June 24, 2019

I know why you are here

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.
The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”

Dred Scott and Plessy v Ferguson were precedent too

I’m sipping coffee while looking out the patio doors before heading to the shower and subsequently work. I have nothing of interest to report this morning.

Nothing new in the statement. It does move the politics down the page.

Have a great Monday




June 23, 2019

Hi Cynical

Happy Sunday. Sinatra is softly crooning in the background as I compose on the fly. Yes, blog fans, this waste of time is nearly always a stream-of-conscious effort. Outside of jokes, most everything is just my thoughts of the moment -- the politics, the fiction, the mundane. Yes, I know, the incoherence is a dead giveaway.

Let me see if I have the latest political brouhaha and evidence Trump is the Antichrist correct. A woman claims The Trumpster groped her in a department store in the mid-1990s. And she says she would not press charges because of migrant rapes at the border and that she wishes she had asked for Trump's tax returns. Huh?

Yes, that all seems perfectly sane. I'm surprised she didn't claim Brett Kavenaugh was waiting outside the dressing room curtain to grab some sloppy seconds.

Do you think these accusations have anything to do with the book the "victim" has just written?

There is even less evidence in this accusation than he insane child slavery pizza joint nonsense.

TDS is real. Get some help.

This whole thing is so clearly bunk. I can't believe I wasted ten minutes of a beautiful Sunday on it.

How about a palate cleanser?:


June 22, 2019

Random Saturday

I'm blogging from my front porch this morning. A squirrel sits on hind legs in the neighbor's driveway, alternately scolding me and staring. A cardinal sings in the maple in my front yard. The sky is heavy with cloud, it is only a matter of time before the rain resumes.

I cut the grass last night while there was a brief dry spell.

In my never-ending romp through history I come to many conclusions. George Rogers Clark does not get the credit for being an American hero he deserves. His brother is more well known, but the feats George accomplished in the Revolutionary War are the stuff of legend, and those of us who live in the Midwest have Clark to thank. It is quite possible the Revolutionary War could have ended with the United States borders ending at the Appalacians, if not for Clark.

I have been floating along for some months dabbling in the French Revolution as well. In a comparison that is more than surface deep, I see many parallels with today's Democrat Party. I previously compared the Democrats to the Levellers of 17th Century England and one wing of today's Democrat party still fits that bill.

But the increasingly shrill and militant arm is very akin to the Jacobin Party of Revolutionary France. No, they have not started rounding up their opponents for a trumble ride to the Place de la Revolution for a date with Madame Guillotine, but the efforts to silence anyone they disagree, their economic policies, their general intolerance and self-righteousness is Jacobian to the core. The good news is AOC is no Robespierre nor Danton; she is not that smart. Unfortunately, I see a very sans coulotte-like attitude among many of the twenty-somethings in America.

Holy Crap! I interrupt this "old man get of my lawn" diatribe. I reached down to grab my cup of coffee for a sip and there was a chipmunk sitting next to the cup. I'm not sure who jumped more. He scurried off in a panic leaving behind a small wet spot next to my coffee where he pissed himself in terror. I'm sure he is wondering what I'm doing out here.

I've rambled on enough. Go ahead, look up the Jacobins. Learn something.

June 20, 2019

No Joke

Literally, no joke today

I did get a haircut today, so I feel better, even if I still will not turn the heads of the ladies.

It is supposed to rain more later. I’m starting to feel like I live in Oregon without the scenery.

I wish I had something of more substance to offer you

I guess I should go back to jokes

June 19, 2019

Baby Airplanes

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy had been looking out of the window. He turned to his mother and asked,
“If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother couldn’t think of an answer. She told her son to ask the flight attendant.

The boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?” 

The boy replied, “Yes, she did.”

“Well,” said the flight attendant, “you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. “Have your mother explain that to you.”

June 18, 2019

The truth hurts

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Looking stunned, he said, “What?”

June 17, 2019

Bad Day

There I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
“Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you jack-ass, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

June 16, 2019

Title, I have to remember to put a title

Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads out there.

It continues to rain here at the homestead. I’ve started gathering wood for my ark. Sheesh, I bet we have 2-3 inches of rain since late Friday night.

I think I’m still gonna throw some pork on the smoker late this morning. Let me know if you are coming over. I want to make enough potato salad.

I brew up a pot of coffee in my percolater this morning because why not?

Have a great Sunday

June 15, 2019

Who knew John Dean was still alive? G Gordon Liddy could still kick his ass

Surprise! It is raining. It will be yet another soggy weekend here in the Hoosierland. It is probably wet at your house too if you live outside of the southwest.

Normally, we have naught scheduled on the weekends. The wife and I could never be considered social butterflies. We are invited to two parties today! The girl across the street is graduating and our best (pretty much only) friends are having a 35th Anniversary party. Our Saturday is booked. Unfortunately both parties are at the same time

The Cubs got hammered again last night by the evil Dodgers. I do enjoy listening to the late ball games when I go to bed

Can anyone tell me what John “Watergate “ Dean had to offer regarding Trump and Russia, Russia, Russia? Dude was a criminal turncoat in the Nixon administration. He was a rat fink who only was redeemed in Democrat eyes because he helped bring down Nixon. He has since made a career going on cable and bashing Republicans. Dean hasn’t been involved in government since I was a little kid, what the hell does he know? Only the Democrats would call someone convicted of Lying to Congress to testify to ...Congress.

What next? Are the Democrats going to bring in an expert on the Tea Pot Dome Affair? Let’s rehash every Republican scandal we can find. Johnson was only saved from  impeachment by one vote, maybe the Senate can get a re-do on that one? WTH we are erasing our past anyway, why not.

Johnson’s crime was a reluctance to really punish the South for Slavery, so it would fit with the current political atmosphere.

Boy this blog is going to be prime evidence when the AOC Democrat thought police get in charge. Don’t believe me? The California Democrats have put a plank in their platform that not all speech should be protected by the First Amendment. Look it up if you don’t believe me. Do I need to explain again that the First Amendment exist to protect the most heinous speech? That is why it exists.

You probably wish I would just stick to posting old jokes.

Have a great Saturday

June 14, 2019

Friday Funny

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabbie agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man’s head.

The wife shouted, “Don’t do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money.” “He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!”

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, “What would you do?”

The cabbie said, “I’d cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold."

June 13, 2019

Bada boomp

A guy walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the guy started to leave.

