is a shade of brown or tan. When my office was one of the back bedrooms it was a yellow. Now I have a light chocolate brown. It looks nice with my black office furniture, but I really do not like it. 

I just made up my mind I am going to repaint it a different color. Probably in the fall when I don’t have outside stuff I want to do. Now I have to decide what color I want. 

Actually, every room needs repainted in the house. It has been nine years since we moved in. The bedrooms used by the girls have been redone, but everything else is old. The walls are getting marked and scuffed. I don’t mind working around the house, I really do not like painting though. 

OK, I can’t get that song out of my head. Maybe listening to it will help. Worse case, it gets stuck in your head. Misery loves company. 

On this day

 It was a Saturday. I know that. I know the year - 1984.  I know the date - June 30. I was just out of college, barely employed. What money was saved was done by my girlfriend. What furniture we had she bought. I saved my first paychecks for the honeymoon. In just hours we would be married. 

We got married, had a small reception and headed off on our life together. It has been 38 years. A lot of better, a fair share of worse. But the worse was always outside forces — losing jobs, bad financial decisions. 

I’m lucky, I married my best friend. Thirty-eight more years with this girl wouldn’t upset me.

Summertime Blues

I know I had a couple of days off last week. I still cannot wait for the long weekend. Weird, right? 

Does anyone really believe Trump climbed from the backseat to try and grab the wheel of the Presidential limo? If you are going to trot stuff out to ensure you get that long-lasting job in the swamp or maybe a book deal, it has to at least be believable. 

I’m a bit tired this morning. A bowl of watermelon for a snack sent me to the bathroom twice in the night. My phone beeped all night long as my Asian and European colleagues emailed me during their work hours. That happens every night. The volume was heavier than usual last night. 

What I really want is a big plate of bacon and eggs (over easy) and some grits. I’d take fried potatoes or hash browns. If you loved me you would fix me some. I guess it is going to be Raisin Bran. 

Since we are in the heart of summer and heading to the great Independence Day weekend, how about an old summertime classic?

Dig those dance moves!

You can’t always get...

We all face disappointment. I grabbed a peach after lunch. It was beautiful. I took a bite and it was like biting into an apple. Who wants a green crunchy peach? 

Outraged women are proposing they will not have sex until Roe v. wade is reinstated. 

I guess in that case you won’t need an abortion anyway...

Do these people understand how government works? The Court does not make law. Legislators make law. If they want access to abortion they need to make sure their state enacts laws as such. No one can “reinstate” a vacated court ruling. 

This is indeed how a representative republic works. 

A clean one

After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away.

They agree, and the pastor greets the family.

“Pastor,” Johnny says,

“I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust.”

“That’s right, Johnny, I did,” he says.

“And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust.”

“Yes, I’m glad you were listening,” the pastor replies.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed, ’cause there’s someone either comin’ or goin’!”

 

Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face

I would like to tell you I had a great and productive weekend. I cannot. Were arraigned things in the youngest granddaughter’s room. I put up a twin bed to replace the toddler bed she was using. I took apart the little bed. We moved the mattress from the guest room and now my office is bed free. I moved around furniture in there too. I need to put the old bed rails into the attic this evening while it is cool today. Ho hum, ho hum. 

Can anyone expand on why there are abortion riots in California? Nothing will change for California. There will be unfettered access to abortion in the Golden State. Why are there “mostly peaceful” riots? What do people in California care if you cannot kill babies in the Bible Belt? 

Speaking of abortion outrage, that genius AOC, the darling of the Democrat party, ranted that the Supreme Court should not determine abortion law. Isn’t that exactly what the Court said? 

Red Vines and Coffee

 

From earlier this week

Hacking through the hyperbole

It is probably too late, but before we are awash in opinion on the SCOTUS Roe decision, we should consider the court did not outlaw abortion. It returned the policy and law making to the states and yes, if so determined, even to the federal legislative branch, to make abortion law — whatever it may be. 

This is far better than creating a right or law where non existed. 

Simply put, if The People want access to abortion, they can pass laws as such. The opposite is also true. 

It is far better to let democracy decide such matters, not a handful of black-robed justices. 