“Excuse me,” said the bartender, who was puzzled over what the guy had done. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing,” said the guy, “My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”

June 11, 2019

Another cowboy boot joke

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looked him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Furious, Bert yelled, “And do you know why it’s hanging down, Margaret?”

“Nope. Not a clue”, she replied.

“It’s hanging down, because it’s looking at my new BOOTS!!!!”

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert! Shoulda bought a hat.”

June 10, 2019

Up where the sky is bright

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to the earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window I muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need a piece of tail!

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, “Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite.

June 9, 2019

Socrates’ Smelly Socks

I had every intention of firing up the smoker today. It looks like the weather refuses to cooperate. In a surprising weekend twist it is raining. Sure, I can BBQ in the rain, but the smoker has to work harder. Plus, I don’t want to go out in the downpour to tend to it —adding wood, adjusting the smoke, etc.

Beyond that, I have nothing of interest to report.

How about one of my favorite tunes to mellow your Sunday?



Have a great day

June 8, 2019

Another completed loop through the heavens

Today is my lovely wife’s birthday she will be ... do you think I’m stupid? Don’t answer that. Do you think I’m so stupid as to spread her age all over the interwebz?  We had a moderate steak dinner last night for an early birthday dinner and I’m headed off to grab some donuts after I finish this post. The oldest granddaughter has s dance recital this evening so we needed to celebrate a day early. Watching four year olds dance is like watching goats attempting synchronized swimming. I know from experience it will be semi-organized chaos.

It looks like Trump’s tariff threat to Mexico worked. Mexico claims it will try to reduce the tide of illegals. I was wrong.

Like a lot of stuff Trump does, I don’t like the style but love the results. I agree with the vast majority of the administration’s policies.

It looks like another rainy weekend. It seems to always rain on the wife’s birthday

Picture gone


June 6, 2019

These boots were made for walkin

A lady went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen.

The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, “Shore is, little lady. Why don’t you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?”

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him $200. Blushing, he said, “Well, thankee, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.”

“Don’t be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”

June 5, 2019

Why can’t we just get along?

Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,”I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”
“No problem,” said the Green Beret, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret’s boot and spit in it.

When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.
The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.
“How long must this go on?” the Green Beret asked. “This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?”

June 4, 2019

The Race

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two men from the gas company running, I figure I’d better run too!”

June 1, 2019

A tax is a tax no matter what you call it

Happy Saturday. It seems to be a fine day, albeit a bit cool. It will rain later. Of course it will.

The kitchen sink has developed a drip. Since the ground floor is open - the family room and kitchen are not separated by walls - I can hear the drip drip drip 💧 every few minutes. It looks like some plumbing is in my very near future.  Hooray for me.

In other news, nada. Things are boring. I could complain about stuff but who wants to read that?

To delve just a bit into politics, you do understand that the shipping country doesn’t pay a tariff? These import taxes on Chinese and now Mexican goods are not levied on the producing country. The tariff is paid when the goods enter the States. That means you and I are paying them through higher prices. The one proposed for Mexico will hurt right at the grocery store. Where do you think that early spring produce comes from?

Why do you think the Bostonians heaved that tea off the ships into the harbor? Because the tax was due if it came through customs. That is what customs is — tax collection. Border Control is a different function.

I know I’m in a minority in opposing these tariffs over here on the right. Maybe I should work for an American company and it won’t matter so much? Unfortunately I have spent my life selling parts for vehicles of all sorts, from ag to construction to forklift to big truck to autos and there is not one of those without an international presence. If you think a tariff will result in factories springing up in the heartland in the next few months you are spending too much time down at the local head shop. It doesn’t work that way.

The same politicians want more union jobs will throw so many roadblocks, regulations, and permits to actually build a factory that it takes years to get a new venture up and running. Oh, then the union does everything possible to keep jobs, not keep the employer profitable. Yeah, business exists to make money, not create jobs.

Exit soapbox.

How about a little music to mellow things out?


I hope you have a great Saturday

May 31, 2019

Home cooked meal

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?”
He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.
“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.
“Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.

“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook…."

May 30, 2019

It is Trump’s Fault

There was a Minister whose wife was expecting a baby. The Minister went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Minister’s family expanded, so would his pay check.
After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Minister’s pay situation. You can imagine there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Minister got up and spoke to the crowd, “Having children is an act of God!”
In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up, and in his frail voice said… “Snow and Rain are also ‘acts of God’, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers!”

May 27, 2019

Remember

This post is dedicated to the brave men and women who died to keep me free


May 26, 2019

Wake up, he posted something

Yesterday turned out to be a decent day. I took my morning constitutional and read a bit after blogging. I helped the wife clean the house. It rained in the early afternoon. Our friends couldn't make it to play cards though.

We had a little BBQ for dinner and watched a fairly crappy not too funny comedy on Netflix. Ho hum, how the middle class spends a Saturday is boring.

Today? IDK. It is supposed to rain most of the day. Of course they said that about yesterday too. I'll probably read a little. Perhaps I'll pop an old Esther Williams DVD into the blueray if I can't find a suitable old movie on tv. There is an automobile race in the area. I won't go and since it is blacked out, I won't watch it either. I will probably catch part of the Cubbies though.

Ho hum, ho hum. My life is as boring as this blog.

May 25, 2019

The old man is snoring

With a Woot and Hooray a long weekend is finally here! It's gonna rain though. The media pointed out we have had rain or snow every single weekend for 14 straight weeks. Yes, that is why my backyard still needs a ton of work. Limbs and leaves still line the fence, weeds are springing up in the flower beds. The patio furniture is dirty and the granddaughter's playhouse is full of leaves and spider webs. The skies are darkening as I hunt and peck one-fingered on my iPad I keyboard. Yes, my backyard is as neglected as this blog.

Sorry 'bout that.

Sinatra is crooning in the background. The coffee is hot. Life is good.

We have no big plans for the weekend. Some friends might come over this evening for a little Euchre and dinner. There will be laughs and the easy relaxation of people who have been friends for more than 40 years.

Enjoy your Saturday.

May 21, 2019

And that is how it is done

The Governor signed a law allowing on-line Sports Books in Indiana.

I bet you will never catch me gambling.

I waited eight years for that?

The weather has been a little chilly for the season but I have hot water. Those cold showers explained why our great grandparents only bathed occasionally. I relived my old camping days as I heated water to wash dishes Sunday.

It is supposed to get warm starting tomorrow, but rain will settle in for the next five or six days. It looks like a damp holiday weekend

In other news, I don’t have any. This blog is holding on with bare life support

May 18, 2019

Rediscovering some classic rock

I find David Crosby's live version of his tune Triad from the CSN album Four Way Street to be haunting. I rediscovered the Jefferson Airplane version the other day:


While I have never been a devoted fan of the Airplane or Starship, I concede that Grace Slick can sing. She has pipes, baby. Take a listen to White Rabbit if you are too young to remember the psychedelic age. Look it up yourself, a little research is good for the soul.

Without sounding like the "Get off my lawn" old curmudgeon I'm becoming, I maintain they don't make rock music like this any more.  They don't make rock music any more. What is left of "old" rock and roll moved to country and is sleeping on the couch, eating Cheetos, smoking dope,  and occasionally making an appearance on a track or two of guitar-heavy chart toppers.

Meanwhile old codgers like me cling to the pathetic classic rock stations playing the same 50 songs from 40 or 50 years ago. Really, Elton John sang more than Rocket Man and there are more rock artists than Queen and Aerosmith.

Last night a BMW SUV pulled up next to me blasting bass-heavy rap music.

A Dead-Head sticker on a Caddilac indeed.

May 17, 2019

Life is great

I got up this morning and shuffled into the bathroom to get ready for work.  I grabbed a clean towel from the closet and turned on the sink faucet to shave. The water was cold as usual. It takes a minute or so for the hot water to reach upstairs. The water never got warm, in fact, it got colder.

Damn. Sigh.

I trotted downstairs and out to the garage. I could hear water dripping before I even turned on the light. Yep. The water heater was out. I turned off the water pipe leading to the heater. Crap and double crap.

I called off work then started pricing water heaters.

First, I don't understand the reluctance of a plumber to offer a general estimate. I get things might change once they get to the house, but a price estimate range is not unreasonable. I told three plumbers that if they cannot give me a rough estimate I would work with a plumber who would.

In other news, I am alive, I have a wife who loves me and wonderful grand kids  and kids.  I am blessed. I do have plenty to be thankful for. A cold shower might be good for me.

May 15, 2019

I intended to post a video, instead you get words

I have a few minutes before I head off to the office. A chilly morning will blossom later into a nice spring day. It will be enticingly on display out the floor to ceiling wall of windows just feet from my desk. Even warmer weather, and rain, are expected in the days to come.

I cut the lawn after work last evening. That, coupled with the fact that everything is in bloom outside, means allergies are kicking my butt this morning. The lilac bushes are starting to bloom. The smaller one by the gate is already in full flower. The whiff of lilacs slams you before you even open the gate. The two giant ones by the patio will be in flower by the weekend.

I guess Trump will have to pull an Obama and ship a few hundred million bucks or the Iranians will start misbehaving again. Somehow I don't think this President will play that old game. Somehow I also don't think he will be like Obama and apologize to the Mullahs if they attack one of our ships.

How 'bout those Cubs?

May 13, 2019

No GoT spoilers here

It is a chilly Monday here at the homestead. We went to my daughter's for a Mothers Day cookout. They provided the burgers, I made potato and pasta salads, deviled eggs, and a homemade peanut butter pie.

It rained all weekend. You can almost see the grass and weeds growing. The spring ants are doing their best to move into the dry house. I am fighting them off, streams of bug spray are mowing them down by the patio doors like fire from that GoT dragon.

Speaking of GoT, I'm not sure how blasts of flame makes stone walls explode, but it was cool. I'm not sure how the Packers will survive without Mr Rogers, though.

I have to get ready for work.  Have a great day.

May 12, 2019

To all you Moms out there

Happy Mother’s Day!



I miss you Mom

May 10, 2019

My, what short memories we have

Remember way back when the Obama justice department refused to turn over documents on just how guns got into Mexican cartel hands?

Remember when the treasury refused to come clean on how the IRS was attacking Americans with the “wrong” political beliefs?

Was that a Constitutional crisis?

Remember how one person lost the Presidency and her party launch a complete investigation over bogus political material?

May 6, 2019

Thanks for Nuthin’ Pal

Jon gets a new girlfriend and Ghost is sent packing

Dude rides a dragon a couple of times and his old pet is treated like that goldfish you won at the fair.

Oops- hope I didn’t spoil anything

May 4, 2019

no apology today for lack of posting

At about 11:30 this morning my daughter gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl. Everyone is doing fine.  The big sister is bursting with pride and excitement.

Life is good




April 30, 2019

Because you are waiting with breathless anticipation

While I am waiting for a spreadsheet to load I might offer an update on my projects.  The nursery is painted. I will remove the edge tape this morning and touch up as required. A quick cleaning of the carpet will allow me to assemble the crib (if I can remember how to do it) and then I will be done but for hanging a few pictures in both rooms.

I'm glad. Painting is not one of my favorite tasks. It beats cleaning up dog crap in tne backyard...

In all, it is a lousy way o spend a day off work.

Hope you have a great Hump Day Eve.

April 28, 2019

Table 37 your table is ready

Checking in to the old blogeroo between coats of paint on the soon-to-be nursery. The light yellow is not covering he light gray currently on the wall. *

It is a good thing I do not feel like masturbating, my right arm is a ball of pain.

It does not help that I woke at 5 this morning.

I'm watching the Cubs. It beats watching the paint dry.

After a damp morning, the sun has popped out ths afternoon. It remains cool outside.

The granddaughter's room is done, but for hanging some pictures.

I mowed yesterday. 

It has been a busy weekend. 

I hope yours has been good.



*I was looking in vain for a GoT/ Wall joke to inert here. Nope, can't get there. 

April 27, 2019

About the blog

Boy, upon reflection, the preceding post was sure a whiny-assed screed. Skip right over it.

The dog ate my homework

It seems this site has become a weekly blog and that is unacceptable, at least to me.

Excuses, excuses, I've many. Last weekend Sunday we started the big office change-over. My granddaughter wanted to move into "Paw's room", so her room will become the baby's when she arrives any day now. My former haven is now a subtle pink. Carpets are cleaned, new curtains hung. What to do with the stuff that used to be in my office? It is temporarily parked in the guest room, the soon-to-be nursery, the master bedroom, the hallway.

I suggested we find a place for and rearrange the furniture, then paint. I also said I wanted to start early last Saturday if we were going to do this project. Nope, the One in Charge rules. We started Sunday after Easter brunch. That way I spent the evenings after work giving a second coat, touching up the trim, hanging blinds and curtains, cleaning the carpet. Two days of work turned into five late nights.

No, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?

Now we have to find a place for my desk that is blocking the  hall so we can move the girl's bed and toys. Remember how I stupidly thought we should rearrange my stuff first? You know, so we don't have to move thinge two or three times? "But we have to get the painting done and I don't have time to work on those other rooms to make space" Then I get to start painting the second bedroom. BTW, when all of this was first discussed I was adamant I was only going to paint one room.

Yeah, my opinion doesn't count.

That's why I blog. I get my say and you don't get your way around here! None of you. Take that.

Anyway that is my long crybaby tale of why I did not post all week. Ain't my life exciting?

The best news? The wife says this is just the beginning. She has plans to paint and redecorate every room in the house. She said things have been as they are for six years and it is time for a change.

Yay.

That is a monotone unemotional "Yay" if you are reading aloud.


April 21, 2019

He is Risen

It is not about the bunnies or candy-filled eggs.

Happy Easter

April 20, 2019

Morning Musings, volume XCVII

The Bradford Pears in my backyard are in full bloom. The grass will need cutting soon. Spring is upon us. I have hours and days of yard work to do. Alas, it is raining yet again today.

The Zombies are singing in the background. The boy's dog is snoring in my recliner. The coffee is good. Yes, it is the cheap Walmart brand K-cup; the one in the yellow box, but I buy it because I actually like it.

It appears we will finally start converting my office into a nursery this weekend provided the wife actually chooses some paint.  We need to start soon. My new granddaughter is due any time. Should the baby procrastinate too long, the doctor will induce in early May. Of course, the Wife won't provide day care until my daughter goes back to work, so we really have a couple of months to get things done.

As more sixties rock cycles through my Echo, it is clear Bob Dylan is one of the most over-rated musicians of all time. Should you disagree, feel free to argue your entirely wrong opinion in the comments.

As a student of history I have actually read quite a bit about the Nixon Watergate affair. That bit of spying brought down a Presidency. Other than it was cloaked in semi-official bureaucracy, what is so different about what the Obama administration did to Trump? Seriously, the Obamaites do not look so good in the Meuller report.

I think I am going to try out my new smoker tomorrow. Nothing like a little pork to celebrate the death and rise of a Jewish guy.

And that about wraps up another rambling Saturday post. I hope you have a great day.

April 19, 2019

Now you see me

What the heck, I am up, I have time. I might as well post something. Why am I up at 04 dark thirty? I wish I knew.  I have the day off,  It is the one work day I can sleep in and my old buddy insomnia comes for a visit. So it goes.

I have decided I will expound on my way-too-long travelogue from my recent vacation.  Yes boys and girls, I am going to give you pictures.  I may or may not even be in some of them. If you are new to the site you will be most disappointed to learn I am no Paul Newmanesque character, nor do I resemble Race Bannon in any way. Instead, I am a post-middle-aged, skinny-legged lump with rapidly graying and thinning hair. Get your looks in because the pictures will not be up long.

Surely you know how to embiggen by now?


NOLA in the distance as we sailed down river towards the Gulf
Sunset from the stern  No, I do not know what is up with that green dot

Another Caribbean sunset


looking down the promenade deck

The ship is really, really big

It is impossible to be depressed when there is a palm tree

I am much better at taking pictures of "things" than people.  I especially like photographing sunsets. I think that is enough.  There is nothing as boring as looking at someone's vacation pictures.

April 18, 2019

Still breathing

Sheesh, you might think I could coast into a short work week. Instead, I've worked well past six every night this week. I'm going try and knock off early today. I have tomorrow off.

Of course the weather has been great until today. Now we have rain and a cold front moving in for the weekend.

So it goes.

April 15, 2019

Go ahead and steal it, I did

I've a bunch of stuff on tap on this Monday. The day will be quite taxing.

April 14, 2019

There is no hidden message in the dragons, it is just entertainment

There is a steady cold rain falling this morning. The forecast calls for more of the same all day.

We had dinner and euchre with some friends last night. It was a good time.

Strangely, I can see better without my glasses this morning. I don't know what is going on. I had to take them off to read the menu last night. Paranoid me can only think the worst. I'm just a nervous Nellie. My eye problems developed slowly over years last time.

Sometimes I wonder of the Trumpster secretly reads my rantings. I suggested dumping herds of illegals into Sanctuary Cities years ago. Now the Prez hints he just might take that course of action and the anti-border crowd is going nuts. I say pull up a busload or three of migrants every day to AOC's apartment in NY, hand them a bag lunch, and tell them "welcome home and please show up for court". I suspect the economically illiterate anti-border freshman Congressperson will have a change of attitude in short order. Or not. The stupid runs deep in her.

I really hope the Dems run on open borders and the Green New Deal (they support it until they have to actually vote for it). It is a sure way to get four more years of Trump. On the other hand, since we no longer teach civics, history, or economics in school the concept of "hey free stuff" will appeal to a lot of people. 

The Mamas and Papas are singing about walking in cold and gloomy weather on my Amazon spy device. How appropriate this morning.

GoT starts tonight. My old man butt (you know what I'm talking about) will be parked on a sofa at my Son-in-law's in plenty of time to catch to opening credits.

Have a great day.

April 13, 2019

Powering through the ennui

The big willow is busting out in leaves. I suppose that is an indication spring is upon us.

Should I tell you about my recent vacation? Do you care? Do you get to vote? Since I am Blog King here at FiI, I will answer those questions for you in order: why not, probably not, and absolutely not. You may now genuflect while I refill my coffee mug in perpetration of sharing my adventure. You might want to grab a cup o' Joe yourself. I don't mind.

It was cold and gloomy and damp as we left NOLA on a Sunday afternoon. Originally the wife and I planned to spend time wandering the old city, sipping hurricanes and seeing the sights. Heavy downpours and cold weather nixed that notion before we even started the drive from God's favorite State.

The 40-something temps cooled the party atmosphere and the traditional celebration moved into the lobby of the big ship. I crept out onto the upper deck fantail and snapped a few pics of the wake and the New Orleans skyline in the distance.

Edit. Were I a good travelogue host I would insert relevant pictures here and there throughout this tale. I'm not and won't. Look, I could promise I will provide photographic evidence as soon as I get the images loaded on the laptop...we both know that isn't gonna happen. Heck, I don't know which I find more surprising, you are still reading or that I am still writing. Are you still reading? Let me know in the comments how far you got before deciding this is boring unreadable tripe. Anyway, expecting images in what will be a way too wordy essay is asking too much.