Keep and Bear

 The Supreme Court ruled favorably to the right to self-defense.

The governor and mayor of each New York effectively said that they will not comply.

"This overturns 100 years of law".

So did Abolition. Ed Bonderenka

Stolen completely. You should read Ed if you don’t. 

gracias

So it was six years ago this month I underwent the first of my cornea transplants. I am thankful every day for the gift from an unknown tissue donor. 

If you are not an organ donor, please consider signing up. You never know how you could change the life of a random Joe.

Life on the farm

 A city kid went to his grandpa’s farm for the weekend.

He tagged along as Pa did what had to be done around the place, taking it all in.

Then Grandpa came across a cow having trouble calving.

He didn’t know how the whole process would be taken in by the six-year-old but had no option but to get on with the job of assisting the birth.

When the calf had been ‘pulled’ and the cow was happily cleaning it up, Pa asked the boy if he had any questions about what he had just seen.

At first, the kid seemed overwhelmed by the experience, but finally asked,

“Just how fast was that calf going when it hit the cow’s behind?”

Back home again, in Indiana

Cue Jim Neighbors singing the old song no one outside of Hoosierdom has ever heard. We rolled into the drive around 2:30 am this morning. The wife drove to Cullman, AL and I drove the rest of the way home. The driving was split pretty equal. I sure did not want to get up for work when the alarm rang a bit after seven this morning. But I did. 

We had a great mini vacaction. Now I can work for the next eight months or so before we can do it again. 

Gas was ridiculous, and I don’t mind saying we fueled up outside of Louisville to save more than $0.60 a gallon over Indiana’s high gas taxes. Our gas is going up at least another nickel a gallon next week as the gas tax goes even higher. The perfidious politicians tied the tax to the price of oil and inflation, so we are hit extra hard every time prices rise.*  The higher the price at the pump, the higher the tax. Bidenflation really is a regressive tax. Where are the Occupiers protesting this administration? 

We are home safe, happy and broke. Life is good.

*Theoretically, the tax would go down should the price of gas fall.

Life Rule #4

You can never be in a bad mood when there are palm trees around.

My life is a Jimmy Buffet song

I’ve a bit of sunburn on my big white whale belly. There is also a hint of red in the usual places for me: the tops of my feet and around my knees. It isn’t severe, slight discomfort might be the best description. The red will turn to tan in a few days. 

I am already anticipating and dreading the end of vacation tomorrow. I like the beach, yet a few days is plenty of sand and sun. I never get tired of loafing and reading though. I do get very tired of hotel rooms. 

I suppose that last sentiment is a function of my job. I guess a five dollar hooker has spent more nights in a hotel room, but I’ve done enough to find it monotonous and dreary. At one point n my career I spent forty to sixty nights a year in various hotels and motels. In recent years, that average has dropped to twenty or twenty-five. That is still plenty. *  For reference, my hotel night count is at 13 so far this year. 

I’m not complaining. I love my job. I’m just saying my level of excitement in checking into a hotel is probably way different than yours when you go on your vacation or that trip to visit cousin Madge in Bettendorf. 

Anyway one more night then back home. That will be it for traveling vacation this year. So it goes. 

*the average when I was actually doing my traveling salesman gig, not the out-of-work interlude.

Winning the important stuff

I like to play the classic card game Free Cell on my iPad. I will occasionally play while watching TV, or when I’m bored. I’m not great at it. It usually takes me a couple of minutes to clear a board and my all -time high score is a shade over 19,000 points. 

Last weekend, it might have been Saturday when the wife was sick, I hit a new personal best win streak of 49 games in a row. For me that is a lot. My previous personal best was twenty-some games. Irritated to finally lose, I started another game and won. Take that computer card game.

I just looked at my stats. I guess I was ticked. I haven’t lost since. At this point my win streak is at 98 games in a row. I’ve won 147 out of the last 148 games. 

Of course I certainly just jinxed everything. 

If I’m going on a winning streak why couldn’t it be the lottery, the HGTV dream house, the horses, a big chunk of new business for the company, or all the nookie I want?  I waste my good luck on a silly computer card game. 

Personal for you

Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there.

I miss you, Pop.