We wandered the ship before heading off to our windowless stateroom to unpack and get ready for the ample, but not extraordinary dinner followed by a night in the comedy club.

Monday dawned cloudy and cool. I sauntered down very early for breakfast, snagged a couple of deck chairs and read in the weak sun. It warmed as the day progressed. We sunned by the pool, sipped a couple of umbrella drinks and life was good. I retired to the smoking section on deck 11 and burned a couple of hand rolled stogies. In the evening we had dinner, variety shows and comedy.

Tuesday was a repeat of Monday. Sun, frozen umbrella drinks, show, comedy. The weather was perfect.

Wednesday found us in Montego Bay. We bussed into the jungle where we rode a series of zip lines followed by a tubing trip down the river where our guide served out paper cups of rum. Lunch was jerked chicken grilled on the spot. Back to the ship for dinner, show, comedy. Awesome day in a third world paradise.

Thursday morning we anchored just off Grand Cayman Island. A transport tender took us to shore where we boarded a smaller boat to Stingray City, a sandbar famous for the number of the flat fishes that hang out there. The sea was rough. The water was waist deep but occasional waves were higher than my head but the stingrays didn't mind. We then went to a beach for lunch and sun.back on the big ship we did the normal routine.

Friday found us in Cozumel. We snorkeled in the warm clear water then sailed on a catamaran to a private beach for sun, burgers and "free" beer and margaritas. Back on the big ship we did what we had done all week.

Saturday was a repeat of Monday and Tuesday. We had an extra frozen umbrella drink or two and the day was enjoyed with a hint of sadness that the wonderful trip was coming to a close. We skipped the early comedy show to pack, caught the late one and set the alarm for an early wake up. back in NOLA we jumped in the SUV and set off for home. Sadly, our early 35th anniversary trip was over.

So is this way-to-long tale.

April 11, 2019

The end is near

My interest in blogging, in fact in all things Internet, has reached the level of zero.

It may be time to wrap this up.

April 8, 2019

No time for a summer rain

I'm back. We rolled in just short of midnight. I need a vacation recover from my vacation!

NOLA, Jamaica, Grand Cayman, Cozumel. I gained six feakin' pounds!

More later. I've gotta do the three S's and head to work.

March 30, 2019

Jumped in bed, bumped his head

It is raining. It is a steady, ground-soaking event. No thunder or strong winds. It is a classic spring rain.

I came back from a trip to central Michigan earlier in the week. The wife was out and about and called to tell me she would pick me up for dinner. I walked around the house in the moderate spring weather. The leaves are budding on the maple out front. The tulips and daffodils and lillys have poked through the cold soil. Spring has indeed come to Hoosierdom. My backyard is a mess. The big willow has dumped enough wood and twigs to build a mansion for the carpenter little pig. The yard work I didn't do last summer is even more evident after a fairly hard winter.

I just deleted several paragraphs of politics. You are welcome.

It is Saturday. I'm in a mellow mood and don't want the actions of the Levelers to ruin my good karma.

I hope you have a great weekend. The wife and I are headed on a Spring Break road trip. No posts until next week.

You will be OK.

March 29, 2019

Friday Fantasies

Baseball is back and the Cubs won on Opening Day. Woot and whoopee.

I'm on vacation today. Big Things are in the works. I'm taking the car to get an oil change. I may get a haircut this afternoon. I know, you look at my life and wish you were me.

I had 8 hours of "personal time" accrued from last year that had to be used by the end of March. So here we are.

Hold a sec, my coffee cup is empty...

My blogoversary was sometime last week. I'm somewhat surprised it passed without comment. I guess you are saving your congrats for the big party with the cake and dancing girls and sparklers and confetti. Party hats are optional. But hey, do not let me dictate the details of my own surprise party.*

This collection of ....words began in the heady days of 2005 when blogging was at the peak and already becoming not cool. Those were the days before Facebook and blogging was just a rung on the ladder of what has become "social media". I suspect the day is not far off when blogging is as passé and caput as My Space. I remain one of the last 6,734 people on Earth who does not have and never has had a Facebook account. Ditto twitter, instagram, or whatever the cool kids are doing these days.

I guess you say I went from being somewhat on the forefront of social media to a dinosaur.

In my normal long-winded way I'm saying I'm still sort of participating and I thank you for your patronage. I don't know why you stop by, but I appreciate every one of you for reading and commenting; even, nay especially, those who disagree with me.

Diagram that sentence bitches.

Have a great Friday.


* or dancing guys if that satisfies your need to be inclusive. Damn the patriarchy anyway.


March 26, 2019

A Required Reckoning

I guess rolling around in the slime that is politics just erases any sense of morality. Perhaps it is that people who go into politics lack a basic lack of decency to start with. I don't know: chicken meet egg. Most people faced with incontrovertible facts would mutter an inaudible mea culpa and move on. The Anti-Trumpers intend on doubling down. Investigate More! is the modern political playbook. Schiff and a couple of others have claimed to see incontrovertible evidence of Trump wrongdoing. Now is the time to show the cards or shut the hell up and get on with spending the People's money with frivolous "shovel ready"  infrastructure projects.

In any case, many of us learn that the Trump collusion narrative was akin to aliens in Roswell and ponder just how it got that far? We seriously wonder why no one has taken Clapper and Brennan and applied a dose of hot tar and a bag of feathers before plopping them naked on a rail and bouncing them in an ass-tearing ball smashing ride out of Washington, never to pander their lies on TV again?

Why isn't there a used Amazon box waiting on the desks of a dozen reporters at various media outlets so they can pack their personal shit on the way out the door, fired for lying, incompetence, and general hackery? Why is Rachel Maddow still getting a paycheck? She should be off interviewing old rock stars like Dan Rather, never trusted to even accurately report on the deliberations of the city council.

Mostly, why isn't the HR group at the Justice Department burning the midnight oil printing pink slips and severance packages for the plethora of people who instigated a bogus investigation in the name of getting their preferred candidate elected?

Let me help. Who initiated the warrant on Carter Page and who authorized it?

March 25, 2019

We just need to dig a little deeper

Man, I love being right. We are already hearing it from the sore losers Democrats, "Sure, Mueller found diddly squat, but he was leading a very narrow investigation". Plus I suspect most Lefties conclusion is not "there is just no evidence", but rather "We have to look harder".

This isn't going to end, the hysteria from the lefties will only increase. You saw it here: it is going to get worse.

I threw together a lasagna and salad for Sunday dinner last night. The kids, minus the one who
lives a thousand miles away, all came for dinner. After we ate I dragged out the ice cream maker and froze up a batch of homemade ice cream. It was a nice evening.

A seemingly short weekend is done. It is a back to work. I think I'll buy into the lottery Wednesday. I could find something to do with all that cash that would keep me out of trouble. And yeah, I certainly would quit my job. I actually like my job, mind you, but seriously, I would quit. I would probably
give them some notice though.

Maybe.

Have a great Monday.

March 24, 2019

Decisions, decisions

Decisions abound. Do I brew another cup of coffee? Do I write a blog post or go get some donuts?

What do you think I shou...

March 23, 2019

Paranoia Strikes Deep

Rotten Chestnuts is what this blog aspires to be when it grows up. It would be too, if I possessed the intelligence, ability, and time.

The transformation of my office into a bedroom for the new grandkid will occur in the next few weeks. My desk and stuff will move into the front/guest bedroom. We will paint the walls and put up the baby bed in here before the new granddaughter shows up around early May. Of course there is no hurry. The wife will not assume day care duties until my daughter returns to work from maternity leave. The room sits here empty except for my weekend blogging, so why not?

Oh, I forgot to mention we moved on to a new topic.

I was gifted a new smoker for my birthday. I'm excited. I loves me some BBQ. (Aside: there are so many grammatical errors in those preceding sentences that I am left astounded). I read a couple of the on-line reviews of my model and it looks good. There is always that one guy who hates everything about it and the one person so dumb you wonder how they even breath without directions:

"This item is worthless. I would give it no stars if I could. I tried to cook a steak on this grill and after 20 minutes it was still raw. Do not buy" 
I have no words.

In other news the big Russia, Russia, Russia report is in he hands of the important people. The Dems are crying for a full release. I say why not? It could be they will be sorry if they get what they want. Of course leading Donks will claim Mueller just didn't look hard enough and keep right on with their agenda of investigating Trump to death anyway.

Hey Dems you are so butt hurt that the Trumpster is President, how bad must have been your candidate if she lost to him?  I know, you blame it on the evil Electoral College. If the rules keep you from winning, we must change the rules. Funny how Leftists since time immemorial have this attitude.

BTW, I'm not going to dive into it, but if you are stupid enough to believe that getting rid of the Electoral College will "make your vote count" I suspect you are frustrated your new smoker will not cook a steak properly..

March 22, 2019

Friday Payday, can it get any better?

Happy Friday. The coffee is hot, the outside temp is seasonably cold. It's early and I'm posting live. No canned posts for you today.

In fact, I have posted nothing but fresh garbage since the New Year. That explains the paucity of content. I once maintained that you at least got quantity when it came to my musings, as if that in a way helped bolster the quality of content. Now you get a few posts a week, each of dubious merit. So it goes.

My birthday passed without incident. Once you have so many they lose their luster.

Basketball is going on. I do not care at all. Baseball starts in a week. That interests me a bit.

I work. I come home. I occasionally go to see customers. I work with and create a lot of spreadsheets. The Germans like their documentation. Put them in charge of a mega-conglomerate and the process is on steroids. I slightly changed the form for submitting customer visit reports. Consider my knuckles slapped sharply with a metal ruler. I am using the original form again. I was not only told to use the correct form, I had to verify I read the procedures for using the correct form and the procedures for submitting for approval of a proper form and an acknowledgement that I did not have the authority to change the form according to the procedure on just who CAN change a form.


March 20, 2019

Boing

It's spring.

Now how about some spring-like weather?

March 18, 2019

Monday Memories

The wife took me to see John Wayne in "The Quiet Man" last night at a local movie theater. It marks, as far as I can remember, the first time I have seen The Duke on the big screen. I enjoyed every minute of it. I have seen the movie countless times. It remains, outside of "Big Jake", my favorite John Wayne movie. I think he was far better in this John Ford classic than in "True Grit".

The theater shows a classic film every Sunday and Wednesday. The wife does not share my love for old movies (she loves movies though, just not old ones). In a couple of weeks they will screen the tale of Jake and Elwood Blues. She will go with me to that one.

In other news one of the greatest guitarist died over the weekend:



RIP Dick Dale

March 17, 2019

I'm deliberately not wearing green today. Get over it.

As I shrugged into my winter coat yesterday to go meet some friends for dinner I realized that brief glimpse of spring we had a few days ago was just a tease. Mother Nature showed a bit of thigh, a little navel, a smidgen of cleavage just to keep our interest. Then she brings back the cold winds and snow. We had a term for that behavior back in my day. 

Now I feel the need to apologize to women everywhere for my misogynist approach to weather. We are androgynous meat machines now. Joe you silly fool. No doubt it is my burning of carbons and using plastic straws that has caused this cold spell. 

If only I could support the concept of universal basic income, then our climate change worries could be erased. We would never have these temperature swings again. I'm a little fuzzy on the cause and effect here,  but my betters in the Democrat Party understand it, so shut up already.

The cardinal chirping out my window in the big willow is certainly active this morning. He is waiting for sunrise too. I bet he is just as tired of winter as you and I. There is no doubt he probably wishes the neighbors would unplug their Christmas lights too. Come on, it would take five minutes to pluck that line of giant candy canes lining your sidewalk. It takes but seconds to pull a plug. OK, the bird doesn't care about Christmas decorations. You probably don't either.

Have a great Sunday.

* edit. Before Anonymous freaks out,  please note that there is just a smidgen of sarcasm in this post. I do that on occasion. 

March 16, 2019

Aunt Becky, How Could You?

Ah, time for the TL/DR Saturday post. Let's get the basics out of the way: coffee, music playing, weather, got up early, so on and so forth. You have read that intro every Saturday and most Sundays for going on 37 years now.

Now..... Oh. I guess I got nuthin'. 

I really am having a hard time getting all outraged that Aunt Becky paid off people to get her kids into a good college. Seriously, my first reaction was a hearty "so what"? I mean who is surprised rich people are twisting the system to their advantage? I don't want to sound all AOC/Bernie Bro here, but duh. 

Did we really spend tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars investigating this? Has the FBI run out of real stuff to investigate? Maybe they should have put this kind of effort into digging into the Clinton Family slush fund charity, or looking for the next wave of terrorists hijacking planes to fly into buildings, or perhaps just who told Trump that hairstyle looks good? 