Hanging at John Boy’s Fort

I have to ask, is it a state law in Alabama that drivers aren’t allowed to use cruise control? I’ve never seen a bunch of drivers so unable to control their speed in my life, unless it is the jackasses from Illinois. At least they don’t park in the left line and refuse to move over like Buckeyes tend to do. 

The grandkids are off on vacation with their parents, so the wife has next week off. I had a couple of comp days available for Sunday work and travel, so we packed the car and motored off late last night to the beach, where I secured a room using hotel points for a few nights. It is a wife’s birthday/fathers day/anniversary trip combined. We have a parking lot view, but so it goes. I don’t intend to spend my time in the hotel room anyway. I got the whole stay for fewer points than one night of sea view with a balcony. 

This is the view poolside. It is good enough for me. 

I slept a few hours last evening while the wife packed. I then drove straight through while she snored in the car. We road trip well together and both enjoy long car trips. We’re here. We made it safe. I’ll send you a post card if I can find a stamp. 

This time it is the NSFW joke I promised

 An old one:

Two deaf people get married.

During 1st week of marriage they found they are unable to communicate in bedroom with the lights out as they can’t see each other signing.

After several nights of fumbling and misunderstanding they finally came up with a solution.

The wife said, ” Why don’t we agree on simple signs for instance if you want to have  sex with me squeeze my left breast once. If you don’t want to have sex squeeze my right breast once.

The husband said ok, then asked her if she want to have sex pull his mickey once and if she doesn’t want to have sex pull his mickey two hundred and fifty times.

Probably NSFW

It is hot here too. It is often like that in the summer. Since it rained most of the weekend and Monday, the grass needs cutting. I was unwilling to go out in 95F heat yesterday evening to do the work. Besides, the granddaughter had a swim meet. It was hot enough poolside. In fact, it was a little cruel watching others get to swim in the water. It was not recreational splashing though. It was work. A length of the pool is a long way for a seven year-old to butterfly. Ha, it is a long way for a sixty year-old to butterfly! Maybe I can get to the mowing after supper this evening. 

In other news...yeah. I have conference calls every morning this week. On-going discussions with customers on price increases continue. One customer in particular is very resistant. I have used every phrase available in my vocabulary to say “It ain’t optional Pal” without actually saying it. This afternoon will mark the fourth discussion with this recalcitrant customer. In response to “justification” in my conversation yesterday I finally asked in desperation, “have you been to the grocery, have you seen the price at the pump?”. We have reached to point where I tell them today they must take the adjustment or we quit shipping July 1st. Whilst that position doesn’t burn bridges, it sure leaves some smoke stains on the footings. Oh well, this isn’t my first time handing out price increases. Nor will it be the last. 

My coffee is getting cold and I’m running out of boring nonsense to write. Have a great hump day. 

Oh, I was going to post a joke. Instead I posted a joke of a post.

Brandon at the dentist

 

Sunday Question

Is there a better war movie than Zulu?

The Contest

They were all there, the toughest of the tough. Bruce Lee from Enter The Dragon fell in the early rounds. Fists of fury are no match for the guns of The a Man With No Name. John Wick held his own, while Aquaman was a fish out of water. Batman and his gadgets fell apart under the relentless pursuit of the Terminator. Thor hammered the Hulk. Captain America and Wonder Woman were disqualified from the melee when they slipped of for a quickie. Danaerys and her dragons seemed a sure thing for a while, but how do you compete against a man who is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Luke, he didn’t even fight. He took his light saber and went home.

Things that bug me

Why doesn’t Chewy get a medal at the end of the original Star Wars? 

I suspect it discrimination against People of Fur.

There is no place like home

 

Comerica Park (Tiger Stadium) just after a quick shower Thursday evening. I had a good trip, but I’m more than happy to be home.

Tap, tap, tap

Hello? Is this thing on? Is anybody out there? Mom? Buzz? Bueller? Bueller? Surely it isn’t me, it has to be you.

My morning granola

The day dawns bright and sunny here in downtown Detroit. The sports stadiums are in view just a few blocks from my hotel window. 

Today marks my fair, lovely, and oh so patient with me spouse’s Redacted birthday. This isn’t the first time nor probably the last I have been on the road for her big day. 