When did cheating on college entrance exams warrant a gunpoint arrest? Dumb rich people have a history of getting into elite colleges. Does anyone really think Al Gore got into Harvard because he was smart? How many other kids who were not even in the top 50% of their graduating class in high school get into an Ivy League school unless their pop is a Senator? Those actors and actresses who end up at Yale or Brown or Columbia? Please. 

And if we are going to get outraged by academically unqualified people getting passed through admissions in place of more deserving candidates we can start by counting the members of most division I football teams. 

And when did USC become an "elite" school? Are the admissions standards that academically rigorous? How dumb do you have to be that it takes a cool half mil to get you into a state school? 

On the other hand, who doesn't want to think about Aunt Becky in that nekkid girls' prison shower scene? Seriously, does this whitest of white collar crimes really require a one million dollar bond? Accused rapists and murders get less bail than that. 

On the bright side, this non-story has pushed the anti-Semitic and economically illiterate positions of leading Democrats off the news, so there is that. 

Now that the FBI has cracked the big rich people get their kids into college scandal they can now focus on how rich people and actors get the good concert seats and reservations at restaurants that are booked solid for you and me. 

Next we are going to discover hot chicks sometimes get out of speeding tickets and score free drinks at bars. The outrage!

March 14, 2019

Pi Day

I was unable to get to the farm buildings when I was at the Homestead National Monument last week. I did take some pictures of the wheat fields.

They were grainy.

March 11, 2019

Once more into the breach

Here we are. It is Monday yet again. I have a full slate of work stuff to do. That is good. It is dangerous to not have work.

We had a good but uneventful weekend. We didn't do anything of interest. We went shopping for some new work clothes Saturday. 20 years of T-shirts and jeans or shorts is great until one has to go into an office every day. I had to get a bunch of winter stuff, now I need to look at polo shirts and such. I don't think my employer overlords want to see me in a faded and stretched Cubs shirt and stained cargo shorts.

I fried up some chicken with gravy and biscuits and spuds for our Sunday dinner. I had something else in mind, but the wife wanted fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Since I double as Mr. Wonderful I fried up some chicken.

The youngest boy has been in Colorado visiting his brother since Wednesday. He gets back this afternoon. Boy is his dog going to be happy to see him. The pup likes it here well enough. We have a fenced backyard so he can run free, but he sure misses his owner. With the snow melt and the inch plus of rain Saturday the backyard is a muddy mess. I had to take the dog on a leash a couple of times  to pee on the neighbor's mailbox.

There you have have your Monday minutiae. I'm sure you are riveted. You might have purchased a nice chair to read this blog, but you only need the edge when you read exciting stuff like this.

Sheesh. Have a great Monday.

March 10, 2019

In truth the little house on the prairie was a brutal life

I'm a bit sluggish this morning. I got up late. Not really , but according to the clock it was later than normal.

No, I'm not going to launch into a rant on the uselessness of DST. The stupidity of the concept is there to see for everyone. But the golf industry is happy.

For some reason I am not my normal ebullient self this Sunday morning. I braved the winds to get some donuts, but even a donut has failed to buoy my flagging spirits.

We had thunder and lightning last night. Perhaps this is a sign the long awaited spring is around the corner. Snow is in the long range forecast, so maybe not. One thing is clear -- never again will I put my faith in the prognostications of a groundhog.

I made a quick stop to the National Homestead Memorial/Monument during my trip to Nebraska this week. It was interesting, but I wouldn't go out of my way to return. Perhaps if the weather had favored visiting the actual homestead and farm buildings it would have been more meaningful. Of course many of the displays were about the plight of the poor indigenous peoples. I agree what our government did to the American Indian was terrible, but this National Park was to be dedicated to the Homestead Act. I didn't go there to see "Who really owned the land?". I'm only a bit surprised I didn't see reference to "white privilege" in some of the displays.

On the whole I give the interpretive center/museum a grade of C-. I have been to local history museums with more informative displays and a better sense of "what life was like". In fairness, the whole National Park is dedicated to a pretty narrow subject. The museum failed to adequately explain what life was really like in a homestead in the late 19th Century, it failed to discuss the history of prairie farming. They had displays of old farm tools and some sales models, but not much in the way of the real thing. In trying to be everything it really captured nothing beyond a basic primer on the Homestead Act itself. Again, maybe some of these shortcomings were addressed better if I could have made the hike to be actual homestead buildings.

March 9, 2019

Scratching 'til it bleeds

Tick, tick, tick...

Maybe plop, plop, plop...

What sound does a grain of sand make as it falls through the metaphoric hourglass of life? Heck if I know. In any case, the big allegory relating how another week of my life has passed is useless now. It was likely beyond my power and writing skill anyway. Besides, that soap opera did the whole "Like sands through the hourglass" thing already, so why compound things with an obvious lack of originality?

Once upon a time I was a better-than-average writer. That in no way suggests I was a good writer, just not horrifically bad, if you get my drift. Business writing, emails, and lack of practice eroded my limited abilities further.

One of the reasons I started this here blog o'rama was to work on my writing craft. Hah! I have come to accept that no matter how hard I try I can no more write the Great American Novel than I can carve a credible likeness of General George H. Thomas from a giant block of butter. I am good with that. And no, this is not some thinly-disguised plea for applause and laudatory comments. As Clint said so succinctly, "a man's gotta know his limitations".

I remain a just above average wordsmith. I give myself that C+ because I have read stuff composed by other people. I have colleagues who cannot pen a coherent email about a quality reject for a dimension out of tolerance.

On an occasional narcissistic bender I go back and read a few of the 6,000 plus posts I have thrown into the Ethernet. A few are quality efforts. Some are incoherent gobbledygook. Most are mediocre haphazard collections of bad syntax and poor proof reading. Many are mere navel-gazing self-aggrandizing word turds like this post. Consider this just another in a very long list of wordy, pointless, shallow Saturday essays.

That's me: Joe Average. I'm smarter than the average bear, but I lack true intellectual / genius brainpower. I write better than your typical teen twitter addict, but I'm no "insert your favorite writer/ blogger". I'm occasionally amusing but not funny. I cook basic comfort foods with skill, but I am no chef or even gourmand. My parents were quite accurate when they named me Joe. And you know what? I am quite comfortable with my decided lack of exceptional talents. I know, you too.

I have quipped before that I would have been voted Most Forgettable in school had anyone remembered who I was. I can comfortably say not much has changed.

I think I'll go fry up a couple of eggs. Happy Saturday.

March 7, 2019

Echoes of the two Willies -- Loman and Nelson

I come to you live this morning from the land of Lincoln. No not Illinoisstan, rather the land surrounding Lincoln, Nebraska. I have been in the Cornhusker state a number of times, but this is my first trip to Lincoln and its airport. Since I arrived at my hotel near said airport around 11:00 CST, I have no comments on the city or it's environs beyond a sincere, albeit futile, hope that some kind soul would clean the couple of inches of snow that fell overnight from my rental car.

---Aside: that was a whole lot of sentence. My inner Hemingway is cringing.

I have a customer visit later this morning then I will wing my way back to the equally scenic area of central Indiana. The unhighlight of both trips will be a layover at dreadful O'Hare. I lucked out last night in that my arrival and departure gates were next to each other. In all, the outbound flights were uneventful.

By chance, my youngest boy was flying at the same time to go visit his brother in Colorado. Since this was his first solo airplane trip (not his first, just first unaccompanied), I helped him navigate security and showed him his gate. He was a bit worried and nervous.

I often forget that to those who rarely travel the whole process can be a little intimidating. I'm a bit jaded and should have more patience. I've flown in the neighborhood of 900 flights to close to 100 different airports (add another to the list) and spent more nights than I can count in hotel rooms. Travel lost its excitement a long time ago. That doesn't mean I dislike it, it just isn't as exciting as it may be for someone who vacations rarely and flies a few times in their life.

I have finished my delightful hotel breakfast of bacon and powdered eggs. I washed it down with a couple cups of Joe. Now it is time to pack and hit be road. I have about an hour drive to m customer location and I do not want to be late -- first impressions and all.

March 5, 2019

It is too cold for that

Happy Tuesday, and Fat Tuesday at that. I won't be celebrating, mostly because it is not a tradition in my family or community. Besides, it way too cold for a parade. The only way a nubile young lady could show off her nekkid breasties for a handful of beads around here today is if we waited while she took off her layers of winter clothing. Who has time to wait for that?

Well I do.

Still, the current windchill is -3 and at my age I'm not standing in the cold to see anyone naked, not even Flashdance era Jennifer Beals or Raquel Welch in her KC Bomber glory. Heck, I would even forgo a nekkid Ester Williams in this kind of frigid weather.

Yes, it is that cold.

Have a great Tuesday.

March 3, 2019

The coming hottest ever ice age or something

I was metaphorically scratching my head last week after I visited the Indianapolis Children's Museum. I was wandering around the dinosaur area, looking at the fossils when I ran across a display detailing where some of the specimens were found. There was a map describing how much of the Midwest was a shallow sea and the east coast and parts of Florida were also submerged. It was interesting stuff that I had previously learned when I was a young impressionable mush brained child at Samuel P. Kyger Elementary. In other words, this inland sea stuff is pretty much accepted as fact.

Imagine my surprise when the very next day I read an article warning of the dire consequences of climate change and discussing the current "unprecedented" rise in sea levels.

Forgive me, but once again hearkening back to my education at Samuel P. Kyger, "unprecedented" means "never happened before". Somebody is lying. I do not think we need to grab our pitchforks and torches and march down Illinois Street to force the museum to fix an inaccurate display. No, I think it is the fear mongering climateeers who prevaricate.

These same pants-on-fire chicken littles also try to tell us it is hotter than ever while in the same breath the daily weather records for "warmest days" show it was hotter in the 1930s and colder in the 19th century. If the last decade or so was "the warmest evah" wouldn't some of those records be of more recent vintage? I will not even get into the temperatures during the middle ages when historical and archaeological evidence points to a climate significantly warmer than current temperatures.

The problem is these "inconvenient truths" get in the way of the climateer's real agenda -- Marxism for all. What, don't believe me? If you can explain how universal health care and a guaranteed income help save the planet from climate change, I will post an apology every day for a year accompanied by a picture of naked me in thigh high stockings and a corset. Lest you think I'm making up stuff, both of those topics are featured in the Democrat Party's Green New Deal to fight Climate Change.

I think we should do all we can to protect the environment. Let's just not pretend some of this stuff is workable or even desirable. Wake up, the coffee smells delicious.

March 2, 2019

A common sense approach to pretty much every political issue you can imagine

Here we are on yet another Saturday morning. I have been up for a while, since around 5:30. I don't know why. You probably do not know either. I'm on my second mug of coffee.

In my opinion, I have offered up my best blog posts on Saturday mornings. Yes, I know that statement is relative. This effort will not be of that category. It's OK. I am well aware I'm in a blogging funk.

I'm also cognizant that I often resort to self-deprecating humor. I once had a boss who was offended by this tendency. He didn't get it. Sarcasm also went over his head. Of course this is the same guy who advised me to read from a script for sales calls. Not because I wasn't very good in front of customers, but because that is what he needed to do by us own admission. He was the living embodiment of the Peter Principle.

I'm no political scientist. (note: we are on to a new topic. You have to keep up. Note for the note: this blog is pretty much a conversation between us, a one-sided affair to be sure, but what you get here is just like hanging out with me. Note for the note for the other note: you might now understand why I have so few friends). What were we talking about?

I'm no political scientist, but it seems in the last election Democrats claimed Hillary lost because "racist" white people crawled out of their crappy meth lab mobile homes and voted for Trump in an opioid-addicted haze. I'm still not sure how voting for one white skinned person over another white skinned person is racist, but let's go along with the theory for a moment. Can anyone explain why several leading Democrat Presidential hopefuls are calling for reparations for slavery? I would think singling out one race for special treatment at the expense of another would cause a whole lot of resentment. Isn't the Reparations thing just an invitation for more racist KKKers to get out the vote for Trump yet again?

I won't even get into the idiocy of paying people for a harm visited on their great-great-great grandfathers a century and a half ago. If you have a good argument in favor, please by all means offer it up in the comments. I promise to be respectful of your obviously wrong and poorly reasoned opinion.

My great-great grandfather became sick while in the Union Army during the War to Free the Slaves and was reportedly never the same afterward. Perhaps my family should sue all of the former slaves for harm he received serving on their behalf?

In all seriousness, I have written here before that I am in favor of offering ten million US dollars to every single ex-slave held in bondage within what was part of the Confederacy before the passage of the 13th Amendment in 1865. That ex-slave must present his claim in person.

I think we can all agree on that proposal.
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