In other news, Biden sucks. The J6 monkey trial is a joke. Gas costs way too much and the administration seems happy about it. Thanks to each and every one of you who voted for this crap. Every day it looks like mean tweets weren’t so bad after all.

For further topics, please feel free to discuss among yourselves in the nearly always vacant comment section. 

I might go for some cake

 It was a practical session in the psychology class.

The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it:

The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor put a piece of cake on one side and put a female rat on the other side.

The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.

The male rat again ran towards the bread.

This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.

And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

Professor asked the students.

“This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction, do you agree?”

Then, one of the students from the back rows said.

“Sir, why don’t you change the female rat? This one might be his wife!”

The professor stood straight up, his finger pointing towards the student and said….

“You just got an A”.

The longest day

 I originally published this on June 6, 2005. It is still appropriate.

Monday, June 06, 2005

"The most difficult and complicated operation ever to take place" 
The above quote is by Winston Churchill. Joseph Stalin said 
"The history of war does not know of an undertaking comparable to it for breadth of conception, grandeur of scale, and mastery of execution."

June 6, 1944. Not many under the age of 40, or maybe even 60, know the importance of this date. D-Day. The assault on Normandy, an operation that has never been equaled in the anals of history. The landing location was kept a secret, the Hun was stunned to the very core. Yet it was a close thing. Read the fine history of D-Day by Stephen Ambrose. Did you think Private Ryan was graphic? Read the words of the men at Utah, Gold, Juno, and Omaha beaches.

Nearly 175,000 Canadians, British, and Americans landed on D-day, at a cost of more than 10,000 casualties. We do not know for sure. It was only after several days of fighting that role calls were made, paperwork completed. Over 6,600 Americans were casualties, over 2,000 of those were on Omaha Beach and 2,500 were from the Airborne troops. These men sacrificed to save the world from the likes of Hitler. They freed Europe and saved France from its own traitorous Vichy Government. 

"As the first men jumped, they crumpled and flopped into the water. Then order was lost. It seemed to the men that the only way to get ashore was to dive head first in and swim clear of the fire that was striking the boats. But, as they hit the water, their heavy equipment dragged them down and soon they were struggling to keep afloat. Some were hit in the water and wounded. Some drowned then and there... But some moved safely through the bullet fire to the sand and then, finding they could not hold there, went back in to the water and used it as cover, only their heads sticking out. Those who survived kept moving with the tide, sheltering at times behind underwater obstacles and in this way they finally made their landings.

Within ten minutes of the ramps being lowered, Company A had become inert, leaderless and almost incapable of action. Every officer and Sergeant had been killed or wounded... It had become a struggle for survival and rescue. The men in the water pushed wounded men ashore, and those who had reached the sands crawled back into the water pulling others to land to save them from drowning, in many cases only to see the rescued men wounded again or to be hit themselves. Within twenty minutes of striking the beach Company A had ceased to be an assault company and had become a forlorn little rescue party bent upon survival and the saving of lives." 

Official Unit Report, Company A, 116th Infantry, 29th Division. 


On the backs of these men and the rest of the "Greatest Generation" that we owe our freedom today. Thank God for them in your payers tonight.

hmmm

I notice the mass murder at the hospital in Tulsa has disappeared from the news already. 

I wonder why?

I know, it doesn’t fit the narrative.

Channeling the Stoic within

I’m set to motor off to the motor city in my motor car today for a week of trade show torture fun. Don’t tell my boss, but it is my firm belief no one ever gained new business from a trade show. Mostly you show off for the other attendees. People come to the show for the free stuff. Look for the busiest booth, invariably they are giving away the best merchandise. Besides, there is some sort of tear in the space-time continuum in a convention center where time only moves at half normal speed. What normally would be an hour is only less than thirty minutes. And this trade show is about automation, so my company has a vested interest, but it is only tangentially related to my customer base. Yes, I’m excited. Why do you ask? 

To top it off, my right foot feels like someone stabbed it in the arch with a hot poker this morning; the usual reaction after I mow the yard on the previous day. Normally, this would pass by resting. Instead I get to go stand on hard concrete for a week in dress shoes. Despite my crybaby antics, I will be fine. 

All this angst and complaining may be in vain. The wife woke yesterday feeling poorly. Heaviness in her chest, cough, and fever are making her feel miserable. All are signs of the dreaded Covid. She slept most of the day yesterday. She took an at-home test that was negative, but she will go for a more semi-accurate test at the clinic today. 

So the end result is all of my complaints may be for naught. If the wife is infected, I can’t go off spreading her germs like a modern Typhoid Mary throughout greater Southeast Michigan. I know, you might be sitting in your chair, but you are only perched on the edge of it as you await the outcome of this riveting story. 

Nap time

That didn’t go as planned. Sleep, that is. I woke somewhat after three and never did go back to sleep. I watched the latest episode of Obi Wan Kenobi, then a couple of episodes of the old Laugh In TV show. Nothing too thrilling for sure. 

That’s it. How about some music? 

Here is for you Glasslass, from one of my favorite movies by the King:

All you have to do is ask. 

I almost tossed up something from Blue Hawaii. Parts of that movie were filmed at the Hilton Hawaii Village, and Elvis stayed there while he made the movie. By coincidence, the wife and I stayed there when we visited Hawaii for our thirtieth anniversary in 2014. 

Maybe next week. 

I guess I have too much Pride

I gotta be honest, I’m about rainbowed out. 

A day? Sure, why not?

A week? Ok, I guess.

A month? Give me a break.

We only get one day to honor our nation’s war dead. 

One day to celebrate America’s birthday.

One day for thanksgiving. 

Black History only gets 28 days.

Do we need thirty days to celebrate whatever people choose to do in their private life? 

I suspect this post will run afoul of the Google community standards too, although I defy you to find anything hateful in the prose.

I take full responsibility

I was awake around four aye em.  I don’t  know why. I do, but nighttime bathroom runs are nothing new. The inability to go back to sleep is not so common anymore. I blame the wife. Her CPAP sounded like a jet engine for some reason. As I lie there, a perfectly acceptable post composed itself in my head along with two emails for work and that spreadsheet I have tried to construct for three days. Finally, my brain tired, I dozed with some weird-assed dreams until the wife’s alarm woke me. 

And it’s gone. The one perfectly composed email is still rattling around my skull. The rest disappeared into the dark recesses of my brain waiting to be lured out with cheese or JuJubees. Even then I suspect the post idea will be like a recalcitrant three year old hiding behind the recliner: “no, no I will not come our”. 

I think the post slipped off with that short story I thought of back in ‘05. I guess they are already on a drunken spree, throwing beer bottles at mailboxes while racing up country roads heading towards Chicago in a ‘72 Torino.  I suspect The Rolling Stones’ Missing You is playing at high volume and the windows are down. Faded memories do not care what gas costs these days. Oh no, I think they just spilled Cheetos all over the front seat. Ehew, is that a beef jerky fart? 

This is my fault. I should have just gotten up and written the post when it popped in my head instead of going back to sleep. 

Lifesavers Under my Umbrella

I am so bored with the old blog. I am certain you are too. I could complain about gas pushing $5 a gallon, but what is the point? The same people who told us how dumb GW was turn a blind eye as this administration stumble bumbles through crisis of mostly their own creation aided and abetted by a biased and willing press. 

Non sequitur warning. I may have mentioned it before, once upon a time I was a librarian. Yes, and let me tell you, a librarian convention is not nearly as fun and exciting as you might imagine. Every time a new magazine came in to the library it would have to be prepared: seams taped and reinforced, pocket put in for the borrower card, etc.. One clerk refused to process the Playboy. For some reason I was always given the job. I spent two days a week at the main library. The other three days I ran my own tiny little branch library out in a small town of a couple thousand residents in the county. We didn’t carry Playboy at the branch. I spent two long years working for just over minimum wage there in redacted. We did have Choose Your Own Adventure books for the kids.

Ok, in that spirit, it is choose your adventure time here at FiI. Do you want a music selection to round out this poor excuse for entertainment or a joke? You choose one or the other, but not both. The video is next. The dirty joke is below the fold. Let me know which you chose.